Sunday Gazette-Mail from Charleston, West Virginia on July 30, 1972 · Page 136
Get access to this page with a Free Trial
Click to view larger version
July 30, 1972

Sunday Gazette-Mail from Charleston, West Virginia · Page 136

Publication:
Location:
Charleston, West Virginia
Issue Date:
Sunday, July 30, 1972
Page:
Page 136
Cancel
Start Free Trial

Page 136 article text (OCR)

My Favorite Jokes by Woody Woodbory EDITOR'S NOTE: Many comedians strive to have their own rooms where they can perform regularly and set the tone for the entire evening w/tn their own personalities. Woody Woodbury entertains nightly at the Pampas Room of the Trade Winds Hotel in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., and enjoys bantering with his audiences. "When I talk to the audiences I take note of some of the things newlyweds say about one another-they just lend themselves to comedy. One night a. newlywed couple sat ringside. I asked the bride H they were planning on having children right away. She said,gazing at her husband, "Oh, no! We're going to wait a year or two until we get on our feet!" A veteran of movies, For Those Who Think Young, and TV (he emceed the show Who Do You Trust? and.had his own talk show), Woody is especially fcnown for te///ng "drunk jokes," which he likes because "they are always a reflection on the average person." . Here are some of his favorite jokes: A duffer came home, eyes red-rimmed. His wife asteetj^m, "Why, John dear! Have you been crying?" He said, "Yes, I have. I've been deeply hurt. My best friend, Charlie, told me that I was not only a lousy golfer and a terrible gin rummy partner, but that I was also a poor sport. He just came right out-acd said I wasn't his equal." The wife seethed, "Why that no good, dirty, crude, ugly bum, of course you're his equal!" · The judge fixed a withering gaze at the drunk in front of him and thundered, "You've been in front of me on almost a weekly basis for the past 25 years!" And the drunk said, "Lordy, judge, can I help it if you don't get promoted?" Did you hear about Howard Hughes? He bought a new 747 jumbo jet and got enough green stamps to buy Nebraska. You know the happiest 10 years of an actress' life? Between 28 and 30. · This Pennsylvania couple were rocking back and forth on their front porch swing. He said, "Rebecca, we've been married 57 years today. Pretty soon there won't be but one of us left." She answered quietly, "Darned right. And when that happens I'm a-goin' out to California!" · A rancher called his doctor on one of those crank- up old-fashioned telephones. He said, "Doc, you better get out here aiTcjuickly as possible, looks like Emily is going to have that baby any minute." The doctor said he'd be right out. He grabbed his black bag, ran out, hitched his mare to the two-wheeler, jumped in and set out over 14 miles of dusty hill and plain to the foothills. He jumped out of the rig, ran in, and saw the rancher was very agitated. The doctor said, "Now, Harlowe, don't get rattled. You just stand here and hold that lantern." So the rancher was holding the lantern while the doctor started working with his wife. Sure enough, the baby was born. Before you could say Jack Robinson another baby was born. Then came a third one. Now the rancher got rattled and threw'the lantern down. The room was pitch dark. The doctor yelled, "What in the world did you throw the lantern down for?" And the rancher criedv "Well, it's the doggern light that's attractin' 'em!" Two worms were sticking up out of the ground. First one said, "Let's make love." Second one said, "You idiot. I'm your other end!" '*"· It's To Laugh G. DOLE J. WIUOUGHBY 'Reverend--Let us pray!" A. ISLER "Good boy-r

Get full access with a Free Trial

Start Free Trial

What members have found on this page