Sunday Gazette-Mail from Charleston, West Virginia on May 30, 1976 · Page 121
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May 30, 1976

Sunday Gazette-Mail from Charleston, West Virginia · Page 121

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Location:
Charleston, West Virginia
Issue Date:
Sunday, May 30, 1976
Page:
Page 121
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Page 121 article text (OCR)

My FAVORITE jokes by Ed bluESTONE EDITOR'S NOTE: You might say that life for Ed 8/uestone has a strong casual component. He says: "/ was adopted. My father got me from this place that gives fcids to anyone who be/ongs to a union. 'And my mother, she had one weird sense of humor. When / lost my baby teeth, she said: That's it.' Soup the rest of your life!"' There were times, though, when Ed was .growing up that his parents en- Joyed making real sacrifices for his sake. "My parents'were a/ways overprotective. / mean, for my benefit they joined a swim club'without-'a pool. It had 600 decfc chairs around a fire hydrant." Blues tone has entertained at Catch a Rising Star and The /mprov/sation in New Yorfc, and on TV's Griffin, Douglas, and Carson shows. - . Here then is Ed B/uestone: I can never con anyone. I saw this guy selling chestnuts the other day. I. tried to get a free one. I told him I was reviewing him for Chestnut magazine. He points to a squirrel and says: "I'd like to help ya but the boss is watching." · · I've cut back on a lot of things. Dog food's expensive. I started to feed my dog plant _food. He got used to it. Spends his days looking for sunlight. · _ People are nuts. They adopt orphans. Ifs bad luck to have an orphan in your house. Look, he became ah orphan once, he may do it-again!' ; · Actually I have no rapport with kids. I was in Florida last week. I sent my nephew two baby alligators. He threw · them in a blender and tried to make Gatorade. One time I gave him 'an ant farm. He hired an anteater to manage it. · Saw my old girlfriend yesterday, Ronda the Cruel. It's strange--you ZZZqW/ /' . - D- OREHEK "Frankly, you've got us stumped. Mind if we call in a general practitioner?" haven't-seen a girl in a year and she greets you with: "Make it .short!" She broke up with me on the beach last year. I let her bury me up to my neck. Then she put a pail on my head and ran away. . Breakups are rough. What happens is I get- depressed and start eating out alone. I go to restaurants we used to go to,- try to relive everything for half the price: When you break up, you should just,push the person out of your mind. I always dwell on it. I start picturing her with her new boyfriend doing the same things we used to do--eating with my parents. They liked the new guy better than me. · Women leave me for terrible reasons. My last girlfriend broke up with me so she could devote more time to helping her sister move. Another girl left me so she could study for a civil service test · · I had a pen pal in prison. He broke .up with.me. The guy's in solitary; he told me he didn't have time to write. · I had a great high school girlfriend, Esther Feiffer. Very quiet, passive girl.- Quiet girls are great at certain things. Esther was a cheerleader for the golf team. She led the crowd going, "Sh, Sh." · I have a new-girlfriend now, a nurse who's a kleptomaniac. She took 40 thermometers from the hospital. We use them to mix drinks. She's filled my house with ridiculous things. She brought over a faulty cuckoo clock. Cuckoo comes out late and says, "I'm sorry, I fell asleep." · My sister's a Vassar graduate. Super- sophisticate. Used to drive with her legs crossed. KeniH Citizen's Band radio is turning-out to be the biggest thing in personal communications since the telephone. If you haven't had CB installed in your car yet, the chances are that you will within the next year or two. Its contributions to safety, security and convenience while driving are too valuable to ignore. CB, in case you haven't heard, enables you to communicate with'other cars, with police/even with your home. Many trucks are equipped with CB so drivers can keep instantly abreast of road conditions and problems ahead. Now ordinary motorists are taking up CB, both for safety and fun. A CB radio is easy to install and use with the help of a handy book called CB Radio: A Complete Guide. Written in clear, understandable language b^ Len Buckwalter, an expert in the field, it tells how.CB radio can help you meet and avoid road emergencies. It tells you where you can get CB equipment, what the buyer should look for, and how to install and operate your set. It tells you how to get your CB license form and contains a complete copy of the FCC rules and regulations you're required to know. CB Radio-: A Complete Guide has a glossary of CB operators' lingo you'll hear along the highway. There's even a special listing of truckers' terms, which should add to your enjoyment and understanding as you drive. This book, fully illustrated and bargain-priced for PARADE readers at $1.50 plus 2S postage and handling, tells you everything you need to know about CB and can help you start operating your own set very quickly and at minimal cost CB is the country's fastest-growing highway accessory. Let this helpful book put it into your life. I ^^V «^M ^^M ^^» ^^M ^^^ ^^» «W ^P^V «^^ ^^» M^» ^^M ^^» ^^» ^^B ^^" ^^V ^^V ^^» Hi M MHIH Mi MB. Stnd to: Parade. Box 4, Dept. Ml Kensington Station, Brooklyn, N.Y. 11218 Please send me - copy(ies) of CB Radio. I enclose $1.50 castv check at money order for each copy plus 250 for postage and handling. Address City State Zip General Offices: 1346 39th SL, Brooklyn. N.Y. 11218

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