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My Favorite Jokes by Dick Gregory EDITOR'S NOTE: All Dick Gregory has to do is pit his logic against the irrationality governing politics, race relations, urban life--current events in general--and the laughter flows. The laughter is a response to (hat logic which should but doesn't prevail in our lives and it's through such logic that a social satirist often makes comedy; Gregory does it with great conversational ease. Born in St. Louis during the Depression, Gregory grew up in poverty. "When you came into my house," he has said, "you didn't have to knock the snow off your shoes. It wasn't going to melt anyway." He was a track star in high school and was offered athletic scholarship to 12 colleges. At Southern Illinois University he was named the university's outstanding athlete in 1953. Gregory left college, joined the Army, entertained soldiers as a member of the Special Services and discovered his aptitude for comedy. After five years of struggle he broke through to success at Chicago's Playboy Club, where he was held over for nine weeks. He's played in top clubs all across the country and to keep in touch with, and be inspired by, young people he's constantly performing at colleges. He was a 1968 Presidential candidate --more perhaps for the symbolism than a desire for the office. We recently saw him at New York's Upstairs at the Downstairs. Here are some ol his comments: On the 24th of April, 1971, I vowed I would not eat any more solid food until the war was over in Vietnam. The reason I mention that to you now is because I'm hungry. A lot of people worry about me--but you just have to look at me to know I got enough sense that if the war looks like it's going to outlast me I'll just hold a press conference, announce the war is over, and eat! Â· The hardest thing about going on a fast is all the dumb questions the eaters keep asking . . . I get this one cat interviewing me saying/Tell me, what does hunger taste like?" He's sitting there eating a corned-beef sandwich. On a long fast it's always good to psych yourself out, tell yourself you're going to be hungry, tell yourself you're going to lose weight. My top was 288 pounds. I stay between 96 and 98 now. I've had the pants taken up so much in the back the right pocket is on the left side. I remember the days when I used to drink--and I really had to give it up. That's-when I found out that alcoholism doesn't have to do with the amount of liquor you drink but what's on your mind when you're drinking it. Like when I was 3 years old I had a peanut butter habit. And at 13 I was hooked on )ell-O--it was very weird Jell-O. I couldn't get up, I lay in the gutter and shook . . . And then I got hooked on a fifth of Scotch everyday. And that's really a weird feeling when you get drunk and can't make it home. It's probably the most humiliating thing that I had happen to me. I got drunk once and made it home but couldn't get out of the garage! So I'm lying in the garage asleep for three days before I come out of it, and then I'm confronted with the truth --I realize the truth can get me in a lot of trouble cause there ain't no way my wife's going to believe I was downstairs in the garage for three days. So I go down to the corner drugstore and I call my house and she answers the phone. The first thing she says--I didn't say anything yet--is, "Where you been?" And I said, "Don't pay the ransom money, I got away!" Â· I'm glad Nixon made that trip to China. It's about time someone in Washington had enough sense to recognize that 888 million people do exist. Do you realize that Red China's got more census takers than we got people? Â· Now with one out of every four people on earth being Chinese don't you think you ought to know at least two? We say in 10 years the Chinese will have a long-range missile that will be able to hit this-country a detrimental blow. What are they worried about? If the Chinese wanted to wipe you out they wouldn't need a missile. All they got to do is put 888 million people in the ocean at the same time and the sea level rises. It'd wipe us out! Â· Now I'm from Chicago and we really do take a lot of bad raps about our cops. We got a cop in the Chicago police department who can't even read. There's a street called Garfield Boulevard--and a horse pulling a junkman's overloaded wagon fell dead. The cop had to write up the report, right? So since he couldn't spell Garfield Boulevard, he picked up the horse and dragged him to 56th Place. with Romantic illusion Sleovei and Bonded Lining for $17.50 SIZES 9 to 17 10to20_ 14 l /2to24'/2 Indispensible Shift with "peek- a-boo" sleeves for Gala events! Jewel neckline, back zipper. Dramatic and thrilling to wear! COLOR * Jet Black only! Satisfaction Assured with Parade Fas/lions' MONEY-BACK^* GUARANTEE PARADE FASHIONS, Inc., Dopt. P. j J 1313 W. 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