The Salina Journal from Salina, Kansas on April 3, 1985 · Page 26
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The Salina Journal from Salina, Kansas · Page 26

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Salina, Kansas
Issue Date:
Wednesday, April 3, 1985
Page:
Page 26
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Fun The Salina Journal Wednesday, April 3,1985 Page 27 Food-stretchers deserve Oscars The Far Side By ERMA BOMBECK Field Enterprises A mother has to make a decision early in her life. She either goes down as the world's greatest cook or she sets an example of "sharing" for her children by accommodating every surprise guest they bring home for a meal. I made my decision. That's why there's an entire generation out there who believe Mrs. Bombeck serves half-macaroni and half-spaghetti with a sauce so pale it won't stain a tablecloth — and chicken parts that aren't identifiable even to another chicken. Some mothers, when faced with a food shortage during a surprise guest attack, will put the FHB plan into action — Family Hold Back. It always reminds me of the brilliant story told by a humorist, Before the meal, his mother told the kids, "When the meat is passed around say 'No thank you. I'm not hungry,' so our guest won't think he's taking the food out of our mouths." It worked, but when des- Tank McNamara sort was served, his mother sailed it quickly by the kids saying, "You didn't eat your dinner! So you don't get dessert!" I have never served pork chops in my life that I didn't have unexpected company. There is nothing you can do to make a pork chop look bigger. I've tried. I've breaded them so that the egg fans out two inches on all sides, tucked dressing around them like a skirt, and arranged them on a saucer, but they still look like what they are ... not enough pork chops. Sometimes I think the Academy of Arts and Sciences should honor the acting ability of a mother who sits at a table nibbling on a bone sandwich and feigning fullness. Let's hear it out there for the woman who has dinner cooking when company drops in. They won't go or they won't stay. She pleads, "I've got plenty." They accept. She then goes to the kitchen where she drops on her knees in front of the oven containing two stuffed peppers and prays, "Lord, I know you haven't done it for a long time, but I'm begging.'/' There isn't a cook out there reading this column who does not have her favorite too-many-people-too- little-food menu which grew out of desperation. Mine involves a crew from a magazine who were doing a story on my family. Throughout the day the cast of characters grew and grew. I ended up with nine for dinner, plus a three-pound turkey breast that looked like a dead sparrow, a bowl of dressing (cornbread, pork and beef combine), six croissants cut in half, a platter of fruit containing a stack of grapes, one apple and two strawberries, and a mound of cottage cheese with one tomato cut up. I topped it off with a 1981 Christmas fruitcake which went a long way ... possibly because it was frozen like a rock. I told Mother I thought they would appreciate my hospitality and would forget about the meal. I didn't believe that for a minute. Neither did she. And offer-the Johnson place, we'// hit farmer Brown! ' QQ-f crops -* By Eugene Shcffcr How locusts are incited to swarm The Family Circus ACROSS 1 Emulate Brooke 5 -and tucker 8 King- toppers USts.'kin ISMauna — 14 Story 15 Laugh provokers 17 Jog 18 Changes 19 Home of Roma 21 Short- napped 22 Kind of palm 23 Pouch 26 Pilot's record 28 Aspect 31 Oil-export country 33 Deface 35 Paradise 36 Removed the rind 38 Dry, as wine 40 Woeful DOWN 41 Rosary unit 1 Rodent 43 Hint ZLikeaD.C. 45 Baby haven 47 Showy 51 Toss 52 Type of acid 54 British queen 55 Append 56 Soft drink 57 Hardy heroine 58 -Vegas 59 Pay attention office 3 Spanish painter 4 Animal fat 5 Flower 6 Charged atom 7 Fundamental 8 Diplomatic officer 9 Large lots 10 Word in Mark 15:34 Avg. solution time: 27 min. 4-3 Ans. to yesterday's puzzle. 11 — precedent 16 Kind of exam 20 Spinner 23 Slight taste 24 Macaw 25 Trolley garages 27 Propane 29 Great quantity 30 Conclude 32 Haystack rarities? 34 Discs 37 — segno 39 Street border 42 Stick-on design 44"-Arden" 45 Converse 46 Magic 48 lily plant 49 Ceramic square 50 Modified plant 53 Political org. THE. VSfL HAS SQOT A WELL- KMOWM CORPORATE. COST- CUrtER TO OVERSEE. Ti4E TGAM, WMlCM \<? OPERATE.? BY THE LEA&UE... UO Nfa^TUAM UALPOPTi4ETEAM MEEPS Ti4£M AT 1WE £AM£ TlMC. For Better or for Worse flWW- SHE'S COMIN&- KNOW SHE'S CDMII4G- BflCK! • SHE LEFT SOME OF HER MOST "I get to sit in Daddy's place tomorrow' night 'cause GIRLS can be the man of the family, too! Can't they, Mommy?" Ziggy Hagar the Horrible Garfield i KNOW \T'S IRRITATING, ROOF MAN WILL senat TOMORROW! CRYPTOQUIP 4-3 PLKN HBE WKDCEF'G LKEM-PHY UHYNCGN FJCTMCM: NLC TBUDF WECKMPJYYCE. Yesterday's Cryptoqulp — KNOW THAT THE ROUGH TREE SURGEON'S BARK IS WORSE THAN HIS BITE. Today's Cryptoquip clue: P equals W C IMS King FMlure* Syndicate. Inc The Lockhorns 'Y'KNOW, I'VE SPENT ENOUGH ON MA(?(?IAGE COUN6ELORS TO PAY FOR A COOP PIVORCE." HERE HE COMES NOW/ LEAVE IT UP TO ME TO GET STOCK IN THIS MAILBOX. 50 MOCH FOR MV AMBUSH ATTEMPT ON THE MAILMAN THERE'S NOTHING i = 600P ON / I TV! ALL MY LIFE I WANTEP TO BE AN ONLY CHILP... I MAP A 600P THIN6 60IN6 'TIL YOU CAME.. LITTLE BROTHERS SPOIL EVERYTHING..LITTLE BROTHERS ARE A BOTHER ANP A NUISANCE... WHY ARE YOU TELLIN6 ME ALL THIS ? Hi and Lois Wizard of id YOU'LL JUST <ssr A LOT OF STUFF OF<5ETT/N<& INTO WILL 6£T FURIOUS i WITH YOU x — - To -A TO CM?" Beetle Bailey Rex Morgan M.D. WELL, WE'LL JUST PROP THE SIPE THAT WINS THIS MANEUVER WILL g£ THE ONE WITH THE'BEST PAPER SUPPLY THE BLUE ARMY 15 PROPPING LEAFLETS JELLING \JSTO , SIR I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL THE EVEWIMG— BUT I THINK WE'D BETTER GET BACK TO THE HOTEL / IT'S ALMOST TWO O'CLOCK—AND I HAVE CUSTOMER CALLS To MAKE IN THE MORNING—AND EVERYBODY HERE LOVES YOU, CLAUDIA ( SOME LEAFLETS TELLIN6 THE/ATO SURRENDER/ PRESTON, THIS IS A WONDERFUL PARTY— AND I'M HAVIN6 SO MUCH FUKI .' Born Loser IT'S LIKE A MONSOON AND TUDBURY'S ; HAS A 5O%-OPF f WHAT'S lYCOMPAREP A FEW ^~\ TO RAINDROPS?)/ 5O°7 D OFF THERE 60ESONE ISN'T THIS STORM , W?ON& COLOR MUO SHADOW, AKTIFIOAL tXJ DIDN'T THINK 6>HE WA •STR1KIW6

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