LA Weekly from Los Angeles, California • 37

A Little Piece of History Napoleon penis, Kirk tunic and other collectibles BY RALPH RIIGOFF porcelain collector in Prague, the eponymous hero observes: An object in a museum case must suffer the de-natured existence of an animal in the zoo. In any museum the object dies of suffocation and the public gaze whereas private ownership confers on the owner the right and the need to touch. As a young child will reach out to handle the tiling it names, so the passionate collector, his eye in harmony with his hand, restores to the object the life-giving touch of its maker. From this angle, every col 1 here are no limits to what people Mwill collect Think of an object, no matter how trivial doilies, matchbooks, shoelaces, jelly beans and its safe to assume that someone out there has systematically accrued a choice selection of representative samples. One can find museums devoted to almost every special interest imaginable, from clowns and timepieces to blindness and historical tragedy.

Western Homo sapiens is a collecting animal, and in the public marketplace, its possible to buy just about anything. Even body parts. And not just anonymous organs and limbs, but pieces of celebrities. As a tradition, this particular market hails back to the trafficking in saints relics medieval churches inaugurated displays of holy fingernails and bones that anticipated the development of museum exhibits. But in our time, its a purely secular business.

Various pieces of John Wilkes Booth belong to institutional collections around the country, and at Philadelphias Mutter Museum a medical hall of pathological anatomy visitors can admire a giant tumor that once belonged to Grover Cleveland. Then theres the persistent rumor that gangster John Dillingers penis lies squirreled away in a back pocket of the Walter Reed Army Hospital Museum in Bethesda, Maryland. Private individuals as well as public institutions trade in this market A few years back, Dr. John Lat-timer found Napoleons penis in private hands, made arrangements to purchase it and subsequently loaned it to the Columbia medical schools urology department (of which he was then chairman). The emperors organ is only a small part of Lattimers personal holdings, which include collections related to both the Lincoln and Kennedy assassinations.

the auedon catalogue, his sparse creations" were meant to buiely cover the bounuful female alien form.) Butterfields sale of metallic bikini tops, mustard jump suits and fluorescent miniskirts drew a crowd of about 100, augmented by two tables set up for phone bids. Judging from the bidding acuon, costumes sold not only for their associa-don with a favorite Enlrrfirise haractcr, but also for their role in specific episodes. Garments worn by key specialty characters in the Star Trrk saga were ptied over outfits wtrn by mete celebrity mortals: thus a hot pink and orange num-ber in which Terri Garr made a guest appearance went for 1 ,580, whereas a couple of outfits sported by little-known actors playing prominent aliens sold in the $4,000 range. Not surprisingly, Captain James Tilierius Kiik's mustard bridge tunic" pushed the price envelope by fetching $18,400. For $8,400 less, a bidder at Sothebys auction of Soviet space program ardfacts in New York purchased cosmonaut Anatoly Solovyev's space glove, worn during four space walks in the early 1900s.

In a cosmic coincidence, the auedon took place on the same day as its Hollywood counterpart, but the items on Sothebys block which ranged from a Soyuz TM-10 space capsule to a chess set designed for gravity-free games have a slightly different appeal. To possess any of those ardfacts is to own a piece of world history, making you a prop master of immortality. By contrast. Captain Kirk's tunic initially might seem like a ft ivo-lous acquisition. Memorabilia appeals to us emotionally, rather than intellectually, providing pleasure usually because of some connection to childhood or adolescent memories.

And more than nrost forms of collecting, it retains a childish aura that hints at arrested development. But as a pop icon of its era, Kirks tunic cant be glibly excluded from real" history. Our lives arent influenced only by poliucal and scientific events; after all, popular culture is part of our history as well. Probably no Star Trek collectible could Ik more frivolous or fanciful than Sothebys lot No. 68A: a remote-controlled roving lunar vehicle, which at present is collecung dust on die moons surface.

It sold for $68,500, not including delivery charges. Its new owner seemingly occupies the opposite end of the collecting spectrum from Chatwins sensual Viz: possessing something on the moon supplies a disembodied thrill. You're left to caress an idea and the legal fiedon of ownership papers. But to paraphrase Johnny Thunders, you cant put your arms around a contract At a certain point content is almost irrelevant in the collecung business, and the urge to acquire becomes paramount. During a symposium on art collecung last year, an LA.

collector remarked that the revelatory moment in his development was the day he purchased an art knowing full well that he had run out of wall space in both his office and home and wouldnt be able to display it. Yet his satisfaction was all the more intense, as if once detached from a specific object, he was free to exult in the poten-Ually infinite power of collecting itself. Its a two-way street, though. Collectors pov sess ardfacts, but those ardfacts can also take session of their owners. Tilings can olisess us, lie-sieging our every desire until, like a daik rising wave, they obliterate all other concerns.

Even the most innocent collectible poses hidden risks. Things are tougher than people," Bruce Chat-win observed. Things ar the changeless mirror in which we watch ourselves disintegrate." The careless collector could end up possessed by Napoleons penis, condemned to watching themself fall apart in its gray and shriveled mirror. Trekkie duds: Can you hear the hum? lectors worst enemy is the museum curator: knowing that something you love is safely preserved and available for viewing during regular hours just isnt enough when your desires lean toward demiurge. Df collecting has its erotic side, then auctions compose a climactic pickup scene.

The iron law of supply and demand is given a human face at auctions: prices are set only by the competing desires and bankrolls of specific individuals. Every winning bid is a raw display of power, all the more striking because the whole routine has been stripped of conventional signs of force; even the most violent bidders do little more than flick their wrist to wave a bidding card. Yet the kick at auctions involves not only securing your own desire, but also repudiating someone elses. Under a skin of politeness, a hot auction bristles with quietly violent lusts. At Butterfield Butterfields recent auction of Star Trek memorabilia, the artifacts themselves- were conspicuously lusty.

This isnt the place to examine the underlying themadcs of a 60s show starring a vessel that goes where no man has gone before," but on board the good ship Enterprise, sexuality hummed like radioac-Uve cargo. That hum was enhanced by the costumes of William Mrare Theiss, which formed the heart of the Butterfield auedon. Theiss bridge wear for the crew was fitting and, in the case of Lieutenant Uhuras uniform, designed to show lots of leg, but his sexiest outfits were worn by aliens. Theiss alien line suggests Liberace in orbit, except that his psychedelic capes and sheer caftans, topped off with gold lame and fake fur, were usually either form-fitung or absurdly skimpy. (According to What drives us to accumulate such items? Its not like theres a great deal of social presdge in owning Napoleons member.

Besides, where would you keep it? Sandwiched between leftover pizzas in the fridge? On a bedside table for inspiration? Displaying it in context say, emerging from the fly of a pair of period breeches might downplay the macabre aspect, but its still not something many people would want hanging over their living-room couch. Collecting Napoleons penis isnt really such a far-fetched proposition, however, because at some latent juncture, sexuality and collecting cross wires. Without getting too Freudian, the whole idea of possession gives off a scent of displaced sexual desire; private collections not infrequently evince a haremlike aura, as though their coveted objects were so many slumbering concubines, patiently awaiting the gaze and touch of their master. The satisfaction of ownership isnt purely metaphysical, in other words, but includes a deeply private and sensual component. In Bruce Chatwins Utz, a book about an obsessive JANUARY 7-JANUARY 13.

1994 WEEKLY 37.