Daily News from New York, New York • 344

By KATHLEEN CARROLL y2 TEACHERS. With Nick Nolte, JoBeth Williams. Directed by Arthur Hiller. At Loews Astor Plaza, Orpheum 1, 34th St. Showplace, (3d St.

Quad and Quad Cinema. Running time: 2 hours. Rated R. I i V. im, FORMER GRADUATE has socked John F.

Kennedy High School with a lawsuit raspy-voiced Nick Nolte, who epitomizes the aging hellion and coasts along on his natural rakish charm) lurches into school and proceeds to instruct his class of would-be punk rockers in the fine art of radiator repair. Another teacher (played amusingly by Royal Dano) promptly falls asleep at his desk, having discovered that the secret of perfect discipline is to give his students daily exams. The newest substitute teacher 'Teachers' tries to pass itself off as social satire on why Johnnie can' read (played with enormous glee by Richard Mulligan) dresses up as Abe Lincoln and George Washington far his show-and-tell history class and it's only much later that the school authorities realize their most enthusiastic addition is certifiably crazy. "Teachers" features an A-plus cast, including JoBeth Williams as the idealistic lawyer who is taking depositions from the teachers cited in the law suit, and Judd Hirsch as the pragmatic vice-principal who after making a great show of his friendship with the Nolte character inexplicably Teen rebel Ralph Macclo with his English teacher Nick Nolte (right) claiming the school failed to teach him to read and write. The poor kid should have also sued over damaged hearing.

For JFK High is portrayed in fTeachers" a cum loud teen movie trying to pass itself off as meaningful social satire on why Johnnie can't read as a blackboard jungle where students tend to rock around the clock to the full-blast sound of such groups as .38 Special and ZZ Top. In a snappy series of charged-up scenes, the movie gives an admittedly funny introductory course to what goes on at JFK before it totally disintegrates. For openers, a student is shown waiting in vain for an ambulance, his arm bleeding from a stab wound. The school psychologist goes bonkers because she can't use the copy machine. An English teacher (played by the perpetually groggy, rebel who, played with a devilish grin by Ralph Macchio, slinks about in the kind of somber hat and loose raincoat that are normally worn by patrons of porn movies.

He is the one teacher who appears to be capable of reaching the students. The movie, on the other hand, fails to communicate its message of social concern and it winds up looking as frenzied and juvenile as every other teen exploitation flick. goes along with the school board's decision to fire him. Director Arthur Hiller is so determined to keep up the fast pace that the scenes that smack of seriousness are brushed aside, such as the awkwardly staged dinner scene in which Williams and Nolte actually get around to debating the issue of the appalling lack of quality educators at JFK. Nolte is able to salvage one teen gar rf 4 1 1F; Above: John Lithgow as the evil Dr.

Emilio Llzardo with Peter Weller In the Shock Tower. Above right: Welter and his Planet 10 ally Carl Lumbly Infiltrate the evil aliens' spaceship Who? Whaaa? We give up. 'Buckaroo Banzai' bombs away and not one sticks to the brain (although it is amusing to think Orson Welles' 1938 "War of the Worlds" broadcast wasn't the hoax we thought it was). The "Banzai" story conferences must have been beauts, but it's no fun unraveling their convoluted course at 90 mph. The perpetual motion is out of focus because there's a major screw loose: i.e., the script by Earl Mac Rauch, who should have practiced on publicity handouts before taking on this unwieldy comic-book commotion.

1 1 is humor is purely rumor, and not improved a whit by the direction of W.D. Richter, whose previous work as a screenwriter (of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" and hardly triggered laugh tremors. A relatively wet-behind-the-ears cast must fend for itself. Peter Weller sets the monotone with a title performance played conservatively close to the vest, minus much comic punctuation. And his trusty band of overgrown Rover Boys the Hong Kong Cavaliers follows suit; only Jeff Goldblum (the sidekick surgeon in a fire engine-red cowboy suit) stands out among the stalwarts.

The usually on-top-of-it Ellen Barkin is defeated by a particularly distressing Distressed Damsel named Penny Priddy. What comic energy there is all comes from John Lithgow's go for-broke-and-beyond caricature of the would be world conquerer of the occasion. Next chapter in what the fadeout threatens to be the on-going "Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai" takes on a world-crime league but don't keep your rockets running. Installment One is migraine enough. True to his name, Banzai has reached the screen, by pushing the sejf-destruct button.

By HARRY HAUN unusual (and hilarious!) gag mailings about the well-known neurosurgeonrockstarracecar driver. Indeed, the Fox flaks industriously cranked out a fat press kit that's far funnier than the film it promotes. And therein lies a clue to the film's chronic short-circuiting: It probably reads better than it plays, and this wildly misbegotten debut edition (subtitled "Across the 8th is so weighted in impenetrable plotting it just sort of sits there foolishly on the launching pad, unbudg-lng despite the breakneck pacing employed to hide that fact Bizarre notions buzz around it like meteorites. Yz THE ADVENTURES OF BUCKAROO BANZAI: Across the tth Dimension. With Peter Weller and John Lithow.

Directed hv W.D. Richter. At the Murray Hill and D.W. Griffith. Running time: I hour, 40 minutes.

Rated PG. fg" -JHE ADVENTURES OF Buckaroo Banzai" did not just spring to the screen today Li full-blown, with ominous promises of more of the same in its pluralistic title. Quite the contrary. Critics had fair warning he was coming, via'the iisuaVstudio "leaflet drops of some highly.