Cumberland Evening Times from Cumberland, Maryland on February 1, 1952 · Page 4
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Cumberland Evening Times from Cumberland, Maryland · Page 4

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FOUR EVENING TIMES, CUMBERLAND, MD., FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 1952 Phone 4600 for a WANT AD Taker Evening & Sunday Times The Thrill That Comes Once In A Lifetime By w. T. WEBSTER Whitney Eolton K"v«ry Afternoon (except Sunday) ind Sunday Morning. Published by The Times and A1I«8»niaa Company, ^-t Souta Mechanic Street, Cumberland. Md. Entered at «cond class mall matter at Cumberland, Maryland, under the act ol March 3, 1819 ' Member of "the Audit Sureiu «f Clrralattoa Member ot The Associated Pres» Telephone 4600 Weekly subscription rct<s by Carriers: Oce week Eve. only 30c; Evening Times per copy, Sc; Eve. 4: San. Times. 40c per weefc; Sunday Times only, lOc per copy. Th« Evening Times and Sunday Times assume no financial responsibi'ity for typographical errors In advertisements but will reprint that part, at an advertisement In which the typographical error occurs. Errors must be reported sc once. Friday Afternoon, February 1, 1952 OUR COUNTRY The union ot hearts, the union of hands onrf the Flog of our Union forever. — Morris Greater Democracy AT A RECENT NEWS conference President Truman dropped a remark about wishing we could have a direct national primary for the selection of presidential nominees. No one can be sure the President meant what he said, since he gets pretty flippant in these bouts with the press over his 1952 intentions. But it might well be argued that there Is some sound sense In this proposition. In only 16 :ates of the 48 is there now a "presidential" primary, and in several of those 16 the popular expression of sentiment is purely advisory instead of binding on the delegates to the national convention. The other 32 states select delegates in state com'entions, where the people's voice is heard only indirectly. Anyone who understands the workings of politics knows that state party conventions are largely under the control of th'e party machinery. The slate of delegates which emerges from such conclaves is in almost every instance the product of party organization decisions. The successful rebellions against organization control are relatively rare. ACTUALLY, THE convention method of choosing delegates, representatives and even nominees is a. carry-over from earlier American history. It reflects the compromise made by the Founding Fathers between those who wanted true democracy and those who feared too direct expression of the popular will. Gradually thus fear lessened, and machinery was established to give the people closer control over selection of their representatives. Only a.few decades ago Senators were still being chosen for nomination by state convention; now they are picked in direct primaries. The primary method finally began to be adopted in the presidential race as well, though its application there is still sharply -limited. But insofar as it does help to measure genuine popular sentiment as to candidates, it must be counted a gain. The present' primary system is handicapped not only by limited application but by certain attitudes that have grown up around it. As is evident in the current campaign, there seems to be a notion, for example, that the "favorite son" principle should operate in states where a leading political figure is a candidate. In other words, it is contended that the home state candidate should be conceded his own territory without a fight. SENATOR TAFT has indicated he will not go into California where Gov. Earl Warren has declared. Warren does not intend to invade Ohio, though Harold Stassen declines to observe this gentlemen's agreement and hence he is going into Taft's bailiwick and possibly Warren's. But can't it be fairly argued that this hands- oft policy in favorite-son states .simply nullifies the value of the primary? Of what purpose is a resort to the polls if there is to be no real contest among the leading contenders? What doo.s it prove if Warren takes California or Taft wins Ohio without a real te.st? Offhand it seems about as significant as a "yes" vote in Moscow, where there are no opposition choices on the ballot. If there arc logical grounds why Senators and Representatives should be nominated in direct primaries but Presidents should not, they ought to be heard. The people are supposed to be sovereign, and it is a little difficult to sec how they can be when they have normally .so small a voice in the choice of major party nominees for their highest office. The Masaryk Mystery A FORMER CZECH representative to the United Nations, now a political refugee in this country, said recently that he believes Jan Masaryk, former Czechoslovakian for- egn minister, committed sucide in 1043. Many others believe that Masaryk way killed by the Communists, who '.hen arranged the dplails to make his death seem a .suicide. Whether Masaryk jumped or was pushed to hi.s death may remain a my.stery. but there is little doubt as to who and what were responsible in either case. There are subtler ways of killing a man than a shot in the back or a, push from a balcony. Kill a man's dreams, enslave his people, break his heart, by making a mockery of the things he spent his life working for, and his reasons for living are effectively removed. Jan Masaryk. suicide or not. was killed by Communism a.s surely as scores of other free men have met a like fate at its hands. His death will always- be remembered as an indictment of Red tvranny. Old Men For Counsel THE 77-YEAR-OLD Winston Churchill impressed American^ who saw him as .showing ^ome .-i=:ns of age, tho-.ich his fire remained a* ardent a.- ever I; is a .-tr.king fact that, the fortunes of Europe depend to a. great- extent .>n the decisions of four men who are all over seventy. Besides Churchill these are the 76-year-old Konrad Adenauer, the chancellor whose wisdom is helping- to bring Germany back in;,o the family ot nations, Aicide Df! Gasperi, now 71. who has been doing a like service for Italy a.-^ her premier, and Stalin, the 73-year-old Russian premier. Whatever els? may be written about the Europe of these days, history will not record that, it, spurned the counsel of its elder statesmen. A POUND OF AMGFUCAN CHSES6 'A SMALL 60TTZ.£ OF VAN/iJLA HALF A PECK OF SWefT /A R3UND OF C/^ACK"eftS /W A POUND OF 6tjnrre« /v^ A . BROWN MA SAYS I CAN SPCND Tft' Resr OF TFf' DOLLAR PER L/OCRISH ' CT€i.LY A DOLLAR WAS A POLLAR Conriafct. V9S2. New Y«t HweU TritniM t Looking Sideways Thomas L. Stokes Senator Taf t's Loose Language Is Dangerous WASHINGTON—-Men who yearn for the Presidency, until they can almost taste it in every stump speech, say and do strange things. That's a. recognized symptom of "presidentitis." We can expect much, of it between now and the nominating conventions and. unfortunately more of it afterward in the campaign itself until the election. We have come resignedly to accept such. But. ih seems proper and timely to Inquire whether there are not limits even to political license. Especially in a time such as this when our democracy is on test before the world and the enemies of our system are probing for chinks in our defenses; not only material defenses of a military character, but the spiritual defenses which, in a crisis can 'oc-come even more important to our survival. These last can be weakened from within—by ourselves through self- created "fifth columns." and Senator Taft is, or should be. a responsible man. He is an outstanding leader of a great and numerous political party, and he is asking to be our president and national leader. IT SEEMS proper to ask. for fix- ample, how long Senator Taft should permit himself to go up and down our land calling the United Nations stand against aggression in Korea, "a useless war" and' "Truman's war." Enough of this might well tend, at least temporarily and at a critical time, to undermine the faith of some of us in ourselves, in our ideals as a nation, and in the principle of collective security to challenge aggressors and keep the peace for which the United Nations was established in the first Instance. And, at the same time, belittle the sacrifices of men of our nation and other nations who are standing at the ramparts while the Senator talks. This is reckless irresponsibility— WHAT IS Korea? Korea is the symbol of that moment that comes to nations, as to individuals, when it becomes necessary to take a stand and say "No!" if integrity is to be preserved. And nations must possess integrity, even as must individuals. Thus far, and no farther. It was necessary to say that, and to back it up. if the aggressor vas to be halted, and to take a stand exactly at the place and at the time when the aggressor tried to step beyond bounds. Shakespeare once said it in simple language: "There is a. tide in the affairs of men. ..." The tide does no wait. In our own history, Korea stands out as a moment when the challenge was raised and was met, along with Lexington and Fort Sumter. In the history of mankind, it will stand out as the moment when the new order in the world, the new union of nations, met its first great challenge. This new union is. indeed, a great adventure by mankind, founded in the belief that nations can join together to keep law and order and justice and peace in the world. It has stood up to the challenge as the other union, the League of Nations, which we failed to join, did not. That union wilted under the threat of aggressors. the challenge "a useless war." They would lead us backward. Calling the U. N.'s bold stand "Truman's war" is beside the point, irrelevant and politically puerile. Harry Truman happened to be the instrument who, instinctively and luckily, recognized the moment of Korea for what it was in the long struggle of humankind to. be free and to work together to be free. But he was only expressing what are the best instincts of our people, deriving from our own long struggle and our traditions. Our people applauded his recognition of their own best instincts through their own representatives here in Congress who, you may recall, cheered to the rafters when they learned what the President had done to arouse the U. N. to meet the challenge. Kven Senator Taft approved then. Other free nations were lifted up in spirit and, under the impulse of Korea, since have gone forward to organize themselves with us for defense against Communist aggression. THERE ARE, of course, those still who are of little faith, among whom seems to be Senator Taft, and who call the XI. N. acceptance of KOREA WAS the free world's Pearl Harbor. Senator Taft is doing his party a great disservice by his attitude; for his party can't stand on his defeatism and regain the confidence of our people. He can't be helping his own candidacy for the Presidency, Nor, if he is not nominated, is he helping the candidacy of whoever is chosen. He is creating a schism in his party, as becomes more evident every day, making it harder for it to regain the trust of our people. For ours are not a peace-at-any- price people. (United Feature* Syndicate. Inc.) Peter Edson Tales Of Sen. Kef auver's Coonskin Cap WASHINGTON (NBA)-—The real story on Estes Kefauver's original coonskin cap has now been revealed by George M. Clark, president of the Pioneer National Bank of Chattanooga, Tenn. This seems to be a key issue in t.he , Kefauver campaign for the Democratic nomination for President, so it might as well be recorded for history, like the cherry tree myth. According to Mr. Clark, he fur- ntshcd the cap. He got it, he says, from a young engineer on a U. S. Army Corps of Engineers river boat, who was stationed at Osceola, Ark. Mr. Clark doesn't remember the man's name. So if he ever reads this, here's his chance to step forward and become famous. Anyway, living in a houseboat while dome levee and revetment repair work along the Mississippi, there wasn't much in the way of amusement, except to go coon hunt- ine in t.he swamps. One day the ynimc encineer decided to make himself an old-fashioned pioneer can. with the tail hanging down the back. the young engineer, who gave him the ca.p. Mr. Clark took II, home as a souvenir and thought no more about it until shortly after Memphis Boss Ed Crump published his now- famous full pa.ge ac. blasting: Estes Kefauver a.s a. candidate for the U. 3. Senate, and likening him to a pet coon. The Tennessee Bar Association was meeting in Chattanooga at the time. As one of the entertainment skits, somebody wrote some dialogue for an imaginary conversation between Boss Crump and Kefauver. The script, called for t.he man playing the part of Kefauver to wear a coonskin cap The only one that, could b? located wa.s Banker Clark's and he lent it to the lawmakers for their merry-makinj:. l.he coon. "A coon can lick a. dog four times its size. He is somewhat of a giant kJlier among the animals. Davy Crockett. Sam Houston and all of our grea.t men in that era of early Tennessee history wore the familiar ring-tailed coon-skin cap. "Mr. Crump defames me. but worse than that he defames the coon, the a.ll-Amorican animal. We coons can take care of ourselves. I may be a. pet coon, but I ain't Mr. Crump's pet coon." ON A RIVER trip to Paducah, Ky., Mr. Clark happened to meet NOBODY SEEMS t.o remember any of the sac lines in t.he act. now, but, it wa.s supposedly a riot. Word of it cot. tn Estes Kefauver who was campaigning in the .state. He called up Mr. Clark and asked to borrow the rooruskin cap. Jack Bailhe. who was Kefauver's press agent,, persuaded him to wear it at his next, campaicn rally. It, wowed tha audience and cot. Kefauver's picture in all the papers. Kefauver then paid his tribute to History From The Times Files TEN YEARS AGO February 1, 1943 Tr;-Towns section gets first blackout ;p>: Confnct ,1-yarded by Citv Council to Wri:ht. Ri'-.:h;(.rci5nn Company to improve tax office. Jo'-eph H. Abe, ,39. of Lafayette Avenue, hurt, when struck by a car on Ford Avenue. THIRTY YEARS AGO February L 1322 George o Creek miner; agree tn temporary SI per nav a.^e.-smen'. of their wages to aid neeriv families ot .striking miners Col. John D. MH rkey ui.-pecto Company G. Survey reveals 8.1 per cm:, of coun',-'o roads are iinimpvcvrvi. AFTER THE election Mr. Clark presented Senator Kefauver with the cap. The Senator credits it with having won him 25.000 votes. He. defeated Crump's candidate by 3-5.000. There is another Kefauver coon .story which isn't so well known. When Estes Kefauver was in Yale la.w schor/., 1925-27, he didn't have much money. To supplement his income, he ran a, tutoring service for students having a hard time passing their exams. After get,tin~ one particularly backward student, .successfully pas', this hui rile, the well-to-do young man made his tutor a present of a. coon :-k;n coat. It was one of those long affairs that Joe College affected in that flapper era. Estes Kefauver wore it home to Madisonvil'.e one vacation and was a sensation. That was long before he ever got, into politics. TWENTY YEARS AGO February 1, 1932 Death in New York City of Robert P. Maloney. 48. former manager of Davis Coke SMC- Coal Cempany here. Patrick Brady. V/esternport. suffers severe burns from eas stove. Governor Albert, C. Riwhie returns from mid-western tour for presidential nomination supanrt. FORTY YEARS AGO February 1, 1912 Train of 04 loaded cars fair! to be the largest ever to leave here. John J. Stump. F. Brooke Whiting and George G. Young; in race for rr.avor's office. Tunnel on George 5 creek and Ciimberlar.d Railroad at Vale Summit, caves in, buryin? *even coal cars. .STORIES LIKE this are nAW cropping o'lt from behind every tree, and rock in t.he Kefativrr country of eastern Tennessee. They're ap- p:«renr!v rmilriinc up what v.-fi! become the Kefauver campaign legend. Stones ahftu;. the Estes Kefauver childhood are rare. He seems to have been •?.. serious-minded S°od boy, richt. from the s'.ir' There are no Tom Satvyrresque Kefauver stories kicking around. But H. L. Callahan. now niayor of Kefauver's hornr town of M-"ur.ds- viile, Tenn ar.d r'nr.-r.erlv Estes' hi sift sch.iol teacher, ha? come up w.;h what, is probably the oriiir.al cute- kid Kefauver quote. Mr. Callflhan rc!a'e,=; :hsf. four- year-old Estes Ke.'auvrr was one ABOUT ONCE a year, when I begin to feel that the world is a crust of pig-iron flavored with panther juice, I turn to a bu'g-big example of what both Testaments of the Bible tell us we ail ought to be. She's about the general size of a spark plug, she has been in the show business for more than 40 years and she just got back from being funny in the biting wind and snow of Korea. Her name is Molly Picon and if they could put this kind of tonic in bottles I'd buy a case of it this afternoon. Molly left California last December 20, scheduled to do two shows a day on Korea for eight days. She wound up doing 36 shows in nine days, which left her exhausted but happy, she was so happy that she told a Marine General: "All righb, where next?" Next were hospitals in Japan and she worked them for a week from morning until night. And sometimes half the night. line position. Her stage was a few plajiks laid across oil drums. The sky was her proscenium and drift- Ing battle smoke her stage curtain. She arranged that two stunningly beautiful and shaped Hollywood babss ™cre presented first and then, in the midst of the wolf cries and the raucous whistles, she would step out in oversized GI dress and say "Okay, boys, sex takes a holiday. Here's Molly Picon." Then she would do her laugh- and-cry specialties in English, French, Yiddish, Irish, Italian, Spanish, and Afrikaans. IT WAS ABOUT a year ago that I went to see midget Molly and she told me about standing on a windswept plain in Israel and singing to 15,000 people for six hours, before microphones which carried her songs in more than 18 dialects, including Arabic to some shy Arabs stuck up in the nearby hills, unwilling to come down and mingle with the thousands who stood by campfires and heard the first free use of Yiddish song since the gates of camps closed on them years before. She told me then: "It was like being in the middle of a thunderclap. I can never experience any such emotion again. I felt hot tears on my hands from an 80-year-old man who had not laughed in nine years and now was laughing at rne, the clown. I died four deaths of emotion. Nothing can ever top it." SAID SHE. And now it has been topped, by a'spindly child of show business who flew thousands of miles at the Christmas season to stand in the freezing cold and,sing her lungs out to kids not 100 yards away from sudden death. It meant getting up at 5 o'clock in the morning after four hours sleep, climbing stiffly into a helicopter and being flown to a front- NINETY per cent of them, kids who never saw New York except through a porthole or the window of a troop train, didn't know who this undersized, thin woman was, but in two minutes in whatever language they were for her. Well, the ticket buyers have been for her for about 43 years, a long time for an artist the size of a butterpat to keep out front. The kids learned in the sweep of a minute hand that here was some little doll who had come to them in winter to yell out some songs and then do an hour of their favorites. Call out the number and Molly would sing it. To Italian boys, some of them with holes ir. their skin where the shrapnel tore through, she crooned old Neapolitan songs. To French kids, she sang native lullabies. To New Yorkers, the songs they love from the streets of Brooklyn and the Bronx. And when it was over, with Molly's fingers blue from cold, they'd shower her with gifts. What gifts? A young pilot gave her the parachute that had saved his life 20 minutes earlier. A general gave her a beautiful bracelet and earrings. And more than 2,000 of them gave her personal messages for families back home. She has managed, so far, to deliver more than 1,400 of them — in person. Prom tenements in Negro Harlem to tenements in Williamsburg, Brooklyn or in the distant. Bronx. I've got a personal, fierce crush on a beanie-sized good girl and I don't care who knows it. It's lasted since 1924, what's more. She is my idea of what human beings were supposed to be. (McNaught Syndicate. Inc.) Marquis Childs Hear Washington Calling WASHINGTON — Behind the decision to release $300.000,000 in aid to Great Britain — funds taken out of the current appropriation granted by Congress for military assistance — were some long and soul-searching discussions. The timing, as everyone concerned was well aware, could hardly have been more unfortunate. A source of discontent in the seething volcano of the middle East is that American economic assistance has been so small in relation to the need. Technical assistance under Point 4 is being given in terms of millions of dollars. But those who are trying- to hold the line for an orderly transformation see the need in terms of hundreds of millions or billions. In the wake of the eruption of the mob in Cairo, the hated enemy, Britain, is given a large sum. Embassy that day, and the following day, which would end his sta.y in Washington, he was lunching with most of the Washington press corps. "Well," Connally shouted into the phone, "if the Prime Minister isn't interested in the Foreign Relations Committee, then the Foreign Relations Committee isn't interested in the Prime Minister." BUT TIME AND the economic tide would not wait. A long series of telegrams exchanged between London and Washington stressed that an announcement of assistance was imperative before the Conservative government, revealed the nature of the deep budgetary cuts that must be made in every department which will affect every phase of British life. For weeks the new Chancellor of the Exchequer, R. A. Butler, ha,s been closeted with his experts seeking to face up to the grim realities of Britain's financial situation. It was perfectly cleax that the rearmament goal of $13,000.000,000 could not under any circumstances be met. Without substantial American aid, cuts of a crippling nature would have been inevitable. American policy-makers concluded that failure to act immediately would put. the whole pla,n for the defense of Western Europe in jeopardy. So the step was taken with a realization of what the political consequences might be. With Congress in the midst of election-year fidgets, the recent visit, of Prime Minister Churchill was not entirely sweetness and lislu. The British Embassy was dismayed by a telephone blast from Senator Tnm Connally of Texas, chairman of the Senate Foreiqr. Relations Committee. DURING THE visit of Churchill and Foreign Secretary Anthony Eden, the explosive subject of the Middle East was not Ignored. Secretary of State Dean Acheson talked frankly with Eden about American concern over the direction of British policy in the area where once British power held sway. The tragedy of Iran and the loss of British oil resources, contributing directly to the current fiscnl crisis, figured in these talks. Likewise, President Truman raised the problem of the Middle East with Churchill. In their conversation, according to informed sources, there was the suggestion that the United States could not continue to follow the British lead if this meant that America would be identified in the minds of the millions of the Middle East with a determination to do nothing but, hold on. WHEN" CHURCHILL returned to Washington from Canada for the second part of h-x -stay and lor.5 after all arrancoinents had hern marie. Connally called the Embassy and asked for the Prime Minister. Ho was told that Churchill was in conference with Ambassador Sir Oliver Franks. After some pretr.y emphatic insistence he sot Franks on the phone and informed him that the Fnreisn Rel.ii.inns Corni-niifce vottlr! like f.o have a luncheon ir.ecin.; u.th Churchill. Tlip Ambassador explained 'hst uni'-iruinstely this w<v,i!d be impossible since the Prime Minister hail invittd his old frienri. General Georse C. Marshall, for lunch at the THE FACT IS that serious consideration has been given to an independent, line for • American policy. It is. of course, very late. Repeatedly in the pa.st thus country has appeared to underwrite British moves even when many in the government, here v/ern deeply distrustful of the wisdom ot those moves. Our own policy-makers have, apparently been reluctant to press the British to take step. 1 ; essential t.o make the position of the West tenable in the Middle Eastern countries on a basis of cooperation and partnership. What came out of the Middle East phase of the Churchill-Eden talks in Washington was apparently very little, at least insofar as any agreement, on a common course was concerned. Americans were not, happy, and Mint, is a sonorous understatement, when Churchill included in his .-perch to Congress a plea for a token force of United States t.roops in the Suez Canal. No one could believe thai this would happen and (.he rcqur-M. was bound to do little more than to stir the old irritation and distrust,. iUn;:rri f'pat-jrr:- Syndicate. Ir.r.) So They Say We have taken a rough, militant, demanding attitude. We have been seeking frronnd bases for airplanes when we should have been looking for ba.-e;- in tl'.c hear;,:- of people. —Wii'unm Douelas. Supreme Court, ,!"• ti'-e. or, Asia. day watchin? hL= aunt's do? Laddie, chiise a rabbit. In bany-talk the boy remarked: "If Laddie would quit, ba'king to much and save hi? 'owe', he could wun faster and catch the wabbif.." The moral o; this drawn hv Kefauver's backers is tr.at. This is the way their man is running for the Presidency. Ke doesn't bar'-:, he save? iv.s brea.tr). and they think he's roiiig to catch the rabbi 1 ... You riv:-' no expect, t.he Americans t,o .-cilve oi;r domestic problems for us. i No orifi is 20111? to keep the British lir.n as n pet,.—Winston Church;!!. We cannot, solve the problems of the world by becoming a militarized nation which seeks to win it.s way by force and intimidation.—John Foster Dulles. Hal Boyle AP Reporters Notebook NEW YORK—Cross-section of a man's mind waiting for a bus: Ijook at all the people on the street tonight. f . v Boy, I beC if a mad dog ran up right now you'd see them scatter. ... I'd scatter too. . . . But if I had a cane I wouldn't. . . . With a cane a fellow is pretty -safe against attacks by mad dogs . . . Why did men ever let themselves be jeered out of the habit of carrying canes anyway? . . . I'd carry one if everybody else did—A thorn cans with a big knobby end. . , - Canes feel good. ... A man never knows what to do with his hands when he's walking. . . . With a cane in your hand you're two inches taller . . . What if a" mad dog jumped me right this minute-? . . . Why. I'd be helpless. . . . Vou think the cops would help you? . . . Not them. , . . They're too busy writing out traffic tickets. . . . They'd probably arrest you for obstructing the dog's path ... Well, what could I do—climb this "bus stop" sign? . . . Hmmm, it's only about four feet high. . . . That dog would bite me sure. . . . Oh, well, what's a slight case of rabies today? ... If a' guy had it and didn't tell his friends, they'd never even notice it. ... That's how crazy the world is now . . . BUT IF YOU GET cirrhosis of the liver, the word gets around right away. ... I never knew anybody that had secret cirrhosis. . . . And yet that's easier to hide than varicose veins . . . Varicose veins? . . . That's what I'm getting waiting for this darned bus. . . . I'll bet all the buses are parked at the end of the line and the drivers are playing penny ante poker. . . . You never catch a bus driver with varicose veins. . . . Kidney trouble? Yes. . . . "We get it from jouncing over holes in the street the mayor is too busy to fix," a driver told me once. ... He said they took a kidney stone out of him as big as a hen egg. . . . When I didn't believe him, he took it out of his pocket and showed me. ... It was only about as big as a pigeon egg. N . . Never trust a bus driver . . . I guess it's barbers that get the most varicose veins. . . . From standing on their feet BO long, they say. ... I asked one why didn't they invent a revolving chair so they could circle around a customer while sitting down in comfort. . . . Didn't impress him at all. . . . That's a barber for you—rather taJk about his troubles than think out a way to cure them. . . . Lot of people that way. . . . Where's that bus? Now what's that dame giving me the frozen eye for? . . . Well, how d'ya like that? . . . Here I am just peacefully waiting for my bus and sht walks over and stands still right where I happen to be looking. . . . And right away she jumps to the conclusion I am staring at her . . . What a nerve! ... I wouldn't look at her twice if she swam past here in a cellophane nightgown. . . . What a frizzle-puss she is anyway. ... If Rip Van Winkle saw her, he'd go right back to sleep again. . . . Punny thing about women—they never get mad if you stale while they're trying to hold down their skirts in a high wind. . . . They Just giggle then, even if they're 80. ... It's the weather, I guess . . . THE WEATHER. AFFECTS people In lots o£ ways. . . . Cops say married people and bax- room drunks always fight more often during * full moon. . . . The weather gets animals, too. ... I know a fellow who said his dog always cried when it thundered. . . . But cats are braver. ... I never heard of a cut that was afraid even of lightning. . . . People used to say thunderstorms turned milk sw. . . . Well, that's a cheap way to make yogurt . . . Oh, oh! . . . Look at that mousy guy with the umbrella, . . . Who's he think he's fool- Ing? . . . Every time I see a guy with a married look who carries an umbrella I figure him for a two-time wolf. ... He thinks the umbrella makes him look harmless. . . . S'funny, I don't remember ever seeing an old bachelor carrying an umbrella. ... I guess the bachelors that carry umbrellas die young of galloping caution . . . Why don't men go buck to carrying 1 cane.\ again and. . . . Oh, here comes that darned bus . . . "Well, driver, where you been—abroad?" "Okay, wise guy. Save those funny remarks for your wife. You pay her to listen. All you pay me for is to drive you home." (Associated PrcsM George Dixon Washington Scene WASHINGTON — Musicians, or near- musicians, who feel the hot. breath of the draff, on their neck. 1 , are clamoring to get into th» U. S. Navy Band. As a consequence, (.he band's famous baton- wielder, Lieut. Com. Charles Brendler, finds himself t.he butt of t.he year's worst gag. Fellow officers are forever calling him up and wisecracking: "I hear you've iot, more musicians than you can shake a stick at." The actual truth of the matter is that woulri-be horn-lootlers and cymbal-bangers who beat, conscription by joining the navy's school of music do not ret assigned to the big navy band which has its headquarters here in the nation's capital. They get, shipped out to fleet bands all over the world. There are more than 50 navy bands scattered ov«r the fare of the clobe. The majority of them are at. sea. Others are at, naval installations in lar-litinsr places you've probably never heard of. No force on earth wii; he able to overthrc/.v the Kremlin. It. woMld be. a i^riicrous. f5rep r ':-tprou= a.ttf-mpt.. —Arrtrf: Vishir.fky, Soviet Foreign THE MAFN NAVY BAND here has US regular pla.ycr.-, but. it, has t.he world's bissiest, substitute bench. Lieut, com Brendler has more than 2,000 sute he can throw into play. No draftee ever makes t.hir. musical varsity. It's held out, as a prize for long, fine, and faithful music-making. A sailor has to blow his lungs out. on the ,sm-n seas before he's extended the privilege of tooting one tootle with the bis team which has its headquarters at—of a.l! unmusical places—t.he naval gun factory here. Even when a. .seagoing symphonlzer finally gets lifted from a marinated farm team to the bij league, his i? a hard-blowing existence. Being a member of the U. S. Navy Band under Brendler is no sinecure,. If a salt, water :r,arr drummer or srlocken- fpielist. has snv I'iea that, the biR navy band pla:-.- only for the inauguration of the Pre;;- rien.' f\ T'. four •. fai.v >\- rr.a.'-'be for a. Per.'e MeMs hir.Ro op. ihe rare occasions when she returns from ministering unto the Lnxembours- ers he. ha.-, another think coming. Through June. July, and Augn.'t. the navy band plays every Monday night, at. 8 p. m. or. the steps of the Capitol. Through December, January, February urA March it plays every Friday night in the departmental auditorium. In September. October, November, April and May it goes on tour. It al^o plays for t.he navy's radio hour every Saturday at 8 p. m. But, that's only the minutest paxt of its labor?. It plavs for military funerals at Arlington cemetery. Last yar it played for 4<» funerals at Arlington. That's more than one * day. , (K.-z r«»-.urs^ :-•»

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