Asheville Gazette-News from Asheville, North Carolina on December 1, 1913 · Page 8
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Asheville Gazette-News from Asheville, North Carolina · Page 8

Asheville, North Carolina
Issue Date:
Monday, December 1, 1913
Page 8
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HOW THE PROFESSOR WAS . THWARTED. BLOODLESS SPORJ There is certain venerable college professor in New York who is esteemed commit no faux pas," nd as she went down stair was heard to repeat to herself, "Meggs Meggs Meggs not Farrell." - At the conclusion of the call the old lady was met at the head of the stairs by the daughter, who at once ' TAKING THOUGHT.' The daughters of a certain charming old lady in Washington are frp-quently much upset by the odd social blunders of their parent, whose this respect are, however, more Dear Grandmother and Grandfather one load of hurWtw c '. .... . . .u0 for his great learning by a wno Know him. and loved by all for his benevolent and kindly character. , Despite his learn WE are glad to note that tne sentiment in favor of bloodless hunt- imo me orusn.. ine is increasing in all parts 01 Shooting oranges with k.r , than offset by her kindliness of man observed an ominous expression of he country. It is the unnecessary shed- defpondency on the old lady's face. ing and kindliness, however, tne professor has his little pet failingwhich takes the form of making interminably long after-dinner speeches, nce he gets been forbidden by statu California, owing t0 the , of orange juice squirted on 1.7 ding of innocent gore mai u "Oh, mother," she exclaimed, sure manv a parent from letting ms on spring ly you didn't " ' Stocks Grain ey 1 Orles Forei have a gun, when if people would only well into his subject, he unconsciously at the moment of impact orange-shooters ; always bring By George Weston (Copyrighted 1911 by Harper & Bro.) give over killing, the whole situation falls into class-room habits, and his re ner. . '- " Among the callers to the house of this family was a Mrs. Fan-ell, who, after some years of widowhood, again married, this time becoming the wife of a Mr. Meggs. "If you love us, mother," said one of the girls, when the newly married ,-ould be changed, and we would oring marks assume the aspect of a complete lecture. :' , 1 me !ruu unpunctured by aimi ly and hot firing until the " covered. l UO OUr OOVS uc guuu aiiwia At the annual alumni dinner of the making them join the Navy or enter West Point. .We hope to see the day NEW 1 "No, Clara, replied rhe mother emphatically, "I didn't I was so careful to call her Mrs. Meggs all the time." "Well, what's the trouble, then?" "Oh, dearl" murmured the kindly old lady, as she ' sank into a chair. "It was awful of me, I know! When I greeted her I said, 'I am glad to see you, Mrs. Meggs. IIow is Mr. Farrell?" . , . A sad accident is renort.j professor's college he has been for many drawer of her desk and went out to lunch. In the hall outside she stopped when the hunting items from various nlgamate lady's card had been brought in one afternoon shortly after the completion of the honeymoon, "don't make the mistake of calling her Mrs. Farrell." years the senior guest and speaker, me dinner has usually been very formal, solemn and depressing, so the younger er. Beet parts of. the country will read somewhat like the following budget of Asheville, North Carolina, whtr. T Richardson Bosbyshell, while jJ for, watermelons last Thursday!; shot three negroes in the fltsuT WHEN Mr. Higgins advertised for a bright stenographer. J-.; neat and willing) it is doubt ful if he knew what a bright stenographer Fate had in store for him, but In any event he selected little Miss 1er. Cotto er. Smell news: , ' T- '. for a minute, and through the transom she heard Mr. Higgins come out of his room in search of that important letter. She heard him walk over to her desk and she heard him open the element resolved to try to liven up the ... .1 The mother solemnly promised to Abner . Peabody, of Bath, Maine, Jer. Sugai er. Tel. i occasion. Until recently, nowever, uk of the back, mistaking them fw of his melons, wuich are running while hunting in the woods near venerable professor has always unwit iconda f Tauser from a dozen applicants, and drawer. . Moosehcad Lake last Thursday, shot Ihlson . tingly succeeded in thwarting their aims, for he had to be called upon for a I'few bntlo Co seventeen toadstools and a wild car Miss Tauser joined the office force of Hiaeins & Company. The rest of the The potato shoot at the Sassln.,-. Itimore rot. He reports tnat tneaaisy reuun words, whereupon ho would arise, smu loUlyn K awan Hunt Club last Saturday" The third morning that Miss Tauser was late Mr. Higgins was waiting for her, and it was not so much the things he said that bothered Miss Tauser as the fact that Henry heard it all. She bids fair to be an abundant one. Indian P ing and serene, and speak for nevef less force consisted of the office-boy. Mr. Higgins was a mellow old gen- l.!) rtnA n A Greek God Reincarnated Isapeake The season on dandelions opens in than one hour. very successiui anair. the silvern, ity bag presented by the govern leHgo the Adirondacks next 1 hursday, and This year the dinner committee re tor nrst prize was won h w already some crack shots from New' orado F solved to take heroic measures to save lorado & York, Albany and Syracuse are on the occasion, but could think of no plan Lillyblossom, who missed only 0. potatoes in six bushels sprung fnr-the traps. The second priie, Ir.waro i hand eager for the chase. . took her dictation that morning in perfect silence and with her nose so high in the air that she could hardly sec her note-book, and before she went to lunch she wrote the following grand-filial lines: hver & to head off the worthy professor without running the risk of offending or slight j UST two years ago a young American boy seeking fame and fortune in artistic lines wandered into Athens A cable despatch from Zamboanga states that Lord Melonhurst, who is Kman wun inuw-wuuc w smite that was deceiving. As long as he was getting everything he wanted he was as affable as any patriarch, but at other times he wasn't. Little Miss Tauser had a nose commonly known as a snub, and it gave her a particularly saucy appearance because it was freckled. When she worked the typewriter her hands moved so quickly that they looked eral El ing him. One of the graduates, how unique. New York Society has enjoyed him for the past winter, but professionally only, for Paul Swan is a recluse and as soon as his is over he steals quietly away. He has painted wonderful nictures of Xazimova. and mum egg-cup ana toric, was won I, Templeton Simpkins, with a record i six misses in twenty-three peeks. Tin ,at Nor shooting over the Congo preserves of and quietly took up a small studio on ever, a youth who had been in the professor's class throughout the current at Nort the Earl of Mothball, bagged, thirty- ioi9 Cei year, got wind of the committee's diffi krborou five brace of juniper bushes and hot less than three hundred pine cones in oooDy prize was awarded to the ettt. popular Billy Peters, who didn't mis any.'but took his fried. erborou culty and, without divulging the nature of his plan, announced that he would er Hari one morning's shoot last week, Th "Dear Grandmother and Grandfather. Mamma didn't want me to come to work to-day because I'm not feeling verv well, but I insisted because Old Snooper (that is the name I call old Higgins He-ha!) is so cranky lately that I just detest him, reallv. No: I did not eet my raise to one of the top floors of an old building, Before a week had gone by some artists had discovered the American boy and were so enthusiastic over his work that they introduced him to several of the established artists of Athens. They . like two white blurs. and the machine isvllle single-handed vanquish the professor. lourl I many portraits of the children of the four hundred of -New York. He has sculpt busts of many of the prominent men and women. He has interpreted original dancers that are children of Congo authorities are seriously con sidering a closed season on all vege made a noise like the chattering o) teeth. Whereat Mr. Higgins, listen Kans The night of the dinner came, and the igh V tation for the next seven years. oresident (the toast-master being abof tlonal 1 $15, and 1 am thinking of leaving this Zenas Pillsbury, of Pallambosky, ished, as per schedule) called upon the Yorli n ace. I have had three or tour ais The Marylebone Rifle Club stud for Indiana on Monday next for hi annual squash-hunt. Last year tin brought home three car-loads, but i is hardly expected that they will k so well this year, the country hivinj already been pretty well beaten and denuded of game by the sqmi trust. Michigan, reports that huckleberry- rfolk S ing at the door of his private room, rubbed his hands together and smiled deceivingly. , The office-boy was morose and dignified and for the first half-hour his professor, according to custom, to say a few words." The venerable gentleman shooting in the upper waters of tb rthern agreements with him lately, and I have made him look very foolish. He said some very unpleasant things to me this morninc. Old Snooper did, and nsylv? Askidniak River is better than it ever his brain and soul. His popularity is second to none and he is worshipped by every class of men and women from high society to the Suffragists for whom he appeared in public twice last winter with only a leopard skin to cover him. were immediately struck by the wonderful beauty of the young artist and impressed by the talent shown in his paintings, sketches and sculptures. In a montli he was the "rage" of Athens. Society took him up lionized him: the artists encouraged him and when he ple'8 was before. He brought down eight llman when I' went into his private office to een quarts last Saturday night with tak-p his old dictation I told him 1 k Islf didn't think he was a gentleman. ick 1st! "He said. 'Well. Miss Tauser, you arose and commenced to give his reminiscences of the college, beginning 1855. He ambled along slowly from 1856 to 1857, and was just concluding an anecdote concerning some event in 1839, when the youth with the magic charm drew something from his pocket unobserved and held it under the table. Instantly there was the prolonged ring of speech witli iviiss iauci to single syllables grudgingly enunciated, but when he walked over to her desk and silently took a pencil from her top drawer. Miss Tauser had an idea which she canried out by uthern ithern TACTFUL. are very witty, indeed, but I don't care to have you use your wit on me.' He-ha! I laughed out loud. Right in INTERCOLLEGIATE SPORTING NOTES. lion P: Dorothy, aged eight years, was rei ited S lited S his face. He is very sneaky and 1 told him so. I told him I didn't need dashing a sheet of paper into her typewriter and writing these few lines: ibash 3tern fond of going to church, and whem severe cold made it unwise for her to be allowed to attend services one Sua- i day morning she was disconsolate, j Vassar College has decided not to put up a crew against Yale and Harvard this year, but a challenge to a Marathon an electric bell, such as are placed in the :lass-rooms to announce the end of a ertiire. The orofessor came to an w Ha- to have any one sneaking around looking after me. I told him I was not thick, and he said, 'No. that's the trouble; there is not a thick brain in your head.' Ha-ha! "Your affectionate "Virginia." Crocheting Contest has been forwarded by the Sorosis Athletic Association at con abrupt stop. He absent-mindedly made a movement as though to gather up his Poughkeepsie, to the athletic authorities N'cw 1 kned "Dear Grandmother and Grandfather I have a new place and I like it ever so much. It beats my old . place all to pieces. I'll bet they're sorry I left, but it will teach them a lesson. "There is an awfully nice boy here. His name is Henry. He is really more than a bov: he is a clerk, and I at New Haven and Cambridge. If the challenge is accepted the contest prom books, and hastily concluding with, "Gentlemen, we will continue the lecture rraulein will read the Bible a you," her father assured her. j "I don't want to hear the BMi read. I want to say my prayers," ob-i jectcd the child. j "God will hear your prayers jit the same if you say them at home a if you were in church," she -was told. "But I don't know any without th prayer-book," argued Dorothy. J cemb Imiary This letter she placed in her top drawer ovpr the ocncils. She bor ises to be a rick-racking affair. ' prch to-morrow," sat down amid deafening applause. Under its cover those near Thomas Bogwallader, of the class of him quickly engaged him in close con '10, Tinkleton College, was disqualified rowed Henry's pencil on her way out and when she came back the letter was gone. "Did vou take a letter out of my versation, and the incident seemingly in the pole-vault at the dual track meet tan see that Mr. Higgins places great trust in him. He has nice brown eyes and very gentlemanly ways, and I Why, you know iow 1 lay at. down to sleep,'" papa said. - j IAN But God has heard that so olterl passed from his mind. It is possible that he does not yet realize just what happened. Anyway, the dinner was saved. she remonstrated. I between Tinkleton and the Hamburger High School at Ossawatomie, last Saturday, because after breaking all records witlu-a-valt. of-twenty-six feet eight BL( know tnat l snaii gei uiib him. "I must close now, as there are a lot of letters waiting for me, and so good-bye until you hear again from "Your affectionate "Virginia." SI FIN. THE HARD LUCK OF PATSY inches, he was found to have concealed ten toy balloons in the folds of his drawer, Henry?" she asked. "No," said Henry, "but Mr. Higgins took something out. He said he wanted to see you as soon as you came in." Little Miss Tauser adjusted her belt and her hair, picked up her pencil and note-book and knocked on Mr. Hig NEGAN. v yVMARANTHA'S WOOINO, j She staggered slightly as he entetrf the drawing-room, and Postlethwaite, j with the shadow of a frown on hi fact, paused. In a moment she had fallen to her knees, and as he glanced at bet li'hni sweater. We are sorry for the young He was working with trowel and l.evc Hi. 1 knb man, but in the interest of clean colle giate athletics we are glad that the $his letter she placed in her top drnwer by the pencils, and just before cTi u-cnt rtllt to lunch she took ihur Postlethwaite was deeply embarrassrt at the look of appeal in her eyes. Might she not have spared him this? She wa mortar when I first met Kim and, in spite of his age, seemed to be about as active as any of his far younger associates. Indeed, as I watched him at his labors, it appeared to me that he worked better than they, belonging, perhaps, to a generation of-labor that, instead of doing as little as it could as familiar as he witn tne lmposs; judges had the courage to make an ex-1 ample of him. Some discussion as to whether taking a position as a waiter in a summer hotel renders a college man ineligible as a f t all. and it was distinctly untair to gins door. "Come in!" cried Mr. Higgins. And little Miss Tauser went in, her nose extremely high, and gave Mr. Higgins a very disdainful look. Mr. Higgins' voice quavered more with in Henry's pencil from his desk when le wasn't looking. "I think I'll strike for a raise," said little Miss Tauser to Henry one morn-inn a month later. give him the pain of refusing. I professional in collegiate athletics has George! she pleaded, noiamg oumu arms toward him imploringly. "Can j refuse me? Please O George ' "V.. t,o- f am mc-aped tO tt-' dignation than with age. been indulged in latterly. It seems to us that it all depends upon what kind of a other, Amarantha." he faltered. "Ami waiter the young man becomes. For in to your best fnendv xou migm "Miss Tauser" he began. "Yes, sir?" "I-er-" "Yes, sir?" stance, while we should disqualify the pared me ,' "Snared vou?"-she cried. -EngajM for as much as it could get, believed in the principle of giving every man his due, even a contractor. After he had set several dozen bricks in the wall, he turned from his work and gazed off at the sun for a moment and then fanned himself with his trowel. "Kind of hot work out here in the Bangham Sophomore who passed us the fish-balls at the Squeegee Mountain , Henry shook his head. ; 'That's what they all thought," he said, "but none of them got it." "That's all right," said little Miss Tauser, tossing her head, "I'll get it" "You want to look out," said Henry, ipeaking darkly. "Why do I want to look out?" "When he gets going," said Henry, Indicating, with his head, Mr. Higgins' to another? Of course I know it ' "And vet vou ask me to he bepi Dance of the Sphinx. . Mr. Higgins ruffled his snow-white House last summer from putting the I merely ask you to help me up hair and looked like anything but a patriarch. "I er I wish to give you a letter!" he exclaimed in a burst of in shot, or throwing the hammer, as a pro mv leet again, sne, "This hobble-skirt binds me like rope. fessional, we could not conscientiously Athens is soon again to claim her own however. Paul Swan is American by birth but a Grecian at heart. Athens bar him on the same ground as a sprint spiration. "Take a litter, please. 'Dear tun, 1 ventured. er, in view of the time made in bringing "Yis," he answered, cheerfully; "but MATHEMATICS. I have to do such silly sums Like this; "If you had two Nice pears and gave your sister o gave a public dance interpreting the classic music loved by all music lovers he was "taken up" and caressed and flattered by the theatrical, operatic and musical circles of Athens. The papers lauded the career of this boy, the magazines were full of his photos and most enthusiastic criticisms of his work. The masses followed him on the streets, and us our second cup of coffee. This is obviously a case where' common sense claimed he must be the son of a God. Artists have unanimously agreed that he is the perfect Grecian type of the mythological days of Greece' and many myths were started as regarded his origin. Oi ain t complaimn . If ye d iver troied shovellin shnow in a blizzard yez wouldn't foind much to kick about should rule. Grandmother and Grandfather "Just a moment, Mr. Higgins," said little Miss Tauser. "I hear the tele- phone-bell outside." She hurried out in her usual bright, brisk manner, and when Mr. Higgins, impatient to continue his letter to his private room, "it s hard to stop mm. Little Miss Tauscr's nose was never to freckly expressive. "Did any of the others do as much work as me?" she asked. - "You do twice as much," said .Henry. ' "Well, if he puts me off, I'll be Professor Digby Dustybrain, Chairman in a noice warrum job loike this.. of the Athletic Advisory Board of the "Been at it a good many years, I Dustybrain University of Stenography, suppose?" said I. "Foorty-sivin years," he answered. when he entered a cafe he was the centre of all interest. It was this con grandparents, looked out into the gen- writes to say, apropos of the discussion When one first sees him an involuntary exclamation bursts 1 forth, "Surely a Greek God in the flesh."- That he is a Greek god reincarnated is an accepted fact in that home of art. When he once "Good long time that," said I. "Al tinued ovation which finally drove him eral office there was no one there but Henry. as to four. miles as a proper length for an eight-oared race, that if two oars apiece were given to the oarsmen, and How many'd ce leu you j Now, teacher knows as well as me I'd have the same pears still, 'Cause I haven't any sister-(And I hope I never will!). But every time I answer, "Two She lays: "Not no! oner So that's the way my trouble Arithmetic begun! I will not make believe I have A lister just for school. But teacher tayt until I do I'm on the dunce't stool! . Mazie V. Carutners. most time to retire, I should say con from Athens six months later. He couldn't stand such audible recognition "Where is Miss Tauser? he asked. "She put on her hat and said good sidering your age." "Oi don't moind workin'," he an again goes to Athens he will be welcomed almost as a king. For since the each boat were to be rowed one-half as he continually received. bye," said Henry. mile by a single member of its crew swered. "It kapet me from t'jnkin The American boy was Paul Swan, "slower with my work, and I'll come down late in the morning, and I'll ."slam the typewriter around, and Tooh! There are lots of ways!" Following out one of these many ways, she drew from her typewriter an important letter which she was writing for the patriarchal Mr. Higgins, and wrote these lines: "Dear Grandmother and Grand about me hard luck." known as "Iolaus" when he dances, while the others rested, the strain on the whole eight would not be so great At "Hard luck?" said I. "Have you "Did she say anything else? demanded Mr. Higgins. "No, sir," said Henry. "She only laughed." days of Byron, whom-everyone knows was the hero of the day, the love of fhe . Athenians, no man has ever been so beloved, so honored, ..'so 'reverenced by these people as Paul Swan, "Iolaus" in the home of hit adoption. - which he does often for the society people of Tfew'York. His interpreta first glance there seems to be tomething really had hard luck?" in this theory, and we hope the steward "Yis," said he. . "01 don't know of DEDUCTIVE REASOMNO. tions are novel, artistic and well presented. His costuming harmonious and of the various Collegiate Rowing Asso The car labored heavily over wet nny wan who's had much worse "That's too bad." said I. A GENTLE ASPERSION. ciations will take it up. deeply-scarred roads. . fatherWell. I have been here a th now and I like my place more The attempt at Huckleberry Collcgi "Ah, well," he smiled, "we've got to Among the prisoners brought before a "Have you any idea wncic - to make sport more democratic by choos take it as it comet. and more every day. Mr. Higgins is asked Blinks. 4 Chicago police magistrate one Monday morning was one, a beggar, whose face "No," said Garraway. "otA.m Lose your money on Wall Street?" ing members of the crew by popular vote has not worked out at well at had roads euner . A TACTFUL REQUEST. Dobhleigh was a confirmed borrower, ggesi we are -- .-v suirirest we are near I queried. was by no means an unfamiliar one to ville or Rutland-I dont know been hoped by the originators of the "Not me, he answered; Oi niver the judge. and, what was worse, he seldom returned the borrowed articles. He had idea. The overwhelming popularity of "I am informed that you have again had anny to lose. My hard luck be ALL THE SAME. Tutterson: "Did Bronson 1m 1 PREDESTINED TO THE BAR. . Doctor Norris, of Goldfield, Nevada, called his eight-year-old son into the- library after breakfast the other morning, and regarded him with a sad frown. "Harry,' he said, "why are you to often late at school?" . Stuffy" Maginnis, of the Junior Class, gun the day Oi was born.' - been found begging in the public streets, oiH hi honor, sternly, "and yet you car so nice and kind; he is so clever, too, it is a pleasure to work for him. Mr. Smith asked me the other day where 1 was working and 1 told him Higgins & Company.' He said 'You don't know who you're working tor. I regard Mr. Higgins as the shrewdest business man in town. He asked me if I was thinking of changing, and I said No. He said: 'Any time you want a place, come to me. I'll ta--t you at $15 a week, and the hours are resulted in his clectioa at coxswain of held on to Whibley't umbrella, for in-stance, for nearly, a 'year. ,1. "Well, I'm torry to hear that," I ried in your pocket over ten dollars in rnrrpnrv" the college eight by an enormous major said. Will.' .it.. l(t t Smithers: "Yet-that is. ' k( widow, and the'd represen ttd I "And I'm blest if I know how I am ity, although "Stuffy" weight three hun "Yis," he went on; "ye tee, torr, "Yes, your honor," proudly returned ever going to get it back," said Whibley, wi uronson nan i" the mendicant. 1 may not be as indus dred and ten pounds stripped. As a con 'Easy, said Hickenloooer. Call a Oi'm a twin brother of Misther Andrew Carnegie, torr. We was born years."J v "I'm never late, father," Harry re trious as tome, but, sir, 1 am no tpena- messenger and send Dobbleigh ihis note." thrift." - sponded promptly. THE MAKE OF HER. And- h nrribbled off the following: Dear Dobbleichrlf vou can spare it I'd sequence of thit seven of the eight chosen struck, leaving the Huckleberry crew, on the eve of itt annual contest with Bothy h ilk, with only a coxswain and a bow oar who had never -tat in a boat before in his life. like to borrow that umbrellrof mine for the tame day and the lame hour, and but for wan little t'ing Oi moigkt have been at rich as hira." "You Carnegic't twin brother?" I demanded. PROFITABLE REMORSE. A well-known hotel-keeper and poli "Who made you. little girl?" "Well, mum, Providence IM that length," indicating the ord.n a couple of days. Can you oblige me r : - - I r tniaiu. tician of Ohio received an appointment ci7r fir nrw-uiM 11 eay. too.' i only smnea. - . "The Higginses are a very old and wealthy family, but they aren't the kind that brag about it. Of course I'm only getting $10 here now, but he jin't the kind to let bright and faithful service go unrewarded. I hope the next time I write that I'll be able to tell you about my raise, and so gnod bye from "Your loving "Virginia." "Careful, son," laid the Doctor. "Try to remember. Haven't you been late at school in the last few days?" "No, sir." "Then why bat your teacher written me thit letter, taying you were late three timet last week?" "Oh, I'll tell you, father," said Harry, growed the reat myself! at Collector of Internal Revenue. Ar NO SALE. "Yis, torr, only there was wan little riving at hit office one morning, he found BREAKFAST HOURS. M APPROPRIATE TESTIMONY "Hill work?" replied the demonstrator, on his drsk a letter addressed to him after Stiggint had inspected the new car t'ing that thtood between me and richet." "What wat that?" I asked. "We didn't have the tame parints," "T see lomtbody hat mgRest" r the ' officially, nd without any postmark. A traveller stopped at a hotel In Greenland, where the nights are fix carefully. "Hill work? Why that't our l oon ouenimf the letter tie wat surprised til.iiiiv ill errctina a name reassuringly. "I don't know what said Vl"r strong point, Mr. Stigains. Thit tar can months long. and. as he reitittercd, ivt-ntnr of rubber, tires, kind of a clock they have at ouf Little Miss Tauer placed this let bcrrv. climb a tree. asked a question of the clerk 1 lTpPm' to find a five hundred dollar bill, to which was pinned a piece of paper with thee words, "Conscience money." Folding up the greenback and tucking it care school, but I'm alwayt on time. Of l.owl.- said iiummu .... . M? 1 .1.. twhiviof Ot lnc " . "What tima do you have brcakfa ler underneath the important letter for which '?.tr. Higgins was waiting, and be volunteered. Whereupon he rnnnm! his fyiik-laying, and I went on speculating tad-ly upon the strange chances in thit lottery called life. "Ha! hiimr demurred Stiggin. "Then I guess I'll look elsewhere. 1 never saw a car yet that climbed treet that wat any courte, they ttart ichool tometime3 before I get there, but that isn't my "From half-cast March to a auartcrUi'n 1,. . ,,, 1 to May." I Universal Syndic fully in his vest pocket, ne remarKea; 1 always did tutpect that bartender of mine' , instead of taking them into hit private office (he put them both in the good afterward. fault it U?" 9 . mv. . . . Q

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