The Gazette from Montreal, Quebec, Canada • 18

1 1 i Mr nn B2 THE GAZETTE, MONTREAL, SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2000 COVER STORY In the future, people will be more tolerant than ever, the sex instructor predicts. So it's not surprising that another woman a porn star and director can say: 'I'm proud of myself' celebration Sex as ing a ballerina or a marine biologist. Her hero was and still is underwater explorer Jacques Cousteau. She played classical trumpet in high school. She attended a yeshiva.

She had a bat mitzvah. She never caught the acting bug "I had the greed this led her to work as an accountant after finishing high school, but she rapidly became bored with the straight life. At 19, she made a unique career move. She took a job as a sex surrogate, entering the convergence of the psychology and prostitution domains. The work was lucrative, and Monet felt that she was performing a humanitarian service.

"I was teaching people how to fix their sexual problems and I was having lots of sex as a means of teaching. I studied Masters and Johnson as well as The Hite Report. It was legit, to a certain extent We helped clients. But we bilked them, too. Then again, people were happy to pay anything for help.

Those were the days when there were no quick fixes. There was no Viagra then." The on-the-job sex was almost never satisfying for Monet, but the goal was to assist others. "Fortunately, I was always into sex. When I was 5, 1 became aware of sex. I didn't know what I was doing, but I had lots of fun exploring.

I had to keep my interest in sex hidden, though. My parents were the Cleavers, highly educated professionals with very high moral standards. It wasn't until I was 30 that they actually found out what I had been up to all those years. But what could they do then?" Monet has her own set of moral standards. She has zero tolerance for numbers from another madame, and, at age 25, she found herself running a brothel that rivaled Manhattan's finest.

She was being compared to the Mayflower Madame, Sydney Biddle Barrows. She was living in a luxurious carriage house. She was being wined and dined by corporate and show-biz players. And she was stockpiling enough cash to retire to Hawaii Which is precisely what she did. She cashed in her chips and became a surfer She got a tan.

She ate well. She eschewed alcohol, tobacco and drugs. "I became a professional designated driver," she quips. In about a year, Monet had blown her savings. "Actually, it was the guy whom I was supporting who blew my fortune for ma" Love is strange.

Despite it all, however, Monet is an incurable romantic. She never engages in one-night stands. Her relationships are long-term, intense and often turbulent "I get too mushy and, consequently, I get into problems. And this is as a result of dating regular guys. The biggest mistake I ever made in my life was dating a customer.

I did that only once and it was disastrous." Monet still had "mushy" feelings for the beau who'd cleaned out her bank account. When he decided that they should relocate to California, where he would make his fortune in the porno biz, she agreed. "Sadly, he was lacking the necessary equipment for the job," Monet recalls. "I didn't have the heart to tell him. But all the porn casting agents laughed when he displayed his wares.

He didn't get it And here I am sitting in the offices, holding his hand, and the agents are asking me if I ILLUSTRATIONS, COURTESY OF ECW PRESS, ARE FROM GARDEN OF EARTHLY DELIGHTS BY HIERONYMUS BOSCH Continued from Page Bl "Something was missing in my life, and I couldn't put my finger on it" That something was a solid sexual relationship. "It had been at best ho-hum. But my thinking was: Why bother doing something unless you do it really well?" So, drawing on her University of Calgary degree in physical sciences with a major in biology, and indulging her "insatiable curiosity," Paget attempted to learn all she could about sex. After scouring the porn videos and mags, she came to a conclusion. Much of the adult material available was 'geared exclusively to men.

"They were only forgetting about 50 per cent of the population, that's all. Then the books I read would tell me stuff that wasn't always practical. I wasn't getting the nuts and bolts. I wanted to know, where are people putting their fingers, toes and tongues?" So Paget started asking her friends where they put their fingers, toes and tongues, and they would invariably look at her like she'd been smoking (what they are fond of calling in Calgary) some of that "wacky tabacky." Eventually, though, they opened up; so did friends of friends, and many told Paget that men consistently missed the G-spot with their flickering tongues. "Tell them to suck on us the way we suck on them," several women advised Paget.

But it wasn't a one-way street. Paget heard men complain of women licking up the wrong tree. "We're all born with the ability to vocalize, but it doesn't mean we can instantly speak English," she says. Paget's point is that everything requires learning and that open communication is paramount, particularly when it comes to the delicate arts of fellatio and cunnilingus. Paget is still incredulous when she recounts the case of the middle-aged couple who came to her in search of a solution to the husband's impotence.

The problem turned out to be that neither partner moved during sex. They waited and waited and waited for something to happen and, without fail, the man would falter. "They never knew what to do," Paget says with a sigh. "If no one tells you, how do you know? And if you're too shy to ask, how can anyone help?" Obviously, many people have been left in the dark, or Paget wouldn't be doing the boffo business she does. "I just can't believe the number of guys I've encountered who think that all they have to do is ram it in hard and the woman is instantly satisfied.

Yowsers, no!" She shakes her head. "I see my role now as being a 'consumer report' on sexuality. The stuff is out there, but it has never been put er cohesively. I have a different way of explaining a sensitive subject to people, and they are getting it" J. Paget says that the No.

1 rule for giving great head is actually to employ great hand technique. "The men who are best at oral sex use every part of their faces," she continues. "And did you know that a man requires a smooth lower lip if he is to give maximum pleasure while kissing or heading south of the border? Oh yes, the woman is like the most complicated fuse box in the house. If you put too much circuit in too quickly to an area before it's ready, you'll either blow the mental fuse or the physical fuse." She ain't just referring to fellatio. Once we get onto the topic of dos and Paget wants to emphasize that most women detest it when their nipples are pinched.

"Guys get programmed by porn flicks, where they see women going crazy after getting their nipples pinched. But in the real world it doesn't work like that Women have to be relaxed before. Then they might go for it later. For women, you see, so much of sex is so mental. You have to seduce their minds before you work on their bodies.

Another no-no: inserting your tongue in a woman's ear. "If you really want to know, it makes us feel like our head is in the Hishwasher," Paget exclaims. "Women prefer tenderness to the sides of their ears and necks. Men, on the other hand, like ear action. The male ear is a strong sex receptor." Paget finds that she often, and unwittingly, assumes the role of sexual traffic cop during her seminars.

Women participants will compare notes with want in. And I'm thinking, 'This is the only thing in the sex business I haven't done, so why For a brief spell, Monet had bought into the bun-galow-and-white-picket- fence dream, but after this experience cho ronli7fH that k5 such scenarios V-i weren't for her. Saying goodbye to her deficient beau, she said hello to a brand-new life as porno queen Melissa Monet. Although close to 30 when she entered the biz, Monet made more than 100 movies and was nominated for several porno Oscars in less than three years. "It was a terrific ride at first, and like anything else, it tapered off when I was no longer the new girl.

But it only hit home after I was doing a scene with a woman and I realized that I had shorts older than she was." Monet is proud of her scruples. "I never did anal or gang-bangs. It was always one-on-one. But ultimately sex was a means to an end. I was a performer.

Of course, women are mostly great actresses. That's because few enjoy sex." Because Monet could ride a motorcycle as well as perform on her back, side and tummy, she got a bonus and did Strap-On Sally 5 and 6. She worked with Ron Jeremy and Mr Marcus, Amanda Adams and Careena Collins. "I've only met two or three people in the business I could choke. Guys who couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a fistful of thousands.

Misogynist bigots and freaks who should rot in hell. Plus, they were racists and anti-Semites." But tell us how you really feel, Melissa. "These types," explains Monet, "made me realize that I had to get onto the other side of the camera." Her first foray into directing was for an adult CD-ROM. "I watched all of three movies and figured I could direct. I ed up, but it came out OK.

Then I watched other directors. And I asked a lot of questions. And I learned, because I am a sponge and I'm smart." She would go on to direct produce, and write close to 50 films for the Spice Channel. She would also direct a few erotica features for main stream pay TV. One day during this period, while she was walking her dog on the beach, she met another doe- owner and they started discussing life.

When Monet confessed that she had been a porno star, "The woman was shocked. She asked what a nice girl like me was doing in a business like that Then she ran away. I yelled that I wasn't raping, pillaging or killing. She wouldn't listen. I was upset." Inspired by this incident Monet embarked upon a new project the documentary film Porn: It's a Living.

She wanted to convey to others what the business and the people who inhabit it are really like. These days, she's directing a series of straight comedies and producing a straight feature, in which Ron Jeremy has been cast, for once, in a small part Plus, she writes health and fitness columns under a pseudonym for various health magazines. "Whatever floats your boat, I say. Everybody in the porno business has dreams of crossing over into so-called legit movies. It's boredom.

But it's also the fact that if you put on 5 pounds, you're being offered gang-bangs for $200. It's like anything. You have to keep your wits about you. It's not easy You have to persevere. That's why I'm so proud of myself." child pornography.

She feels that those who ex ploit children should suffer the severest penalties. "A lot of the people in the business have children and are more strict and protective toward them than regular types. They're very careful about what their kids can watch on TV It's almost like a double standard." Monet didn't last long as a sex surrogate. She soon switched to the highly rewarding field of escort servicing. Only one problem: "I wasn't getting a lot of calls, because for the only period in my life I was fat." She ended up working the phones for the escort service, and by doing so she found her niche.

She learned the ropes and started running the service herself. She was making more money than she had ever dreamed possible, and she was all of 21 at the time. But the hours were long, and the strain took its toll; Monet came down with pneumonia. So, back to the straight world she went to toil 9-to-5 as a bookkeeper. "As soon as I got there I remembered why I had given up this world in the first place.

Sometimes you need a catalyst to remind yourself of what kind of life you want to lead. And there was no way I was going to spend my life rotting in some desk job." There would be no more turning back. Monet resumed answering the escort agency's phones. One day, an "interesting" call came in, and since no escort was available, Monet took the job herself. "I was thin again, and made a sh-load of money on that job.

It wasn't hard work. I could handle the customers. My time as a sex surrogate gave me a great education on dealing with people and I was up to speed on safe sex." Eventually, Monet was enticed into working at a high-end brothel by one of Manhattan's most renowned ma-dames. There, she learned all about fashion and food. She learned how to talk to corporate players and dress for any occasion.

Polished, and open to almost anything, Monet was in demand. Then she got an offer she couldn't refuse A client offered to pay her $50,000 for three hours of work, which didn't entail sleepmg with him. "He just wanted to watch another girl spank ma It was an odd situation. I had never even been spanked as a child. So I wasn't prepared.

And let me tell you that after 500 spanks, I was plenty sore. But it just goes to show what sort of proclivities some people have. This was a wealthy businessman whose photo was forever in the Wall Street Journal, and this is what excited him more than anything in the world. All I kept saying to myself as the other girl was slapping me was 'k-ching, k-ching, Monet stops reminiscing for a moment when she sees a friend passing by, pushing her newborn baby in a stroller. The friend stops, and Monet prattles babytalk and plays with the infant.

She adores children and dogs. "Just because I was a dominatrix doesn't mean I'm not sensitive," she cracks. When the baby and her mother head off to the beach, Monet tucks back into her pancakes and her memories. After observing her madame on the job, Monet decided that she wanted to be her own boss. She bought a book of 1 THE other women and then seek Paget's definitive ruling.

She does her best to keep her sessions from becoming male bash-a-thons. "I am so over male-bashing jokes," she says. "If you substituted women or Afro-Americans, they would be entirely inappropriate. The seminars are simply designed to expand the buffet" It's no accident then, that many of Paget's analogies relate to eating. "Sometimes you want breakfast, sometimes hors d'oeuvres, or sometimes the whole meal deal.

But sex, one way or another, is what keeps people connected." Demand for Paget's seminars has never been greater, and she has been conducting them since 1996. What intrigues her, and others, is that this success has not been dependent upon advertising. Paget hasn't done any. Appropriately, it's all been word of mouth. Speaking of word of mouth, Paget denies reports that she practices what she preaches too frequently.

"If I did a quarter of what people said I did, I'd have no time to do anything else. People can say I'm sleazy if they want but like I told my father, the books and seminars are not based on me, but rather based on what I've learned." Paget does admit that, when their schedules permit, she's been seeing an unnamed talk-show host who's based back East Inquiring minds want to know: Is this man content? Paget slaps me on the knee and giggles, "Oh, you're such a guy I'm sure people are thinking that when I'm in a relationship I have got this 'Hey baby, I'm attitude. Well, that's not me." Still, Paget does concede that she and her gentleman suitor share a "strong connec-tioa" "Great" sez "but tell me, please, Ms. Paget, that the guy is not Jerry Springer" She assures me he isn't Keeping herself up-to-date on health issues relating to sex is a priority for Paget "Sex must be fun, but it must be, above all, safe. I'm smart enough to know what I don't know, so I ask medical experts and they tell me we could be on the brink of a major global health crisis if we don't watch ourselves." Curiously, Paget has never encountered hostility from feminists.

"I think of myself as a feminist. But, no, I've never had any feminist attack me. If they did, I would challenge them. After all, what I teach gives women the most natural access to the most powerful part of themselves their sexuality." Perhaps it's a testament to changing attitudes, but a decade or so back Paget would have faced plenty of resistance when trying to get her seminars off the ground. "Times have grown up.

Time has taken a dose of reality," she says. "We can no longer ignore sexual culture and we can't ignore relationships culture, especially at a time when humans are maturing faster than ever and there is more information than ever out there." Gazing into her crystal ball, Paget sees sex of the future as being more of a celebration than it has been to date. People will be more tolerant than ever. "There is nothing that will validate someone's sexuality more than being accepted as they are and not being judged, whether that person prefers straight missionary sex, cybersex, being a swinger, or wanting to be a virgin until they are married. At least I've helped make people aware that there are different ways to talk about sex and do it." This is all a far cry from the old days, when sex was either not discussed in public or dealt with through humour.

Paget notes that "the Eskimos have a gazillion words for snow. One day, maybe we'll have a gazillion words for sex." Someone who already has a gazillion words for sex, Brownstein continues, is "the pit bull of comedy, "Bobby Slayton. Brownstein accompanies him to a night-club performance and, among those laughing at his raunchy jokes, finds porn star turned film-maker Melissa Monet At the conclusion of his set, Slayton spots a family in the crowd. "Sir, your kids learned a lot this evening. That you can get up on stage and say 'F-k and not go to college and still make a great living." The crowd eats it all up.

Among the applauding spectators is one Melissa Monet. Her name doesn't ring a bell? Well, you may remember her from such cinematic adventures as Bad Girls 3 or Strap-On Sally 5. Monet was a major blue-movie star until she moved behind the camera and started directing. She also did the doc Porn: It's a Living. Monet liked calling the shots so much that now she's directing flicks that feature fully clothed humans.

But Monet has no regrets about her stint in porno. Far from it Over brunch the next day at a homey Venice Beach cafe, the brash, petite brunette with the alluring eyes takes a swipe at those who get all sanctimonious about the adult-film industry. "There are as many d-up people at IBM as there are in porn maybe more." Monet doesn't hold back. A transplanted New Yorker, she's as tough as nails. Her father is Italian Catholic and her mother is German Jewish.

Orthodox Jewish, in fact. "Sure, there are some pathetic people in porno. But there's a real dichotomy. The world doesn't want to know that the majority of the people in porn aren't sick, f-ed up and twisted. I will always remember the great times.

I look at other people sitting around in their do-nothing, go-nowhere jobs, and I couldn't be more thrilled that I took the path I did." Working on a stack of peanut-butter pancakes, Monet declares that times have changed in the porn world. The Boogie Nights days of the late '70s and early '80s have given way to an era of relative moderation and reflection. She has encountered people from all walks of life, she claims, and finds that the porn scene has a high concentration of informed and interesting members. She is referring to the likes of actordirector John Leslie and AVN publisher Paul Fishbein, but she holds a special place in an unspecified body part for Screw's Al Goldstein. Porn Renaissance man and activist Bill Margold doesn't fare so well in Monet's estimation.

"He talks the good talk, but doesn't always walk the good walk." As a child, Monet dreamed of becom MAGAZINE How to reach us Lucinda Chodan Assistant Managing Editor, Features E-mail: lchodanthegazctte.souiham.ca Michael Shenker Deputy Features Editor E-mail: imnenkerthegazette.southam.ca Editorial inauiries (514)987-2560.