Sunday Gazette-Mail from Charleston, West Virginia on September 3, 1972 · Page 97
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Sunday Gazette-Mail from Charleston, West Virginia · Page 97

Charleston, West Virginia
Issue Date:
Sunday, September 3, 1972
Page 97
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Page 97 article text (OCR)

My Favorite Jokes by Gus Christie EDITOR'S NOTE: Cos Christie's show business career has taken some curious turns--from magic, to the harmonica to pantomime, and finally, to comedy. He formed hall the team of Lewis and Christie", a successful partnership which lasted 72 years, and a year- and-a-half ago he went out on his own. Explaining the inspiration behind his comedic drive thusly, "I love to pick on people," he proceeds to do just that in places like the Copacahana, various Playboy clubs and on TV shows like Mike Douglas. To a balding man in the audience he might say sympathetically, "This poor guy had a hair transplant and his body rejected it." Or he might compliment one of his audience, "I love that jacket--did you hurt yourself when you fell through the awning?" He ad- libs a lot, stays loose, and creates a different show everytime he works. Here are some of his favorite jokes. This is supposed to be a true story. A man, we'll call him Mr. )ones, is riding to work on the subway in New York City and there's a guy who keeps bumping into him. After awhile Jones gets apprehensive and thinks, "This can't be what I think it is!" He checks his wallet--and it's gone. "That's il! Nine o'clock in the morning and I get mugged in the subway. Things are really getting bad." He grabs the guy, shakes him hard, and says, "All right, cough up, give me that wallet!" The guy is petrified and he hands over a wallet. So Jones goes off to work and when he gets to his office his wife calls and says, "Honey, you left your wallet on the bureau this morning." · A guy gets stopped by a cop and the cop says, "You're going to get a ticket for speeding." The guy says, "Well, I was only doing 40 miles an hour," and the cop says, "No, you were doing 50 in a 30-mile zone." The guy says, "No, I was only doing 40!" And then his wife pops up and says, "Don't argue with my husband when he's been drinking." · When I first came to New York with Greg Lewis we were looking for an agent. We went lo see this guy and he said, "Do you have any pictures?" We said, "Yeah." He said, "Good, all I need is one picture. I'm not one of those guys who collects pictures and throws them away." We figured thal's great. We didn't know how many bookings he could get with one picture but we knew there were many agents who took lots of pictures from you and threw them out the moment you left. So we said, "Okay." He took the picture, studied it and said, "I'm going to get right on this. Don't worry, you'll do great." Then the phone rings. He says, "Excuse me," and gets on the phone. He's talking to someone, going "Yeah, aha," and as he's talking he begins to doodle. He draws a moustache on me, a patch on Greg's eye, and we quietly pack up and leave. · I started working for my dad who owned a restaurant, when I was in high school. I needed money to buy a car and he said, "You want a car, you work." A piece of advice--never work for a relative. I was worked to death and after 12'months I said, "Listen, do I get any vacation with this job?" My father said, "Sure, how about the first two hours in August?" · I love the story about the highway patrolman who catches up with a guy and says, "I'll have to give you a ticket because you don't seem to have your taillights." The driver walks to the rear of his car and says, "Oh my, Oh my," moaning and wincing. The cop says, "What's the matter, buddy, it's only a ticket." And the guys says, "Forget about the ticket, where's my trailer?" D. OREHEK "Congratulations! You liberated, a 7-pound, 3-ounce, brand-new feminist!'' It's To Laugh C,. DOLE "This delegation is determined to see you, Senator." \. MIKAU1I "Don't drop out yet, Freddie. At least give the third grade a try." ( DAY "/ don't know which is worse: to get the silent treatment or to know what she's mad about." 1»

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