Edmonton Journal from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada • 49

SUMDAYREADER Books Authors booksthejournal.canwest.com SUNDAY, MAY 30, 2004 D11 How one person made a difference I BIOGRAPHY Anti-smoking crusader remarkable story TP I 1 Tarbox allowed photographer, writer to get up close Barb's Miracle: How Barb g's Tarbox Transformed Her Miracle- Deadly Cancer into a i Lifesaving Crusade I jfexf by Da'id Staples, images by iCS Ori'g southam liimn i River Books '155 $34.95 (hardcover), $19.95 (softcover) Review by DENNIS CHUTE sade in an unbiased and occasionally unflattering way. In simple, powerful prose, he shares with us the inner turmoil caused by trying to retain his journalistic integrity while watching her die. He also does a brilliant job of letting Barb tell her own story while giving the reader all the necessary background to understand what is happening. He is never maudlin or manipulative. Barb's Miracle is all the more shattering for his neutral tone.

Southam didn't have that option. If you are going to take great pictures, you have to get up close and personal. He wasn't sure he could deliver the picture she wanted, not without collapsing emotionally. Turn to the last two pictures in this remarkable book. You decide if he succeeded.

Then consider how much courage it takes to get that close to another person, to one you know is dying. Perhaps the most amazing story in Barb's Miracle is that of Barb's friend, Tracy Mueller. Tracy became Barb's strong right arm in her anti-smoking crusade. She risked her job, her family and her health to make Barb's vision a reality. The story of the friendship, surviving through pain and horror, based on a love of life, is the centrepiece of Barb's Miracle.

There are other heroes, of course. This includes all the people who had the courage to letBarb Tarbox change their lives. Staples gives us a sampling of the letters and e-mails these brave people sent to the woman who finally reached them and made them realize they had to stop smoking. This moving book has the power to change lives. Maybe we can't all be Barb Tarbox.

However, like all the people who wrote to Barb, we can at least try to change. Dennis Chute is a freelance reviewer and novelist, lie is also an ex-smoker Barb Tarbox was diagnosed with lung cancer in August of 2002. It had already spread to her heart and brain. She died on May 18, 2003. Barb's Miracle is the story of what Barb Tarboxaccomplished in those last nine months of her life.

Manypeoplealreadyknowthepublicpartofthis vibrant woman's attempt to turn her dying into the ultimate anti-smoking message. She started out ipeaking to 30 elementary students about her experience, and by the end of hercrusade and her life, she was talking to as many as four thousand young people at a time. Her television ads reached hundreds of thousands, maybe millions more. Barb Tarbox went from unknown housewife to the public face of the batde against smoking. She also gave photographer Greg Southam and writer David Staples unparalleled access to her life.

They saw Barb Tarbox at her best and at her worst, they were there as she lay dying. These two jour- Tracy Mueller puts a lubricant on Barb Tarbox's lips in hospital. nalists came to love this remarkable woman, her extended family and friends.Barb'sMiracZe makes it clear that the experience of being included in her crusade changed them both forever. Barb Tarbox made Southam promise to take a photograph that would capture how awful her disease was, how much damage smoking can do, while writer Staples seemed to maintain some distance, and resist some of the emotional pull of Barb Tarbox in order to tell her story fairly. One of the most amazing things aboutBarb'sMir-acle is that while it is clear Staples came to think of Barb Tarbox as a sister, he managed to maintain enough journalistic perspective to cover Barb's cru Rights andwrongs in same-sex conflict I CURRENT AFFAIRS Rauch view of gay marriage struggle panders to conformity This is not a stretch of logic.

Rauch's arguments about the need for gays and lesbians to marry are often expressed in terms of "sickness and health." Apparendy, in his America, gay marriage means not burdening the state with needless health-care expenses. Marriage requires of its participants that they care for each other, even in the infirmity of old age. This is a reality that was only made clear to gay men, according to Rauch, during the AIDS epidemic, when "the so-called gay community became a real community." How cynical. Not all of us failed to be part of a real loving and caring com Of the worries expressed by conservatives that somehow gays and lesbians will break down the sanctity of marriage by importing their formerly promiscuous lifestyles into the equation, Rauch concedes "Their (gay men's) culture has only just crawled out from the Long Dark Age into a tenuous respectability, after having been condemned for generations to a sexual underground of one-night or ten-minute stands with strangers." Give us marriage, he claims, and watch the naughty become respectable. We wouldn't actually want gays and lesbians to bring some transformative ideas to marriage one wouldn't Same-Sex Marriage: The Personal and the Political by Kathleen A.

Lahey and Kevin Alderson Insomniac Press 384 21.95 Gay Marriage: Why it is Good for Gays, Good for Straights, and Good for America by Jonathan Rauch Times Books i want to upset those who were V7 nice enough to grant us mem-A bershiointheclub. Review by NORM SACUTA "When a prominent actor re I have a good friend, a painter named Tom, and on our bad days when the struggle over gay issues in Alberta seems too much and we're sitting on his patio, he'll say to me, "You know, someone should have shot all those drag queens at in the know, the 1969 Stonewall riot in New York City, which happened in response to constant police harassment, is con- munity prior to a catastrophe. I guess Rauch was too busy watching the Academy Awards. Rauch's book really isn't all that different in its politics from Bruce Bawer's A Place at the Table, published lOyears ago, or the more recent Gay Dads by David Strah. All three authors subculture" as immature.

Gays need to growup. The distancing of Rauch's "real" gay world from promiscuity, drag queens, activism, and being single and childless is a step towards maturity and acceptance. Rauch makes no bones about it The fundamental conflict today, if you care about marriage, is not between same-sex marriage and traditional marriage; Someone should send Same-Sex Marriage: The Personal and the Political to Jonathan Rauch. In fact, I think I will. This is not because the book is extraordinarily compelling.

For the most part Same-SexMarriage is a workhorse. It gets the job done. And it does so in the first 100 pages, then spends most of the rest of the book interviewing gay and lesbian couples who have been atthe forefront of the gay marriage struggle. Their personal stories provide a chorus to the struggle, and put to shame Rauch's America-centric analysis that panders to conformity and sentiment. Unlike Rauch's effort, which makes only passing reference to the history of gay marriage in countries outside ofthe United States, Same-SexMar-riage expertly connects the various advances and defeats in the long struggle towards equality for gays and lesbians.

The bookoffers a close analysis of what has and hasn't worked in other countries. The legal history won't be for everyone. It sometimes gets bogged down in the nitty-gritty of legal challenges. But the book is also surprisingly moving when it provides direct excerpts from legal rulings. People who complain about "activist courts and judges" forcing social change on society, need to read what it is those judges actually say in their rulingsConsider the recent ruling from the Massachusetts Supreme Court, which allowed gays there to marry.

"Extending civil marriage to same-sex couples reinforces the importance of marriage to individuals and communities. That same-sex couples are willing to embrace marriage's solemn obligations of exclusivity, mutual support, and commitment to one another is a testament to the enduring place of marriage in our laws and in the human spirit" It's difficult to imagine such a rendering could be considered activist or unreasonable by anyone. Ifyouaddthe 16 interviews with gay and lesbian couples some of whom have waited for 25, 36 and 47 years for the right to be married you might askyourself what, exactly, is wrong with our culture that we don't reward commitment and love in gaylesbian lives the same way we honour it in the straight world. Why are we so afraid of granting people the right to validate the relationships they want and desire? And I put that question not just to you, dear straight readers, but also to certain members of the gay and lesbian community itself. Norm Sacuta is a poet and critic living in Edmonton MUC1CU LU UC UIC UUUdLUlg ment in the gay rights move REUTERS, FILE Tom Graff, left, and Antony Porcino of Vancouver get married in July 2003.

ment. Enraged drag queens on the rampage, turning over cop ceives his Oscar by thanking his loyal husband of twenty years while the camera cuts to the husband glowing with pride and choking back tears," states Jonathan Rauch in his book about gay marriage, "that will be the kind of advertisement for marriage which money can't buy." As I read through Gay Marriage: Why it is Good for Gays, Goodfor Straights, andGoodforAmerica, it was difficult at first to grasp what would have possessed Rauch a gay journalist and correspondent with the Atlantic Monthly to write such sentimental pap. But as his underlying conservative politics and arrogant cultural chauvinism became obvious, the internal homophobia of his writing also began to make sense, as it usually does with homosexuals who don't like their "culture" to include promiscuity, drag queens or that most dreaded of terms "alternative lifestyles." Consider, also, another one of his statements about the saving power of marriage: "I would bet on marriage as the choice of the masses, just as I would bet on democracy and capitalism, because marriage, like democracy and capitalism, meets the personal and social needs of human beings as nothing else can." Capitalism meets social needs as nothing else can? Silly me, I thought capitalism turned social needs into profit, particularly in America. Is this guy so navel-gazing that he hasn't seen the social conditions of people in countries where capitalism truly has run amok (ever heard of sweatshops, Jon?) Is he so blinded by being upper middle-class in his own country that he hasn't seen the 50 million of his own countrymen that don't have medical insurance? it is between marriage and non-marriage." He suggests that allowing gays and lesbians to marry will mean we can stop extending benefits to those who live in sin, whether gay or straight In his own words, "Empowering a bunch of competitiors (i.e. domestic partnerships) cannot do marriage any good, especially if the com-petitorsoffer most of the benefits with fewer ofthe burdens." Progressive indeed.

We've advanced all the way back to 1950. Of gay "culture" he says: "Much of what is unique about gay culture not all, but much, and particularly at the extremes is an artifact of mar-ginalization and infantilization." Give us marriage and gay culture will disappear. Apparendy, this is a good thing. It would be more worthwhile to be weeping after starring in some Mel Gibson splatter epic than anticipating a future containing new artists like Keith Haring, Joe Orton or Robert cars and smashing windows. That image is problematic for many gay men who are trying to fit into a society that, for the most part, doesn't want them unless they act just like everyone else.

But both Tom and I know that without those queens at the front of our parades, without their hard work as the first out members of our community, the right to be perceived as "just like everyone else" never would have happened. On bad days we don't want to admit this. But on good days we know better. Rauch ought to know better, too. It's a hard thing to watch someone enthusiastically trash one culture obviously a culture he doesn't consider himself a part of for the sake of gleefully participating in an institution already on its last legs.

You shouldn't be so thankful for being allowed into the club, Mr. Rauch. The club ought to be thankful that gays and lesbians are actually interested enough to join. BESTSELLERS The charts NATIONAL TOP 10 Compiled by Amazon.ca. FICTION swers that are invariably sensible, clearly written and honest.

She's often funny too, assuring her letter writers that what (1) The Da Vinci Code Dan Brown (2) Angels and Demons Dan Brown The Full Cupboard of Life Alexander McCall Smith (5) Deception Point Dan Brown (7) Oryx Crake Margaret Atwood (6) Life of Pi Yann Martel (4) Can You Keep a Secret? Sophie Kinsella The Rule of Four Ian Caldwell, Dustin Thomason Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix J.K. Rowling 1 0. (3) Songs of Susannah Stephen King NON-FICTION EDMONTON TOP 10 This bestseller list has been compiled by Greenwoods' Bookshoppe, Audreys Books, Laurie Greenwood's Volume II and Smithbooks City Centre, and shows hardcover and paperback titles. Bracketed figures indicate the book's position the previous week. Alberta authors are marked with an asterisk ().

FICTION 1 (4) The Da Vinci Code Dan Brown 2. (7) A Complicated Kindness i ria To ews 3. (8) The Full Cupboard of Life Alexander McCall Smith 4. (3) The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency Alexander McCall Smith 5.

(1) A Tourist's Guide to Glengarry Ian McGillis 6. 6) Oryx and Crake Margaret Atwood 7. (-) Lovely Bones Alice Sebold 8. Third and Long Chris Fisher 9. (9) Angels and Demons Dan Brown 10.

The Last Juror John Grisham NON-FICTION 1 (1) Fafs, Shoots and Leaves Lynne Truss 2. (7) The South Beach Diet Arthur Agatston 3. (5) Dark Age Ahead June Jacobs 4. (2) The Pagan Christ Tom Harpur 5. Barb's Miracle David Staples and Greg Southam 6.

(3) Juno Ted Barris 7. (8) Belonging Isabel Huggan 8. The Canadian Chronicles Matthew Jackson 9. God's Secretaries Adam Nicholson 10. (6) The Porcelain Doll Janet Knudsen Sunday Pick Sex, Sex, and More Sex by Sue Johanson Penguin Canada 292 $22 Sue Johanson, a mother of three and grandmother of two, is the common-sense host of The Sunday Night Sex Show, a no-guff production that tells it like it is.

This book is a compilation of some of the letters and questions she has received over the years. Not surprisingly, it's a no-nonsense look at an activity we all seem to like so darn much No topic is taboo as she leads writers from A-to-Z or, rather, A-to-Y. She starts with Abortion and ends up at Yeast Infections. There are stops along the way at Positions, Incest, Oral Sex, Condoms, etc, etc Each question is handled with sensitivity and, equally importantly, Johanson dispenses an- ever theirprob-lem might be, chances are she's seen it before. That includes one correspondent who wondered whether having sex as many as 20 times a day was abnormal.

She and her boyfriend, she says, have coupled everywhere from public washrooms to airplanes. Johanson sees nothing wrong with the duo, as long as there is no coercion or exploitation. "Go for it," she says. Go for this book too. If a fun book to browse and is loaded with the kind of information people of all ages and sexual proclivities will find fascinating.

mhorton(S the journal.canwest.com (1) Eats, Shoots and Leaves Lynne Truss (3) Dark Age Ahead Jane Jacobs (7) The Pagan Christ Tom Harpur (6) The Ultimate Weight Solution Phil McGraw (4) Friends Til the End David Wild (5) Plan of Attack Bob Woodward (2) The South Beach Diet Arthur Agatston In Praise of Slow Cad Honore (8) My tie Bill Clinton.