Intelligencer Journal from Lancaster, Pennsylvania • 17

i 'ryi TUESDAY, MARCH 20, 2001 B-5 INTELLIGENCER JOURNAL, LANCASTER, PA. LIFESTYLE Backstabbing is easy, owning up to it is the difficult part la for worthwhile personhood, and proper society is decidedly in the eye of the beholder. It's just that any personality can be a bit much if it doesn't have a dimmer switch. Find yours, relocate your ego, scare up some like-mouthed friends and come sit by me. Please just not at the movies.

Dear Carolyn: Im a single female with two guy roommates. Both have girlfriends. How do I ask my roommates to look around their social circles for guys to set me up with? I kinda think its inappropriate to ask because by now they should have figured out that Im single, and if they had any suitable friends they would have brought them by the house. (I moved in this fall.) -E. A classic culture-clash.

On Earth, roommates see other roommates as the people who pitch in for the rent, increase bathroom traffic and occasionally Hoover their food. If you want more, you'll have to be more specific. Carolyn Haxs syndicated column appears Tuesday. example, isn't the place for your finest flatulence jokes (unless Im at the next table over). Meanwhile, if you and your outsize self decide to whip out a faux pas regardless, the humiliation isn't yours alone.

You also humiliate anyone in your party who has to face the rest of the crowd with the unspoken, Yep, we brought the buffalo. We do apologize. So, yes, you need to be more socially aware. But that's not the same as becoming a demure little tea-sipping ambulatory bonbon. Youre not one, first of all, and a lot of us are grateful for that.

Plus, discarding an entire personality to please others tastes is not only impossible, its a fast track to self-loathing. You sound like youre well on your way, and due credit goes to the boyfriend. Its not his job to revamp you. He accepts you as-is or, if your charm has worn off, he dumps you. Id suggest you beat him to it, but its hard to stick up for someone you dont respect, especially when its you.

If it helps, remember you cant be all wrong because theres no right formu at inopportune times. However, I have always felt that these embarrassing moments were my problem to deal with, and frankly I dont usually get embarrassed. So, the problem is that my boyfriend of five years has lately been telling me not to act a certain way and basically making me feel unlik-able. This happens only when we are around other people we know, but almost every time. (His mom finds me embarrassing too.) On top of this, one of my close friends has always acted embarrassed by me if we were around her classy friends, although I always just avoided those situations.

Now, though, Im wondering if I have it all wrong and should modify my behavior to fit proper societys rules. Ive been happy for my entire 28 years, until now. Am I Really That Embarrassing? I gotta be me, you gotta be you, but we all gotta have some clue where we happen to be sitting and if others are trying to eat. Tea with the queen, for OK, heres the dilemma: Friend who talks behind everyones back (and we all know it), made an evil remark about Friend B. stupidly, passed it along to Friend thinking hed just be amused and dismiss it.

Turns out that Friend is peeved, and cant let it go. Friend has admitted hed like to confront Friend A about it, but wont because hed have to betray my confidence. What should I do at this point? The situation is starting to put a strain on my relationship with B. Seattle Im rooting for Elevator which you all get trapped in together. Im sure you realize that youve talked behind As back about As talking behind Bs back, but Im pointing it out because its fun to type.

At this point, though, if you let Friend continue to cover for you, youre just as low as the backstabber. A quick (and vaguely opportunistic) route out of the depths would be to own up to your role as nastygram delivery dude. That way, you not only show how brave you are for facing any social fallout from your actions, but you also make Friend A look as craven as he really is for habitually failing to do the same. Besides, youve framed it as a choice you strain either Friendship A or Friendship and thats no choice at all. Annoy A and bake yourself a cake or something.

Dear Carolyn: I can be rather silly, and often make people laugh, and I am also louder than your normal feminine chick not too loud, just people-at-the next-table-can-hear-you loud). I know my shortcomings, like I sometimes want to be the center of attention, and I can occasionally be silly Mom says teen sitters are few, far between Coffee filters might save your heart are 2,372 YMCAs throughout the United States and facilities in 120 countries. Readers, to locate the nearest call 1-888-333-9622, or see www.ymca.net. DEAR ABBY Abigail VanBuren Jeanne Phillips Fran Berger HealthScout.com offer financial assistance for those who cant afford it, and we are virtually everywhere in the world. The YMCA provides proactive programs for kids at risk swimming lessons, sports programs, exercise classes, teen leadership, Youth and Government, Black Achievers, etc.

While the YMCA began for Christian men (Young Mens Christian Association), we offer programs for men, women, and boys and girls of all ages. We are nondenominational and welcome everyone. Our programs are based on teaching honesty, caring, respect and responsibility. We build strong kids, strong families and strong communities. Thank you, Abby, for letting me pass on the word.

KAT HAFL-ER. TUCSON DEAR KAT: Thank you for reminding me about the wonderful services the YMCA (and YWCA) provides. It is celebrating its 150th birthday this year. There DEAR ABBY: I just finished the letter from the emergency room nurse regarding the dangers of leaving children home alone. While she is justified in her reaction, she apparently has no children of her own, or she wouldnt have made the comment, How difficult would it be to find a teenager who would be willing to earn a few dollars to be with Amber for a few hours after school? Ill tell you how difficult it is: Impossible! As a university instructor, I am in the fortunate position of having flexible part-time hours.

Two years ago, I was offered a full-time position that I had to turn down. Why? Because I couldnt find anyone to care for my daughter two hours a day, three days a week. I sent letters to every high-school counselor, community college and university child development department in my area. I offered $8 per hour, well above minimum wage. Guess how many replies I got? None! Guess where I live? Los Angeles.

If I cant find one teen-ager for a few hours a week in this metropolis of more than 9 million, I can only imagine how difficult it must be for parents who live in smaller cities. Thankfully, I had a choice. FRUSTRATED IN L. A. DEAR FRUSTRATED: Sometimes child-care resources are right under our noses.

Read on: DEAR ABBY: I am proud to work at my local YMCA in Tucson, Ariz. My advice to the mother who leaves her 10-year-old daughter home alone after school and to any other parent with a similar problem is to contact the local YMCA. The YMCA is the largest child-care provider in the United States. We have formed collaborations with schools and churches nationwide to provide child care for any parent who needs it. We Locust Grove Mennonite School lirT I Mil FIliLuk lphu likc.

Min ktTi iw n. PA DISCOVER THE COMMITMENT DIFFERENCE Tuesday. April 3 p.m. For more information call (717) 394-7107 www.lgms.pvt.kl2.pa.us in clots and blockages, which lead to heart disease, the nations No. 1 killer.

Many earlier studies, Klag said, were done before 1975, before the use of coffee filters became so common. Our study only looks at lipids, but we found theres basically almost no effect (on cholesterol levels) if you drink coffee thats filtered, he said. Details appear in a recent issue of the American Journal of Epidemiology. Dr. Harvey Wolinsky, a cardiologist and clinical professor of medicine at New Yorks Mount Sinai Medical Center, said many people seem surprised to find this out.

We have a puritanical bent, that if it tastes good, feels good, it cant be good, Wolinsky said. But of Klag, he said, Hes right, and its reassuring. Controversy erupted several years ago, he said, when a Norwegian study showed an increase in bad cholesterol among coffee drinkers. But, Wolinsky explains, Norwegians during World War II were boiling their coffee to get the maximum flavor out of the beans, and it was the temperature of the water that extracted the oils that were linked to the higher levels of cholesterol. But today in the United States, he said, the water poured through the grounds never reaches the boiling point, so theres no danger.

The problem for increased cholesterol, Wolinsky added, lies more in the doughnuts and pastries that accompany the coffee. If you love your coffee, but hate that cholesterol, make sure you use a filter when youre fixing a cup. Levels of the so-called bad cholesterol can be raised by drinking boiled coffee, but sticking a little paper filter in the basket solves the problem, reports a new study. Analyzing 14 tests of coffeedrinking adults conducted between 1985 and 1992, researchers found very little increase in the level of cholesterol in the blood as long as the java lovers filtered out the oils. However, levels of low-density lipoprotein or LDL, the bad cholesterol did rise if the coffee was boiled, the study says.

Boiling coffee keeps the water and beans together longer and at a higher temperature. Decaffeinated coffee yielded the same results, which suggests that its the oils in the bean that are the culprits, the researchers said. This is good news for Americans, said lead researcher Dr. Michael J. Klag, a professor of medicine and interim director of the department of medicine at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine.

When you talk about the safety of drinking coffee, what you care about is whether coffee raises the level of cholesterol, which can be a risk factor for cardiovascular disease, Klag said. LDL can build up in the arteries, resulting a rate craift seo efescB ctan? is Safe! Give Your Razor a Summer it's (ertifiedj You're Satisfied!" Laser hair removal, called photoEpilation, uses a beam of light to gently remove hair several square inches at a time. This painless procedure is faster than electrolysis and more permanent than waxing. Physicians Day Spa at Family Eye Group Lancaster General Health Campus 2106 Harrisburg Pike Call Phv-icians Day Spa at 581-0896 to make an appointment tor a consultation with David I. Silherr, MD.

www.certifiedcarpet.com Vacuum SSewing Machine MM VACUUM SEWING CENTER Sales Parts Service Low Discount All makes repaired on premises; all work guaranteed .1 357. Fruitville Pike? LancasterBCALLVTODAY! 1397-57 76 or 397-541 1 Dog IS man's best friend, so naturally he'll need a place to live too! Our user friendly site lets you easily find a new home by modifying and personalizing your search! Choose a price range, number of bedrooms and bathrooms, etc. We've also included access to other helpful essentials, such as storage areas and truck rentals, to accompany you in your move. And we're the exclusive apartments channel of over 130 newspaper Web sites, too. This means we're the best place to look when you begin your search.

Find a 'dog-gone good' apartment with LancasterOnline.com. Find the Perfect HcwMwse flpartmenis.com 2 Weeks Only! March 26 -April 7th Swiss Quality BERNINA 130 $599 retails for $1099 Best Price We Ever Had! Tell Your Friends! BERNINA 1008 Metal Cnstruction ZigZags 5-Step Blind Hems Zig Zag Overlocks Strong Buttonhole Seam Stitch NOW (tifiO ret Only $899 Sews if. Weight Organdy to Heavy jeans 20 YEAR WARRANTY LancasterOnline.com would like to welcome the following communities Bentley Ridge Camp Hill Plaza Donegal Crossing Executive House Greenfield Estates Highland Estates Apartments BERNINA Hinkletown Sewing Machine Shop 232 Wanner Rd. Ephrata, PA 717-354-0204 (14 mi. off Rt.

322 in Hinkletown 2 mi. east of Rt. 222 Ephrata Exit) Hours: 8-8, Sat. 8-4, Closed Sunday Spring Valley Apartments Springford Apartments The Terraces at Springford The Shoe Factory Start advertising on the Internet today. Enioy great results at affordable costs with Apartments.com at LancasterOnlme.com.

For more information call 481-7315 or email saleslnpnews.com Lancaster Nkwspapkrs Inc. Treeview Village at Park Williamsburg York Village Townhouses.