The Gazette from Montreal, Quebec, Canada • 75

iiWHpWiwp. THE GAZETTE, MONTREAL, WEDNESDAY, JUNE 30, 1999 F7 ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR: LUCINDA CHODAN (514) 987-2568 FILM REVIEWS Jazz with IMTIRTA0NMENT nn TO cod. tei ire Cajun 1UJLV PI.IJI Fest starts tomorrow KATHRYN GREENAWAY The Gazette mm However scatological, South Park is a clever mix of dumb, daring MM iff ytv If-- "Ar.2 JOHN GRIFFIN Gazette Film Critic I JSiW. Pack your sunscreen and portable umbrella. The Montreal International Jazz Festival is celebrating its 20th anniversary come ram or shine -or technicians' strike.

Starting tomorrow, more than 400 performances around three-quarters of them free by about 2,000 musicians of ail sorts not just jazz -will play, sweat and swing their way through 11 days and nights of musical celebration. From mid-morning to the wee hours, the streets surrounding Place des Arts will teem with an ex li jV-- 0 ISM- -tsar )T FESTIVAL INTERNATIONAL DE MONTREAL pected 1.5 million visitors over the course of the event. They'll be checking out 28 daily series on nine stages dotting the outdoor jazz site or heading off to ticketed performances by artists such as the McCoy Tyner Trio (tomor The story in South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut so far Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman sneak in to see the R-rated Canadian "foreign" film Asses of Fire, starring their heroes Terrence and Philip. In this educational movie, they learn the value of swearing and farts and pass on the knowledge to their impressionable third-grade colleagues in this small Colorado mountain town. Before long, anarchy rules and the mothers take a stand.

Stan, Kyle and Cartman are grounded, Kenny is toasted during an unfortunate fart-lighting experiment and goes briefly to heaven (population one thousand something) and then to hell (pop: one billion something). Their mothers blame Canada, form a committee called M.A.C. (ha-ha, Mothers Against Canada) and demand the immediate arrest of Terrence and Philip for polluting the minds of the youth. The pair are suckered into custody after an appearance on the Conan O'Brien show, the Canadian film minister demands their release and backs those demands by launching turbo-prop airplanes in a calculated attack against the Baldwin acting family, with many Baldwin casualties. The U.S.

responds by wiping out Toronto (yay). While Kyle, Stan and Cartman form a resistance cell with school brainiac Gregory, Kenny mediates the abusive relationship between a sensitive Satan and a sex-mad Saddam Hussein, the mothers rattle sabres about a smut-free PARAMOUNT PICTURES The outrageous animated TV series South Park makes the leap to the big screen today. With the help of a beret-wearing, chain-smoking existential French kid, Stan, Kyle and Cartman plan to liberate Terrence and Philip after the performance of Yippie the backwards-somersaulting dog by simultaneously digging under the stage, turning off the power, making noises like dying giraffes and getting Big Gay Al to do one of his production numbers "I'm super! Thanks for asking!" It will be useful for everyone if this works, because Chef has been placed with a unit of other black men in the cannon-fodder front lines, Saddam has got big ideas about Parker and Stone could not have sent a clearer message about censorship and film violence to the MPAA (The American ratings board) if they had walked up to headquarters and mooned the executive. In this gleefully, massively offensive South Park, nothing is forbidden, everything is allowed. Every sacred cow must get stoned.

In the handy handbook of production information that came with the press package (secret encoded message to Paramount Pictures: send more merch now) Stone and Parker explain what the movie means to them. Stone: "You could say South Park: Bigger, Longer Uncut is about the struggle for basic, inalienable freedoms in the face of oppression, but you'd sound like a jerk." Parker: "If you want to know what the movie is about, just read Moby Dick, and every time you come across the word replace it with Stone: "It's like Spartacus, only with more farting." 4- South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut opens today in local theatres. Parents' guide: language, ultra-real cartoon violence, the love that dares not speak its name, and a surgery scene where Kenny gets a transplant. Not for pre-teens. world power again and Stan has finally figured out how to make a woman love him more than any other guy.

Here comes that little dog now. America, and some scientist invents a V-chip that can be implanted in the kids' heads which activates an electric shock every time one of them swears. This is done. Canada escalates the conflict South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut is "like Spartacus, only with more farting." Creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone have topped themselves with the debut feature based on the multimillion-dollar, mega-cult animated TV show. It is bigger, longer and uncut.

It is also funnier, smarter, dumber, cruder, louder, more satirical, violent, anarchic and subversive, and is not meant to be seen by elementary-school kids with their parents, and certainly not with their grandparents. by bombing the Arquette acting family, a tribunal decides that Terrence and Philip will die in the electric chair during a USO show orchestrated by Big Gay Al and Kenny overhears the Disney-esque Dark Prince saying that the day the two Canadians' blood spills on American soil is the day he will rise from his Fiery home and rule over Earth for the next three million years. Wild wild waste Will Smith, Kevin Kline collared with silly remake of classic TV show row), Diana Krall (Friday), the Branford Marsalis Quartet (Saturday) or Abdullah Ibrahim with I Musici (July 9). The open-air site surrounding Place des Arts, home to the free concerts, is the heart of the festival. The area is closed to vehicular traffic during the event, so visitors can stroll the length of the "jazz village," pausing to shop, eat, drink, relax or enjoy an outdoor concert.

Because of an ongoing labour dispute, the plush indoor theatres of Place des Arts are dark this year, however. Technicians there walked off the job on June 22, producing a sizable speed bump for jazz -fest organizers. Most of the 17 mainstage concerts originally booked at Salle Wilfrid Pelletier and Theatre Maisonneuve have been successfully relocated to other venues. One concert was canceled outright Harry Connick Jr. ticketholders can get refunds at point of purchase and Paco de Lucia, originally booked for July 9, has been rescheduled for Nov.

12 at Salle Wilfrid Pelletier, assuming the strike is over. Music from Louisiana is a prominent theme at this year's festival. The new Casino de Montreal tent on the Place des Arts grounds gets into the act with a roster of Cajun musicians and a series of eateries are dedicating their menus to food from the region. You can also book a Louisiana-inspired boat cruise on the St. Lawrence River.

The centrepiece for the Cajun portion of the festival is a traditional New Orleans parade horns a-tooting, hips a-swaying which will meander the festival site daily beginning at 5:30 p.m. No bottles, cans, dogs, in-line skates or bicycles are allowed on site. A bicycle parking facility is set up on the corner of Clark St. and de Maisonneuve Blvd. Car parking is available at the four extremities of the village and under Place des Arts and Complex Desjardins, but it is advisable to use public transit because of street closings.

The two closest metro stops are Place des Arts and St. Laurent. Here are the streets to avoid during the festival: Ste. Catherine St. between Jeanne Mance and St.

Urbain Sts. will be closed for the duration of the festival. President Kennedy, St. Urbain, and Jeanne Mance Sts. and de Maisonneuve Blvd.

will close from 6 p.m. to 8 a.m. daily. Jeanne Mance St. may close tomorrow and on weekends at 4 p.m., but this has not been confirmed.

Diana Krall doubles up There are two new developments on the jazz-fest front as a result of a strike by stagehands, carpenters and sound and light technicians at Place des Arts. Singer-pianist Diana Krall will go ahead with her Friday night performance, but the venue has changed again. Originally scheduled to play Place des Arts, she was moved to CEPSUM at the Universite de Montreal. However, festival officials announced yesterday that Krall will now perform on Friday at Theatre St. Denis but the good news is that she's performing two shows, at 8:30 p.m.

and 11 p.m. However, because of the complications involved in playing two shows, Krall won't perform with a 30-piece orchestra, as originally planned, but with her regular quartet. The fact that there are now two shows also means that additional tickets are available. They go on sale today at noon. If you have tickets for the Diana Krall show that was rescheduled for CEPSUM, you can exchange them for the new shows starting at noon tomorrow at the Place des Arts ticket outlet.

If you want to obtain a refund, you may do so at point of purchase. Meanwhile, Harry Connick show, originally rescheduled to the fall, has been canceled altogether The New Orleans crooner had been slotted to launch this year's festival with a performance at Place des Arts tonight. Jazz-fest organizers planned to re-bbok Connick for fall, but a date could not be agreed upon. Ticketholders for the Connick show are now urged to bring their tickets to the point of purchase for a refund. fr For more information, please call the Bell Info-Jazz line at (514) 871-1881: outside Montreal, call (888) 515-0515.

Tickets for the festival are available from Admission outlets. (514) 790-1245 or. outside Montreal at (800) 361-4595. Tickets are also available from the Spectrum, 318 Ste. Catherine St.

the Place des Arts metro station, at Place des Arts, and at the box offices of other festival venues. LUCINDA CHODAN Gazette Entertainment Editor There's something apt about the 80-foot mechanical tarantula that is at the heart of the new movie Wild Wild West, which opens today The film that had the best chance of being this year's quintessential summer movie frothy, funny and visually dazzling is too much like the ponderous, clumsy machine at its core. That's in spite of an enormous budget reputed to be around $200 million U.S. and a strong cast, led by the usually irresistible Will Smith as U.S. government agent Jim West and a fussy Kevin Kline as his foil, Artemus Gordon.

Someone's threatening to assassinate U.S. President Ulysses S. Grant, and West and mad-scientist Gordon join forces to stop him. That arch-villain is Dr. Arliss Loveless (Kenneth Branagh), whose braying Southern accent gives you the first clue that he's still cranky about the Civil War Hence his hatred for Grant and West and Gordon's hunt for him.

Along the way, the unlikely pair run across the luscious Rita Escobar (Salma Hayek), the butt (sometimes literally) of much of the movie's crude repartee. "She's a breath of fresh ass," Gordon observes reverently as Escobar walks away, the unfastened trap door of apairof longjohns baring her assets. "She's a breast of fresh air," West ripostes. That heavy-handed and unfunny exchange is characteristic of the script of Wild Wild West. There's little plot, and what little there is has to claw its way past the dumb and often painfully arch dialogue.

WARNER BROS. Kevin Kline as Artemus Gordon and Will Smith as U.S. government agent Jim West. That doesn't give Smith and Kline, likeable and gifted actors, much to work with individually, and it doesn't let them develop any chemistry. There is one serious "buddy" moment in the film a scene where the reason for West's personal animus toward Loveless is revealed.

But the smirky script lets it slip by almost without notice. As for the rest of the cast, Hayek is a strangely unappealing femme fatale in a bustier and an erratic accent, and Branagh is completely over the top as the evil paraplegic Loveless. Barry Sonnenfeld, who directed Smith in the off-kilter but hilarious Men in Black two summers ago, lets the timing go awry in this one, and he can't seem to find the feeling that's necessary for us to care about what happens to West and Gordon. As for the alleged $200 million, it shows up in the film's impressive gadgetry and some stunning cinematography. The film's Utah setting is postcard-perfect, and Loveless's self-contained city in the desert is breathtaking.

But Wild Wild West proves that amazing cinematography, megawatt stars and impressive effects can't trump a bad script and nonexistent plot That is how the West was lost. Wild Wild West opens today. Parents' guide: gore, crude innuendo, sexual situations. -k'A Lengthy McLachlan trial nears end GREG JOYCE Canadian Press tance was not significant enough to warrant being a co-producer or co-songwriter. "It boils down to Darryl Neudorf helped Sarah McLachlan with part of one verse on (the song) Steaming," she said.

"Dr. Eskelen is of no assistance on who did what because he wasn't there." On another song, Vox, Conkie said McLachlan adapted a suggestion by Neudorf that a guitar riff she conceived be complemented by violins. "So what if Darryl Neudorf suggested violins, too. It was Sarah McLachlan's melody." The hearing began last November and included testimony from McLachlan, singer Bill Henderson, formerly of Chilliwack and The Collectors, and other artists, producers and executives. Neudorf was paid a salary, expenses and received a credit for his work on Touch.

McLachlan, a Juno and Grammy winner, has just released her latest album, Mirrorball, while preparing for the concert tour Lilith Fair Justice Bruce Cohen in B.C. Supreme Court. Neudorf 's lawyers told Eskelen that McLachlan was struggling and needed major assistance and that opinion was reflected in the musicologist's testimony, said Conkie. Eskelen is a professor at the University of California at Los Angeles and a former Grammy Award nominee with the L. A.

Jazz Choir. Neudorf claims he helped McLachlan write four songs for Touch. DECISION EXPECTED IN FALL McLachlan attended the proceedings yesterday She sat at the defendant's table less than two metres away from Neudorf, although they never exchanged glances or acknowledged each other. The judge, who is hearing the case without a jury, isn't expected to deliver his judgment until falL Conkie told court the evidence suggested Neudorf was hired to help McLachlan, but his assis- VANCOUVER Singer Sarah McLachlan's lawyer attacked the credibility yesterday of a key expert witness used by the man suing the singer for more credit and money. Lawyer Jennifer Conkie said the testimony last autumn of musicologist Gerald Eskelen should be given "little weight" by the judge in the case.

Conkie, who was delivering her final arguments as the lengthy trial nears an end, said Eskelen's report to the court inaccurately portrays McLachlan as wanting to take all the credit for her first album. Eskelen's report was the main evidence supporting Darryl Neudorf 's claim that he was not given the appropriate compensation for his work. "Why he (Eskelen) thinks that way is because counsel for the plaintiff fed him the most biased and outrageous facts I've ever seen," Conkie told i.