Page 124 article text (OCR)
The prlwho% warm and friendly Some gjris never seem to have any problems. They just stay lively and fun to be with all the time. Many grls like that depend on Tampax tampons. They give you more than enough menstrual protection for your normal needs to keep you worry-free. TOU'TE never concerned about odor either Because when a tampon is in use embarrassing odor can't form. That's why we don't add a deodorant to Tampax tampons. Deodorants in a tampon are unnecessary and may be harmful to sensitive tissues. And Tampax tampons are very soft. They're comfortable to wear. Never bulky. And nothing shows, so you don't have to be self- conscious even in the scantiest bikini. You too can be unworried and life-loving every day of the month when you trust Tampax tampons. MY FAVORITE jokes byphyllisdillER EDITOR'S NOTE: Few people have been as adept as Phyllis Oilier at making comedy out of appearance. Witness the bizarre clothing, and especially the hair, of which Phyllis says: "Last time I went to the hairdresser he teased my hair to the point where it wanted to attack him," adding dryly: "I have arthritis in my hair!" And then, there's her character, husband Fang, a constant source of humor: "Fang is so cheap he didn't want to spend $2 for a marriage license until I convinced him it worked out to only two cents a pound." Phyllis Diller is a star of television, nightclubs, movies, and a concert pianist. Here she is on herself, Fang, and the other troublesome influences in her life: Fang has taken a terrible dislike to Howard Hughes. It all started when Mr. Hughes offered Fang a job. Â· Last week I sat in the waiting room at my doctor's office for so long I said to hell with it. I decided to go home and die a natural death. Â· When the Japanese tried to launch their first rocket into outer space it failed. Only the radio and camera worked. Â· To give you some idea of how unstable South American governments are --the last government I visited there was entirely staffed by Kelly^girls. Â· Fang always has bad luck. He knocked 'IT'S TO Uuqh on wood and a tree fell on him. Â· Fang's ancestors were all bronco busters, bear hunters, and lumberjacks, and the men were all bookkeepers. Recently he crossed our canary with a carrier pigeon. Now it only sings songs with a message. Â· The closest I've ever come to suicide is marriage.- On our honeymoon Fang swore he wouldn't drink while working and he hasn't touched a job since. Â· We do have a strange relationship. I always surprise Fang on our anniversary --I mention it. And he always asks for the same thing every Christmas--a divorce. Fang is such a loser he was chased down the middle of the street by a bunch of hoodlums, and he was arrested for starting a parade without a license. At the station he was allowed one phone call--he called the police. And Fang's brother--he's so stupid he opened a parking lot next to a drive- in restaurant. When that failed he opened up a matinee drive-in theater. My parents hated me. When they took my baby pictures they put me on a live bear. Â· When I was a kid 1 had such a rotten voice I was singing in the tub and my rubber duck bit me. I have vivid childhood memories. I remember one cold night my grandfather came home a bit juiced, fell over a frozen snake and said: "Ijptta get a new cane, that one bites." Last week I .told Fang to spike the punch. The idiot dropped nails in the bowl. Fang really has a split personality. When he goes into a restaurant alone he asks for separate checks. A man got in the elevator with me last night and annoyed me all the way- up. He kept trying to get out. G. WOLFE R. HAGEMAN M. YAUK I. NORMENT- "Yes--he is the cutest baby in the world!" "Milk and eggs have held steady the past hour."