Daily News from New York, New York • 39

Need counseling jp" following sexual abuse 'ruisc top gun in Kelly's life is my opinion that this bizarre be havior is caused by anxiety, but I'd like to know what your experts have to say. Going Bald In California Dear Going: There are various reasons for this behavior. Most au thorities agree it's a compulsion caused by anger, frustration or anxie EAR ANN: I am 19 years old. JO) When I was 13 (and for two Iiiii.i, years after) my grandfather abused me sexually. I have kept our "little secret" for four years.

He told me he would go to jail if I told anyone. I didn't want him to go to jail so I kept quiet. My grandfather died last year. I didn't even cry at the funeral. When I looked at my grandmother's lovely tear-stained face I felt so ashamed as if it was my fault what happened between Grandpa and me.

He was a highly respected person in the community and everyone thought he was 1 I JL ty. Here another possibility: Dear Ann: Regarding the 11-year- mOLLYWOOD'S REDDEST, hottest romance is going on between young star Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis, who, as you know, because you read it here, is set to co-star with Tom in "Top Gun." The story is that Tom, who has been living for a couple of years with Rebecca de Mornay sometimes it's been off, sometimes it's been on took one look at Kelly and said, "I want her." He meant on and off screen. Exit Demi Moore who had originally been set for the role opposite Cruise. Anyhow, Cruise and Kelly are about as torrid as you can get I don't know where that leaves Rebecca de Mornay, but a girl who looks like that never has to worry for very long before somebody comes along to scoop her up like a double-dip cone. old girl who pulled out all her eye brows and eyelashes: My daughter did the same thing.

At first I was cross with her for not having enough self-control to stop it. Then I took her to a dermatologist In less than 10 In 'i -f-a Tom Cruise such a good man. If he was so good why did he do this to me? Please help me get over my anger. Hurting in Mo. Dear Hurting: You must talk this hideous experience out of your system.

There is no other way. Counselors are available who charge on a sliding scale, according to what you can afford. You may even find a free counselor. Look in the phone book under Mental Health. Ask your physician.

Check with the psychiatric department minutes he diagnosed the problem it was eczema. The itching and burning were driving her crazy. The only way she could obtain relief was by pulling the hairs out The doctor gave her a tube of ointment It solved the problem within three days. Thankful in Chapel Hill Dear Chap: Here's another from Detroit: I was a slave to the eyelash-pulling habit and hated myself for it Finally I I I Ann Lenders Sherry Lansing went to an ophthalmologist. He told me to get a complete medical workup.

Sure enough, the problem was caused by a hormone imbalance that was affecting the hair follicles. I am on medication now and the problem has been eliminated. Human at Last So, dear readers, here is a smorgasbord of case histories. I suggest an M.D. first and if no physical problem is found, get psychological help.

Are you. or is someone you care about messing round with drug or considering it Are ail drum bad? what about pot in moderation? Ann Landert' all-new booklet, "The Low down on Dope," separates facts from fiction. For each booklet, send $1, plus long, self-addressed, stamped envelope (39 cents postage) to Ann Landers, P.O. Box UBS, Chicago, til. Mel).

of a university hospital. You MUST ventilate your feelings to a professional and unload this terrible burden. Keeping the secret locked inside can ruin your life. Dear Ann: This is the second time you have printed a letter on the subject of eyelash and eyebrow pulling and offered very little assistance except to suggest counseling. As someone who has been plagued by this nervous habit for 20 years, I am dying to know the cause of it without having to spend a fortune on therapy.

According to one well-known psychologist, over 8 million people in America suffer from this problem. It JAWS ARE dropping out there on the West Coast and here in the East because Eddie Murphy, one of the biggest stars in the world today, found Neil Simon's screenplay for their scheduled movie together unacceptable. The flick was supposed to have gone into production in New York in the fall, and there was much excitement and hullabaloo over the king of comedy and the king of comedies working together. The story is that Sherry Lansing and Stanley Jaffe, who were to have co-produced the movie, are still in shock over Eddie's perfunctory dismissal of Simon's screenplay about a boy bom with a curse on his head who affects everyone with whom he comes in contact for the worse, you understand. The gossip goes that it took Lansing and Jaffe a couple of days before they could corrpose themselves enough to break the bad news to Simon.

After "Beverly Hills Cop," Eddie Murphy is in the cat-bird's seat, and, as they say in the navy, looking down throat. Along those lines, Stanley Kubrick, the famed director, wants to sign Sean Penn to co-star in his new film "Full Metal Jacket," for which he already signed Matthew Modlne to star. But those who are supposed to know say Sean will never play second fiddle to Modine or anyone else. So there. Go get yourself another co-star, Stanley.

And never forget how tender is the ego. WHILE HUNDREDS of revelers danced the night away at Area at a party in honor of Federico Fillini on Monday, the great director was quietly dining at Elaine's with pals. Fell in i had been honored earlier by the Film Society of Lincoln Center where excerpts of his work were shown and where Anouk Ai-nee, Donald Sutherland, Marcello Mastrolanni, Claudia Cardinale, Martin Scorsese, Alberto Sordi and his wife, Guilietta Maslna, paid him homage. Fellini, Mastroianni, Aimee, Sordi and Masina pushed into Elaine's about 1 in the morning, ate pasta, drank wine and finally left at 3 a.m. It may not have been la dolce vita exactly, but it's what passes for it around here.

DENISE AND Prentls Cobb Hale drove down from their ranch in Northern California for the dinner they gave at L'Etoile restaurant in San Francisco for Count Charles de Poix, who is out there introducing Piper Heidsleck's new champagne Piper Rare. Denise and Prentis took over the private room they love to be private and filled it with practically every flower in San Francisco. In black tie and jewels, the 24 guests dined on artichoke stuffed with lobster, breast of chick, raspberry Melba and quaffed all together now Piper Rare. Denise wore an Art Deco jacket and long white chiffon tkirt to greet such as Paola (Mrs. Giuseppi) Jerml.

the wife of the Milanese industrialist, Mr. and Mrs. Charles Crocker, Charles Spaulding, Sandra Mosbacher, Car- mella Skaggs, etc. Denise's long, glittering necklace was much admired. I tell you, it isn't made of champagne corks, Piper Rare or otherwise.

1 THIS YEAR the Gold Medal Gala, the big splendid party given every year by the Spanish Institute, will honor the renowned Spanish soprano Victoria de los Angeles and John Brademas, the president of New York University who, lately, has been getting almost as much publicity as Madonna. (I'm just kidding.) The Duke and Duchess de Badajos she is the king of Uaj if) A Sean Penn qf 5 1- ft From Alexander Julian a blouson jacket for fall (r.) li prized deslfgiieirs Victoria de los Angeles a- i rifYfTHAT THE Oscars are to film, an oty and tne Va VJ Fashion Critics Awards are to female fashion, the Cutty Sark is to menswear. Only five years old, these awards already have the stamp of a venerable institution. And already they are running a bit low on recipients. On Monday night Giorgio Armani was named Designer Laureate, an honor given to any nominee who has won the same award three years out of five.

Alexander Julian was named Outstanding U.S. Designer, the top all-around honor presented at the ceremony in the Fashion Institute of Technology's Haft Auditorium. Julian, who won the same award in 1980, nosed out runners-up Jeffrey Banks and Alan Flusser. The Career Achievement Award went to Yves Saint Laurent, the Outstanding Sportswear Designer was Gianf ranco Ruffini, and the Outstanding International Designer was Gian-franco Ferre. The most promising U.S.

Designer Award went to the Paul BianculliVic-tor de la Rosa team, and the Outstanding Accessories Designer prize went to shoeman Kenneth Cole. Liz Rittersporn Spain's sister will be among the prestigious guests of honor, and have agreed to be honorary chairmen of the evening. The President and Mrs. Reagan and King Juan Carlos and Queen Sofia of Spain have been invited to be honorary patrons. You can't do much better than that On the other hand, Cornelia Guest and her friend Court Hay have invited 60 people to a sit-down dinner at Court's house on Friday night The occasion- -Soy George's 24th birthday.

It's enough to turn a bey's girl's bead. John Brademas.