Sunday Gazette-Mail from Charleston, West Virginia on September 10, 1972 · Page 104
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Sunday Gazette-Mail from Charleston, West Virginia · Page 104

Charleston, West Virginia
Issue Date:
Sunday, September 10, 1972
Page 104
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Famous Fables Bv E. E. Edgar WRONG PITCH: Jimmy Foxx, the slugging first b a s e m a n o f t h e o l d Philadelphia A's, struck terror in the hearts of opposing pitchers. One day in New York, the A ' s w e r e p l a y i n g t h e Yankees. Lefty Gomez was on the mound for the Yanks a n d B i l l D i c k e y w a s catching. Foxx got three hits his first three times at bat. When he came up for the fourth time, Gomez had had enough. He shook off all of Dickey's signs. The catcher walked out to the mound. "Okay!," he said, "you tell me what you want to throw." "I don't wanna throw n u t t i n ' t o t h a t g u y , " declared Gomez. "We can't just stand here," said Dickey. "Let's trv the fast one." SENIORITY: After World War I. Herbert Bayard Swope went to Doom, Holland, to negotiate for the publication rights to the Kaiser's memoirs. Swope and the Kaiser's aide came to terms on the monetary arrangements, hut they struck a snag when Swope sought the right to edit the manuscript. "Nobody edits His Majes- Lefty tried the fast one and Foxx clouted it over the fence. Gomez walked up to Dickey and muttered: "I told ya I shoulda thro wed him nuthin'." ty!" indignantly protested the aide. "I'm afraid it will be necessary," insisted the editor. "But ,it's unthinkable. I couldn't relay such a suggestion. Do you realize how long he was Kaiser!" "He was Kaiser longer than I." admitted Swope. "but I've been an editor longer than he." The deal fell through. TALK: Hilaire Belloc agreed to give a talk at a luncheon where he was to be the guest of honor. Shortly before he was called on to speak, it occurred to the English author that no mention had been made about payment for his oratory. To Belloc, this was not a matter to be neglected. He brought it to the attention of the sponsors, but t h e y responded vaguely. This only served to heighten his misgivings. The toastmaster presented him to the audience in a glowing ten-minute introductory speech. Belloc got up. w a i t e d for the applause to subside, then said, "Thank you," and sat down again. Considering that it was for free, it was to him more than sufficient. Denture Invention For People With "Uppers" and "Lowers" · I ' : : ' ; . : ( · · both "-.ippr:*, ' ; i n i "low- r;it i : ; i ' i v .:·- l i . i y ' v c n t v c r ! · ! ' ! ! : i - l ( i I i n ' · : i . i f I : :..rr!isa:i ' · ! ; : ' · ; · : : : . ::·.',:.!:»· '.* ·-. · . , · ; . . ' ;·.',". I:,',! ;;·:' .,'..;··.-. ^ : · .···. . / . : . , : , - · -,' : , , · . . ! , , ! . !,»;« .«;!.·«: :c.:/·· i . f ;.,.;,· ,.. : : ; · . . · · . , · ; '!-.M-I.-..:V f^i t!.iiiv"; '.·;-,.''·,·""-,. · : . ' ; · ' , i i,V' ; ;: , r^.-":i: ":i' : -u"ts«r:]'- The Guilt Provokers There may be people in this world who are innocent of something or other, but I'm not one of them. I'm guilty. Never mind of what. I'm guilty of everything. Is the sun shining today? I'm sorry--it's something I did wrong. Are certain quasars, a billion light-years away, receding from us at three-quarters the speed of light? I'm sorry-I meant to arrange it otherwise and I forgot. Naturally, I have made a study of this phenomenon because deep in my heart, I sometimes t h i n k I'm not guilty of whatever it is. Why, then, do I feel guilty? I'll tell you. It's because of the guilt-provokers--those fortunate people who, encountering guilt, not only do not accept It themselves, but also carefully smear it all over the nearest person in sight. Usually me. For instance, I recently had a business IF YOU DIDN'T LET YOUR GUMS GET INTO LOUSY CONDITION... X -/») CHARLESTON, W.VA. By Isaac Asiniov luncheon date with a lady editor to discuss an article which required revision. (Heaven only knows why. I consider my articles to be perfect.) The appointment was for noon. Now I have a horror of being late because I daren't risk the guilt of making someone else wait, so I arrived at exactly 12 o'clock. It meant taking the wheel of the taxi and driving it myself when the driver was overcome with traffic fumes, and then doing the last three blocks on the sidewalks to get around the stalled traffic. But I did it. When I got to the restaurant, I found that my partner had not yet arrived. I was not surprised. No one ever comes on time except me. I know that. I expect that. I am resigned to that. But I also know that if I ever rely on that stern law of nature and come a few minutes late myself, that will be the occasion on which my date will be on time. When I express such views, thoughtless people accuse me of being paranoid. No such thing. I am giving you the facts of life as observed by myself, and I am a close and keen observer. Nor can it be mere coincidence. It must be malevolence. Someone up there has me as a special assignment. There he sits, intent on me. Messengers come running: "Boss, something has *" be dent right away. Galaxy 2L-46 is about to collide with Galaxy 5C-32 in a cosmic disaster--" And my cosmic guardian says, "Not now, Joe, not now. Asmiov has just forgotten his umbrella, i have to arrange a quick rainstorm." You don't believe it? Then how come the world is in such a mess? Someone isn't playing attention, right? Anyway, there I was in the restaurant. The lady editor was not there. I checked to see if she had made a reservation. She had. That meant I was there at the right restaurant and on the right day. (Whoever up there has me as an assignment is usually too subtle to stick me with either a wrong restaurant or a wrong day.) So I sat down to wait and at 12:16 o'clock the lady in question walked in. I rose with t h e s h y , b u t c h a r m i n g , s m i l e characteristic of myself and-But wait! Before I go on, I must explain that there are three kinds of people. Sunday Gazette-Mail _

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