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My FAVORITE jokes by chRisrophcR EDITOR'S NOTi: "With my name ft seemed necessary to become a corned/an/' says Christopher Merrymee, and he adds,"/ a/ways did crazy things. One of my friends once said, "Chris, you're the type of guy who would walk into a MacDona/d's and ask for the wine list!" So, even though he started in show business as a singer, it wasn't long before a natural zaniness took over and comedy became "his main concern. "/ realized that I got greater satisfaction out of getting laughs than applause, and I was hooked on comedy." Merrymee has appeared in the Merv Griffin and Steve Allen TV shows, and entertained at clubs such as New York's Bitter End, the Playboy circuit, and at resort hotels. Here, are some of his favorite jokes and stories: I was in a drugstore with a friend of mine who can only be described as a tightwad. Suddenly two armed men stormed in shouting, "This is a stick-' up!" While one of them began searching the customers for valuables, my friend inched over to me and^ whispered, 'Take this." "What is it?" I whispered back. "The $25 I owe you," he said. t There's a new bumper sticker that reads: "Remember Streakers Are Born Nudists/', . . A first-grade pupil came home and his mother asked him the inevitable question: "What did you . learn in school today?"'"! learned," he said, "that 4 and 4 make 9." "But thafs wrong," said his'fnother. "Well," said the youngster, "in that case I didn't learn anything." During the energy crisis I traveled by train on a subsidiary of Amtrak; it was called Offtrack. Offtrack was created for people like me who couldn't afford to take Amtrak. With Offtrack you didn't have to make a reservation, you showed up at the station a half-hour ahead of time with a bucket of coal in your hands--they took you anywhere you wanted to go. Â· I wouldn't, fly during the energy crisis. I felt, if I'm going to run but of gas, I'd rather do it on the ground than in the air. What if you're flying at 40,000 feet and your plane runs "out of gas. I mean, you could be stuck up there all day. , * Â· Â· In case you're not feeling depressed enough, just remember: Right now, someone somewhere is putting your name on somebody's mailing list. I was in Las Vegas about four months ago. After figuring out that 1 didn't have enough money to gamble with I decided to simply watch the wheel and bet mentally. In less than 10 minutes I had lost my mind. A sign posted in a public school: "In case of atomic attack, the federal rulings concerning prayer in this building will be temporarily suspended." A married couple were driving home from the theater after seeing the film, "The Exorcist." The husband looked at his wife and asked, "What do you think about all this devil business?" The young woman thoughtfully replied: "Well, dear, you-know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just, your father." Several nights ago I was walking through a college town and I stopped to ask a spaced-out student what time it was. "Twelve o'clock," he replied, "No kidding," I said, "I thought it was later than that." "Man, it never gets later than that around here. Like when it reaches twelve o'clock we start over again." A friend and I argued for two hours regarding a loan which he insisted he had paid back, but I knew for a fact that he had not: After having been out- shouted I reluctantly gave in. "No hard feelings," he said. "No," I said," I wish I had a dozen friends like you." "Real-' ly?" he replied. "Yeah," I said, "I have two dozen." J M. YAUK 'I'm warning you; // you teach them (he value of a dollar, they'll need more a//owance money." C DAY T. ZIBELLI WftTER, WKTER everywhere You love the water. You're attracted to it. You love to swim and won't give it up for a day. Even if you have your period, you know you can swim dependably protected with Tampax tampons. They give you internal protection that won't irritate or cause discomfort. Protection that won't cause odor. Protection that can't slip or show under swimsuits. Protection small enough to be carried discreetly wherever you go. Wherever there's water, there you are. Swimming every day. Protected, sure of yourself because you use Tampax tampons. "First, I would like you to forget every single thing your husband may have taught you." 'Can you take me first? I'm double parked." Tht internal protection more woman twt ED BT Â» OOCTO* Â«QW USED BY MILLIONS OF WOMF* MADE ONLY 8Y TAMPAX INCORPORATED, PALMER, MASS.