Daily News from New York, New York • 311

LENO'S FAVORITE JOKES FOR KIDS (And you parents might get a chuckle out of these, too) What happened to the kitten that got caught in a Xerox machine? It became a copy cat. 7 7 (II Why did the farmer cross a chicken with a centipede? He wanted a bird with a hundred drumsticks. How does a rapper's telephone ring? Bling-bling. Why did the dummy put a fir tree in his living room? He wanted to spruce up the place. What's a ghoul's favorite snack? Finger sandwiches.

What do you get when you burn wood that's been eaten by termites? Holey smoke. What do you call an Oreo that has computer chips in it? A smart cookie. What's the main difference between a duck and George Washington? One has a bill on his face, the other has his face on a bill. Without a doubt my sense of humor the desire to joke and tell stories-comes from my dad, but my sensitivity to material comes from my mother. She would always tell me "Remember that joke you told about the truck driver? Don't you think you're going to hurt his feelings?" She always had this soft side, which made me try to be more gentle in my comedy.

She was that way because she'd had such a rough life. She came to the States by herself when she was 11. My grandmother did this completely scandalous thing and ran off with another man, so my grandfather was left with six kids to raise by himself. My mom was the youngest. He took her door to door saying "Anybody want a kid?" because he couldn't afford the extra child.

Finally, he put her on a boat and sent her to America to live with her older sister. My mother had a sadness about her that I perceived as a child, so I always felt it was my duty to make her laugh. She never quite understood the show-business thing. I remember when I was in college hearing her My mother had a sadness about her that I perceived as a child, so I always felt it was my duty to make her laugh. DON BE CRUEL used to do an Elvis bit on Letterman," says Leno (above, in 1982).

"It was called 'Viva Late Night. WEDDED BLISS "We didn't have any money, so she made due with the dress she had, says Leno of Mavis, his wife of 25 years, on their wedding day (left). JUST KIDDING Clowning around in fifth grade (below). "Today, this would be a Ritalin ad," he says. ft? to Carnegie Hall, and my mother and dad were sitting five rows back, dead center.

Behind them were about eight college kids. By this time I had done 30 or 40 Lctterman shows. I started my routine, and I saw these college kids behind my parents laughing. Then I saw my mother turn around and go, "Shhhh!" I said, "Ma, you don't shush people at a comedy show." Of course, she couldn't have been more embarrassed singled out at Carnegie Hall. I feel lucky that I've always been surrounded by a couple of pretty good women my mom and then my wife, Mavis.

I spent the first half of my life trying not to embarrass my mother and the second half trying not to embarrass my wife. It's worked out pretty well. 1 r'SW i A 1 talking to her sister Nettie on the phone, explaining what I did. "Well, Jay has a little skit that he puts on from town to town." And I said, "Ma, I don't put a little skit on from town to town. I'm a comedian!" And she said, "It's the same thing." When I was playing Carnegie Hall for the first time, in 1986, 1 invited my parents.

My mother was like, "Are you sure it's Carnegie Hall?" So I got Additional reporting by Kate Meyers SEPTEMBER 23 2005 LIFE 11.