The Ottawa Journal from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada • Page 60

By JIM BISHOP No one remembers AmbroM Bierce except Clifton Fadimaa nd me Biarce wag a cynic and a writer, in that order. He wrote many thing in the yean of his life (1842-1914). but his Devil's Dictionary is. the best known of them all. Jt is included in a new book of the Collected Wnbip of Ambrose Bierce (Citadel Press) and Fadiman edited, the sae-telial.

When it came to judging human beings, Bierce was fierce. His definitions, all left-handed, and mean. -cm tiring-tears of laughter to my eye no matter how many tines I read them. Here the are some. ABASEMENT.

A decent stea-tal attitude in the presence of wealth and power. 'ABORIGINES. Persons of little worth encumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber. They fertilize.

ABRUPT. Sudden, without ceremony, like the arrival of a cannon shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are affected by it. ABSOLUTE. An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as be pleases as long as he pleases the assassins. ABSTAINER.

A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. ABSURDITY A statement or belief inconsistent with one's own opinion. ACHIEVEMENT. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust. ACQUAINTANCE.

A person we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. ADAMANT. A mineral frequently fooad beneath a corset Salable aa solicitate of gold. ADHERENT. AMBASSADOR A follower who has aot yet obtained all that he hopes to get.

AGE. That period of Ufa In which we compound some vices while reviling those that we no longer have the enterprise to commit. AIR. A nutritious substance for the fattening of the poor. ALLIANCE.

The union of two nations who have their hands so deeply in each other's pockets that they cannot sepa-rateley plunder a third. ALONE. Jn bad company. APOLOGIZE. To lay the foundation for a future offence.

APPEAL. In law. to put the dice into the cup for another throw. AUCTIONEER. A man who proclaims' with a hammer that he has picked your pocket with his tongue.

The Devil's ALLIANCE J1AC1C That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity. BEAUTY. The power by which a woman charms lover and terrifies husband. BEFRIEND. To spawn an ingrate.

BIGOT. One who is obstinately attached to an opinion you do aot entertain. BIRTH. The first and worst of all disaster. BORE.

One who talks when you wash him to listen. BRAIN. An apparatus with which we think that we think. BRIDE. A young lady with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

CABBAGE. A kitchen Tege-tle about aa large and wise as a man's head. CALLOUS. Gifted with fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another. CHILDHOOD.

The period of a man's life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the foBy of youth two remove from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age. COMFORT. A state of aaiad produced by contemplation of a neighbor's hard hick. COMMERCE. A transactioa la which A plunders from tha good of and for compensation picks the pocket ef ot money belonging to E.

CONGRATULATIONS. The errsWy Of envy. CONSERVATIVE. A statesman who is eriaaaored of existing evils, as dastiagsished from the liberal who wishes to replace them with others. AMBASSADOR.

A person who. having failed to secure an office from the people, is given sac by the Administration on condition that he leave the country. CONTEMPT. The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable to be opposed. COWARD.

One who. in an emergency, think with hi legs. CURIOSITY. An-objectionable quality of the female mind. DAWN.

The time when men of reason go to bed. DEBUACHEE. One who has so earnestly pursued a pleasure that he has bad the misfortune to overtake M. DEPUTY. The male relative of an office holder.

DIE. The JACKET REMODEL (No Extras) 29.S5 SSJUtAIM ST. GERMAIN FURS RES-S6M LAibJ THE TV JOURNAL' Dictionary ii tf COMPORT singular of dice. DISTANCE. The only thing which the rich are willing for the poor to call their, own and keep.

DRAGOON. A soldier who makes hi advance on foot and his retreat on horseback. EAVES; DROP. Secretly to catalogue of your own vices. EGOTIST.

A person of low taste more interested in himself than in me. ENVELOPE. night gown of a love -letter. FIB. A lie that, has not cut its teeth.

FIDDLE, Aa COWARD CLEANING of your -jt WALL-TO-WALL CARPETING JWs Ymt el tile to Yoor Carpeting 3 EXCLUSIVE D3)DSC(0)yOT (LOW WINTER RATE) ALEXANIAN'S 'Xttffti4CmfKXCB. USES 6 IMPOITANT STEFS FOt I 1 CLEANING YOUR WALL-TO-WALL CARPETING' 1- "waste ode in illng to Buff sw ullil pile, ansa ewqr.sPU Oried east stares, astd amhssatd ahrsssse grit, I i 2- Iwsis Vacmamtetioa to tensors sawfaUUeraarfsoao i S. picii1ized Spotting to remove stnbnera spots. i 4. aUrpet-Kare Detergent qr cteaa yssar carpet.

5. Msshaa anting Protects applied by power ssassapao ksssh yoar carpets or a Ml year at ae eawa eesC Sol Retarding: bcasaare COattnwoiis tlrsnsng acUoa. ALL WORK GUARANTEED i Vtt Omlf Ftlcry Trminii Mii 'i Reg. Cleaning. Aa Average Size Living Room 12 Ft IS Ft and Dining- Room Ft i ll Ft instrument to tickle human ears by drawing a horse's tail across the entrails of a cat.

FIDELITY. A virtue peculiar to those about to be Mr. Bierce, untamed and unchanged, went to Mexico ia. 1913 to write about the Pancbo Villa revolution. He was last heard from in 1914.

It ts possible that Pane ho Villa, who had a short fuse, did not properly appreciate the acid on Bierce tongue. 15 TV1 Personalities Help Dedicate Uganda Temple i KAMPALA. Uganda (UPI) I Two TV personalities from the United States- participated in recent dedication ceremonies jfoe Uganda's tallest budding. a bine-sided Baha'i World Faith Temple. Robert Quigley, producer of CBS-TVs daytime game show.

"Video and William Sears, former award-winning spbrtscaster and host of CBS- TVs "In the Park! series, have spent a total of nearly 10 year ia the service of the Bahai movement. Quigley, a speaker at dedication of the Temple, located outside the city on a hill nearly 4.000 feet above sea said the temple "is a gift to mankind from Baha'ia in every: part of the world. This temple symbolizes the basic principles1 of the faith that mankind, it jone and, religion ia 006." I The Kampala Temple is similar kt Its basic design to the world famed Baha'i House of Worship on the shores of Lake Michigan, at Wilmette. 1IL i.Sears, one of chief-stewards of the Baha'i World Faith, plans to move with his fancy to Haifa, Israel, where the Baha'i International head-onarteri located I HOT AND COLD Veteran Actor Chill Wills, bora oa a scorching July UB in Texas, got bis first nam a a tort of wry comment on the weather. I tax I Mf Waster Special i iCAXI.

.1 CE5-1C41 FOiRscatua 11 A 1 i I S30.M I (21X2 (10 Sq. Ft) (7 S2- 91.) i i i.