The Record from Hackensack, New Jersey • 25

Rolling Stone reviews! Teen talk Sandbagging the beach myth 33 V) By Don Van Natta Jr. Spring is in the air. Before you realize it, summer will attack the sweat glands, making you yearn for some cool refreshment, like that provided by a beach. Beaches, unfortunately, just look inviting. The beachgoer soon realizes that looks are, indeed, deceiving.

Take, for example, a run-of-the-mill summer day. After rising and feeling the blistering heat of the day, you decide to hit the beach. Unfortunately, hundreds of thousands of others have the exact same idea. Enter the traffic jam. A day when you first anticipated enjoying the rolling waves, the white, sandy dunes, and a cool, refreshing sea breeze doesn't quite turn out that way.

Instead, you battle an endless array of beeping cars, stick to the car's vinyl seat thanks to the conked-out air conditioner, and sit idle in four hours of snarled traffic. Lo and behold, you arrive at your long-sought destination the beach. After lugging chairs, magazines, a radio, an umbrella, rafts, and other beach necessities from the car, you can finally relax. Right? No way. The beach is overloaded with people.

The rolling waves you dreamed about are stocked with wet, wild people. Those white, sandy dunes you fantasized about are nowhere to be found. Every last inch of the beach is covered by something. And the sea breeze is not so refreshing; bone-chilling is more the word. It is at this grim point that you realize the beach was a lousy idea after all.

But you went to all that trouble just to get there, so you decide to endure the day. Then you notice you are unstrate-gically located next to the loudest, rowdiest family on the beach. Squabbles over peanut-butter sandwiches, who should use the rubber tube, and when they will all go in the water drive you to the brink of insanity. The noise pollution is worse than the vile fumes you just breathed on the highway. Not to mention the loud blasts of other inconsiderate people and their relentless music boxes.

It sounds like Kool and the Gang and Hall and Oates are audibly battling it out harder than the Hatfields and McCoys. Sunburned to a crisp The day drags on, raising your personal boiling point in the process. You are so upset that you do not realize you're being sunburned to a crisp. An ample supply of sand collects in your hair, eyes, and bathing suit So you finally leave the peaceful, serene beach behind, lugging your personal beach necessities back to your car. When you arrive at your car, you come to the startling realization that you resemble a lobster in color and a shrimp in posture.

You pile into the car and the sand covering your body feels like it is eating away at your pores. You squirm. The sand in your bathing suit makes you yearn for a hot shower. But there are four hours of knot-' ted traffic between you and carefree comfort So there you sit in the twilight of a sickening summer day, in the mid-. die of a convoy of snail-paced vechi-cles on a sweltering highway.

You switch on the radio to try and cool your nerves. The inevitable occurs. The Beach Boys' "Fun, Fun, Fun" fills your steamy car, sending you catapulting towards your breaking point You vow never to to to the beach again. Next time, it's the mountains, you promise yourself. At this point, rock climbing, snakes, and poison ivy really do seem like a lot of fun, fun, fun.

Don Van Natta ofMahwah Is a 1982 graduate of Don Bosco Prep In Ramsey. He Is currently attending Boston University, where he Is majoring In broadcast Journalism. Some of the members of Earth Wind and Fire "Nobody But Me" shows George Thorogood up for the soulless fraud he is, and the originals are funny, inviting, melodic, and intense. The best rock from Canada since Neil Young? BTO, at least. Beware the amorous teacher Ask Beth wjwmmHmmium By Dava Marsh EARTH WIND AND FIRE: "Powerlight" (Columbia) Eric Clapton should get hold of the solo Roland Bautista plays on "Fall in Love With Me," which simply rips the song's already skyrocketing energy level into a new dimension.

This is the record in which EWF brings it all home, even abandoning odes to love, cosmic and carnal, long enough for the clearheaded "Freedom of Choice," a cutting portrayal of a people "washed super clean with jive." The rest is more notable for the power of the playing, but it's so wild snapping rhythms and horns bouncing off beautiful vocal arrangements (and everything tinged with a bit of Latin influence, this time out) that the content hardly matters. I Beth WAILING SOULS: "Baby Come Rock" (JGM) Although they are not well-known in America (probably because they aren't especially radical), Wailing Souls are one of Jamaica's most popular groups, sporting an effortless groove and genuinely lovely vocals. The lyrics tend to be more sexual than Rastafarian, which in reggae is often a blessing, and the backing by teacher is way out of line. It's hard for some male teachers to resist at-, tractive young students who are in love with them, but they must. You -should: 1, transfer to another class; 2, report this to somebody before he gets some girl with less sense than 7 you in real trouble; 3, never be alone with him again.

Dear Beth: I love my math teacher. He's good-looking and very funny. Of course, he's about 30 and I'm only half that. I accidentally told my best friend about It and she told someone else, and now the whole school knows, including my teacher. He told me, "Either transfer out of this class, or just ignore the situa tion.

Think it over." Next day, when I went to tell him, we were all alone and he kissed me! Since then he has asked me to go for pizzas and stuff, but I always make an excuse. I don't mind kissing, but I don't want anything serious. It's good you refuse, because this Winship 1 the Roots Radics Band is flawless. Recorded in Jamaica, "Baby Come Rock" is available on this U.S.-based label (run by reggae pioneer Joe Gibbs). It's available from Joe Gibbs Music, 14097 N.W.

19th Opa SURPLUS STOKE Locka, Fla. 33054. It's worth $8.98 in a time when not much music justi fies its purchase price. 1 Sftlh) ANNIVERSARY' SALE MAY 18th, 19th, 20th, 21st DAZZ BAND: "On the One" (Mo Counter Craft KING SUNNY ADE AND HIS AFRICAN BEATS: "Juju Music" (Mango) This isn't the most exciting rock-and soul-related music to come out of Africa there's nothing as frighteningly intense as Fela Kuti's stuff in Ade's gentler, guitar-based jams. For that matter, there's nothing as intense as Earth Wind and Fire on this set.

But the light, supple groove, the wonderful guitar playing, and the rich vocal textures are all splendid. That's before you even get to talking about the talking drums and the Hawaiian guitar and the group's ability to adapt synthesizer to soul. Ade may be a king, but he plays like a grass-roots master, and whatever his music lacks in sheer force, it makes up in assurance, dexterity, and ease. CLEARANCE SPECIAL! COVERED SAVE $40.00 5 PC. CUTLERY SET 7 Speed-Counter Craft FOOD PROCESSOR Hi HFFLEE1 $1190 1 1 in.

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