The Kansas Newspaper Union from Topeka, Kansas on June 20, 1889 · 2
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The Kansas Newspaper Union from Topeka, Kansas · 2

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Topeka, Kansas
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Thursday, June 20, 1889
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Kansas Newspaper Union- Published Weekly. F. P. BAKER, Editor. $ 1.00 Per Yar. Enrered according to act of Congress in the postoffice of Topeka as second class matter. A pocket type-writer weiglis four ounces. The monastery of Melk, in Austria, has just celebrated its 800tli anniversary. Of the 400 cream of society of New York probably not twenty characters would stand a strict ancestral investigation. Secretary Tracy, is a man of wide reading and fond of quotation. He has a fine library and has a special partiality for English classics. . You can no longer say Patent applied for and stand anybody off. It has been decided that the term is no protection to the inventor. The Emperor of Germany is a believer in hypnotism and has sent to Naestad, Denmark, for Dr. Hntten, the hypnotist, to cure one of his sisters of a chronic disease. Perkiomen Junction, Pa., claims to have the youngest telegraph operator in the world. He is a hoy of 11 years, who began manipulating the keys when only 3 years old. He is an expert operator. Gen. SiGEii seldom goes on the street since the disgrace of his son, and the young man conducts himself in prison as if he had done something very smart and cunning. He has broken both his parents hearts. The largest collection of literature in America is that housed at the Congressional Library. It numbers G15,781 volumes and about 200,000 pamphlets. Poston stands next among the libraries of America, with 509,531 volumes. Mrs. Maria St. John Sheffield, widow of the founder of the Sheffield scientific school of Yale College, is dead and by her death property valued at $250,000, in which she had a life interest, goes to swell the endowment of the school. At a dinner given by the Chinese minister in "Washington, the ministers from Japan, China, and Corea carried on a three cornered conversation with pens and paper, for, although they cannot understand wliat each one says, their written language is identical. The Empress Haru of Japan is an ardent friend of all schemes for advancing the social and legal standing of Japanese women. She has literary tastes and writes poetry. It is never published, but appears in autograph forms on screens used in her private apartments. A Steubenville man thought something was wrong with his nose. It was nearly stopped up. After suffering from this annoyance almost a year or so he went to the doctor, who removed a shoe button from the base part of the nasal cavity. The man now breathes more easily. It is stated that the smallest steam engine ever made was recently completed, after two years of labor, for the Paris exhibition. It is composed of 180 pieces of metal, is a shade under three-fifths of an inch in height, and weighs less than one-nintli of an ounce. A watchmaker made it. JibiE. Peyanaud, a Parisian, who once dealt in cosmetics and was imprisoned for swindling, found her way to America and attempted to expiate her sins by living in a but without companionship, except from dumb animals. She recently died and her property will go to the Catholic Church. The absolute ruler of Persia is beginning to realize that, after all, he is a rather small potato, or yam, or other edible root. He has received peremptory orders from the Czar not to build, or suffer to be built, any railroad in his dominions without the consent of the Czar aforesaid. It is the nature of despotisms to devour each other. The taking of the census will give employment to 40,000 people. With such a force, the most important and valuable features of the census should be put into shape and printed w ithin the next four years. Delay in compiling the information gathered until it has become stale and useless has been the cause of complaint for many years. Is Duluth to be destroyed? Deport has it that the richest vein of copper in the world has been laid bare in one of the principal streets of that city, near the City Hall. If that he the fact the copper is worth many times more than the city lots including the buildings. People ought to he a little careful about building cities on land underlaid with rich veins of copper, silver, and gold. The monument to the memory of the late ex-President Arthur, now being erected in the 'Albany (N. T.) Dural Cemetery, is a large sarcophagus of granite. The monument is in the family lot in the western part of the cemetery.' A large bronze figure will he placed at one side of the sarcophagus. The only inscription will be the name Arthur in plain letters on the base of the monument. Paris financiers estimate the loss to France from the failure of the Panama Canal Company and the Copper Syndicate at over $300,000,000. That' this heavy loss has caused no serious panic, nor affected the National credit, is a grand tribute to the buoyancy and solidity of French financial institutions, ' and calls to mind the ease and rapidity with which the enormous war indemnity demanded by Germany was raised and paid. , The commercial law, . which makes paper falling due upon a legal holiday payable the day before, is inequitable and wrong. It should be changed so that such paper would become payable the day after instead of the day before the holiday. The banks can make no use of the proceeds of payment on the holiday, and it is unreasonable that the debtor class should be singled out and put to inconvenience by the setting apart of a day intended for everybodys comfort and enjoyment. Mr. Barnum once entered the Church of the Messiah, New York, of wThich the Dev. Dohert Collyer is pastor, and quietly took a back seat. The preacher saw him, and said, in a loud voice : I see P. T. Barnum in a back pew in this church, and I invite him to come forward and take a seat in my family pew. Mr. Barnum always gives me a good seat in his circus, and I want to give him as good in my church. Mr. Barnum was rather surprised at this public invitation, hut, of course, he accepted it. Capt. Mary Miller has renewed hre license as commander of a steam vessel on the Ohio and Mississippi. One other woman, a Southern lady, is captain of a boat on the lower Mississippi. When Mrs. Miller, on the failure of her husbands health, made her first application for a captains license, persons were not wanting who saw in her request a danger to the foundations of society. For several years, however, she has honestly supported her family, and the foundation seems to stand firm. In fact, a recent number of the Louisville Courier-Journal says Captain Mary has reformed many steamboat mates, her presence being sufficient to stop the flow of cuss words which these gen-tlemerf in the past found necessary to the control of their crews, and she is now one of the most popular masters on the river. The newspapers of New York State are excitedly crying up a repeal of the clause that forbids them to publish the details of executions of murderers by electricity, as provided for by the law changing the method of execution. There is not one nameable reason why the public should be served with these minute and detestable details; except that the papers make money out of it by catering to the morbid taste for vulgar excitement. The profit is a temporary gain, for in so far as the public is educated and encouraged to revel in reading of this sort, it is unprepared for taking interest in matters of more importance. The law was based on public need, that of checking the tendency of the press to make, capital out of coarse and brutal spectacles. Some of the papers crying for a repeal have recently issued sheets that if exhibited 100 years hence will he considered by a decenter age typical barbarism. The true newspaper does not stand in need of the horrible and depraving to furnish it with the means of existence. A Strong Mail. The Associated Press announces the death of Calvin J. Baseby. celebrated as the strongest man in the South. All great feats of strength, recorded in ancient histories or in modern newspapers, became, in comparison with. Basebys powers, the mere sports of weaklings. On one occasion, in 1876, if we mistake not, Baseby was among the passengers of a Memphis and Little Bock railway train. The train stopped in the Mississippi Diver bottoms, and the conductor, who came through the car where Baseby was seated, on being asked, that he did not know how long it might be before the train could proceed, that a part of a trestle had given way and to repair the damage might be the work of several hours. Baseby, together with a number of other passengers, got out to look at the break. It was found that a post, supporting a beam on which the rail rested, had been broken. Well have to chop down a tree and end up a log under it, said a railroad hand. No, said Baseby, Ill hold up the beam till the train passes over. Those who were not disposed to laugh sneered at him; but, unruffled, he put his shoulder under the beam, and, standing on the ground, raised it into place. Tell the engineer to go ahead, he remarked. The engineer was standing there looking at him. You are a fool, said he. Thats all right, Baseby replied. Take your train over, and well talk about that afterward. Who are you? the conductor asked. I am Calvin Baseby. Jim, said the conductor, speaking to the engineer, I know him. Go ahead. The train moved forward. As the engine was passing over, Baseby frowned just a trifle, but by the time the sleeper came along he was smiling serenely. He was undoubtedly an able-bodied man. Arkansaw Traveler . RICHMONDS BREAD RIOT. Jefferson Davis Describes a War-Time Incident. On the day of the riot (April 2, 1863), Mr. Davis said, he received word while in his office at Richmond, that a serious disturbance, which the Mayor and Gov. Letcher with the State forces under his command was entirely unable to suppress, was in progress on the streets. He quickly proceeded to the scene of trouble in the lower portion of the city, whither the venerable mayor had preceded him. He found a large crowd on Main Street, although the mass of the rioters were congregated on one of the side streets leading into that thoroughfare. They were headed by a tall, daring, Amazonian-looking woman, who had a white feather standing erect from her hat, and who was evidently directing the movements of the plunderers. The main avenue was blocked by a dray from which the horses had been taken, and which was hauled across the street, and it was particularly noticeable that though the mob claimed they were starving and wanted bread they had not confined their operations to food supplies, but had passed by, without any effort to attack, several provision stores and bakeries, while they had completely gutted one jewelry store and had also looted some millinery and clothing shops in the vicinity. At the Confederate armory in Richmond were engaged a number of armorers and artisans enrolled by Gen. Gorgas, Chief of Ordnance, to work especially for the Government. These men had been organized into a military company under the command of a Captain, whose bearing was that of a trained, sturdy soldier, accustomed to obey orders, and ready to do his duty unflinchingly, no matter what it might be. This company had been promptly ordered to the scene of riot, and arrived shortly after Mr. Davis. Mr. Davis mounted the dray mentioned and made a brief address to the formidable crown of both sexes, urging them to abstain from their lawless acts. He reminded them of how they had taken jewelry and finery instead of supplying themselves with the bread, for the lack of which they claimed they were suffering. He concluded by saying: You say you are hungry and have no money. Here is all I have ; it is not much, but take it. He then, emptying his pockets, threw all the money they contained among the mob, after which he took out his watch and said : "We do dot desire to injure any one, but this lawlessness must stop. I will give you five minutes to disperse, otherwise you will be fired on. The order was given the company to prepare for firing, and the grim, resolute old captain who Mr. Davis said, was an old resident in Richmond, but whose name he does not recall gave his men the command, Load! The muskets were then loaded with buck and ball car-triges, with the- strict observance of military usage, and every one could see that when their stern commander received orders to fire he intended to shoot to kill. The mob evidently fully realized this fact, .and began to disperse, and before the five minutes had expired the trouble was over and the famous misnamed bread riot was at an end Beauvoir letter to Ttichmond Dispatch. Punishing' an Elephant. j Some elephants resemble men in heir liability to sudden outbursts of passion, and in their exhibition of remorse, vhen, the passion having subsided, they see the results of their violent temper. An illustration of an elephants violence and contrition is given by Gen. George Bell, in his Bough Notes of an Old Soldier, written while he was serving in India. ; While the party was in camp, a Mahout went -with his elephant to, cut forage. As he was binding it i in bundles, the elephant began to help himself and knocked about the bundles already tied up. . 1 The Maliout punished the beast for his disobedience by a blow on the shins, which so enraged the elephant that he seized the man with his trunk, dashed him to the ground and trampled him to death. No sooner had he killed his keeper than le repeated, roared and bolted for the jungle to hide himself. Six other elephants, guided by their Mahouts, followed liim. On being driven into a corner he surrendered, and was led into camp a prisoner, and chains were placed on liis legs. Then came liis punishment. An elephant was placed on either side, each holding a heavy iron chain. As the dead body of the Mahout was laid on the grass before liim, the elephant roared loudly, being perfectly aware of what he had done. A Mahout ordered the two elephants to punish the murderer. Lifting the two heavy chains high in the air, with their trunks they whipped him with these iron whips until he made the camp echo with his roars of pain. He was then picketed by himself, and an iron chain attached to his hind leg, which lie dragged after him on the march. A Tliiels Clever Trick. The engagement is announced of Miss Jennie Chamberlain, the celebrated American beauty, to Capt. Naylor-Ley-land of the Guards, says the New York Journal. Capt. Naylor-Leyland is enormously wealthy. He has a magnificent estate in Denbighshire, Wales, where the future Mrs. Naylor-Leyland will find a rival beauty. Mrs. Cornwallis West, one of her nearest neighbors. The Naylor-Leylands are not an old family. Both the father and mother of the captain inherited large fortunes from their fathers. t It was some fifteen or sixteen years ago that the Naylor-Leylands first ap-apeared in London society. They had a magnificent house in Albert Gate, overlooking Rotten Bow. , They did not for family reasons gain immediate entrance into society. Easter had come and gone but the London season was not yet in full swing. The new aspirants determined to give a ball before the rush came, and announced that magnificent presents, such as diamonds, bracelets, earings set with rubies, and necklaces of pearls would be distributed at the cotillon. Of course the value of the . presents did not decrease. by telling about them, and when the day of the ball, arrived London belles believed they would receive uch cotillon favors as the mines of Goleonda could not have supplied. The ball-room was crowded with Londons most fashionable belles and beaux. It pro zed a great success, and although the cotillon favors were not -as splendid as the had been bescribed to be they were very handsome. It was the fashion in those days to have dance programs, and at the Naylor-Leylands balls to every program a very handsome pencil-case was attached. When the guests were leaving they were surprised at being asked by a gentlemanly looking man in dress clothes, who stood at the foot of the staircase, to return the pencil-cases, as they were only lent by Mr. Naylor-Leyland. Most of the pencil-cases were returned by the indignant guests, who vowed never to enter the house again. The story reached Mr. Naylor-Ley-lands ears and then it was discovered that the gentlemanly man in dress clothes was a well-known London crook. Chinese Children. Bather bright is the average Chinese boy, an active little fellow, his almond-shaped eyes shining like a pair of jet beads, with no clothes to speak of in summer, and in winter dressed like a small edition of his father. As a baby he is called wa-wa, a very suggestive name, and his first Chinese words are pa and ma, just as though he spoke English. The first great event of his life and his first trial is when the barber is called in to shave his head. He generally proves on that occasion to be a true wa-wa, with vigorous lungs. After this first shaving his head for several years seems to send forth what may be called queue sprouts in every direction and from every part of his skull where the hair ought to grow. Sometimes as many as five or six, each braided and tied with a red cord, are found upon one boy. The great day of his youthful life, the day of trousers with pockets in em, is when, all these smaller queues are shaved off and the single queue the queue of manhood is started. Chinese boys have a great many amusements open to them. They play marbles as we do, only the marbles are rolled with the foot instead of the fingers. They play a game like battledore and shuttlecock, only the sole of the foot takes the place of- the battledore. It is wonderful what skill they acquire in the game and the length of time they will keep the little tuft of feathers in the air, never allowing it once to touch the ground. Ivite-flying is -universal in China, though that is rather a mans amusement there. But the range of toys for children is almost endless in its variety, and whil they are ruder and far cheaper than the elaborate clockwork contrivances with us, they serve their purpose equally well. But boy life in China is not all made up of play. His preparation for manhood is made much the same as with us, and when he reaches a suitable age lie is either sent to school or put to work. Schools are found in all the cities and villages, not supported by a tax, but by subscription or tuition fees, and all Chinese parents who can possibly afford it send their sons to school. The sons of the poorest peasants poor with a poverty of which we know nothing may aspire to the highest offices in the state, except only the Imperial throne. This is not a mere theory. All the offices in the gift of the Emperor are filled with the sons of common people. The pathway to these successes is education. Hence every nerve is strained, i every sacrifice is made to keep the boy at school. Consult Your Wife. A writer on the business interests Ox the family cites a conversation between two business men concerning some business proposition, when one of them remarked : I must consult my wife before I decide. Why! exclaimed the other, is she boss? No, and neither am I, was the calm reply. We are a well-matched team, and we dont drive tandem. My wife is as much interested in the welfare of our family as I am, and she has a right to have a voice in the investment of our little means. If all men, and especially men of moderate incomes and possessions would adopt this plan we would have fewer poor people and a less number of business failures. As a rule, the frugal wife does as much by saving as the husband does by earning; the interests of the family are, or should be, mutual, and it is but simple justice that the wife be consulted in any business enterprise involving their income or their savings. And, further, in nine cases out of ten, the wife has more business sagacity than the husband thinks deeper and sees farther ahead. Cedar Rapids Times. The Washingtons Girls Wink. If a Washington girl looks at you at all on the street she is almost sure to shut one eye rather, not exactly shut it, but squint it up. This is the reason for the Washington wink, or squint! as some call it. The two avenues that form popular promenades are at such an angle toward the northwest and west of northwest that the suns rays in the afternoon, when all the promenading is done, strike one side of the track. Under the rule that requires pedestrians to keep to the right of the pavement, you must look toward the sun to see those coming toward you. The sun is responsible for the squint. The whole line of people going west appear to be winking at those going in the opposite direction. So much has this affected the habitual promenaders on the avenue that many of them have a slight squint in the left eye at all times. The avenue girl is known by her squint. Washington Post. Happy at Last. I have been trying for years to be as thoroughly aristocratic as you are, my dear? Yes, Amelia. Well, Im about to reach the acme at last. Ah! Yes. The doctor says I have symptoms of the gout. Time . SMALL SHOES FOR HER. A Trick of the Trade that Gratifies Some Womens Foibles. I want a pair of French kid-bntton boots. Let me see the very best you have. This, way, please; here they are; made by Beady, Sale & Co. ; the very best in the market. W7kat size did you say? I wear threes, slim. -Ah ! here we are; now, then. Fits you like a glove. If I had taken your measure I couldnt have done better. They seem to be all right. By the way, are these the same make of shoes that Mrs.' Liglitfoot wears ? Well, to tell the truth, no! She always wears a make that costs $1 a pair more. But you said these were the very best. For wear and quality so they are. Then why should Mrs. Lightfoot pay a dollar extra for hers ? Why, she wont have any other shoe but Fitem & Cos, because she can wear a size smaller of theirs than she can of any others. Oh! but you really dont mean to say that I could wear a wear a No. 2 of Whabs-liis-names make, do you? Certainly you could. You see they have got a designer of patterns who is a perfect genius, and who understands the human foot the same as a schoolmaster does his A B Cs. He explained his system to me one day, and I find he is thoroughly posted. His idea is, in the first place, to abbreviate the longitudinal pressure forward, and then, by propelling the lateral distention sideways, he of course makes the shoe a size shorter than it would have been if he had made it the full length. Dear me ! How simple that seems. And you are sure I could wear a No. 2 of this make ? Positive. Here is a pair. Try them on and see for yourself. WThy, these are just too nice for anything. They fit perfectly. They aint a bit tight. Are you sure they are only twos ? You can see for yourself. Size mark stamped in plain figures on sole and lining. There it is : size No. 2 : width A. "Well, Ill take this pair, and after this you wont catch me wearing any other make. This sounds like fiction, but it is a literal fact. The conversation took place just as it is written, with the exception of the names. Although the measurements of the womans foot called for a No. 3, she was fitted perfectly with a No. 2. The explanation is this: There are manufacturers who when ordering sets of lasts, instruct the sellers to deliver them unstamped. The stamping is done in the shoe factory, each last beihg marked a half size or a size smaller than it measures. The uppers are numbered to match the lasts, and the deception is complete. .Shoe and Leather Reporter'. Josli Billings Philosophy. Affeckshun iz a vine full ov tendrils, and if yu dont phurnish it sumthing better tew climb, it will phurnish itself sumthing wuss; this ackounts for its running after sore-eyed lap-dogs and sick monkeys. Poverty iz the step mother ov genius. Beware ov the man who makes a still noize when he walks, and who purrs when he talks ; he iz a kat in disguise. It iz now 30 years ago since a pliellow with green goggles on and a white necktie, offered tew sell me sumthing for 50 cents whitch he sed waz worth 5 dollars. Ive forgot what it waz, but I remember it waz a beat, and az often az once a year ever since I have tried the same thing over, and got beat every time. Mi friend haz got liiz phailings, and that iz one thing that makes me like him so mutch. When shame leaves a man, the handle goes out, and hiz soul gropes its way in the dark, a slave tew mean and brutal pashuns. Civilizashun haz made justiss one ov the luxurys, for which we have tew pay the highest price. Lies are like a bad penny sure tew return to their owner. Time iz money.. Menny people take this saying in its literal sense, and undertake tew pay tlieir debts with it. Competishun iz a goed thing, even amung brutes ; two dogs on a farm make both dogs more watchful. Originality in writing haz alwus been praized ; but I hav red sum authors who were too original tew be interesting. Altho the learned and witty often cater to the ritch, thare never waz one yet, however poor, who would swap estates with them. If a man iz very bizzy he kant be very sorrowful nor very viscious. If thare iz enny human being that I thoroughly loath, it iz the one who haz nothing tew boast ov but liiz munny a mere Worm magnified into an ass by hiz welth. One ov the saddest sights ov all tew me, iz an old man, poor and deserted, whom I once knew living in ease and luxui-w. I dont think the world haz ever seen a sparkling, brilliant wit yet who waz not troubled at times with the hiccups. Silence iz one ov the hardest kind of ai'guments tew refute. New York Weekly. Over a Game of Euchre. Maud (who is lovely) "Whats ;rumps ? Charley (who is clever but weary of the game) Well, my dear, in gardening spades are trumps ; in a riot clubs are trumps ; hearts are trumps in the boarding-school girls romance; diamonds are trumps with the society belle ; but whenever you find him the joker is always a trump. Maud Ah ! you are the joker. New York Herald. A Big Sell. "Wife I want some money to go shopping. Chepe & Co. are selling very cheap to-day and I must take advantage of their bargains. Husband Selling out, are they? W Yes; and awful cheap, too I saw some tables there, the other day, for $9, and what do you think they are selling for now ? Awful big reduction. H I cant guess. W Eight dollars and ninety-nine cents. Tlie Chief Reason for the great success of Hoods Sarsaparilla Is found in the fact that Merit Wins. It is the best blood purifier and actually accomplishes all that is claimed for it. Prepared only by C. I. Hood & Co.. Lowell. Mass. Young Brother: I have had a hard tussle to keep in good health sometimes. Why-one year I drank nothing but milk and ate no solid food whatever. Elder Brother: Blessed if I have not known you ever since you were born and I have been with you all the time, but I cant remember any such year. Young brother: My first. Ladies in Luck. Atlanta (Ga.) Journal, May 30. Mrs. J. D. Collins, wife of an engineer on the East Tennessee road, and a friend of hers, Mrs. J. W- Little, are in luck. . They have drawn a prize in the Louisiana State Lottery amounting to twenty-five hundred dollars. Mrs. Collins was seen at her home, 91 Windsor street, by a Journal reporter this morning. Yes, she said, in answer to the reporters question as to the truth of what he had heard, I have drawn a prize in the lottery. My husband has been buying lottery, tickets ever since we were married, ten years' ago. He would buy a ticket every month or so, but never drew anything. About four, months ago his luck changed and he drew, fifteen dollars. He and some of his friends went into partnership and bought a ticket, which drew S200, but they received only one-twentieth of it. Just before the last drawing my husband suggested to me that I buy a ticket and try. my luck. I took Mrs. J. W. Little, a friend, in as a partner, and we bought ticket No. 34,281, for which we paid fifty cents each. After the drawing came off we received a circular with the number we had encircled' with a pencil mark, and on looking at it we found that our ticket had drawn one-twentieth of the capital prize of $50,000 which was $2,500. We went to Lowrys bank and drew on the lottery for the money. I received $1,250 and Mrs. Little received the same. We had to pay the bank $3 for collecting the money. We have not decided what we will do with our money, but have it in the Gate City National Bank. Mr. Younghusband: My dear, I am sorry to see that one of your nice new dishes is cracked. Mrs. Younghusband: Yes, love, but what could you expect? We have had cracked wheat in it for the last three months. A Suspicious Act. Confound it, muttered Dobson. Whats the matter, old man? inquired Blodson, who was waiting in the library. Why, you see it was dark out there in the kitchen and I kissed my wife by mistake. I lope she dont suspect. Deacon Goode: You have labored con tinuously for five years without a vacation. Wouldnt you like to go somewhere for a change? Over-worked pastor (wearily): Yes, I would like to go to a circus. Things which one would rather not have said. Harry: Yes, Carrie, I love you with all my heart. Carrie: It seems strange, Henry, that you should think so much of me. Henry: I dont know about that. There's no accounting for tastes, you know. For seven long years I struggled away farming, running a mill, Ac., until I was fortunately introduced to B. F. Johnson A Co., Richmond, Va., by my brother, and II went to work at once, and in seven months I ) had made more clear money than I had made in the. seven years before. They took me right by the hand from the start and seemed to be very glad of the chance to show me how to do it. This is about what a young man: said a year or so ago of the above mentioned firm. Since that time he has been steadily at work for them, and is now one of the hap-1 piest men in America. If you need employ-' ment, it would be a good thing for you to follow this young mans example. Laura: How stupid these base ball re ports are! Here it says that Mulroy was pounded all over the field, and doesnt say what for or who he was. Aunt Jane: I guess Mulroy was the um pire, When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria, When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria, When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria, When she load Children, she gave them Castoria Bobby (whose father is a grocer): Look, pa, what I got for my birthday a regular little grocery store. His father (indulgently): Oh, yes, thats nice. Bobby: Ant it, though? Little places for coffee and sugar and spice, and I say, though, pa, there aint no sand drawer! Sheriff's Sale. Smoke the Sheriff Sale Segar, a tialgbt lOo Havana 9w gar for So. Great statesman: I have just received a letter from my brother. He has failed in business again. No matter what he tries he fails utterly. Singular, isnt it? Ordinary Citizen: Well, if he is too incompetent for any trade, business, or profession, why in the world doesnt he go into politics? Oregon, the Paradise of Farmers. Mild, equable climate, certa n and abundant crop-. Best fru t, (Train, gras- and stock count-v in the world. Full info m it ion free. Addresthe Oregm Immigration Board, tVr.land. Oregon. How much for this picture? Artist The price is $5,000. Why, man alive! Do you expect to get paid for your work as though you had been dead four or five hundred years? -e- Write C. Conklin, K. C. Mo., Agent Vandalia line for cheap .tickets east. Boston Lady: Bridget, I wish you would refrain from using that coarse and vulgar word, pantry. Bridget: Then what should I say. mum? Well, to refined ears trousery is not nearly so offensive. M. L. THOMPSON & CO., Druggists, Coudersport, Pa., say Halls Catarrh Cure is the best and only sure cure for catarrh they ever sold. Druggists sell it, 75c.

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