The San Francisco Examiner from San Francisco, California • 205

'SUPERSTITION' Ckiylbe Dfi's VMud flUa Hod irangjlhifl JoairaCx llnsfl tried to deter movie-goers from seeing Rocky FV by his news rap, you gave it a four star. And a high rating it deserves. When I saw it the whole theatre was up in arms at many points in the film. Sylvester Stallone is the American sequel to John Wayne in that he speaks for the better side of the common guy, not the suedo-intellectual freako reviewers that love to impose their negativism on the mass of readers. Rocky IV made me want to start working out again.

Phil York, Irving, Tex. Dear Phil; Your letter made me want to start working out again, too, so the next time I Drive-in Movie Critic of Grapevine, Texas I I HIS IS THE time of year when all the drive-in movies vanish so they can I I Meryl Streep us to death. But if youll LJ just keep on driving out of town, out past the city dump, out past the trailer park, out past the last B-B-Q stand, and keep on going till you come to a drive-in that looks like God's been using it for a toxic waste dump, and then if you wait till the third feature that comes on at midnight, then maybe you can see The devil's moved into this house up in Vermont somewhere, and he's roaming around in there, possessing the microwave The devil's moved into this house up in Vermont and he's been roaming around in there ever since 1692 when a witch was killed in town happen. So the first day he's there, whacko! the buzz saw goes haywire and the blade flies right through the monsignor's body. It takes it about 30 seconds to burrow all the way through and come out the back, and all the time everbody's standing around going, 'That's extremely odd." And then the teenage girls decide to start lounging around in their swimsuits by the pond.

Pretty soon we got a house full of Owens Farms Country Sausage. We're talking no breasts, but 19 dead bodies. Nine gallons blood. A 68 on the Vomit Meter. Three beasts.

Exploding head. Burning lakes. Priest screwed to death on a wine press. Gratuitous rotting flesh. Face-staking.

Toe-chewing. Heads roll. Body rolls (split down the middle). Microwave Fu. Woodsaw Fu.

Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Jacquelyn Hyde, as the ugly old hag, for saying "You have a 20th century mind and you may soon regret Albert Salmi, as the Inspector, for saying "Also, one of the victims was microwaved," and James Houghton, as the young priest, for saying, "I don't understand any of this." Three stars. Joe Bob says check it out. Jo Bob't Mwlbog Communist Alert! A runaway Chevy plowed into the 90-member marching band of Pawhuska High School in Pawhuska, while they were crossing the street, and the saxophone section has been playing out of tune ever since. I ask you once again: how many innocent tubas have to die before we get these sober drivers off the road? To discuss the meaning of life with Joe Bob, or to get the "We Are the Weird" newsletter, write Joe Bob Briggs, P.O. Box 33, Dallas, Texas 75221.

Dear Joe Bob: Dammit! I never thought I'd get sucked into writing a response letter to your commentary on the movies. Yet despite the fact that complete turkeys like Philip Wuntch of the Dallas Morning News covertly oven, sticking human heads in there, and then turning up the heat so the head looks like a piece of quiche that's been sprayed all over the insides. He's been doing this ever since 1692, when a witch was killed in town but the preacherman was too wimpy to drive a stake through see Philip Wuntch or a Russian, I can kick some world peace into his head. Mr. Briggs: Me and sum friends are going to have a Joe Bob film festival and show what we think you wood like too see.

We are going to rent a great Big Television and a Video player eat chili and drink Lone Star Beer. We are going to rent "Saw" and the "Termena-tor" but we got confused on what to do for movie number three. What wood you suggest? Stu Russell, Eureka, Calif. Dear Stu: "Basket Case," but only if you have a protective device on your VCR so the blood don't actually splash on the audience. Universal Press Syndicate her heart and so he just tossed her in the pond and threw a cross in there and figured, hey, it's over.

But 300 years later we still got heads rolling, bodies rolling, and this deaf-mute named Harlan is getting blamed for everth-ing. You gotta feel sorry for the guy. All he does is hang around the house, jumping off ledges and imitating a maniac, and police think he's doing something. Then a new priest moves into the house, and this guy is such a bad priest that he's drunk and also he forgot his vows and so he has a wife and two teenage kids. A guy like this in the house with the devil, anything can The devil at work in 'Superstition' providing a better way tor selective wngiei to I meet sinre 1964.

lOOO'j of members I a nnnr rvnnv rnnnn ygjN I V-nir imm Mm mm, is What better way to start your New Year's Eve than a delicious dinner at Victoria Station )lir Snprial linlirlnv menu Afftre a nriflfir lamntmT uliVId iViV. VUilClJ Jl IClUC'UIll dinners at regular prices. Choose from juicy prime rib, succulent lobster, tender teriyaki chicken, and much more. There'll be free photographs taken to remember the evening by and discount coupons for your next visit. Plus party hats and noisemakers to help you celebrate.

So the only thing you'll need for a memorable evening is reservations. V. 11 Don't let your old acquaintances be forgot. Bring them to Victoria Station for a fun and flavorful New Year's Eve. Monterey $59 Hilton Resort Hotel Guest may purchase tickets at late value from the Hilton for the MONTEREY BAY AQUARIUM.

This SnOAL RATE available bv making Advanced Reservations NO MOKt 7HAS i-i days prior to arrival date. Some restru -tions apply. Not slid during coinentinns, groups, special event periods and some holidays. Tax and gratuities not included. 800 238-1693 RUED 4 DIAMOVDS BY AAA For 9 Consecutie Years.

1000 Auajito Rd. at Rt. 1 rake C-t ntal Montetev 'Agijajito Fvis Tlw deliriously al'Mabk nstaunint Burlingame, Victoria Station Larkspur. By the Ferry Terminal. 461-4343 Oakland, 65 Embarcadero Cove 632-1430 San Francisco, Broadway Embarcadero.

433-4400 Sunnyvale. 855 Homestead Rd I I) I )' If 'j it -H 1.