Daily News from New York, New York • 147

Qi7 in her breathless, condescending plea to try her "Built Vanderbilt" jeans that'll hug your derriere. Not only is her John Hancock on her pants, but the G.V. Tuches Brigade is sticking out all over backs of buses. Best Original Theme Song for a Commercial "Wessonality" connoisseur Florence Henderson sang the required medley of five nominated songs: "We Wear Short Shorts" Nair Theme Song "Who's Cot the Best Darn Burger?" Burger King (and I) (Continued from page It tion. Go la la Sasson.

Bonjour. Clouds and the Gap's Nurd Control commercials were all beaten by Vander-bilt. whose $6 million promotional campaign (including print ads) have made her the most famous brand name commodity since Farrah Fawcett. Vanderbilfs magic it Dunking for dollars An amateur ock meets an amateur pitchman By JOEGAUICK ARRY BIRD RESTED his elbows on I I the rim of the table and reached for i L9 can of soda that just happened to be there. Turning the can so that the label faced the TV camera, he put a smile on his face, a glow in his eyes, and said: "Hi.

I'm can we shoot this again from the top?" Larry Bird of the Boston Celtics was filming his first TV commercial again and again and again. At 6 foot 9 and 240 pounds. Bird is one of the most recognized players ever to come out of the college ranks. At 6 foot 5 and 190 pounds, I am one of the least recognized players ever to come out of the college ranks. I had an undistinguished basketball career at Iona College, a small school in New Rochelle.

The closest I came to fame "Gentlemen Prefer Hanes" Hanes Panty Hose "Who's Got the Look I'd Like to Know Better?" Jordache Jeans "The Citi Never Sleeps" Citibank Winner: "Who's Got the Look I'd Like to Know Better?" In related musical categories. "Best Once Popular Song That Became a Jingle" was "Sunkist's Good Vibrations." "Best Sound." of course, went to Ella Fitzgerald (or was it Best Performance In Beverage Commercial: RAY JAY JOHNSON FOR NATURAL LITE Accepting the award was Crazy Eddie, whose pithy comments went as follows: "Ray Jay Johnson couldn't be here tonight, but if he was, I'm sure he would want to say, 'You can call me Ray. or you can call me Jay. or you can call me Jay, but ya doesn't has to call me Thank vou." Best Ad libbed Introductions to Commercial: CIIEE CIIEE WILLIAMS. ABC NEWS.

This category salutes the backbone of commercials: the TV shows that are sandwiched between them. The Academy of Television Arts Sciences couldn't forget Eyewitness newscaster Chee Chee Williams' spontaneous performance when a news tape recently broke on the air in the middle of her story, and she ad libbed. "Ull well I. uh Bill? ummmm uh. Storm? uh we'll be right back after this word from our sponsor." Chee Chee graciously accepted her Emmy, a statue that resembles the traditional Emmy award, except for the long cord and plug extending from its base symbolizing the industry's product plugging.

When plugged into a socket, the Emmy plays a chorus of Sammy Davis Jr. crooning "Plop Tlop Fizi Fizz" Best Performance by a Group in a Commercial This category had the largest amount of nominees, what with husbands and wives jointly suffering through Ring-Around the Collar, the Heartbreak of Psoriasis, leaving home without their American Express card, and worst of all spotty dishwasher glasses when they didn't use Cascade. Las Vegas odds favored either the Tastebuds or the Fruit -of the Loom underwear fruits, but presenters Martini Rossi announced a suprising tie: First, the salad bar lovers at Cooky's Steak Pub, famous for their orgasmic whoop of "SHRIMP! SHRIMP! SHRIMP!" Upon accepting the award, the twosome belched into the mike, "We can't believe we ate the whole thing." In a tie with them were the busy, active female friends on the Stay Free Mini Pads commercial those women who not only carry around gargantuan boxes of sanitary napkins but couldn't be happier talking about them. Best Continuing Performance in a Dramatic Commercial THE "KEEP AMERICA BEAl'TIFCL" INDIAN The Indian issued a statement last week that he wouldn't be attending the ceremonies because he dislikes competition and feels that Iruh Spring commercials never treat the Indians seriously; he sent Marlon Brando to accept the award in his place. The controversial actor was fine until he stormed out of the post-show reception when Gloria Vanderbilt tried to sell him some of her new Jeans for "big" people.

Mid-way through the program, there was a half hour "Salute to Handyman Commercials." an affectionate pastiche of old TV clips with a show stopping finale: Josephine the Plumber and the Tidy Bowl Man tap- was when my team lost to I U. on a show broadcast by a high double digit UHF station. But a friend who coaches in Harlem's Professional Basketball League called with this pitch: "They need some tall white guys for a TV commercial. Want to do it?" I did And it came to be that Larry Bird's career and mine intersected. It was our first TV commercial.

The commercial was to be filmed in two parts; in the first, I would play an extra. The staff issued me Willis Reed's old Knick uniform, pinning it to my body to keep the filmed footage from being rated X. I was told to guard 7-foot, 300-pound" Henry Finkle of the Celtics a man who could double for James Bond's arch-enemy, "Jaws." Before each take, the director yelled at an assistant to "Wet him up!" which, it turned out, was an order to treat Bird like a potted house plant and spray him with water. Once soaked. Bird was told to play in the corner, to fake his man out.

then move toward the basket where he would take the ball and dunk on, gulp, me. During take 10, Bird moved toward the basket, Finkle rammed me into Bird, Bird threw an elbow at me and pushed me back into Finkle. Satisfied after the 30th beating, eh, take, the director had us move on to the next sequence. After Bird dunked the ball he was to remain in the air above the rim and discover a glass of soda. He was to wave at the mortals glued to the gym floor by the laws of gravity.

He was to smile into the camera and announce his name and the product A wooden table was placed under the rim and he was to be filmed from the waist up, so he would appear to be hanging in the air. It was an idea that made him openly nervous but that, decided the director, could be cured if we moved in to tickle him. Unanimously, we refused, being philosophically opposed to tickling anybody that big. The "loosening up" job fell to the director. "Wave through the net Larry Remember to laugh as you wave goodby to him, guys Larry, really make fun of the other players when you don't come down Really mean it when you dunk it Laugh as you talk, Laugh more Larry! C'mon, we're getting there try and get the soda before you talk but the laughing is good The more laughing the better, someone make him laugh.

The number of takes had by now reached the mid 30s. But that was okay, a crewman assured me; well within the norm for an athlete. The week before, a football player took 75 takes to get it right. Take 46: Action! Bird did everything right The director ran to the monitor to see a video playback. The extras inched forward, anxious to get out of the gym, on with their lives and into the shower.

We were numb from watching a tall millionaire standing on a table in the middle of an empty coliseum tell us over and over who he was and what he liked to drink. Frankly, we no longer cared. The director left the TV monitor and walked across the gym floor. The arena was as quiet as a library on Sunday. He cupped his hands over his mouth and yelled: "The person in section row 7, seat 11 was not smiling.

We have to do another take." A moan went up from the crowd. Larry Bird let his head drop into his sweaty palms. A grin spread across the director's face. "Just kidding," he yelled, "it's a wrap." V) a so 8 dancing on a giant gold lame set built in trie snape oi a lavatory. After Mason Reese won for Best Short Subject, the Doublemint Twins came on to announce the presenter of the Jean Hershey Bar Humanitarian Award.

All they had to do was mention "A piantof our industry," and the crowd was on its feet, cheering. The orchestra played a disco version of his famous theme song, and the Jolly Green Giant hobbled down a spiral staircase. Brought out of retirement from the Old Commercial Actor's Home in Los Angeles, the beloved 75-year-old Giant looked pale around his wreath; when he eked out "Ho ho ho," however, the crowd went wild and some even wept nostalgically. "The purpose of this honorary award." the Giant finally read after finding his glasses, "is to salute the established actor who is devoting the golden years of his life to making a mint in our industry and I don't mean Dynamints. Tonight's winner for his consistently outstanding performances in GAF cameras and Lifesavers commercials MR, HENRY FONDA Another standing ovation, but the veteran performer was nowhere to be seen.

Instead, a majestic curtain parted and actress humanitarian Jane Fonda walked to the podium, tossed back her curls, and gave a very moving acceptance speech in Morse Code. All in all. it was a night that was good to the last drop. i MK fS i t-. ir 1tt t'M iw nf I ml tin i iiiiwujmiMUi 1 1 if ii i ii hum Kin i i i lUill i.