The Ottawa Citizen from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada • 27

The Ottawa Citizen July 5, 1972 Page 27 JIM COLEMAN: Ultimate idiocy in sport salaries TORONTO The ultimate Idiocy of inflationary practices in sports salaries is demonstrated by Bobby Fischer's holdout for $104,000 before he agreed to play chess with Boris Spassky, the marvellous Muscovite. What the hell is the world coming to when a couple of chess players can compete for a total purse of The world has lost all sense of values when you consider that Dr. Joseph E. Salk received a congratulatory handshake when he saved millions of young lives by perfecting a polio vaccine in 1953. Yet, we have the incredible spectacle of our Canadian daily newspapers giving front page display to Fischer's butt-dragging progress from New York to Iceland.

Sweet suffering Susie! Fir-For-Danger Fischer and Strangler Spassky have chased Bobby Hull and Benny Hatskin right off page one. Chess, eh? Well, there's a really exciting sporting event for you! They're going to put the Fischer-Spassky slumber-fest on International television. They'd attract a much larger international TV audience if they moved their cameras to some waterfront tavern and waited for an impromptu hair-pulling bout involving a couple of old gin-soaked doxies. HI, there, Abe Yanofsky, onetime child chess wizard from Winnipeg! You were born 30 years too early. Only an utter slob would deny that chess is a great game.

It is an intellectual pastime which demands massive mental concentration, skill and cunning. It is, too, a universally played game which is quite as popular in the Orient as it is in the Western World. A sports first Yes, it is internationally popular but up until now chess seldom has generated great box office appeal. And, this is the first occasion in history fiiat a chess player has held out for a payoff of $104,000 before he was prepared to get his clocked cleaned. Obviously, someone has smartened up these international chess masters.

Obviously, someone has convinced them that they were suckers if they played simply for their love of the game. Someone has convinced them that, belatedly, they should clamber aboard the rich gravy train. It is possible that Bobby Fischer has been taken in tow by one of those agents who have become conspicuous in the North American sporting scene within the past decade? Is it possible that Bobby Fischer has retained the services of Arnold Eaglerock, the Toronto lawyer, who controls the financial destinies of a passel of clients including hockey players, football players and the nude chef at the Mynah Bird, a Toronto bistro? Since Mr. Eaglerock has liberated all the downtrodden hockey and football players, he must be planning missionary work in other fertile fields. Accordingly, your inquisitive reporter made a telephone call to the busy legal eagle to ascertain whether he is a party to Bobby Fischer's salary demands.

"I haven't even met Mr. Fischer," Eaglerock replied stiffly when the question was put to him. "However, it's high time that someone did something about organizing those chess players. They have been exploited scandalusly by the tournament promoters. The very thought of it makes my blood boil like a retort of sulphuric acid on a Bunsen burner." "Are you going to do anything about It, Arnold, baby?" the reporter asked hopefully.

"Well, I've had my Investigative staff doing a bit of research work on the possibility of organizing the chess players," Eaglerock admitted briskly. "The chess players really have been getting a bum deal. You'd be surprised if I told you some of the terrible occupational hazards of their profession." 'Occupational hazard? i hi i nil i mum mimir-tiirM I Your Best 4-Ply Nylon Tire Value! ALL WEATHER, GOODYEAR SAFETY ALL-WEATHER "Occupational hazards?" the reporter blurted. "What's hazardous about sitting in a chair in front of a chess board?" "You've named it!" Eaglerock barked triumphantly. "Those chess players must sit in their chairs hour after hour while the television cameras watch their every move.

All men who play chess for more than 10 years are certain to suffer from chronic constipation. This is the secret tragedy of their sport. Most of them, ultimately, must submit to expensive corrective surgery." The reporter cluck-clucked sympathetically. "And, we are going to demand a pension plan for chess players," Arnold Eaglerock said firmly. "Do you realize that the average international chess master is all washed up before he is 70? When their competitive careers are finished, the promoters oast them aside like useless corn husk.

We must provide them with dignified comfort in their old age." Come back, Bobby Hull! Come back, Benny Hatskin! Never again will we complain if hockey news is splashed all over page one. Factory Fresh, Power Packed 30 month guaranteed batteries at very special prices. each 5.20-10,5.50-12,5.20-13 BLACKWALL GOODYEAR LIST PRICE 24.SS i i with Four full plies of nylon cord in a rugged bias-ply (non-belted) construction. This provides a strong tire body for long trouble-free service. Long-wearing Tufsyn rubber in the tread delivers the best mileage of any tire in its class.

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Tommy Fox, the 63-year-old millionaire who has agreed to underwrite the 2.52-mile circuit's financial losses for two years, made the announcement at a news conference. The main reason given for the cancellation of the Trans-Am event which features cars such as Mustang, Firebird, Javelin and Ca-maro was that the speedway wants to concentrate on promotion fthe Can-Am race Oct. 1. vyxp 'JM SM'' Att 425 ST. JOSEPH BLVD.

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