Page 156 article text (OCR)
My FAVORITE jokes EDITOR'S NOTE: Charles Lindner's comedy is reserved for a very special audience, the senior citizens, and this "comedian to the geriatric set" as he is called, is busy performing year round--mostly in New York and its environs--in senior citizens' residences, in hospitals, for church and synagogue Golden Age Clubs, for the Salvation Army, etc. Because his audiences are so special, Lindner's tuned in to their favorite comedy topics which he lists as "senior citizens, children, and sex, in that order." And for audiences in which the age range is 65 to 707, the average being 83, he gets some quick,wefl-timedre- sponses. "Recently at the close of my act," he says, "I told a nursing-home audience'/ hope you get better/ whereupon an 86-year-old patient shouted, 'I hope you do, too!'" Lindner has performed for dub dates, and conventions and on TV and radio. Here are some more of his jokes and stories: Ad in a local newspaper: "For sale, complete set of encyclopedia--never used--my wife knows everything!" A whole 'nother way to send smoke signals. 20 LITTLE CIGARS WINCHESTER z 12 Even if you can't blow smoke rings, she'll get the message. Winchester's gentle aroma tells her what the taste tells you. It's mild. Light. With filtered smoothness. And compare Winchester's price with the cost of cigarettes. It's the greatest game since Cowboys and Indians. Winchester. It's a whole nother smoke. A bum stops an elderly stout lady and says, "Can you spare 50 cents? I haven't eaten in four days." The stout lady replies, "Gee, I wish I had your will power." Â· A man being interviewed by reporters orchis 105th birthday was asked: 'To what do you attribute your good health?" "I don't know yet," he replied, "I'm still dickerin' with two breakfast cereal companies." Â· A mother was complaining after church service that the church was hot, the choir sang off-key, and the sermon was terrible, whereupon her 5-year-old daughter said: "Mama, what do you expect for the nickel you put in the collection plate?" Â· A wife goes to the police station with a woman friend to report that her husband has been missing for seven days. The desk sergeant asks for the name and description. "My husband's name is Edward King, he's 45 years old, 6 foot 3, has blue eyes, blond hair, an athletic build, weighs 185., is sdft- spoken and good to the children." When they reave the station house Mrs. King's friend says, "Your husband is 5 foot 3,. chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children. Mrs. King replies, "I know, and who wants him back?" Â· Good news: Today people are poorer but stronger. Twenty years ago it took two adults to carry $20 worth of groceries. Today any 6-year-old kid can do it. Â· A mother insists that her daughter put an ad in the personal column of the local newspaper reading, "Beautiful, exotic, young heiress seeks correspondence with devil-may- care gentleman." One week later she asks her daughter, "Did you receive any answers?" Her daughter says, "One--and it was papa!" Â· Mr. and Mrs. Jones were both celebrating their 90th birthday. A reporter asked Mr. Jones if he had one special wish. He replied, "I'd like to live to 120 and my wife should live to 119." "Why the difference of one year?" asked the reporter. "One year I'd like to live in peace." Â· Six-year-old Patrick asks Sammy, "Do you say a prayer before you eat?" "I don't have to, my mother's a good cook." Â· A young model telling her girlfriend, "He not only lied to me about the yacht, but he made me do all the rowing:" Â· - Â· I should have been an astronaut. When I went to school the teachers always said I was taking up space, and my dates say I'm out of this world!