The Daily Oklahoman from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma • 68

Father's favorite T-shirt something to be-holed Jackie Papandrew cleaning rags and used tis -sues, when my dad found it and yanked it out in a rage. "Woman, how can you even think about throwing this shirt he yelled, cradling the beloved bit of apparel with a crazed look in his eye. And so the shirt survived. My dad will probably want to be buried in it someday. By then, though, I don't know if I'll be able to part with it.

Syndicated columnist Jackie Papandrew is a Bartlesville native and a University of Oklahoma graduate. Visit her Web site at http:jackiepapandrew.com. ther's house unexpectedly, there's about a 98 percent chance he would come to the door wearing that shirt. If you happened to visit during one of those 2 percent times when the shirt had been wrestled off my dad's body so that it could be washed, he'd greet you wearing his backup T-shirt also a Father's Day gift that proudly proclaims, "I'm in no shape to exercise." The backup shirt only has a few holes and a smattering of stains, but it does the job in a pinch. The Women-Want-Me, Women want me.

Fish fear me. That was on a T-shirt I gave my dad for Father's Day years ago. Underneath the words was a picture of a happy-looking man in a floppy fishing hat, holding up a large fish and surrounded by smiling buxom beauties in bikinis who ap -peared to be having a grand old time. That shirt has become his favorite. It's been washed so many times (at my mother's insistence) that it's about half-shirt and half-hole.

In fact, the fish has pretty much dis- Fish-Fear-Me shirt spends a great deal of time pressed against my dad's beloved easy chair, where it catches crumbs falling from his mouth, sops up liquids that drip from his drinks and provides a comforting (if airy) covering when he naps. All of the other Father's Day gifts I've given him -ties, bottles of Old Spice, power tools, business books were no doubt appreciated for the thought. But nothing has been as well-used, and well-loved, as that shirt. My kids get a big kick out of the shirt, especially the part about women wanting my dad. This makes them roll around on the floor laughing.

And the large hole that allows a certain part of his chest to show through leaves them shrieking. "Oooo Grandpa's got man-boobs!" My mom a practical woman who does not hold onto clothing that is riddled with holes once foolishly tried to throw the shirt away. It was in the trash can on garbage day, lying there crumpled amid the coffee grounds, spent appeared except for a section of tail fin and an alarmed -looking eye. And the shirt's laughing ladies have aged rather dramatically, their buxom parts now stretched and saggy. Sadly, it's kind of like what happens in real life.

If you stopped by my fa Embrace all life offers, even sorrow, dark days Even in galaxies far away, it's Father's Day Charlotte Lankard David Zizzo DZizzo(9 opubco.com clankard(a opubco.com for tomorrow to be happy. The reality is tomorrow may not come, or if it does it may be different than what we'd counted on. And they lived happily ever after," is a fairy tale. Gilda Radner said it a different way: "I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end." Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.

Our challenge is to embrace it all the sorrow and the joy and, even in the darkest days, find something for which to be grateful. Charlotte Lankard, a licensed marriage and family therapist, is in private practice with Baptist Counseling Associates. Her Web site is www. charlottelankard.com. "It was spring, but it was summer I wanted the warm days and the great outdoors.

It was summer, but it was fall I wanted the colorful leaves and the cool, dry air. It was fall, but it was winter I wanted the beautiful snow and the joy of the holiday season. It was winter, but it was spring I wanted the warmth and the blossoming of nature. "I was a child, but it was adulthood I wanted the freedom and the respect. I was 20, but it was 30 I wanted to be mature and sophisticated.

I was middle-aged, but it was 20 I wanted the youth and the free spirit. "I was retired, but it was middle age I wanted the presence of mind without limitations. My life was over, but I never got what I wanted." Jason Lehman of Universal Press Syndicate cue away." Speaking of the Second Amendment, while searching for his AK-47 Assault Rifle Key Chain from Zazzle.com, Dad can switch on his "Gun Lamp," which cleverly reveals six shells in the clip when it's lighted. Then, Dad will be ready for a trip to Kentucky, where he can attend the actual June 27 "Open Carry Celebration" at Bethel Church in Louisville. Handgun owners are invited to wear their unloaded weapons.

"All that is asked is that you bring a sidearm, a friend who has a sidearm and a canned good for local food bank," the online promotion says. And there will be a raffle drawing. The prize is a handgun. Picnic food will be served, so bring your cocktail spoon and knife set. As a famous dad once said, "Bring me all passengers.

I want them alive!" Then again, Darth Vader was never much of a father. For fathers without black buckets on their heads and galactic dominance on their minds, this weekend is for you. Kids everywhere will be trying to figure out the perfect gifts to express gratitude for all the advice, encouragement and cool genetic material you have provided. Sure, there are the traditional photo ties, personalized golf tees and mono-grammed Copenhagen cocktail spoon and knife sets. But, kids, try to think of what he really wants.

Except that, of course. It's illegal. If he's like most men, at least the ones on TV, dad is obsessed with alcoholic beverages, meat, firearms, wrote those words several years ago. They continue to haunt me. How often do we, like Lehman, wait for another day, another year, another time to be happy? I have now lived long enough to understand life gets interrupted with the unexpected.

I do not want to get to the end of my life and, looking back, see that I missed any of it. It is easy in those dark days following an unexpected event a death, divorce, a health or a financial crisis, a child in trouble to find ourselves waiting avoiding physical activity and yelling inappropriately while watching people engage in physical activity. So, how about the "Beer Belly?" This ingenious pouch allows Dad to smuggle his favorite beverage into a stadium, making his midsection look like what it will look like for real if he uses this device too much. For those carnivorous episodes, Dad will love the "Condiment Gun." Fill the pistol-shaped device with mustard, ketchup or other slathera-ble meat topping and, the ad says, "blow your barbe 4E I JUNE 18, 2009 YOU! THE OKLAHOMAN NEWS0K.COM.