National Post from Toronto, Ontario, Canada • 22

REVIEW B'J NATIONAL PUNT. SATURDAY, JANUARY au. IMHd LAUGH WHEN IT HURTS A professor in tho United States may have stumbled on an expla-nation fur our need for laughter. Professor Vilanayanur Ramachan-dran of the University of California, San Diego, was studying a woman who suffered a stroke and then found that she ehuekled every time she felt pain, a eondition ealled "pain asymbolia." Me now believes that laughter evolved so that we could reassure each other that all was well when we were in dangerous situations. In the study, the patient was pricked with a needle.

"Normally, somebody says, and with- the brain. In her case the link was severed. "So one part of her brain is saying, 'l-ook, there is But the very next instant, the limbic system says there is no deal, so she starts laughing." Jokes follows the same pattern, Prof. Kamachandran said: "You take the listener along a garden path of expectation, building up a story of some kind. At the very end you introduce a subtle (wist that entails a complete reinterpreta-t ion of everything that has lxen said la-fore, typically.

We call that the punch line." Hogrr Highfieltl, The Daily Telegraph draws their hand, says Prof. Kamachandrau. Hut she stalled giggling. Kvery time I poked her with the needle, she would laugh uncontrollably. She said it fell very funny." She had suffered damage lo a part of the brain called the insular cortex, which gets pain signals and sends them on to the limbic system, which contains the emotional centres ol BY THE NUMBERS 'In a sex crisis, Hillary has power' MORRIS Continued from Page Hi Mr.

Clinton confessed to "messing up" and out of sympathy, Dick Morris offered a remedy that is now just one more layer to the scandal. Dick Morris, of course, offered to take a poll. He offered to help the president find out just how much had behaviour the American public would tolerate. The result of that now legendary poll was that Americans would forgive sex but not perjury. (The poll turned out to be wrong: They forgive both.) "In January of 1998, 60 said they would want to remove him if he committed perjury." says Mr.

Morris. "Now that statistic is down to 36. The advice I gave to the president was for him to buy himself a little bit of time until they got used to it and then maybe he could come clean. Now, of course, he hasn't come clean yet, so I think he's taken rather too long with it." But wait a minute. By asking Dick Morris to ask Americans if they would forgive perjury was Bill Clinton not inadvertently admitting to his guilt? This is a question that was recently submitted to the president by the Republican trial managers, a question he declined to answer.

"1 volunteered to do the poll," explains Mr. Morris in a quasi-de-fence of the president. "And he told me to do it. And the reason 111 JtmLimfiMA una Jffl galling. I think he would use the word: Victimizing.

lie would say, 'These people know that I can't go on national TV and admit to oral sex. And so I'm trapped. I can't prove my innocence'. Which is the word he used with me. In other words: '1 didn't do what they say I did, but I may have done so much, I can't prove my innocence because of political embarrassment.

If he were here, that's how he would argue this." One of the very few remaining mysteries surrounding Bill Clinton's twisted psychology is the question of Hillary Clinton's role in it all. Who among us can claim to understand her moods and motivations? This is Dick Morris' take: "The basic concept is that she is married to a very elusive man who never gives her much in the way of affection, attention, or power. She has to earn her power just like any other aide does by her utility. So just like when it's before the election and I have power, and right before the state of the union tbe speechwriter has power, and in the middle of a foreign crisis the National Security Advisor has power, in the middle of a sex crisis, Hillary has power. And I don't just mean that in terms of cold power.

I mean it also in terms of emotional access, warmth, and affection. I feel that she loves him passionately, deeply. I think she is co-dependent, which means she is addicted to a person. And he's the person. And I think that as a result, she craves his attention and therefore, I think that at some level, she enables him to do this." "So, in fact, these eruptions are in her interest? It creates the emotional environment for closeness?" "For closeness, attention, affection, and also power." "In his recent speech defending the president, Arkansas Senator Dale Bumpers said: "The punishment of removing Bill Clinton from office would pale compared to the punishment he has already inflicted on Do you believe that?" "I don't believe that at all.

I think if he is acquitted, he will dance on the grave of the impeachment." "So why do Americans forgive him? Is it, as Bill Bennett puts it, the death of outrage?" "He's a great president from the neck up. There isn't a single, major problem in the United States that he has not ameliorated. And I don't just mean things like unemployment and a balanced budget, welfare, and crime. The obvious ones. I also mean school standards have risen, student loan default rates are down, student loans are up.

The percentage of people going to college is way up. Home ownership is way up. The M1KK SKtiAR KKL'TKBS Denver Broncos quarterback John El way carries the ball in last year's Super Howl against the Green Bay Packers. The NFL's title game pulls in women viewers in unusual numbers. In the battle for TV ratings supremacy, the Grey Cup and Super Bowl fight to the finish 'HE'S A GREAT PRESIDENT FROM THE NECK UP' TRUE TO OUR ROOTS The CFL's woes haven't wrecked a national tradition By Scott Burnsiok The Super Bowl has Kiss, Stevie Wonder, and Cher.

The Grey Cup had Skruj Mc-Duhk, Tbe Arrogant Worms, Hawg Wild, and Big Dave McLean and his Blues All-Stars, all groups who came to the microphone as part of the festivities in Winnipeg last November. When it comes to the big game, it seems, Canadians are as true to their roots as they are to the glitz and glamour emanating from south of the border. And that goes for television viewership as well. In spite of the hype that leads up to the NFL's big day many would say the NFL's big letdown Canadians still tune into the Grey Cup in numbers at least as great, and often greater, than the Super Bowl. "It's our highest-rated show of the year," says Mike Brannagan, executive producer of the CFL on CBC.

"It rivals the Olympics." "It's in a class of its own, really. I don't know if Canadians have the same connection to the Super Bowl that they do to the Grey Cup." Last year's classic in Winnipeg between Hamilton and Calgary, JOHN LEHMANM NATIONAL POST Stampcder fans cheer their team before the start of last year's Grey Cup in Winnipeg. why I volunteered and why he told me to do it is that I had floated the option a fairly dramatic and radical one that he ought to tell the truth. That he ought to get up there and admit everything and say: 'I lied about sex in the Paula Jones deposition because I was very embarrassed for my wife and my child' and all of that. And I took the poll in the hope that such a strategy would work.

So the poll wasn't really the thing that caused him to go out and lie. The poll is the thing that caused him to conclude that he couldn't tell the truth. In other words, the impulse for the poll was not, 'Should I It was, 'Should I come And the answer was no." And as amazing as this may sound, in his heart of hearts, Bill Clinton, according to Mr. Morris, still does not believe he did lie. "I think that he is rather proud of the fact that he did not have intercourse with Lewinsky, or with, one would imagine, any other number of women.

"One has to realize that's a decision that has to be reaffirmed every time he's sexually involved, and often under fairly tempting circumstances. It probably took a great deal of self discipline to cling to that. And I would believe that the only reason he would do that was so that he could specifically deny having sexual relations with these women. Therefore, he not only feels he did not commit perjury, but he's worked very hard at not committing perjury by discipling himself year after year." "Since he thought he was being so clever about protecting himself, it must be terribly galling that it hasn't worked "I don't think he would use the won! 'clever, explains Mr. Morris.

"I think he would use the words Courageous. Disciplined. Respectful of the law. Respectful of telling the truth. And I don't think he would use the word Grey Cup v.

Super Bowl on Canadian television 7 wage a udience per game) million Super Bowl 1' (Ontario only) nli 1 1 1 1 1 gap between the rich and the poor has closed. The gap between white and black, male and female incomes have closed What the American people are trying to do is make sure that they can raise children who turn out to be better adults than the president is." Though the president is a failure as an adult and role-model, he is, even so, a man Dick Morris deeply loved. So much so that the only relationship he can tolerate with him now is: "none." Says Mr. Morris: "We're not mad at each other. I'm not angry at him and I don't think he's angry at me.

But we've each gone on to other parts of our lives and I wish him well. And it's just better for me not to be in touch with him. First because of this job at Fox and secondly, just psychologically, I need to recover from my you know, to some extent or other, all of us were co-dependent on him. And I need to recover from my co-dependency." National Post 1990 1991 1992 1993 1994 1995 1996 1997 Regional split of viewers Grey Cup 1998 Super Bowl 1999 Thousands 0 500 1000 1500 2000 IF THE SUPER BOWL IS ABOUT THE HYPE, THEN THE GREY CUP IS ABOUT THE TRADITION' Thousands 0 500 1000 1500 2000 mm Total Vancouver Total PSSS b.c. Winnipeg Sask.

a VA Ontario Prairies Ontario Quebec Montreal Egj the Academy Awards, which last year drew 3.95 million on CTV. Viewership for both games has bounced around over the years, though it tends to fluctuate more for the Grey Cup than the Super Bowl. The audience for last November's Grey Cup, for example, was up 521,000, or 20.5, over 1997's game between Saskatchewan and Toronto. (So what was all that fuss about Doug Flutie, anyway?) And even that was just an average performance for the game. The largest audience of the past 10 years was 3.9 million, for 1994's game between the B.C.

Lions and the now-defunct Baltimore Stallions. The smallest was 2.3 million for the 1990 match between Edmonton and Winnipeg. Numbers for the Super Bowl, though more consistent, tend to move according to the match-up, Dave Rathan says. DenverGreen Bay last year, which was expected to follow a pattern that had seen the NFC representative humiliate the weaker AFC team, garnered 1.7 million viewers in Ontario, 172,000 fewer than the previous year when Green Bay defeated New England. The Dallas Cowboys, says Mr.

Rathan, are generally more popular with Canadians, though their 1996 Super Bowl versus the Pittsburgh Steelers did only marginally better, pulling in 1.7 million viewers in Ontario. (That game, incidentally, was the most watched television program of all time in the United States, with an audience of 134.8 million viewers.) Both the Grey Cup and the Super course, tend to draw much better than regular season games, and even playoff games. The Buffalo Bills' wild card game against Miami on the New Year's weekend drew only 551,000 in Ontario, less than a third of a normal Super Bowl audience. As well, the audience profile for the championship tilt is dramatically different. Atlantic a Maritimes EJ tPrqjeettona SOUBCK: CANWEITI GLOBAL, CBC which the Stampeders won on a last-second field goal, drew an average audience of 3.06 million.

Its reach the number who watched at least part of the game was an impressive 7-8 million. But the Super Bowl is no slouch in Canadian homes and bars, either. It also drew an estimated three million Canadian viewers for last year's match between the Green Bay Packers and the Denver Broncos. That number, however, is really just an educated guess. Because the Bureau of Broadcast Measurement doesn't track the Super Bowl, the only hard numbers available come from the Nielsen ratings agency.

And they're available only for the Ontario market, says Dave Rathan, research manager for CanWest Global, which owns trie rights to the Super Bowl in Canada. But that doesn't mean Mr. Rathan won't indulge in a little hype of his own. He insists the Super Bowl is the second-most watched program in Canada, after tains a special place in Canadian viewers' hearts. "It has a lot to do with tradition," generations handing it on to generations," Mr.

Brannagan says. "It's gone beyond a football game." Indeed, it's a tradition that cuts across regional boundaries. The Super Bowl habitually draws more than half its viewers from Ontario alone. For the Grey Cup, however, Ontario and Quebec viewers combined rarely add up to that proportion of the TV audience. And in one category fan interest as the play goes on the Grey Cup is the clear winner.

While the audience for the Super Bowl usually declines as the game proceeds, owing to the often lopsided nature of the contests, Grey Cup viewership tends to pick up steam. National Post Mr. Rathan estimates the audience for most NFL games is 80 male, but that come Super Bowl Sunday, females may make up as much as 40 of the viewing audience. "The Super Bowl is a bit more of a social thing," he says. "The audience also gets a bit older" than the hard-core 18-to-34-year-olds who watch the regular NFL season.

"It's more of a world thing than a North American event," says Glob-id spokesman Dave Hamilton. But if the Super Bowl is about the hype, then the Grey Cup is about the tradition. "It really is just an event in Canada where it's got everybody's attention," says the CBC's Mike Brannagan. Even in the years when the CFL has floundered, expanding into the United States, having teams fold and move, the Grey Cup re- WH.I.IAM Hfl THK ASSOCIATED PRKSS Dick Morris: "I think I the president is rather proud of the fact that he did not have intercourse with Lewinsky".