The Ottawa Citizen from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada • 111

THE OTTAWA CITIZEN ARTS SATURDAY, MAY 3, 2003 KU THE YELLOW PRESS e.mjt.Q. photographies 1945-2002 i photographs Drunken royals and a sanitized Hillary Whether photographing the subtle relief of a nineteenth century ton or the rich texture found on the corner of a peeling billboard, James Zagon had I talent fa revealing the beauty in tine detail! Sum 2agm Photographs celebrates a lifetime's writ ever twenty years, James photographed pieces from the National Currency Collection. Mm" them to life through his carelul attention to composition and lighting Outside of his work at the Bank of Canada's Currency Museum, James played with scale, focusing his lens on small, everyday objects found in the urban world around him. This exhibit pays homage to James, his sensitive eye, and his remarkable body of work. From May 2 to June 1,2003 Currency Museem, Bank of Canada, 24S Sparks Street, Ottawa, Ontario Telephone; (613) 782-8914 FREE ADMISSION www.currticymitBuin.ca tarnishing the ideals of feminism," for only $29.99 U.S.

you can order the collectible "Seeking the Great Spirit" figurine by the Ashton-Drake Galleries, a 6 -inch "moving and beautiful tribute inspired by ancient Native-American lore," which boasts "True spiritual power and fabulous detail!" Women so demoralized by the lowbrow antics of Dr. Phil that they need their own Pocahontas doll will be thrilled by her "real feathers and fabric fringe for added realism." But I think the Ashton-Drake Galleries copywriter should have been paid the $8 million Hillary got, because obviously heshe has suffered permanent brain-damage: "Borne by her sure-footed pony, she ascends to the rocky plateau a holy place. The wind whips around pony and rider, bringing with it the distant scream of eagles." Aaaaaah! Aaaaaah! Gazing upon the regal figurine of the Native American girl on her pony while getting royally loaded on Seagram's Gin N' Juice, I am inspired by its spiritual power. When Shannen Dougherty comes to take my baby away and feed it to the aliens, I will hand it over with dignity, knowing monetary compensation for my loss will be forthcoming. Cintra Wilson is an author and playwright in New York City.

4 I but obviously, it didn't work" said an 'inside Apparently, the royal binge-drink of Harry's choice is Smirnoff Ice, the finest available syrupy-pre-mixed-booze-for-teens-treat available in your booze-merchant's freezer since Brass Monkey. "(Harry) has a lot of unhappi-ness in his life, and he drinks himself into oblivion to forget," said Harold Brooks-Baker, who publishes Burke's Peerage, the "Bible of British bluebloods." Buckingham is the Party Palace! They should get their crowns fitted with beer-cozies and those crazy drinking-straws. I love constitutional monarchies, but I think that Wills should demand Absolute Divine Authority when he is king, and get really loaded and play polo with his enemies' severed heads. It's high time the civilized world had a new Caligula. Michael And Kirk Douglas Have Taken More Than 20 Years To Select A Script That Would Enable Them To Act Together On The Screen.

It Was Worth The Wait." -Kevin Thomas, LOS ANGELES TIMES MICHAEL KIRK DOUGLAS DOUGLAS It Runs In The Family 0 FRIDAY MAY 2, 2003 THURSDAY MAY 8, 2003 1 A review of this week's tabloids, with Cintra Wilson. Here come the reality TV lawsuits! At last! The Enquirer selflessly reports the following claims have been filed: Tragic Darin Goka is suing NBC because he "suffered permanent brain damage after being underwater for too long on a competition on Dog Eat Dog." I suppose a year's supply of Turtle Wax will not be sufficient damages, although if he has suffered permanent brain damage, how would he know? Chad and Shani Walters are suing ABC after camera crews for Houston Medical refused to leave the hospital, at their request, and stuck around to film the death of one of their premature twins. Your Honour, we were not debasing it in any way, though such action could have resulted in enormous ratings. The Sci-Fi Channel is being sued by Kara Blanc, who claims "emotional and physical trauma" after she was abducted and forced to watch a "staged alien homicide" in the California desert, on Scare Tactics with Shannen Dougherty, the sight of whom has always made me suffer emotional trauma. But take courage: these lawsuit costs were factored in by network lawyers at the very beginning, so we needn't worry about a dearth pi reality TV atrocities in the future.

I can't wait to see TV whe'rr they figure out that wrongful death suits will work out to be fabulously cost-effective when it comes to ratings-wars. Boo-yah! Bring on the wholesale alien homicides! Cover the twins with honey and feed them to a Kodiak bear! Who wants to see Lorenzo Lamas keel-hauled in a sewage treatment facility? Only everyone in America. XMEtt 2 CN 2 SCflEENS (PQ (144 MM T1AI 1230 7:15 1ttO0 10:16 nmnusmn fetND NOW PLAYING! MAY OFFEND, Hillary Clinton's $8 million U.S. book promises to be a huge disappointment, since she didn't get a divorce and was unwilling to spill any serious filth about Bill. Why would anybody pay for the polite version? We wanted to know all about the stoned, poly-sexual Arkansas lard-orgies in the Lincoln bedroom.

Instead of boring yourself to tears with what The Enquirer called the former First Lady's "sanitized version of her life, along with tips for women on how to hold it together while not ANGER MANAGEMENT (14A) (14b MIN) DMLY6J0 920 MATS SAT SUN 12:40 3S5 XMEN 2 (PQ (144 MIN) (NO PASSES) CWLY 6:40 936 MATS SAT SUN 12:30 3:40 MAUHfS MOST WANTED (14A) (95 MN) DALY 726 9:45 MATS SAT SUN 1 00 405 OENTTTY (1 8A) (100 MIN) DAILY 7:1 5 9:40 MATS SAT SUN 1250 425 THE UZZE MCGUHE MOVE (3) (104 MN) DAILY 705915 MATS SAT SUN 1220 230 4:40 BUUJETPROOF MONK (PG) (114 MIN) DAILY 7B0 MATS SAT SUN 1 20 4:1 5 STEAL (14A) PI MN) DALY 925PM I lT MATURE THEME CHECK THEATRE DIRECTORIES FOR LOCATIONS AND SH0WTIMES 1 n-RUNSWTHEFiAMLY(14A)(120MIN) DOTAL DALY 1100AM 1354056:56925 BULLETPROOF MONK fQ (1 14 MN) OCTAL DALY 1 1 05AM 1 30 4D 720 CONRDENCE (14A) (106 K4 DGTAL DALY9S6PM WHAT A GH. WANTS (G) (1 14 MN) DIGnAL DALY 1035AM 1255326635 MAUHSMOSTWANTED(14A)(96MN) DIGITAL DALY aOOPM PHfCBOCnT1(14A)eeMIDIGrrAL DALY 1:103:155:15726930 THE UZZE MCGUK MOVE (ON 2 SCREENS) (G) (104 MH DGfrAL DALY 1050AM 1120AM 1:15 1:45 3:40 4:15 630 703 8S0 920 BENTTTY (18A) (100 MW) OGflAL DALY 1020AM 1240 3fl0 5:10 730950 ff Mi fcrtdB lUlili 'T 91 I ANGS1 MANAGEMENT (ON 2 SCREENS) (PG) i mum llkCLT MMOGrfALDALYIQIOAM 1040AM 1230 1202553555207057:4593510:10 ffJO 1040AM SHOW ON SAT) HOLES (PG) (127 MIM; DOTAL DALY 1tt15AM 1054207:10945 en m) I iu PRO ORGANO OTTAWA in collaboration with I'Ambasciata d'ltalia lstituto Italiano di cultura presents ROBERTO MICCONI Organ music from Venice, Cabrieli, Vivaldi, Marcello, etc. El L'AUBERGE ESPAGNOLE (G) (121 MN) DALY 720 950 MATS SAT SUN TUES 320 GLOUPS, JE SUB UN POISSON (G) (B0 MN) MATS SAT SUN TUES 1:30 MECHANT MAUDE (G) (1 06 MIN) DALY 7:15935 MATS SAT SUN TUES 125405 MEN 2 (VOA) (G) (134 MIN) DAILY 6:50 940 MATS SAT SUN TUES 1230320 MEN 2 (vF) (G (134 MN) DALY 650 940 MATS SAT SUN TUES 100 350 MN) DAILY 6:45 905 MATS SAT SUN TUES 1:15400 WDENTTTE (13) (90 MW) DALY 700900 MATS SAT SUN TUES 1053:10 UN HOMME APART (13) (110 MIN) DAILY 7251000 MAIS SAT SUN TUES 1240 305 CE QUE RUE VEUT G) (105 MIN) DALY 7:30 MAIS SAT SUN TUES 1 20 EXTREME NCONDUrTE (13) (1 19 MIN) DALY 950 MATS SAT SUN TUES 3:40 ENT0UrECONRANCE(13)P7MN) DALY 705910 MATS SAT SUN TUES 1250300 XMEN2f3)144MN OCTAL DALY 1230330645100) BEW rr UKE BECKHAM PG) (122 MN) DOTAL ONLY 1:10 720950 SAT THRU THURS 1:10 40)703935 THE GOOD THff PG) (1 16 MN) DOTAL FH ONLY 18:45 730 955 SAT THRU THURS 1245 345 7:15 945 A MKSHTY WND PG) (105 MN) DALY 1:154:10655905 DENTTTY (18A) (1 00 MN) FPI OMY 1 05 335 705 945 SAT THRU THURS 1 05 335 705 9 10 'ir 1 F. Monday, May 5, 8pm fgliw Saint-Francois-d' Assise (Wellington at Fairmont) LAUREL CANYON (14A) (1 15 MN) DALY 105 355 720 COWDENCE (14A) (103 MN) DALY 940 ANGER MANAGE1VBIT PG) (1 16 MN) WHY ion 360 (KW HO) Tickets: $1 8 tegular; $14 seniors; $1 0 students Into: 728 8041 682-8606 The Critics Agree! LvillUDHAlJ VCONCKUT Cathedral Concert Series presents wBmmm A Oh, to be young, drunk, and royal, like princes Wills and Harry. William, The Man Who Will Be King, recently "shocked patrons of a London eatery," according to The Globe, when the bouncer of the place told him he couldn't enter in his sneakers, so William "pulled them off and jauntily strolled inside in his stocking feet.

He then downed three $25 Flaming Ferraris," each, apparently, containing the equivalent of seven shots of 100-proof liquor, including Blue Curacao, a blue alcohol with which Wills brought, up his blueblood-alcohol level. v. Precocious young Harry has already done time in rehab. "It was intended to scare him straight, A TRIUMPH!" Eits mum, mi new 10m mis "VERY ENTERTAINING! CLEVER." -umuwi mfetatciutiiiM Choirs of Christ Church Cathedral Saturday, May 10th 8:00 pm Christ Church Cathedral 420 Sparks Tickets $12.00 Adults $8.00 Seniors Students All are welcome to attend a reception in honour of Frances Mucdonnell as she retires as Director of Music at the Cathedral. -L- -frrrt.

HOT RECOMMENDED NOW PLAYING! FOR VOUNG CHILDREN CHfcCK IHtATRE DIHtCTOHitS FOR L0CAI IONS AND SHOWIIMhS MinrtvumiiiBinwnmiiMii "MIGHTY LAUGHS FROM GUEST AMD CO. HAD ME BEGGING FOR MORE. A GIFT FROM COMEDY HEAVEN." -Peter Travers, floftng Stone "NOLTE HASN'T BEEN THIS GOOD IN YEARS." 0 towotfou "THE YEAR'S FIRST MUST-SEE jjr I MUVlri LHL.nci fH)f rail (Farces conjugales) de Georges Feydeau f4 Win Mise en scene Brigitte Haentjens Avec Marc Beland, Louise de Beaumont, Anne-Marie Cadieux, Etienne Charron, James NICK NOI.TI- NI-1 1. ()K1 )AN CjOODIHIEF riyndman, Brigitte Lafleur, Marie-France Lambert, MOW PI AYIMfil CHECK THEATRE DIRECTORIES liUVV rUHT IIMUi for locations and showtimes Bernard Meney, Francois Trudei et Jean Turcotte line oroduction du Theatre du Rideau Vert PARENTAL GUIDANCE ADVISED MHllW.WAWJliNl-.l-l.J.JM..lJ.).i.P He (lK sn'i muncy. He whar munry can't Imy.

14 COARSE LANGUAGE, -nr Lv veritable petit bijou de cocasserie de rebondissements. AtHJfc Cft Eve Dumas, La Presse CIN(Pif-X(XlKN mm WORLD EXCHANGE NOW PLAYING! atx ntrvntr imriciorv KmSKOWIIMtS ttOKXTAL SOUND Ce soir et 9, 1 0 mai Theatre 19 30 IT jiSMl'M i de Marguerite Duras Mise en scene Brigitte Haentjens Avec Sonia Vigneault, Christiane Pasquier, Paul Savoie, Pascal Contamine et Denis Gravereaux Une creation du Theatre Irancais du Centre national des Arts en coproduction avec le Festival de theatre des Ameriques et Sibyllines AW Ji-rlfV i Am 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 mai Studio a 20 hi Ej rnwipKw, 111 K-l I A 1 Pill 'JNIM'IW KrfLiJUiiiUJAJLi.li.ViU 'THX i QHIlilHAl tNGLIBH VtHSION rAMOMSIIAVHIS CINt II Of ON MM- IHIAIIItS ISIIVERCITYI COUSEUM 1 1 SOUTH KEYS KANATa7 CHECK THEATRE DIRECTORIES FOR SHOWTIMES INIJ'I I fH fN IT" HINI I'l I I MM llIN AH 111'; AVI ti II" WORlA EXCHANGE JJ SOUTH KEYS 1 1 SlUrtBCITY diuuosmh 1 1 rrrnl.