The Atlanta Constitution from Atlanta, Georgia • 70

LIVING Friday, Sept 25, 1998 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution Parents vs. peer influence: It's all abou choices Peach Buzz PARENTING JOHN ROSEMOND I RICHARD ELDREDGE Song dispute silences Paries A new book, "The Nurture Assumption" (Free Press, $26) by Judith Rich Harris, is causing a stir among psychologists. Although Harris has no professional credentials, her research won an award from the American Psychological Association. Her controversial thesis: Beyond contributing genes, parents have little influence on a child's personality development. It's the peer group that matters.

Parents, she writes, "don't have any tant long-term effects on the development of their child's personality." Well, maybe inside the home, but once a child is with peers, he's likely to toss off his parents' values "as easily as the dorky sweater his mother made him wear." Harris is right. Peers have great influence. Any parent with a brain knows this. Peer influence begins to wax between the third and fourth birthdays, and it "rules" by age 12. In effect, one has 12 years in which to score "parenting points," and the better part of them need to be compiled by age 7 or so.

And of course Harris is wrong. Parents do have influence, as all responsible parents know, and whether this influence is or isn't greater than the peer influence is a matter of deployment. When my son Eric was 14, 1 discovered he was running with the wrong crowd. I made him an offer he couldn't refuse, which blame their transgressions on "peer pressure," their father says, in effect, "There is no excuse," and holds them both fully responsible. My parents used to say that same thing jf when I tried to pass the buck of my misbehave ior.

So, I take it, did their parents. When it comes to misbehavior, today's have been supplied with too many excuses already. Now Harris comes along and gives credence to the oldest excuse of 'erti all, the very one God rejected with his first She claims her thesis frees parents of guilt. That's laudable, if it were the case.ln fact, 1 however, Harris' thesis frees parents of responsibility, which is chilling. In the real world, a world that few mental health professionals inhabit, people are not driven to behave in certain ways by forces outside their control.

Parents make good and bad choices and some that range in between. These choices I greatly influence the choices their children make, including choices concerning peers. It's called free will, and as our foremothers and forefathers clearly understood and taught their children, free will ain't free. John Posemond is a family psychologist. Questions of general interest may be sent to him' at P.O.

Box 4124, Castonia, NC 28054 or at http:www.rosemond.comparenting. isitors Thursday to the new Bert 1 71 Parks musical statue in resulted in his shucking one group of associates and taking up with another, more to his parents' liking. Eric might have been influenced by his peers, but his choice of peers was significantly influenced by his mother and me. In the final analysis, however, the whole debate conceals something psychologists are reluctant to admit: Sometimes the only cause behind a child's behavior is the child himself. In scientific circles, "determinism," in which every effect has a cause, is going slowly the way of the dinosaurs.

The new view, simply stated, is that things just happen. Children simply choose. This view isn't new at all. One of the oldest stories in the Bible features two children who simply choose to disobey. When they try to Atlantic City, N.J., didn't get the full effect.

Barely a week old, the bronze tribute to Parks (right, with his widow, Annette) the late; legendary Miss America master of ceremonies and Atlanta native-has stopped belting out "There She Is" to tourists. Nope, the computer chip in the statue didn't seize up. Rather, it seems that Phyllis Wayne, widow of "There She Is" composer Bernie Wayne, doesn't want to hear Bert trill again until she hears ka-ching. DOONESBURY By Garry Trudeain HJBLL, SIR, OWGeVINtmTOtMKM- ASO covers Gershwin's spectrum iHFficr.wmi- 7IONN07NSfK- irt tjc tetit. TO ACCUSATIONS ABOUT WW- havb you -maws, asmvoms nseem kkfouh.

mate. As mm cueas I I JUPSB, HOkl tl(H BTHEXB POW -XjP ANY MORS Hmf mm. BUTWHITBUOTZXISNr sum IN sane- OKW AOPA1P MNTK3NP. MORS "fHieGATB." JCAFSr AFOoelN 1 I am CHARLES REX ARBOGAST Associated Presi Wayne is asking for $50,000 in royalties, explained Thomas Scannapieco, developer of the Sheraton Atlantic City Convention Center Hotel, where the statue is located. So the hotel has quit playing the song.

i On Wednesday, hotel officials said their music licensing agreement covers "There She Is" and the recording can be played again, without special compensation to Wayne. As of Thursday, though, the statue remained stoically silent, as did Sheraton general manag-erBush Bell, who didn't return our calls. In 1982, a royalties dispute involving Wayne and pageant officials also stopped the music. It was settled three years later, and the song is still part of the pageant. Ties: She chose carefully them he routinely gave away Continued from El giving him the message that she really loved him." i Lewinsky said both she and Clinton took note when he wore one of her gift ties.

"I used to bug him about wearing one of my ties because then I knew I was close to his heart," she told the grand jury. She said Ginton would call and ask, "Did you see I wore your tie the other day?" Lewinsky said she was shocked and crushed to see White House steward Bayani Nelvis go to testify before the it was some sort of message of some sort. I don't know what. I thought there was some sort of deliberateness to it." Again, Rubinstein said such a reaction is not unusual. Giving away such a carefully chosen tie would be a slap in the face to many women, making them think, "I gave you something very special and you gave it away, so you really don't care about my feelings," she said.

Lewinsky also thought there was a message in Clinton wearing one of her gift ties on the first morning she testified before the grand jury. "The president doesn't wear the same tie twice in one week, so I didn't know what it meant, but it was some sort of reminder to me," she told the jurors. Questioned about the alleged necktie connection, Clinton said he regularly gives away ties that he had been given. "There would be nothing unusual if, in fact, Nelvis had a tie that originally had come into my tie closet from Monica Lewinsky. It wouldn't be unusual.

It wouldn't be by design," he told Starr's investigators. He said he didn't recall Lewinsky giving him the tie that he wore around the time of her testimony. In neither instance, he testified, was he trying to send any sort of signal, Meanwhile, the Guild of Brit ish Tie Makers has weighed in on the psychology of Lewinsky's gift selections, Reuters News Service reported Wednesday from London. Lewinsky's choice of a yellow tie with a subtle pattern cated she envisioned Clinton as' caring, romantic and diplomatic but not necessarily as a future mate. If she had been looking for an ideal husband, she would morel likely have chosen a plain tie, the guild suggested.

The tie makers told Reuters that the kind of tie a woman buys for the man in her life' reflects the type of man she thinks or wishes he might- be. Of course, too much can be made of the psychology and symbolism of neckties. Even Sigmund Freud decided that a cigar is sometimes just a good smoke. 2 grand jury "wearing the first tie By Susan Elliott FOR THE JOURNAL-CONSTITUTION When George Gershwin was but 30 years old, he was the most famous composer of American music popular and classical. He may have since lost that status, but as the centenary of his birth approaches on Saturday, he is still rightfully and universally lauded for the pure Americanism of his output a musical melting pot of jazz, blues, Tin Pan Alley, and the European forms and as prevalent in American concert halls then as now.

The Atlanta Symphony Orchestra's tribute to Gershwin, which began last night and continues through Saturday, balances the incredibly popular and prolific stage composer with the perhaps less sure-footed symphonic one. Opening with the breezy, foot- tapping Overture to "Strike Up the Band," one of his many Broadway hits, the orchestra, under music director Yoel Levi, played with a loose, easygoing spirit, if not quite the rhythmic verve one might have hoped for With Don Rose's straight- ahead arrangement supporting those lilting, occasionally square but ever-memorable melodies, the Overture sounded downright simplistic compared to the monumental Piano Concerto in F. What a bear of a work that is, dark and turgid one moment, bright and splashy the next, and always with that plaintive bluesy tonality that seems to cry out from some troubled inner core. i For the orchestra's brand new and very bright-sounding Steinway grand, it was baptism by fire. Pianist Jon Kimura i Parker dug into the piece with both guns blazing, an appropri-; ately aggressive protagonist to Gershwin's occasionally bizarre not to mention tentative orchestration.

Gershwin, an accomplished pianist himself, clearly looked to the soloist to lead the charge, and Parker was up to the challenge. Early deadlines necessitated missing the evening's second half, which included "An American in Paris" and the orchestral suite from "Porgy and Bess." The entire program will be broadcast live at 8 p.m. Saturday night as part of National Public Radio's 24-hour Gershwin celebration. Atlanta listeners should tune to WABE-FM (90.1); in Athens, tune to WUGA-FM (91.7). Following the ASO broadcast, NPR will air a Gershwin tribute by pianist Leon Bates, taped earlier at Spivey Hall.

I ever gave the president." Although she knew Clinton often gave away his ties after wearing them a few times, Lewinsky concluded that this was not a coincidence. "I had two very different thoughts. My first thought was, 'You jerk, you're trying to show me how little your care about me and how little this meant to you to show me you gave it to someone she told the grand jury. "My second thought was that while on vacation in Paducah, he stumbled upon Turner Publishing and was persuaded to turn his findings into a coffee-table tome. "It saved me a lot of money at Kinko's," he said.

Among the tips in how to pull a tombstone out of the ground and how to glue stones together. To order Send a check for $35.95 to "Headstones of -Heroes," P.O. Box 3101, Paducah, KY 42002-3101. Memories of Memphis He didn't get away.wjth Elvis' blue suede shoes but the guy allegedly took the King's black leather jacket. Now he's dancing to the jailhouse rock.

Robert Louis Rodgers, 40, was booked Wednesday in Dallas on a charge that he stole Elvis Presley's jacket and tried to sell it for $100,000. Rodgers, whose bond is $35,000, is accused of taking the coat seven months ago from a display case in the Elvis Auto Museum across from Grace-land. The case apparently had a faulty lock. "It's a great-looking, really cool jacket," said Todd Morgan, a spokesman for the Memphis museum. "We're glad it's coming home." A detective hired by Elvis Presley Enterprises tracked the jacket to Dallas after two men called Graceland to say Rodgers offered to sell it to them while in a Shreveport, jail.

Celebrity birthdays Retired baseball great Phil Rizzuto is 82. Actor Michael Douglas is 54. Ex-Coke salesman "Mean" Joe Greene is 53. Actor Anson Williams and actress Mimi Kennedy are 49. Actor Christopher Reeve is 46.ActorMarkHamillis47.

Actress Heather Locklear is 37. Actor-singer Will Smith is 30. Actress Catherine Zeta-Jones Mark of is 29. Contributing: news services. If you have an item, call 404-222-8503 or 404-614-2749, or fax 404-526-5509.

One for the books Everyone's had a date from hell, but Alpharetta resident Ken Kirby got his published. Kirby, 26, a sign company sales rep, occupies pages 59-61 in "Dates From Hell" (Cumberland House, compiled by authors Victoria Jackson and Mike Harris. Kirby's ruinous rendezvous with romance centers on the kind of woman all men think they want to date. 1 "She drove a truck, liked baseball and smoked cigars," Kirby told us Thursday. The problem? As the evening wore on, Kirby also noticed his date did other "guy things," like, picking her nose and expelling gas.

"I didn't date for a couple of weeks after that," said Kirby, who remains single. A brotherhood Productions stalwarts Thomas W. Jones and Donald Griffin have grabbed fchbther glowing notice for their performances in "Waiting for Godot" at Studio Theatre in Washington. The New York Times weighed in Thursday with a positive review. Critic Peter Marks hailed the Atlanta-based actors Jones plays Vladimir, Griffin is Estragon as "agile showmen, the kinds of resourceful physical perform-fcrs who can get a laugh with a gesture even when the words dont always hold up.

They play Beckett's heroes as a pair of dancing fools, distinct from one another and yet bound so tightly it's impossible by the play's end to think of one without the other." The show runs through Oct. 4. Info: 202-332-3300. Grave undertaking Dr. Robert Zaworskl, a Sandy Springs plastic surgeon, jnay be the city's most reluctant author.

just wanted to help clean up and restore the Confederate soldier section of Oakland Cemetery," he said. "I ended up doing a lot of research since we Ranted the headstones to be in right spot." Hence, Zaworskl's first book, of Heroes, The Restoration and History of Confederate Graves in Atlanta's Oakland Cemetery" (Turner Publishing, Originally, Zaworskl was just jjompiling information for the Atlanta History Center. But Brit bus driver pens award nominee SHORTTAKES Cher, who just wrapped Franco Zeffirelli's "Tea With Mussolini" in Italy, will next star in United Artists' "The Breakers." The comedy, along the lines of "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels," concerns mother-daughter con artists. The mother lands a wealthy husband only for the daughter to seduce the husband, which results in a divorce and rich settlement allowing the two to move on to the next wealthy mark. Cher, the Oscar-winning star of "Moonstruck," has been moving back into the limelight.

A new album and her memoirs are due out in the next few months. MORE DELAYS: A gross indignity to the shoot of New Line's "Town and Country," starring Warren Beatty, Diane Keaton and Goldie Hawn, occurred Saturday night when a courier service left a van unattended at a New York film lab. Someone then stole 10 rolls of film two days' worth of shoot FROM NEWS SERVICES A book written by a London bus driver in his spare time was one of six nominees announced Wednesday for Britain's most prestigious literary prize. Magnus Mills and his debut novel, "The Restraint of Beasts," were named finalists for the $30,000 Booker Prize, which will be awarded Oct. 27 at a dinner in London's Guildhall.

Bookmakers have made Ian McEwan's "Amsterdam" the favorite to win, just ahead of "Master Georgie" by Beryl Bain-bridge, who has been nominated five times. Other finalists were Julian Barnes' "England, England," Martin Booth's "The Industry of Souls" and Patrick McCabe's "Breakfast on Pluto." Winners of the award include Salman Rushdie for "Midnight's Children," Arundhati Roy for "The God of Small Things" and Michael Ondaatje for "The English Publishers entered 125 titles for consideration this year. HOPING TO TAKE FLIGHT: One of the acknowledged masterpieces of the sci-fi genre Andrei Tarkovsky's 1972 Russian film "Solaris" -might soon be remade by "Titanic" director James Cameron. 20th Century Fox is negotiating on behalf of Cameron's Lightstorm Entertainment to buy remake rights to the film, along with the rights to the Stanislav Lem novel on which it was based. While Cameron would produce the English-language remake of "Solaris," he is not expected to direct.

"Solaris" tells the story of astronaut Kris Kelvin, who travels to a space station orbiting Solaris and discovers that the commander of an expedition that has been studying Solaris has. died mysteriously. CHER AS CON ARTIST: 577 Atlanta Symphony Orchestra Thursday night at Symphony Hall. Repeat performances at 8 tonight and Saturday. 404-733-SOOO.

Program repeated Sunday at the University of Georgia's Hodgson Hall. I-888-289-8497. The verdict: A solid entry In the George Gershwin Centennial Sweepstakes. V- E-mail: buzzalc.com Vixana goes to Egypt or at least the Alliance Theatre. See what'our arbiter of taste has to say about the Elton john musical "Elaborate UveConline at http:Hwww.ajc.com, ing.

New Line hai offered a $5,000 reward for the footage..