The Jewell County Monitor du lieu suivant : Mankato, Kansas • 2

PAGE TWO THE JEWELL COUNTY MONITOR, MANKATO, KANSAS Friday, May 22, 1025. "AS THE FELLER SEZ" The man who works hard seldom has much tough luck. JEWELL COUNTY MONITOR, Published every Thursday evening. J. 0.

RODGERS, Editor CLARA RODGERS, Associate Editor D. G. HITZ, Foreman There are probably just as poor fish left in the sea as some married women have caught. A K. U.

student has adorned his raincoat with a drawing of a tombstone and below it the slogan, "Kan sas makes the worst corn in the world." Talk about luck. We read the oth Entered as second class matter at the postoflice, Mankato, Kansas, under Act of Congress, July 3, 1906. Subscription Rates To Subscribers in Jewell County: 3- I I1 mmm i -TT I HI TTT 1 I 1 I -l mm -jt er day cf a man who underwent an oneiation because he swallowed a pearl in an oyster, and the pearl Single subscription $1.50 proved to be valuable (notion to cov or the cost of the operation and half Less than one year, per mo 15 To Subscribers out side County: Single subscription $1.75 11 the funeral expenses. Ex. Undertakers are the only people in business who hear nothing but kind words spoken of everyone, Little Bobby was told that if he For These Cars prayed hard he might get a little sister.

So one night, after he had prayed for some time, he added: "Dear Lord, if you have a baby almost finished don't wait to put in her tonsils as they have to be taken out anyway." "What is the best way to approach you for a loan?" asked a Lyons man American Jewett Anderson Jordan 6 and 8 Apperson St Away 8 Kissel 6-53 Advertising Rates Regular advertising .15 Transient or occasional, .20 Foreign adv Rising 22 Locals, one cent per word, beading, 6 cents, signatures, 5 cents, and no local run for less than 10 cents Readers of more than 25 lines, 30 cents per column inch. Advertising must be in the office not later than Wednesday noon to insure its appearance in that week's issue. All "For Sale" and similar locals, must, in the future be paid for in advance, at the rate of a cent per of a bank president, according to the News. "If you are sensitive, was the reply, "write me about it and when you get my answer, tear it up without reading it." How are your teeth Now is the word. Stamps or cash.

SEEN AND HEARD ''IJcWtGU' WV I Aubun.43,8-88 Barley VWiW a. Hnp mobile 4 Kissel 8-75 Lafayette Lexington Locomobile Maxwell Mitchell Moon Overland 91 and 92 Overland 93 Packard 6 and 8 Paige Pierce Arrow 33 and 80 Reo Revere Monson motor Revere Continental motor Rlckenbacker Roamer 8 Rollin Star Stevens Duryea Westcott time to get them in shape. The corn-on-the-cob season is rapidly approaching. An 18-year-old speeder in Los Angeles was sentenced by the judge to read every newfpaper in the city each day for six months and rewrite in his own handwriting the traffic-accident stories in them. No sir, I ain't never seen the Cats-kill mountains, but I sure have watched them kill mice.

At a recent 8th grade examination held in Woodson county the pupil was asked to write the flag salute. One youngster wrote thusly: "I pledge a legion to the flag and to the Republican for which it stands One nation invisible with liberty and injustice for all. Amen" Yates Cen-ter News. By and Exchange When you can't stand criticism then it's time to quit. An average person is what we all think we are not, but mostly are.

An income these days is a email sum of money entirely surrounded by taxes. It's good to have faith in your ability, but it's best to have the ab- The trouble with a lot of dumb guys is that they prove it by talking too much. The average self-made man is so inflated of chest he looks like a pouter pigeon. It isn't always luck. If you'll look at their hands, you'll find most of them have corns.

When a good looking girl smiles at you keep cool. She may be a book agent just practicing. Some popole are selfish in their prayers. They pray for rain so that they won't have to shovel snow. The man who is not handsome at Charles Session reports to the To-peka Capital that a young lady and her grandmother were walking on Kansas avenue the other day.

When they reached Sixth they stopped long enough for the girl to powder her grandmother's nose. Broadmindedness is the ability to smile when the other fellow pets the girl you brought to the party. An exchange tells how a splinter may be easily removed from the flesh in painless manner: Nearly fill a wide mouthed bottle with hot water, twenty, nor strong at thirty, nor rich at forty nor wise at fifty will never place the injured part over the mouth of the bottle and press slightly. The be handsome, strong, rich or wise. suction will draw the flesh down and Linn.

frit in a minute or two the steam will ex They strolled in the twilight together The heavens were blossomed with tract the splinter and the inflamma tion. Putting Her Right stars; She paused for a moment in silence As he lowered for her the bars. She cast her soft eyes upon him, But he spoke no loving vow For he was a rustic laddie And she wa a Jersey cow. Hostess (to neighbor's little girl, who has come to tea) Say your grace, dear, and then we can- begin. Little Girl Well, I will if you like, There is none better HIGH SCHOOL TEACHERS ARE IN DEMAND THIS YEAR If you drive any other make of car consult chart for correct grade at any Standard Oil Service Station and at any Authorized Garage or Filling Station.

Follow the recommendations of the Standard Oil Company (Indiana) and you add power and life to your motor. Drain your crank-case every 500 miles and refill with the correct grade of Polarine. That's economy. Mankato, Kans. but my real name Phyliss you know.

"Made in Germany" may become a trade-mark that American manufacturers will come to fear more than they did before the war. At the exports exposition to be held in New York, June 15, they will show among other things a vacuum cooker that will enable the housewife to -cook meals months ahead, a phonograph for standard records, selling at $3.50 retail, a standard sewing machine for $7.50 and a typewriter for $10. The late Woodrow Wilson declared that Germany's greatest menace to the world was not her militaryism so much as her remarkable efficiency. In this age of efficiency engineers and experts it will be a difficult proposition to penalize any nation or industry because it excells. Sounded Reasonable The teacher asked the class in natural history "Where is the home of the swallow?" A long silence, then a hand moved.

"All right, you may answer, Robert," smiled the teacher. "The home of the swallow is in the stummick," declared Robert. From an exchange we clip: "A HAYS, May 20 There is a considerable demand for high school teachers this year, but a comparatively small demand for grade school teachers, according to F. B. Lee, registrar at Hays State College, who has been aiding Hays graduates in their efforts to get jobs.

Mr. Lee said that Hays received notice of 200 high school positions Leing open this spring, but scarcely a score of grade positions. He believes that those figures indicate that grade school teachers are plentiful in the state just now, but that the supply of high school teachers may not be quite enough to meet the demand. A large number of the students going out from K. S.

T. C. of Hays this year have already been placed, according to Mr. Lee, but there are still a few candidates for high school jobs and a considerable number wanting grade school work who have not been definitely signed up. Standard Oil Company (Indiana) 3842 Men's Faces Growing.

Handsomer Is Discovery London The conditions of modern civilization are changing men's faces and making them generally more handsome, according to Sir Arthur "Girls are showing their independence most every day," reads a headline in the papers. And. Dr. Knowital merely winked the other eye as he remarked, he thought it was even more than that some of the modern day creations. There no longer is any reason to doubt the story of the man who lost a bass drum.

A Kansas City woman lost a hoop skirt Saturday night. Pip Daniels. FALL FESTIVAL DATES: Oct. A New One She Now, what are you stopping for? He I've lost my bearings. She Well, at least you are original.

Most fellows run out of gas. Last fall one of Emporia's arbiters of elegance, says the Gazette wired home to have his top hat sent back east, p. r. g. The hat was dispatched, made a lightning trip to Europe to grace a London wedding, and returned to Emporia in time to astonish the world of fashion at today's marriage fast.

narrower and more refined. Men use their jaws less in chewing England's famous old roast beef, he says, even if they use them more in conversation than their reputedly taciturn ancestors. Life's Span Lenghtened In the last 75 years the average of human life has been lengthened 15 years due, it is said, largely to the activities of public health and hygiene agencies. It is now stated that the average time of human existence will have been lengthened 20 years in the next 50 yeari. young married couple expected a vis Keith, conservator of the museum of the Royal College of Surgeons.

He says a diminished use of the jaws is causing changes in the bony framework of the human face. it from the stork. The husband want Jack Wright says that the branch folks have decided not to hold itheir Old Settlers' picnic this year on account of the lateness of the season and the pressure of farm work. Later on the Westbranch folks promise to put on a watermelon carnival that will partially make up for their failure to come across with ed a boy, and prayed for one every night. The wife wanted a girl, and Walter Stonehom who compiles the prayed nightly that a girl might be vouchsafed her.

Providence heard photographic record of the nation's most famous men for the national photographic gallery, declares that in this young couple and both their the picnic. Esbon Times. prayers were granted." Pointers. general mens' faces are becoming ByLF.VanZelm (WalM Nawqapar Voloa WHAT'S THE USE It Had a Kick in It F.OR HEAVEN S4KE, ARE TeS, foU SPENT ALL DM "YOU SPENT AU PAT "ffS- I LOVE TmI3 GAMg -)4TERjJ 1 YOU GOING OUT AND PITCH I I YESTERIVW PITCHING TtRDAT PTICHIN' $20 MU? HORSESHOES ALWTS BRING KW K)R GOODNESS The FEUA NEXT lb horse Shoes mmh Today? 'em A at The bargain sales us good luck irJm- That's happened I me must been 1 lpT jjafii To r0U I plTCHIf1' A "orseshoe.