Daily News from New York, New York • 667

ANN HARPERS Teen's tip can save a bucket of tears ANN' am hpppinff vnn fnr We Have Changed from Homosexuality In spite of the fact that this news has been kept from you Ol the sake of every teenage girl who is involved in sex, to please print Grandma died last year after a long illness. About six months ago grandpa started taking out a woman in her 40s. She is divorced and everyone in town knows she is after his money. Last night, I had a talk with grandpa and told him what I thought of his "romance." He said, "I am having a good time. This woman is my bluebird of happiness." What can be done to make him see the light? Concerned Deedee Dear Nothing.

If gramps has been going with "bluebird" for six months, he has already seen her bill. So butt out, Toots. If he makes a mistake he'll have to pay for it. Dear Ann: My wife, Wanda, decided to go back to work when our youngest child started in school two years ago. She is attractive, intelligent and is working in an office that is predominantly male.

Some evenings she gets home an hour or so late and says she had extra work to do. Last month, she worked two Saturdays. Last night, her boss phoned during the evening to ask a question about business. When I made some remarks about my suspicions, she offered to take a lie-detector test Are they 100 accurate? Need to Know in Jackson Dear Jack: No. A few years ago the New York Psychiatric Institute wanted to test the validity of lie-detector tests.

They performed an experiment Several employes volunteered as subjects. Each subject was supplied with a lie and was offered a cash reward if they could stay with the lie and register "normal" on the highly sophisticated equipment Seven out of 10 subjects stayed with the lie and collected. So, draw your own conclusions. mmm this letter. I wish I had seen one like it four years ago.

It might have saved me a lot of heartache. Three weeks ago I had my second abortion. I am 18 years old. I had my first abortion when I was 15. After the first one, I swore I would never take another chance on getting pregnant But I was young and dumb.

After a few months I was back to the same old tricks. When I think of how foolish I was, I could kick myself. I am not asking for advice. I want to give some. I wish every girl who is fooling around trusting to luck that she won't get pregnant could spend one hour inside an abortion clinic.

It is the most depressing place in the world at least it was for me and every girl I spoke to there. Pregnancies can be prevented. They don't have to happen. All it takes is the time and trouble to get yourself informed. If you don't have a Planned Parenthood Association in your town, go to the nearest city that has one and get the information you need.

It is free and confidential and can save you a bucket of tears. That's what I did, and I will never be in trouble again. I'm signing this Learned the Hard Way Dear Learned: You've written a dynamite letter. Thank you. The address for the national headquarters of Planned Parenthood, for those who want a list of the cities that have an association, is Planned Parenthood Federation of America 810 Seventh Ave.

New York, N.Y. 10019. Dear Ann: My grandfather is 76. We, the undersigned, have changed from homosexuality through our study of the Aesthetic Realism of Eli represent 149 men and women. The teaching trio, Consultation With Three Sheldon Kranz, Ted van Griethuysen, Roy Harris-all changed from homosexuality through study with1 Mr.

Siegel. This is documented in the 1971 book, Tbe Persuasion. We, the undersigned, through study with Consultation With Three and with Eli Siegel, have changed the way we see the worlds the way we see women, and we are no longer homosexual. The means by which we changed is both scientific and beautiful. What we have learned, that which has changed our lives centrally, is in this definition of Aesthetic Realism by Eli Siegel: Aesthetic Realism is a way of seeing the world and oneself that says: One, the purpose of everyone is to like the world; Two, the way to like the world and the things in it is to see both as the aesthetic oneness of opposites; Three, the greatest danger for a person is to have contempt for the world and what is in it, despite their aesthetic structure.

We believe that all people should know the Aesthetic -Realism of Eli Siegel. We are grateful we do. Parents and hildren Sense off belonging So adolescents Jay Slatus Hector Smith Joseph O. Spetly, Jr. Joseph H.

Stamler, Jr. John Stern James Sullivan Dennis Tucker David Twomey Steven Weiner Bob Wielt David Winston Elder John Wood By SAUL KAPEL, M.D. James Greller Rick Hallman Merrill Harrington Gerald Hjelm Stephen Jacoby Paul Norin Johnson Jonathan Katz Barry King Mark Lale Hal Lame Patrick La Russo Dale Laurin Dan McClung Joseph Meglino Charles Mercurio Michael Nadeau Michael Palmer Dr. Edward Palumbo Richard Palumbo Drex Patterson William Atherton Dennis Baker Victor H. Benavente Bruce Blaustein Tom Block Brent Buell Richard W.

Catti Daniel Chapuis Bennett Cooperman Nicholas Corvino Vincent DiPietro Richard Dugan Michael Ende Howard Falk Robert Farrell Michael Feeley Dwight Ferguson John R. Finney Wayne Fischer Dr. Norman Freeman Edward A. Glaeser Stephen Glanzrock James Gordon Ron Greenfield We have changed from lesbianism: Rosemary Amello Diane Hallman Rev. Wayne Plumstead Donna Lamb Louis Romeo Karen Lodato Tom Shields May Musicant Don Shortslef Helen Vernados When society or the family does not present structured belief systems or behavioral expectations (even though the adolescent may appear to reject them), a vacuum is created.

Into this void may come other forms of group life such as communes, cults or political extremist organizations. Levine says, and I tend to agree, that belief and belonging are effective antidotes and serve to provide an immunity toward feelings of alienation. He notes that today's "purposeless" society encourages this alienation, however. The absence of deep-seated belief systems and tradition also may be fostered by the rapid pace of scientific discovery which constantly adds new information and challenges old beliefs. All adolescents go through periods of tension and apparent alienation but this is usually not a permanent state of affairs.

It's important not to turn youngsters off nor to strengthen their feelings that they are separate from the rest of the family and society. Adolescents, like most adults, are extremely resilent and adaptable. Dr. Levine suggests that periods when a youngster appears to be alienated may actually offer an opportunity. It can be constructive for the family to re-examine itself, think and talk about relationships and where the family is headed and what the members want for the future for themselves and for society at large.

Try not to become discouraged or to insist angrily upon acceptance of your views, although these discussions may not be easy ones. Much is at stake, for Dr. Levine fears that "unless our social system can instill in its youth some degree of purpose and community" then problems will occur for a subtantial number of our youngsters. He points to "documentation that more youngsters are engaging in antisocial behavior, in vandalism, causing or having babies at an earlier age, abusing alcohol and drugs, joining cults, dropping out of high school, and swelling the ranks Of the unemployed." I fear he is correct frustrated parent said to me, "I can handle the rudeness, the Ar sloppiness and the incessant music. What bothers me is that I don't seem to be able to get through to her, to communicate.

I either get silence or the kind of answer I'd rather not hear. She doesn't seem to like anyone or anything." The behavior of this adolescent is not uncommon and it amounts to what some would call alienation, a feeling of not belonging. Feelings of alienation are natural to all of us at times, particularly when things don't seem to go right But among adolescents, alienation is often more persistent. Some of the values in a democratic society tend to discourage the imposition of particular attitudes upon others. Instead, people are encouraged to find their own values, to recognize their own authorities and to create their own identities.

When "overly democratic" views dominate a family's attitudes, they may lead to the lack of structure or lack of strong beliefs and give a feeling of not belonging to any particular group that insists upon certain behavior by its members. One significant consequence may be that adolescents in the unit will find themselves adrift Dr. Saul Levine, speaking at a symposium on "The Adolescent and Mood Disturbance," suggests that belief and belonging are one step above the physical needs of people, but that they are no less vital for functioning, competence and adaptation. Levine feels that a belief system and a sense of belonging tend to provide a coherent value system and an outer-oriented ideology that serves to satisfy the longing of youth to be part of a group, to belong to the rest of society. Young people need to feel accepted and be part of a group with shared aspirations.

Aesthetic Realism teaching trios give public seminars every Thursday at 6 PM; Consultation With Three speaks on the first Thursday of each month at the Aesthetic Realism Foundation. 'Tbe Press Boycott of Aesthetic Realism: Documentation by the Students of Aesthetic Realism, edited by Martha Baird and Ellen Reiss and Tbe Persuasion edited by Sheldon Kranz ($2.50) are available. Ask your bookseller or order from Definition Press, 141 Greene Street, NYC 10012. Please add $1.00 postagehandling, 8 tax in NYC. AESTHETIC REALISM FOUNDATION, INC.

141 GREENE N.Y.C. 10012 For more information call (2 12) 777-4490.