Daily News from New York, New York • 1428

i (A il WlEil 3 I By Michael Segell Sin and bear it Scientists find a practical use for sexual fantasies In case you were wondering whether there's any beneficial use for sexual fantasy, a team of scientists has some timely news for you: Daydreaming about your favorite erotic shenanigans increases your tolerance of pain. You always knew nature had a higher purpose other than distracting you from whatever task you're supposed to be finishing for those seedy vignettes, right? Apparently, researchers at Johns Hopkins thought so, too. Their recent study suggests that the next time you get a headache or throw out your back, you may want to skip the aspirin and head straight inside your dirty little mind. In the study, 40 college students were asked to plunge a i hand into a tank of ice water until they could no longer stand the pain. During a second dip, some of the students were asked to concentrate on a favorite sexual fantasy while the others were given no instructions or were asked to focus on a mundane activity, like walking to class.

As their hands were numbing up during both rounds, researchers measured their mood and the worry and pain they were experiencing. It came as no surprise to discover that the students who ran the steamy tape loops in their head were less anxious and depressed and less angry. They were also able to keep their hands in the ice water more than twice as long as the other volunteers. "The results suggest changes in the'way physicians should approach patients experiencing pain," says Dr. Peter S.

Staats, an anesthesiologist who led the study. One of those changes would necessarily involve thinking about pornography, which many people use to jump-start their fantasies, in a whole new way. While performing gum surgery, your doctor might want to project "Thunder Thighs Redux" for you on the ceiling. And all those XXX store owners who were forcibly evicted from Times Square during the past year could reopen as proprietors of pain clinics. The findings, however, are not good news for all women.

Unlike men, for whom sexual fantasizing is a nearly universal pastime, only about half of women say they concoct erotic fictions in their head, according to Dr. John Bancroft, head of the Kinsey Institute in Bloomington, Ind. Those who do are most likely between ages 21 and 35, and sexually experienced women fantasize more frequently than do virgins (repeat viewers of "Titanic" notwithstanding). Female fantasizers do present a challenge to the cutting-edge oral surgeons who may try to distract them from their discomfort. Generally, women who are unhappy in their relationships are more likely than those who are blissfully married to use fantasy while making love.

And women who responded to fantasy in laboratory settings show the greatest genital arousal, but they, too, were more likely to be unhappily married. One subset of female fantasizers reported general happiness in their marriages, but had fantasies that tended toward sexual submission. Further complicating this picture is the fact that a woman's favorite fantasy involves making love with a man who is known to her. A man's: making love with a stranger. A cutting-edge doc could find himself in jeopardy.

While making her appointment, our female patient may be thinking: What's more arousing than being pinned in a chair by my very familiar dentist? The proposal for their research may have looked good on paper, but clearly the Hopkins researchers hadn't thought it all the way through. cious," says Mann. Wessler, however, believes that whoever did the inviting should offer to pay, and stresses that the person who earns more should not be expected to dole out a bigger share that's an assumption he jokingly calls a "Communist rule, where each person pays according to his or her means." Beth Haas, a 23-year-old who lives in Jersey City, seemed to be able to strike the right balance with her ex-boyfriend Kirk. At the time they were dating, he was a lawyer and she was a substitute teacher. "I was worried that money would become some weird power issue between us," she says.

"But though he paid for almost everything, he was very sweet about it, and would let me pick up little things I could afford, like lunch or a movie." Kirk was the one with a house, a car and a boat; he even put Beth up in a hotel when she moved to New York to accept a job as an editor. "But once," she says, "when he got a job at a new firm, I saved my paychecks for two weeks and took him out to a really nice dinner, and that meant a lot to him. Now that I'm dating a bartender, I kind of miss those days!" MONEY VS. HONEY The. secret to keeping money from becoming a problem, says Wessler, is to make it less of a requirement for your happiness.

"You've got to make it a nonis-sue in your life or it's going to be an issue in your relationships," he says. If you feel envious and resentful of your date because he or she is wealthier than i you, then obviously things aren't getting off on the right foot. And, if the only reason you're dating that person is for money, there's a strong chance you're going to be left feeling emotionally bankrupt. But what happens if you're the one making the bread and you're the female half of the couple? Sibel Mete, 29, of Brooklyn, a project manager in the litigation support field, once dated an artist whose day job earned him less than half of her salary. "He definitely paid for one really expensive dinner with his credit card," she says.

"But usually we went Dutch. And then there was the night when I had to go with him to a cash machine and take money out of my account so we could afford to go to a club that was a first for me." Another Brooklyn woman, who in her late 20s gave up her freelance photography career to take a job on the art staff of a magazine, laments that she's "always pretty much dated guys who have earned less." FED UP WITH PAYING She begged to remain anonymous before continuing, "It's gotten more annoying as I've gotten older. I've worked hard for my money and made a lot of sacrifices as far as my art is concerned, and considering it's still easier for men to do well in the world, why should I have to pay for them?" But some women really don't mind picking up the tab. Erin Mayes, Steve Wilson's girlfriend, says she feels bad when Wilson tries to cover half of every purchase. "I decided I wanted a used car, and he wanted to pay for half of it but couldn't.

I didn't mind I don't want him to think he has to keep up with every spending whim I have," Mayes says. Wilson says he understands, but, "It bothers me when I feel like I'm not pulling my own weight." Old-fashioned rules aside, Boteach says Wilson needn't worry too much. "If it bothers him, let him make up for it in other ways. Let him make up for it with gifts from the heart. You know, with children, toys never make them feel as happy as being loved.

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