Sunday Gazette-Mail from Charleston, West Virginia on June 20, 1976 · Page 210
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Sunday Gazette-Mail from Charleston, West Virginia · Page 210

Charleston, West Virginia
Issue Date:
Sunday, June 20, 1976
Page 210
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My FAVORITE jokes EDITOR'S NOTE: "One reason / like to talk about my relatives," says comedy writer Ken Friedman, "is because they don't like to talk about me. As you already know, my relative the Marquis de Friedman brought cruelty to new 'heights when he invented the bad joke" Friedman, who gives talks lor college audiences, has written two comedy . IP's, "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About the Godfather" and "The Missing Japes." He's written lor comedians Marty Brill, Pat Henry and lohnny Carson, and he recently completed writing his first film, "Don't Trust Life." He says: "It's about a'group of people who meet on the unemployment line, decide to go into show business, and have absolutely no talent-but that's nol necessarily a drawback." Here are some of Ken Friedman's jokes: I'm getting fed up with the building where 1 live. Instead of a front door we have a revolving derelict. I have what is called a split-level apartment. My rent is at one level and my income is at another. · I went to a low-budget high school. Our school colors were orange and orange. I'm writing a comedy about prehistoric music. It's about Stonehenge, the first rock group. · My father was out of work for years and now I'm out of work. People are actually accusing my father of nepotism. · I moved into my new apartment out of patriotism. The paint job is 200 years old. The apartment features the bathtub- oven combination. It's great, but if you bend over to pick up the soap, be careful of the pilot light. c. DAY "I'm looking for a T-shirt that doesn't say anything." My parents" were in the nightclub business. I was bottle-fed as a baby and I had to pay a two-drink minimum. There's a new Monopoly set on the market, and it's really great. Now, instead of building hotels, if you have good personal references, you can put up a McDonald's. I was playing Monopoly with some friends. They began to get so rich that when they went to jail, they didn't roll the dice to get out, they hired F. Lee Bailey. Budget cuts in cities are becoming severe. In fact, zoos are now charging the animals rent. Each animal has to sign a three-year lease for a cage, but there's a hidden clause--"no pets allowed." Two clairvoyants were arguing about who was better at predicting the future. One said, "I've predicted earthquakes, hurricanes, and tidal waves. What did you ever do?" "Well," said the other, "when McGovern ran against Nixon, I voted for Ford." I have a very- reliable broker who promised to make me lots of money. It was due to his sharp counseling last summer that I invested my life savings in cholesterol. I didn't get off to a good start in life. When I was born the doctor didn't spank me, he got me to cry by calling me dirty names. I went to a friend's funeral. I don't think the widow was too bereaved. She insisted on having her phone number etched into the tombstone. FIOlIGMlMMllTrin. Send to: Parade. Box 475. Dept. 21 Radio City Station, New York. N.Y. 1001 Please send me copy(ies) of Crochet Collection. I enclose $1 cash, chec or money order for each copy plus 25ft for postage and handling. Name Address City_ State Zip. General Offices: 1150 Avenue of the Americas, New York, N.Y. 10036 and run Wouldn't you like some new ideas for crocheting, one of the fun ways to be creative? Send for PARADE'S new Crochet Collection and make gifts for your family and friends, as well as useful items for your own home. For beginners, there is a section giving clear and complete how-to directions, whether you are right- ot left-handed. In Crochet Collection you will find directions for a variety of items--an afghan with a Sioux design, a bedspread with a leaf motif, a crochet set for that new arrival, a warm vest for the man in your life. There are toys for tots, hats and scarves for cold days, even a coat for the family dog--24 items in all. 23

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