Cumberland Evening Times from Cumberland, Maryland on February 12, 1952 · Page 4
Get access to this page with a Free Trial
Click to view larger version

Cumberland Evening Times from Cumberland, Maryland · Page 4

Publication:
Location:
Cumberland, Maryland
Issue Date:
Tuesday, February 12, 1952
Page:
Page 4
Cancel
Start Free Trial

Page 4 article text (OCR)

FOUR EVENING TIMES, CUMBERLAND, MD., TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 1952 'Evening & Sunday Times Life's Darkest Moment " Krery Afternoon (ticepS Sunday) uad Surdty Mon>Ui(. ' FubUihed by Tb» Tlm«i nod Alltgmcl»n Company. 1-8 „ South Mechanic Btrett, CumberliEd, Md. u aeeond elau mall matter at Cumberland. MarytiM, under tiu act ol March 3, 1819 Utmber ot th» Audit Bureau 02 Circulation Hmttn ot Th» Auoeiated Pf«u Telepnone 4MO Weekly (ubierlptlon rate by Carrier*: One week Eve. only 30c; Evening Timei per copy. Be; Eve. * Sua. Tlmti. <0e per Ttet; eunday Tlme« only, ipo per copy. Th* Evening Ttmei »nd Sunday Tlmei auume no (inan- c!«l responsibility tot typographical errors In advertlie- menta but will reprint that part of an advertisement in 'S'ht.cii the typographical error occurs. Zrrori muat bf reported it one*. Tuesday Afternoon, February 12, 1952 OUR COUNTRY The union ot hearts, the union ot hands and the Flag ot our Union forever. — Morm No Price On Defense SECRETARY of Defense Robert Lovett is a responsible public servant. Hence he deserves to be taken seriously when he declares there would be grave risk in slash- Ing defense funds below the projected $52 billion for the coming fiscal year. Lovett told members of the Senate Appropriations Committee the Defense Department compiled an original figure of $71 billion, that he cut that to $55 billion and President Truman further trimmed it to the present total. He said the reductions made by him and by the President represented calculated risks—bold measurements of the minimum safe level for our defenses. To go below this total, he said, would be to cast safety aside. This being an election season, Congress is •very much in an economy mood. Many lawmakers have been talking of cuts in the military budget. But Lovett's warning may •well have frightened them. They know he does not talk loosely. AFTER ALL, THIS new arms budget is more than $7 billion smaller than that for the current fiscal period. This slash was achieved not by abandoning plans for an expanded Army, Navy and Air Force, but by pushing back the goals to a later time. The objectives are still the same. We simply will take longer to reach them. Congress must assume that within the next two years Russia will not go to war. In any guesswork there Is danger. Russia could attack next Week. The government's $52 billion outlay Is intended to prevent such a blow from being fatal if Its guess should prove wrong. Some legislators, eager to chop down this total, are saying they don't believe Russia will go to war for a long time -—if ever. In other words, they would like us to accept their own guesswork for that of Lovett and his defense experts. TO TH' 0AA]K ifiis TO CASH W ALLOVJ CHECK, BUT Iff' 0"0/AJT" CLOSeD-SOMG K/A/D OF A HOLIDAY I eUCSS. MOVIES F"OR US T DAY 8AUKS ALVJAYS UP SOME FLIMSV excuse TO OFF WORK By w. T. WEBSTER Whitney Bolton Looking Sideways Phone 4600 for a WANT AD Taker Hal Boyle AP Reporter's Notebook LADY, WOULD you invest $66 In seeing to it that your husband never hurt your feelings again? It's very easy: the jewelers are making gold cuff-links with an engraved calendar ot the month of your marriage on the face of the outside buttons of the links. The date of your anniversary is marked on the calendar facsimile with a small precious $tone. Let us say you were married on June 16. Your husband's cuff links would have a June Calendar and a small sapphire, if that is your choice, would be inset on the 16. Constant reminder to the mope. Your only remaining hassle is: who pays the $66 for the golden reminders? Thomas I/. Stokes McKinney Unfair Toward Kefauver, Claim YET THEIR guesses could hardly be as well informed as those of our military men. No one really knows what the Russians plan. So in time of potential military peril, isn't it most sensible to rely on the judgment of the experts? We are living in a time when gross mistakes can be penalized by the loss of all that we in America cherish —our freedom, our democratic system, our Individual human dignity. The instincts of self-preservation demand that we avoid such errors. It means nothing to say that we "cannot afford" a safe minimum defense. Is there any price you would not pay to remain free? If there is, then pay heed to the words of the refugees from communism. They prefer war with all its horror to "peace" under Red tyranny. They understand what it is not to be free. The cost of today's engines of destruction is staggering, but there seems no help for it. We must pay the bill so long as men moved by dreams of world conquest are abroad on this earth. Uncommon Commonness NO HERO IN American history is more honored and revered than Abraham Lincoln. His common touch, the stories of his gentle but penetrating wit, the simple and beautiful eloquence of his speeches, have assured him a place in American history that Is secure and unique. Washington is called the Father of His Country; Lincoln is sometimes called its savior. Adamant and unswerving in time of peril, he was generous once the victory was won. He proposed terms for reconstructing the South which were intended to help "bind up the nation's wounds," but his untimely death at the hands of an assassin changed all that. Instead of a policy of "malice toward none," the vengeful factions in the Northern states Insisted on punishing the South and years of bitterness resulted. In times of great peril America has always produced leaders who could summon up the courage of all the people to meet the test. Lincoln was such a leader. Yet he was a simple man who could find the time to stop and discuss with a small girl, whether his appearance might be improved by a beard. In the rush of affairs of stele he found time to write to Mrs. Blxby, bereaved by the reported death of her five sons, a letter which is a masterpiece of simplicity, sincerity and sympathy. Lincoln once remarked that God must have loved the common people because he made so many of them. Lincoln loved them too, and even when he had risen to uncommon heights he thought of himself as one, of them. God loved the common people indeed, when he made Abraham Lincoln one of their number. Flattering Dictators EVITA PERON is the Argentine dictator's wife; it is also the name of a new Argentine state, formerly the territory of La Pampa. This honor to his wife on the part of the autocrat i.s a typical example of the self-glorificaton in which tyrants like to indulge. The rechri.stening of the Volga city of Tsarifcsyn as Stalingrad is only one example of several in which the Russian head ha.s his name given to some community which had done very well under its traditional title. Curiously enough. Hitler never inflicted his name on the German landscape. Perhaps he never sot around to it. Had he won the war, .some flatterer would have been sure to sueee.n that. London's name be changed to HiUerstadt- None of these names may last. WASHINGTON — Something somewhat out of order is going on within the Democratic party organization which is the antithesis of democratic. This is the way Chairman Prank E. McKinney of the national committee is arrogating to himself authority to speak and act on ba- half of the party rank and file, and to exert all the power of the natipn- al organization for purposes which the rank and file—for which the committee is presumably the agents —have not certified, and which many of them certainly would not approve. He has Installed himself as head of a junto, instead of operating as the chairman of a committee ostensibly representative of the party. He is, in short, seeking himself to determine the course of the party's convention in July, which is hardly his function. merely lending himself to a blocking operation against 'one Democratic candidate. However, in this case, this is quite a compliment at the same time to the Tennessee Senator, since Chairman McKinney had to call the best broken-field runner, the President, himself, from the bench. THIS IS, of course, Senator Estes Kefauver, whom Chairman McKinney Is trying to isolate and quarantine as if he had smallpox instead of a quite normal case—at this season —of itch for the Presidency: In this boxing-in maneuver, which hitherto had been confined to inserting "favorite son" candidates here and there to hold control in various states for later purposes, he finally had to call, in the case of New Hampshire, upon the President, himself, to enter that primary to squelch the young man from Tennessee. If the President really intends to run for a third term, then this is a valid test and entirely hi the 'democratic tradition — yip, yip, cheerio, and may the best man win, and so forth. The President has not said. But if he does intend to run again, which is the growing surmise here, he is DEMOCRATS have been accustomed so long to one-man rule that most of them, as well as the public generally, seem to have missed the import of the present McKinney method of play. Originally, the national committee was supposed to be neutral as to candidates for the Presidential nomination—and it is still that way in the Republican party; . A Presidential candidate, once nominated, always designates his choice for chairman to run his campaign, which the committee automatically ratifies. That is understood. Thereafter the chairman of the party which won control of .the government- worked with the President, the party leader, and with party members in Congress, in be* half of his administration and program. But. in the Democratic party, with the succession of terms for Mr. Roosevelt, the national chairman became gradually merely the agent for the President to carry out his personal wishes. It may be recalled that James A. Farley got out as national chairman when he was opposed to a third term, and so was replaced by one who -wasn't. This theory still continues. and file below, and President Truman's term "eyewash" might well be applied to this whole procedure as far as the rank and file have any voice. Estes Kefauver is the only individual who has dared to enter the Presidential contest on his own. The scissors hold Chairman McKinney is attempting on him has scared off anybody else, though other aspirants were cowed enough already, which is indicative of the spirit of submission in the ranks of a once-virile party. The curse put on the Tennessee Senator for his independence and initiative is magnified the more since he has been a loyal supporter of the President'* economic and social program generally, which is rare among Southern Democrats, as well as the Truman foreign policy. He is getting the kiss of death from his own. MR. McKINNEY knows who's boss—and he's assuming that role, himself, by a nautral transference of power. His power comes from one man at the top, not from the rank VETERAN political strategists feel that Senator Kefauver faces almost insurmountable obstacles beer use of the opposition to him from political bosses in his own South and in the big-city machines which he offended by his crime investigation—a powerful and ruthless combination that knows how to operate in national conventions. That's what makes Chairman McKinney's vendetta hard' to under;stand. A better way could hardly be found to make a martyr of the Senator which, of course, conceivably could produce in the prlmarie* one of those popular rebellions, for which our people now seem in the mood, and eventually catcalls from the galleries that would penetrate to the "smoke-filled" rooms where the bosses get together to make their bargains. lUnltfd renUirc Syndlcntf. lnr.> Peter Edson Egyptian Uproar Centers On British Base WASHINGTON—(NEA)—Key to the trouble : in Egypt may be found in the huge British military base at Ismailia. It IS located on Lake Timsa, about half way between Port Said and Suez, northern and southern terminals of the Suez Canal. It is commonly referred to as the Canal Zone Base. The British now have some 50,000 troops stationed there. More than that the base area contains warehouses and repair shops which make it the supply center and staging area for all British forces operating in the Middle and Far Eastern theaters. If any new war were to break out in this area, the Canal Zone Base at Ismailia would be the most important supply hub and headquarters. It served as such a center in both world wars. Any Middle Eastern Defense Command created by the Allied non-Communist powers to correspond to General Eisenhower's North Atlantic Treaty command would have to be built around this huge installation which the British maintain. demonstrations and start making demands for the British to get off their sacred soil, what they are really shouting about is the military base at Ismailia. There has been a lot of misunderstanding over what the Egyptian nationalists really wanted. One impression has been that the Egyptians wanted full control of the Suez Canal. The canal Is really run by an Egyptian operating company, today. It is owned by a French company, in which the British government holds 295.000 out of 625.000 shares. But the charter of this company will expire in 1967. and the canal will then automatically become the property of the Egyptian government. The Egyptians also think they are competent to take over operation of the huge military repair shops at Ismailia. They are now manned by some 15,000 nighly skilled British technicians. WHEN THE Egyptians .stage their BRITAIN guaranteed the defense of the Suez Canal for 20 years under the treaty of 1936. This was important to Britain as the canal was its lifeline. The Egyptians now think they are competent to defend the canal without British help. The fact that Egyptian forces didn't do too well in their war against Israel a couple of years ago is conveniently overlooked. THE GENERAL belief of competent experts, however, is that the Egyptians are not ready, either militarily or technologically, to assume sole responsibility for the defense of the Suez Canal and the land bridge between Asia and Africa. From a historical point of view, Egyptian demonstrations against British imperialism have been going on since .1832. That was when American, British and French naval vessels appeared in .Alexandria harbor to restore order. The British invited American and French governments to join in a. protectorate over Egypt — then under Turkish domination. When the Americans and French declined, the British assumed responsibility alone. History From The Times Files TEN YEARS AGO February 12, 1942 Mr. and Mrs. Joseph P. DiMagpio. parents of "Jollin 1 Joe" of the Yankees, take out first citizenship papers. Red Cross drive here $9.000 short of goal of $25,000. Local scouts observe National Boy Scout Week with display. TWENTY YEARS AGO February 12, 1932 Paul Whiteman, noted band leader, guesses wrong in predicting early demise of "radio crooner." Pictures of Jack Dempsey training for his "come back"- fight with K. O. Christner, former Kelly-Spring field Tire Co. employe here, shown at local theater. Temperature reaches 8?, degrees. THIRTY YEARS AGO February 12, 1922 Virgil C, Powell and John Schwarzenbach named State Fair directors. Local dealers association plan auto show. Death of Rev. Victor Miller. FORTY YEARS AGO February 12, 1912 Robert Young, former assistant secretary of B&O YMCA, ordained to the ministry in United Brethren seminary. Bill to appropriate $25,000 for Miners Hospital at Frostburg passed hy the General Assembly. Death in Everett, Pa., of J. W. Hughe?, a veteran of SO years Caching in Bedford county. THINGS I can't get used to: injecting tap water into the carburetor to get a 25 percent increase in power and mileage. Do you buy Swiss linen handkerchiefs or drawn-work? If you can get the kind hand-drawn by nursing mothers you will get the best. Max Hess, Jr., fabulous department "store owner of Allentown, Fa., discovered that and it is among the thousand- odd fascinating things in his book, "Every Dollar Counts," due in February from Fairchild Publications. Hand-drawn linen customarily is the work of women and every time they pick up a thread they moisten their thumbs on their tongues . . . Nursing mothers have a lacteal quality in their saliva and this is transmitted to the moistened thumb. The lacteal ingredient adds softness . and silkiness to the threads. And if you paid S6 for a handkerchief and your neighbor only paid $1.50 it is because your handkerchief was made by a nursing mother and, hence, costs four times as much. EGYPTIAN political parties since that time have differed with each other in the increasing degrees with which they all hated the British, and agitated to kick them out. This has also served as something of a political smoke screen to hide the fact that the Egyptian leaders had no program for the development of their own country. With a small minority of the Egyptian population highly literate, the ruling Pasha class of landowners^ has for years lived off the backs of the poverty-stricken Fellahin, the farmer caste. To have raised the standard of living would have destroyed the privileges of the, upper social stratum. magazine in Dixie money—$3.290 of the stuff. A psychologist in Summit, N, J., who has done some work in leading people back into their previous existences, offers to lead me back if I will corne to his office and bring my own tape recorder. Thanks for the opportunity, but I have no tape recorder. The process, incidentally, is called Eidetic Psychology, eldetic meaning "vividly recalling." Thomas G. Evans, of Buffalo. N. Y.. thinks he knows why a nickel public station phone calls for unlimited time in Los Angeles is a dime for five minutes only in New York: he thinks the Public Service Commission is a little free in handing out higher rates to public utilities in New York. He cites, however, what an aroused public can do about it: yell. Bus fares for school children in Buffalo went from 5 cents to 15 cents and the public yelled so loud that they went back to 10 cents. Sad Story: Wealthy Indian bought a $16,000 Rolls-Royce to take back home to Pakistan and was stopped at the border. Pakistan, will not allow cars costing more than one thousand pounds—around $3,500 or so—to enter the country. What's sad about a man who can lay $16,000 on the line, for an automobile? Only frustration. Which is the saddest of the evils available to man. OVER-population 1m multiplied the discontent. Discontent has been whipped up by both the super- nationalists and a Communist underground, led by dissatisfied lawyers, disenmtled labor leaders and young students. Egyptian land reform is just beginning. The United States has EVER BEEN kidded about taking Confederate money? Writer Dorothy Ulrich Troubetzkoy did recently— and deliberately. She did a story on General Robert E. Lee's horses and sold it to a Southern magazine. She elected to take pay for this eminently Dixie story sold to a Dixie BROOKS Atkinson, noted critic: "You can learn more about the nature and mood of a nation from its theater than from its politicians and economists." Mr. Atkinson raises a learned point and an accurate one. Every history book should cite a period of theater as carefully as it cites dates of battles and changes in regime. Spartan courage was at an even pace with the austerity of the Greek theater. The theater was predominantly tragic and so was the mood of the people. Does the Restoration era in England fit the bawdiness and looseness of the plays? I'd better read it again .and find out, but I have a feeling the match was not exact in that period. . (McNauirht Syndlcnto. Inc.) TAMPA, Fla.—The pirate past lives again here in one of the nation's greatest festivals. It is the carnival of Gasparllla, a, five-day holiday of fun and frolic inspired by the deeds and misdeeds of legendary old Jose Gaspar, the bloodiest buccaneer who ever fed an honest sailor to the fishes. It is Florida's equivalent of the Mardi Gras. Each year it draws crowds estimated by police at 50o",000 to 600,000. People drive up to 200 miles or more to see it, wait up all night in parked cars in order to have a good vantage point for the parade. To tourists the celebration is a high point of the winter season. It is begun by a mock invasion of the city by Ye Mystic Krewe of Gasparilln. They are some 350 Tampa business and social leaders dressed as freebooters, complete with cutlasses and black eye patches. After landing yesterday, they led a parade of 58 colorful floats, 35 bands, and thousands of marchers to the state fairgrounds. They arrived in two small vessels because the old three-masted sailing ship used in other years had become unseawortny. At least one. bystander thought this was a mistake. "If the Krewe haa sailed in that old ship and she sank," he mused, "there'd have been » lot of nice jobs open in Tampa tomorrow." HOWEVER, THE pirates made it ashora safely with no casualties except knee bruises and began firing pistols. With a stock ot 50,000 blank cartridges to shoot up, they promised a noisy five days. Tonight at a coronation ball the city's social king and queen will be crowned. Tomorrow 7,000 children will march in a parade symbolizing the unity of America's 48 states. The pirate band will lead a torchlight parade Thursday through Ybor city, Tampa's Spanish section. On Saturday they board ship again and sail away, ending the festival. "And all next week the men will be so tired and quiet you could hear a pin drop anywhere in the city," one wife said. The festival, begun in 1904 and financed by a wealthy cigar manufacturer, surprised and pleased the city. It has grown each year until now civia groups chip in some $250,000 to make it a success. "There is no purpose behind it except for everyone to have a little fun," said one man. That is why it is so popular. Marquis Childs Hear Washington Galling WASHINGTON—"If our economy should collapse, Stalin's victory over the world would be complete," Herbert Hoover said in his recent radio talk. "We cannot take the risk." That sums up the position of many who want to cut the military budget and curtail the vast spending for arms that is due this year to hit a rate of. four billions a month. There are many who undoubtedly share Hoover's fear that the American economy cannot stand the burden. For others, however, this serves as a convenient Justification to follow the easiest political course, evading the issue of added taxes in a .Presidential year and reducing the .deficit so that it is not quite so embarrassingly and threateningly large. Allied with the economy theme is the stress on air and naval power, Hoover going as far as to call for the withdrawal of American, forces from Europe to a Western Hemisphere Gilbraltar. broadening its powers so that it tends to take over and make decisions that have hitherto always been made by civilians. It is not that General Bradley or anyone else is out to grab power. Rather it is an able technical staff at the colonel level which broadens its sphere by constant assertiveness and also, it should be added, thanks —in instance after instance—to the default of civilian authority. This is a phenomenon that must be closely watched in an America where there can be no thought of dismantling the Military Establishment as was done between World Wars I and II. To create an instrumentality of independent power to be fought over by rival politicians promoted by rival generals and admirals would certainly be an unhealthly development. THE THESIS that air power alone can do it has great attractiveness and political support, which promises to become more and more articulate in this campaign year. Senator Robert A. Taft of Ohio has hit that note frequently in his campaign for the Presidential nomination of Douglas MacArthur, who was recalled from command of the Korean campaign, one reason being his more or less open advocacy of extending the war by bombing enemy centers in Manchuria. That,, in MacArthur's view, would have brought a quick end to the conflict. The Joint Chiefs of Staff under the chairmanship of General Omar Bradley are in favor of forces balanced among land, sea and air. They opposed extending the war in Korea and testified in support of the removal of MacArthur. WITH political and military decisions so closely mtenvined, there is the prospect that the voters in November may, in effect, be choosing between two sets of military planners with diametrically opposed viewpoints. ' In a speech in Cincinnati a year apjo Tnft said he had no confidence in the present military commanders. The plain implication was that a.s President he would replace them—if not in the actual positions they hold, then in decisive authority—with such men as Lieutenant General Albert C. Wedemeyer and Brigadier General Bonner Fellers. Fellers, who served with MacArthur in the Pacific during World War II, is on the staff of the Republican National Committee, He is one of Taft's close advisers. Wedemeyer, who follows the MacArthur line, recently requested retirement. For ?. nation that has traditionally ignored the military except in times of crisis, this kind of choice is most extraordinary. In part, of course, it, results from the ncces- sit.y to maintain a continuing military strength. One of the new in- firumpnt.alit.irs of that strength is the Joint Chiefs of SUff. THE PRESENT is a transition period. Unification of the services of a sort has come, although within the Pentagon there is still strong support for the air-can-do-it- alone thesis. The vast military budgets gave' military planners a certain autonomy because the amounts to be spent are so big that they- cannot be adequately policed by Congress or' any other civilian agency. The basic military strength of America is stil! today, as it has always been, In our enormous productivity and in our highly advanced science and technology. When he asked for an additional five or six billions for atomic development, President Truman had on his desk a report on the Nevada atomic-weapon tests showing results clearly indicating a revolution in warfare'such as has not occurred since Napoleon. Small atomic weapons u.sed against troops with small planes and with artillery would, if t.he.se developments mean what they seem to mean, remove the need for mass armies and mass fleet.s of strategic bombers dealing death to civilian populations. They would, in short, Ko a long way toward making war impossible. So, perhaps in an even broader sense than \ve dare to hope this is a difficult time of transition. (Unltfrt PPaluri- Rynrtlrati-. Inr.p Barbs SOME civilian policy-makers see this instrumentality expanding and a $55.000 Point Four technical assistance program also just beginning. Its aim is to help direct improvement of agriculture, housing, trars- portation, natural resource development and social services. But all such approaches may be too late to do much good. And they do not answer the whippcd-up anti-British sentiment. The average woman, fays a speaker, . pays more attention to lectures than the average man. The latter gets tired of them—at home. According to a judge, political campaigns are educational. We learn that all liars are not fishermen and golfers. A doctor points out, that the average life of women has jumped. Yet, after a certain age, they don't get any older. An Indiana boy set fire to a school because his standings were low. We'll bet his standing with schoolmates went up a notch. Any girl can make a name for herself, says a college profe-ssor. All she needs is a boy friend with a wedding ring. A western prison is cutting do-vn on the number of hours TV pro- Kramr. are shown inmate?. Nothing like giving the gents a break. When a. girl want. 1 ? a hoy friend to start saving his money, there's a very good chance 'no's going to need it. Nothing makes a man'* build go to pot quicker than age. THE MOCK celebration of his exploits must amaze the ghost of old Jose Gaspar, if he was half the scoundrel he is credited with being. He is reputed to have been a Spanish naval lieutenant who led a mutiny, formed his own pirate band, and looted and sunk at least 36 merchant vessels after forcing their crews to walk the plank. During a visit ashore he Is said to have slit his pretty wife's throat because sht objected to one of his business transactions. At the age of 65, the story goes, old Jose must have gotten nearsighted, because in 1821 he attacked a TJ, S. naval brig disguised as a merchant ship. Soon his own ship was full of cannon holes, Gaspar wrapped a chain around him, leaped overboard and drowned rather than attend the hemp necktie party he knew 'would be held in his honor. Today you can buy a map giving the most likely sites where he buried his gold, and a lot of people buy them. But last year Florida passed a law that the state was entitled to its share of any buried treasure dug up. Hereabouts this is widely regarded as the most useless statute on the books. "If I was lucky enough to lay my hands on any of old Caspar's gold," said one fellow, "I can't imagine myself being so dumb as to write a bragging postcard about it to the Florida legislature." (Associated Press) /. A/. Roberts, Jr. Interpreting The News WASHINGTON—With apologies to various Fair Deal notables, Mrs. Karl E. Mundt, wife of the distinguished Senior Senator from South Da,kota, has come up with this suggested menu for the Democrats' $lOO-a-slug Jefferson-Jackson dinner: "Service" of chilled Acheson Red herring "hissing" hot "Candied" mink "Finncgan" haddlt Deep frozen "young" breast of Vaughan (fully decorated) "Boyled Oliphant" "Truman dollar" pancakes (small and thin) served with "McGrath in a jam" Beverage—"Dawsonlum" bicarbonate Mrs. Mundt, who is suspected of Republican leanings, follows with other suggestions for tht big fund-raising event, including: Guest prizes — Maragon perfume for each lady (smuggled in fresh for this occasion). Pictures of the gala event, courtesy of American Lithofold Corp. Dinner motto "R.F.C."—run for cover! The housewifely Mrs, Mundt suggests that these attractive features be played up in all the advertisements for the $100 dinner: No federal tax—(our internal revenue collectors are all too busy defending themselves before grand juries). (Eat all you want—there's "Lattimore" in the kitchen). I WAS GOING to let Mrs. Mundt's menu stand by itself, but my Little Woman interposed an argument. "Too many unsavory people get their names in the papers these days for the readers to remember all of them," she argued. "I think you'd better follow up the menu with a. list of identifications." "You are insulting my readers, all of whom are brilliant and scintillating, also completely an courant," I told the Little Woman. "They wouldn't be Dixon readers if they weren't smart." "All right." retorted the Little Woman. "But just remember that I told you." I remembered that, she told me; so herewith are identified the characters referred to in the Mundt menu: Secretary of State Dcnn Acheson; Algcr Hiss whom Acheson wouldn't turn his back on. but who went to jail despite the President's sneers that. Hiss was bcins u.snrl as a. red herring. Theron Lamar Caudle, the mink man with the candied accent, who got fired as assistant attorney general; James B. FinneRan, St. Louis tax collector, who's holciinc a hot potato; Merle Younc. vho.se wife, Lauretta, is famous for the natural pa.xirl royal, etc.; Maj. Gen. Harry VaURhan, who'll look splendid a= long as his chest holds out. Also William M. Boyle, former Democratic national chairman; Charles Oliphant, former chief tax counsel; Attorney General McGrath; White House advisor Donald S. Dawson, and last, but by every means least, Johnny Maragon, who went to jail for perjury after smuggling in perfume for the boys. Oh, yea!)—and Owen Lattimore, described in various ways, depending on whether the description cr.mes from the State Department or Senator Joe McCarthv, I have a, tasty .su«estion I would like to offer to Mrs. Mundt. How about serving everything on her menu with India Edwards relish? (Xing Fen'ures, Inc.) •

Get full access with a Free Trial

Start Free Trial

What members have found on this page