The Brooklyn Daily Eagle from Brooklyn, New York • Page 80

"1 BROOKLYN EAGLE MAGAZINE, Rianflatnes AA71 vol 41 as a horsefly on the Boston Post road Sunday afternoon," Raymond Tompkins" "About as happy as a toothless guest at a peanut brittle party," George Anderson's "As thrifty as the woman who asks prices In a five-and-ten-cent store," and A. W. Woolridge's "Her voice is like the rasping of a needle on a rusty can." X7E liked Percy Hammond's "Dead as twenty-five cent eggs, five cent shines and one cent newspapers," J. Iu Kelly's "Bright as the seat of a Scotchman's trousers," Pare Lorentz's "Dull as a lecture on barnacle breeding," life's "As futile as sky writing to Pittsburg," Arthur Kober's "Incongruous as Louis Wolheim eating lady fingers," and Edith Hudnall's "Attracted as much attention as an animal cracker at the zoo." 'E liked Alexander Woolcott's "Irrevocable as a naughty story told over the radio," H. C.

HUMES Witwer's "He went out like a match in a storm," and Wesley's Stout's "Dead as the souvenir teaspoon craze." We liked Epes Sargent's "She emoted like a seidlitz powder trying to imitate a geyser," Charles G. Shaw's "Hard to pull as a Vermont cork," and a thousand more which we haven't space enough to pass along. NYWAY, you get the idea, which we think is swell. and which only goes to show you what hobbies some folks will fall into. Similie collecting has been the indoor sport of Frank Wilstach since 1894, which is the year in which his "Dictionary" was begun, and from that time until the present he has fine-combed both poetry and prose, newspapers and Congressional reports, letters, plays, columns, quips the Classics, and the anything but.

Anyway, it's all very interest ing, and we thought you'd like to know! 7 liked Norman Krasna's "Stood out like a queen bee in a flea circus," Arthur James' "About as much chance as a man with a toupee in a rough and tumble fight," Polly Moran's "The Zeppelin looked like Marie Dressier in a hammock," Rose Natkin's "So tired she could have curled up on a campaign button," and the perfect pip exploded by Prosecutor Norman J. Morrison, who said that Texas Guinan was "As hard to rattle as a feather pillow." U7E hked H. I. Phillips' "As wrong as an am- bulance surgeon's diagnosis," Will Rogers' "Asking Europe to disarm is like asking a man in Chicago to give up his life insurance," Joseph Mon-cure March's "He looked like something lost in the mail," George Jean Nathan's "She had no more polish than a hiker's boots," W. W.

Scott's "Pathetic Cash Prizes for Winning Titles to This Picture IN 1916 Mr. Prank J. Wilstach, litterateur, scribe, profound reader, collector and compiler of similes, parent and press agent, published, for the first time, "Wilstach's Dictionary of Similes." Going all the way back to the Bible, Mr. Willstach, believing that "The simile is one of the most ancient forms of speech is the handmaid of all early world records has proved Itself essential to every form of human utterance" painstakingly compiled, indexed, and arranged alphabetically, the most virile and outstanding of the millions of similes he read. HIS idea and his book clicked simultaneously.

A scribe, sore pressed for a simile himself, might pick up his "Wilstach's," hurriedly thumb the pages till he reached his subject, and note carefully how his contemporaries had handled the same thing. Thus the simile grew from a mere form of speech into a brand new importance. And so, pleased that his efforts were appreciated, Mr. Wilstach went on, continued to collect additional similes augmented his original dictionary, each year, with the best ol that year's crop. NOW on our desk, with the compliments of Frank Wiltsch, we have his ninth annual crop "The Best Similes of 1929." These, for the most part, are more modem; are crisper, have more bite, than those of preceding years are, on the whole, worth all the space we can afford to give them.

For the benefit of the customers, then, we reprint a few of Mr. Wilstach's 1929 collection that appeal to us most. WE also give, as Mr. Wilstach does, each simile's author where the author is known: "Eyes bulging like those of a moth which has -eaten too much tapestry." Is the way that James Agate puts it. "About as safe as leaving your wife in the Navy Yard," says Fred Allen.

"Innocent as a bee on a paper flower," writes Bugs Baer. "No more use than a Roxy pass at the Paramount," says Jack Alicoate. "As ineffectual as a firefly In Hell," says Stephen Vincent Benet. Uked "Repulsive as a man who is proud of his bridgework," "Dry as a Washington cop watching diplomatic liquor roll by," "Her smile was like something left out over night," "As happy as an old maid being held for ransom," "Corpulent as a city directory" and "Give him no more attention than a coal heaver gives his fingernails," all of which are anonymous. WE liked "Crazy as a lightning bug at noon," Henry Seidel Canby's "Tasteless as a mailorder cake," I.

Elinson's "Overworked as a floorwalker's index finger," and Irvin S. Cobb's "A personality like a sleeping car blanket warmth without weight." We are ga-ga over Dorothy Dix's "Kisses like a cold buttercake flapping against your cheek," John Callahan's "Smiling on one another like two owners of new teeth," Jake Falstaff's "Hard as thinking up your part of a trade-last," Merritt S. (Typo) Franken's "Easy as analyzing a bowl of chow mein," and Robert (Telegram) Garlands "Bringing a column Uy New York is like bringing a flivver to Detroit Can you write a fitting title to the above picture? Prizes will be awarded for the best titles submitted. First, $10; second, $5, and ten of $1 each. Submit as many titles as you wish.

Each title MUST BE WRITTEN ON A POST CARD NOTHING ELSE WILL BE CONSIDERED and only one title on a card. Each card must carry contestant's name and address. All titles must be received in The Eagle Office by next Wednesday, February 12. Winning titles and names and addresses of successful contestants will be oublished in The Eagle. Fridav.

February 14..