Daily News from New York, New York • 38

NEWS, Friday, March W. T986 Ti.f r-r otAi Press tfiafc paternity suit friends and one hour for acquaintances The patient is there to recover, not to dish the dirt The strain of making small talk can be terminal in the doses you endorse. Unless the patient is a spouse or a parent who needs a helping hand or emotional support from someone very close, 10 minutes is just about right Anything longer might send him cr her back to intensive care. Been There in Chicago Dear Chic: My brains must have been AWOL when I okayed that loony ANN LANDERS ZZr i 4' I ANN: I am a 19-year-old mother of an infant son. The father of my child, "Tim," was my high school sweetheart We met at age 15 and lost our virginity to each other.

Like so many stupid teenagers, we used no birth control, believing it couldn't happen to us. At age 17, 1 became pregnant I was stunned and heartsick when Tim said he didnt believe he was the father and wanted nothing more to do with me. My parents went to see Tim's par ents. There was a terrible row. They said I was trying to trap their son and announced they were standing behind him.

My folks stood up to all their abuse and said they were standing behind me. We decided not to file a paternity suit The "Xs" are rich and powerful in this city, and we figured middle-class working people like us wouldn't stand a chance. A few weeks ago, a friend at work told me I was a fool to tolerate such treatment since there is now a blood test that is 99Th accurate. Can you tell me more about it? Very Anonymous in Dixie Dear Dixie: The test is called the Human Leukocyte Antigen Blood Test It was originally developed to match organ donors with those who needed transplants. It is 99.95 accurate in determining paternity.

I urge you to press charges even if your state does not recognize this test A competent high-powered lawyer can lean on the state legislature and generate enough support to get it through. MS. magazine reported on a similar case recently, and the woman won it Good luck to you. Dear Ann: I couldn't believe it when I read your approval of a two-hour hospital visit by relatives and close AT VirS END st- mm Parental love speahs volumes My stock answer for visiting the sick is, stay away unless specifically invited. People go to hospitals because they are sick, not because they are lonesome.

I'll take 12 lashes with a knotted bedsheet. i Dear Ann: Please help women like me who are too available, too giving and too accommodating. I just wrecked a relationship that had a lot of potential because I suffocated the guy to death with too much attention and too much car ing. As always, I lost control of the relationship along with my self-respect Help me, Ann. I don't want to make the same mistake time after time.

Vulnerable in Utah Dear Vulnerable: I think you are being too hard on yourself. Part of the problem, as I see it is your selection of men. Get counseling and find out why you pick men who are unable to appreciate a loving, caring, attentive woman. You might also work at building self-esteem and learn how to wait for a man to lavish affection on you, for a change. Got that weddine-bells Mues over cost, euest list, what to wear and ottw lts? turn Lander' "New Bride's Gtitde" wlH kelp.

Far a coot, send 11 plus a lone, seM-eddressed, stamped envelope (3M postaee) to Ana Landers. P.O. Bos im, Chicago. IH. eMH.

health pageant How you made the costume and left the Velcro "cavity" at home on the kitchen table and how daddy forgot to get flash bulbs for the camera and that's why the pictures look like a Steven Spielberg film. Write the anger you're feeling as you sit there waiting for him to come home at 2 in the morning. Write why you feel the anger. How you've heard every siren in town since 11 p.m. and how you care and worry about him and always wilL Put down the terror you feel when one is sick and how grandma used to thump you on the foot when you were sound asleep and say, "The baby's crying, ril get her." Have your co-author (husband) also contribute.

His clumsiness at first His apprehension. How his life changed and how he never thought he could feel this way over something with plumbing that couldn't be fixed by running hot water. Grandparents should be an important chapter in this volume. Encourage them to hand down their stories of then- past and how grandchildren gave them a second chance at immortality. I worry about how passive we have become.

We don't really talk anymore. We observe. We listen. We take notes. We switch channels.

We wait for responses from silent computers wr.o con know us and don care to. Think about it How can you build a future on silence? Kids need a firm foundation of history, humor, happenings and feelings. You can give new meaning to Baby Dearest I bet after reading it not one of your kids will even think about topping it I'M. Los Anselcs Times Syndicate An opening with closed doors PENING NIGHT at Stringfellowg began with more than a little politicking. All day.

downtowners called each other to find out who among them had recieved the invitation and could they get someone else In? Stringfellows' promoter Colby Smith (Robin Leach's girl friend) apparently couldn't accomodate the fabulous hordes. "It's so degrading," Alan Rlsh said. "I mean who was invited? Beauregard (Houston-Montgomery) had to talk his way in." Even Stndio 54 Mark Fleishman had trouble getting into the dinner-disco club, as did Snap artist Patrick McMullan. Doorman Leslie Herl apparently doesn't know who they are. Meanwhile, neighborhood activists spent the evening picketing the door of the E.

21st St club. Pat Eales. E. 22d St Association president, carried a sign saying "Preserve FREEDOM of SLEEP on E. 22 St" Inside, the hot spot is sort of John Travolta meets "Dynasty." "It's like a British Playboy Club," said R.

Couri Hay. Stevie Wonder came and went in five minutes. Pierce Brosnan sported a "Miami Vice" shadow as he posed for photos with his wife, Cassandra Harris, and proprietor Peter Stringfellow. "It's very crowded, darling," Brosnan said. "I like the tutus on the waitresses." The waitresses' outfits tutus with garter belts were the main event Writer Anthony Haden-Guest admired Joey Phillips, a tutu-ed waitress with a Mickey Mouse tatooed on her tush.

Aside from Stephen Saban, Houston-Montgomery, Rish, Melis- SJ 1 GIANTS? The two Johns BOfrlBECK sa Ward, Jellybean Benitez, and Dianne Brill, the downtown crowd wasn't invited or didn't get in. "The uptown crowd isn't here either," Haden-Guest said. "There should be a column, Hfidtown." Where, after all, were Steve Rubell, Sally Randall, James St James, Sylvia Miles? And, omigod, where was Michael Musto? Michael Musto was on a panel at Palladium choosing "Miss Man Made 1986" at "The Premiere Transsexual Beauty Pageant" (See Jay Maeder's column tomorrow for details.) Later, Musto was turned away from Stringfellows. VITO BRUNO A I weighed in this week at VI-252-ish." he savs. He's lucky he didn't get into Stringfellows.

The food was fab. Meanwhile, Limelight had its biggest celeb night in weeks with Sting, Frank Zappa, Ruth BuzzL Sgt Slaughter and Timothy Hut-ton, to name a few. Strange Folk two Johns (Linnell and Flansburgh) of They Might Be Giants are playing Pyramid Saturdays. The talented duo are known for weirding up their act using cartoon props such as monster "mitts or dueling with bread loaves. "We're not a rock band," Flansburgh says.

"We've been called a performance duo, although that makes us sound a lot more heavy than we are." This Saturday's show is titled "Let My People Rock" and features a live Barbie doll. There will also be one of their famous sing-along songs. "It's like Pete Seeger," Flansburgh says. "Everybody holds hands and sways. There are cue cards." 1 VERY COUPLE OF years or so a Dearest book appears on the best seller list from a less- lan happy child who figures the world will be richer if it shares his misery.

The volley of words takes dead aim against a parent who has attained some stature in the entertainment industry: Joan Crawford. (Fire one!) Bing Crosby. (Fire two!) Bette Davis. (Fire three!) My mother did not raise a fool. I saw the handwriting on the wall 20 years ago and started to chronicle my own side of the story in this column.

But there is another way parents can get In a word before their kids spit it all out on "Good Morning America." Children have always been desperately hungry for feelings. How did you feel the first time you saw them? What did they sleep in? Where did you take them? Did you make mistakes? Did they say anything funny to make you laugh? Was there any drama in their lives when you worried about them? How little were they? I know all about the "baby books." With the first one, there are three volumes showing the kid frothing bubbles at the mouth. With the second child, there is a picture every birthday for six years. With the third one. there is one picture taken at the hospital ith his eyes closed, a Rod McKuen poem and a recipe for baklava which you misfiled.

What I'm suggesting is you write your own book before they get a crack at it Write the pride you're feeling on a program while you're sitting there waiting for the curtain to go up on your child playing a bad tooth in a Li.