Calgary Herald from Calgary, Alberta, Canada • 24

Arts Styi.k B12 CALGARY HERALD Monday, October 6, 2003 Teen thongs split families Old flames are burning a little too brightly older daughter has begun acting out and expressed to me resentment toward her sister. She recently also harmed my daughter (the incident was ignored by my friend). My friend is very defensive. What can I say without sounding like I'm criticizing her parenting skills? How can I retain our friendship without letting different parenting philosophies get in the way? Worried Mother It's tricky. Different child-rearing styles are personal business.

Seeing the older child affected negatively is another matter. I advise you to avoid launching into a judgmental discussion about her breastfeeding on demand at one year, or baby's sleeping arrangements. Instead, gently raise concerns over her older daughter based on your evidence that she hurt your baby and you've seen her acting out. Speak about the child, not the mother, and try to get her thinking aloud what the problem could be. Children don't suddenly change for no reason, and you can guide her to question the motivation herself.

But there's the possibility she will resent any comment at alL To me, she sounds lost in the baby, possibly as an escape from other aspects of her life, including the harder tasks of raising a curious, active seven-year-old. This may be an area she asks you to stay hands off. Td bet it'll be too painful for you to ignore and will then cool the friendship. Marie Hone, a National Health Service manager from Yorkshire, held out for three months against her 12-ycar-old daughter Grace getting a thong. She gave in when it became apparent that more than half of her daughter's class were wearing them.

"I still have reservations about it and I didn't think she needed them," she said. Isabelle Mueller, of Fcmtex, who estimates 80 per cent of her lingerie company's output is dedicated to thongs, suggested G-strings were difficult for parents to legislate against because mothers also wear them. "We don't aim our products specifically at young girls. However, I would say there is no doubt that at 12 they are sneaking into high street shops and buying thongs," she said. "They are already quite powerful shoppers at that age." Dr.

Terri Apter, a social psychologist at Cambridge University, said conflicts within the family are more common because children now exercise greater freedom of choice and have more money to spend. "All the girls are doing is keeping up with their friends," she said. "When they were younger, women who are now middle-aged were having arguments with their parents over the lengths of their skirts and the volume of their eye makeup." Experts say the emphasis in fashion has shifted from the chest to the posterior in recent years, with pop stars such as Minogue virtually selling themselves with their bottoms. Janice Mee, principal lecturer on the contour fashion course at De Montfort University a degree course that specializes in underwear said: "Kylie is an icon for very young girls and she is always showing off her bottom. When I was young we tried to pretend it wasn't there." limited The old flames are his ego-warmers and he's enjoying your discomfort.

Laughing at your sensitive feelings about this is the clue, and a bad sign. Stop doubting yourself and be direct former lovers get wiped out of the picture unless they've become friends of both of you. If he can't tear himself away from the past, you need to rethink whether you have a future. Qj A close girlfriend and I had babies two months apart We've done different things with our girls, but lately I've become concerned about her relationship with her childrea She still nurses her 12-month-old every three hours, she still sleeps with her every night, she rocks her in her arms like a newborn and she's reluctant to let her crawl and explore. As a result her baby seems much younger than other children and requires constant comfort from her mother's breast I feel this attachment is also coming at the expense of my friend's other daughter, age seven.

My friend is always comparing the two, saying her oldest was a miserable baby and she's having a much better time at motherhood with the youngest I'm concerned as her "'It' FLUE SAVVY ADVICE My boyfriend of over two years keeps in contact with a woman who had his child when in their teens. The child is now 35; he sees the mother occasionally. They both feel the need to stay in touch and she also attends some events that we attend. He's also in contact with other old flames and has their phone numbers in his telephone book. I feel very uncomfortable about this.

He sees nothing wrong with contacting old lovers and laughs off my feelings when I try to discuss it Am I being jealous and immature? Concerned You're being cautious, with good reasoa The mother of his adult child is a normal association, especially since if EVERYBODYLOVES RAYMOND Heads Up! Raymond's using tough love. NEW EPISODE 10:00 Tiny piece of underwear coming between Brit moms and daughters JUDITH O'REILLY Times of London It is little more than a piece of string but the thong is fast replacing makeup and ear-piercing as fiie catalyst for rows between parents and daughters. The tiny garment, popularized by pop stars such as Kylie Minogue and Jennifer Lopez, who wear them with the waist band showing, are fast becoming a "must have" for tweens and teenagers. While 20 years ago frizzy perms and lip gloss dominated domestic rows, it is now the thong that is most likely to elicit the parental rebuke: "Don't think you're going out looking like that" According to provisional figures compiled by the industry, sales of thongs to 12- to 14-year-old "tweenage" girls have jumped 33 per cent in the past year. More than 10 million thongs worth about $160 million Cdn were sold in Britain last year.

As sales have boomed, so too have arguments. Tara Guy, 35, a chef from Pembrokeshire, did not want her 13-year-old daugh- Review CPO Light Classics, A Little Taste of Paris, Rosemary Thomson, conductor, bergmann plano duo KENNETH DeLONG For the Calgary Herald Music with a French touch opened the CPO's popular Light Classics series Saturday night, a concert that also showcased the considerable talents of Calgary's duo pianists Marcel and Elizabeth Bergmann as well as the orchestra's resident conductor, Rosemary Thomson. Continuing its new, more audience-friendly approach to presenting its concerts, the program included some preliminary remarks by members of the the orchestra, as well verbal program notes by the conductor. Well thought-out and engagingly delivered, these popular touches clearly entertained the audience and gave the music an extra dimension beyond the simple presentation of the notes. The two major works of the evening involved the Bergmann Duo: Poulenc's Concerto for Two Pianos and Saint-Saens' Carnival of the Animals.

Both were performed with precision and a definite dash of French panache by the duo. Calgary is indeed fortunate to have a duo of this standard resident in the city, the pianists have keyboard skills of We Stand Up For Advertising Standards. For details, call our recorded toll-free information line at 1-877-656-8646 or visit us at adstandards.com if ADVERTISING STANDARDS CANADA a a -1 -J I Calgary Herald Archive Kylie Minogue: thong pioneer. ter Ceris wearing a thong but was unable to stop her buying one with her pocket money. "I've never bought her thongs and I don't like her wearing them," she said.

Tve tried making fun of them and saying that they look ridiculous. There have been many huffs." CPO concert tres bien the first order and their musicianship is impeccable. Thoroughly prepared, they were the major factor in the evening's success. The interesting blend of serious and popular elements in Poulenc's music was aptly caught in the concerto, with the cafe melodies inflected with wit. The sentimental bits, never far from the surface in Poulenc, were given their due as well in this finely crafted outing of a little-heard work.

Humour was even more to the fore in the extremely successful performance of The Carnival of the Animals, given special oomph through the introductions that preceded each movement. Unfortunately, I didn't catch the name of the young man from the Mount Royal Speech Arts program who delivered II Guys that play together the witty remarks, but he certainly contributed his share to make the performance the hit of the night. Thomson led the orchestra with skill, her conducting efficient and clear. Throughout the many challenges the CPO has faced during the past year, Thomson has always been there to put the best possible face on situations that have been very demanding in differing ways. Always professional and cheerful, she shows the CPO at its best and continues to be an asset to the organization.

Thomson led the orchestra in Pierre Mercure's attractive Kaleidoscope, as well as Satie's Gymnopedies 1 and 3 and the first Carmen Suite by Bizet. None of this music is exceptionally difficult to play, but it all requires a certain elan and brio to bring it off, qualities she elicited from the willing CPO. The orchestra, clearly enjoying the warm support from the audience its first large audience of the regular season responded to the occasion, delivering expert solo bits here and there, as well as good ensemble throughout the entire concert. 3 WAYNE KNIGHT E-mail: elliethestar.ca Fax: 416-814-2797. www.elue.ca stay together.

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