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JD TTM UJ Z D X 18 Immediate response many situation Faatuivd in Parade Magazin* U.S. News World Report, ttc. Experience a better sense of personal security with the Nebulizer. Fitting in pocket, purse or glove compartment, this three-way protective device provides a light beam for any normal use, such as returning to an empty house at night. Switch to second position and the beam is intensified and in the dark appears so bright that a potential attacker will see only spots and may run away. In third position it activates a repellent spray instantly immobilizing any animal or human attacker with wheezing, coughing, gagging, irritation and stinging of eyes for up to 30 minutes, leaving no ill-effects. Positive three way switch insures immediate response and control. The Nebulizer is safe and effective. High impact, unbreakable case of fiberglass reinforced nylon with pistol grip for ease of handling and instant orientation. 1700 FM 1960 WEST, SUITE 202, HOUSTON, TEXAS 77090 PtoM Mnd math* NEBULIZER XL4 For $1435 plus $1.00for Postage and Handling Quantity Name -- Addrav City -Stata. . Zip bode. Get a jump on tomorrow save today. What Do Many Doctors Use When Iky Suffer Fain And Itch Of Hemorrhoidal Tissues? Exclusive formula gives prompt, temporary relief from ^ such pain and itch in many cases. Helps shrink swelling ^ of hemorrhoidal tissues due to inflammation. News about a most effective medication comes from a recent survey of doctors- Asked what they, themselves, use to relieve such painful symptoms, many of the doctors reporting named one particular medication they either use themselves or in their -_jnffice practice. This medication gives prompt relief for hours in many cases from pain and itching of hemor- rhoidal tissues. And it actually helps shrink swelling of such tissues caused by infection. Tests by doctors showed this to be true. The medication used was Preparation HÂ®--the same exclusive formula you can buy at any drug counter without a prescription. Just see if doctor tested Preparation H doesn't help you. There's no other formula like it. Ointment or suppositories.- My FAVOR|TE jokes by qREq lewis EDITOrS NOTE: In his early comedy career Greg Lewis was part of the team (with Cus Christie) of Lewis and Christie. When he went out on his own he broadened his experience in show business doing theater ("I was in the musical 'Promises, Promises'--I was, I was") and 7V commercials, as well as his nightclub act. But trying out for the commercials, as many comedians and actors have learned- is sometimes a comedic experience in itself. "At 8 o'clock in the morning I'd get a call; my agent would quickly ask me a question, "Hello, Greg, do your teeth come out?" "No." "Okay, thank you," and he hangs up. "An actor friend of mine answered a call for a chewing gum commercial. He gets there and sees a group of people seated around a conference table. He reads the script and one of them says, 'I'll bet you can be the voiceover for this commercial.' Everyone* turns around and-looks at the boss at the head of the table. The boss te//s my friend- 'Stand up.' Then he looks him up and down and says, 'Okay, you can do the voice-over.' Now, what we're trying to figure out was why did he have to stand up? Didn't the boss think he Â· was tall enough for the microphone?" Greg Lewis has appeared in top clubs and hotels around the country and on the Douglas, Griffin, and Steve Allen television shows. Here are some of his current favorites: h A gardener is spreading fertilizer or\ the lawn of a mental hospital. He goes over to the patch of strawberries, and one of the patients yells down from a window- "What are you doing?" The gardener answers, "I'm putting fertilizers on the strawberries." The patient says, "I put sugar and milk on mine and they got me locked up." 'Â·" A guy gets stopped for jaywalking. He says, "Tell me, officer, how fast was I going?" L. LINKER! A young rabbi finally gets up enough courage to go over and speak to the richest member of the congregation. He says, "Do you always have to fall asleep when I'm preach- ing?" And the man answers. "Look, would I fall asleep if I didri't trust you?" Â· I've never had mueh success with girls-the truth is I'm kind of lumpy and unattractive. In the ^Christmas pageants at school I was always cast as the outskirts of Bethlehem. ' Â· ' Â· Â· . . About two years ago I decided to improve myself. I think the thing that shocked me into doing it was when the Internal Revenue Ser- . vice examined my body and decided to allow me an extra deduction. Â· Â· A mother to a little boy at a New York sidewalk cafe: "Hurry up and finish your milk before it gets dirty." : ' Â· A lawyer and his wife were taking an .ocean cruise. The ship hit a storm and the lawyer fell overboard. Almost immediately eight sharks formed a two-lane escort for the guy and helped him all the way back to the ship. "It was a miracle," the lawyer told his wife. "No-" said his wife, "just professional courtesy." Â· : I had a parrot that swore a loUts name was Charlie. One day Charlie got sick, and I was on the road. My wife was pregnant at the time, so when I got a call from my 7-year-old daughter and she said, "Daddy, something bad happened," I got nervous. Then she said, "Charlie got very sick and we had to rush him to the hospital, and the veterinarian gave him .a shot--and right before he died he said your favorite word." Â· A Sunday school class was in session and the teacher asked: "What is it that we learn from the story of Jonah and the Whale?" And a kid stood up and said, "What we leam is that people make whales sick."