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GVEA HOOT/ DONT TOUUIE Makes a man feel closer to home, white he's serving his country for you. We'll give him a fun place to go to. .Jhe least you can do is give money. Sf. 16 Support USD through the United Way or local USO Campaign. My FAVORITE jokes faiedMAN BMTOTS NOTE: People are always asking Ken Friedman what its like to write for some of the country's top comedians, arid Friedman answers wryfy: "They love me, they're crazy about-me, they worship the ground they have me crawl on. No, actually its great We meet and try to find topics they fee/ comfortable with, something their audiences can relate to, like microbe hunting?' Among the comedians Friedman has written for are Johnny Carson, Marty Brill, Pat Henry, Ron Carey. He's also written for radio, and enjoyed writing and acting on two comedy IP's, "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About the Godfather" (Columbia), and the newly released "The Missing Tapes," with Marty Brill (Laurie Records), which he hopes will have a big sale. Money is actually not one of Friedman's pressing concerns. He has innumerable Series F bonds which he says will mature when he does! Ken likes to talk about his illustrious ancestors: for instance, the great ex- p/orer Ferdinand de Friedman, who discovered Australia, sent back samples of its earth, and pictures, and was fired on the spot! Why does he take time out from a busy schedule to do this column? "Because I want mail," he says, and pouts, and grins almost at once. Here is more on Friedman's ancestors, some of his jokes, and comments: My great forebear, the prehistoric Alley Oops Friedman, is probably best remembered for his revolutionary invention: the fur coat Yes, before Alley Oops invented the fur coat, cavemen went around wearing nothing but corduroy and tweed, and you know what thafs like. Unfortunately there ' were a few kinks in Alley Oops' first version of the fur coat Although the coat was beautiful and shiny, it ate anyone who tried to wear it. Â· Boy, things are getting bad. Did you know that due to inflation 1974 will end in June? Â· Some peopje are afraid of dying. Not me. Dying will only mean that I'll finally have my own place. Â· Â· Good news! I'm going into business. Are you unhappy with Western Union or the U.S. mails? Fret no longer. If you have a message to send, trust Friedman's Homing Buffalo Service! Bccit- ing concept, isn't it? Homing-pigeons, while good, are old-fashioned. They simply are not big enough to carry to- day's larger messages. Caution: .Because many neighborhoods are now becoming jammed with buffalo, only the Friedman Homing Buf-, falo will wear an attractive navy-blue cap, red leggings and have an ID card with a thumb-sized photograph. Please do not, no matter what he says, open your door to any buffalo who does not fit this description. Â· My neighborhood is so tough we consider homicide a death by natural causes. Â· So ! said to rny friend the masochist: "Don't worry. You're among enemies." Â· I knew my marriage was not going to be all roses when I asked my fiancee where she would like to go on her honeymoon. I suggested Niagara Falls or Bermuda. She said, "Great You go to Niagara Falls and I'll go to Bermuda." - Â· Then there was my great ancestor, Giuseppe Friedman, the world's first mechanic. In his day women would do their laundry by going down to the river's edge and pounding their clothes with a rock. They used one rock for whites, one for darks, but no matter! Sometimes the river would break down and Giuseppe would be called to fix it The most common problem he encountered was caused by schools of sardines getting caught in the lint trap, or occasionally a trout would be spawning in someone's sleeve. Another complaint was shrimp around the collar. Giuseppe lost his job when a drought dried up business. Â· I think all high school proms should be held in the second year so the kids have a chance to go before they drop out - EYE ON T!IE G. DOLE E. LEPPER "You better call back. I've never known him to answer the phone with bases loaded and none out." "A girl pitcher struck him out"