Chicago Tribune from Chicago, Illinois • 105

WEDNESDAY WOMANNEWS SECTION 8 CHICAGO TRIBUNE MARCH 21, 2001 r- J- i i' I '1 'V I 3, i i Tactics for getting what you want Household chores, phone calls and the price of dry cleaning: All are everyday occurrences that you can negotiate, Leslie Whitaker says. Over coffee at Caribou, she offered the following tactics. Household chores: "Married women do them and resent them." Whitaker says. The alternative is to think of chores as a business arrangement. Choose the time and place (preferably not after you've picked up 60 socks from the floor) to have a calm discussion.

Talk about which chores need to be done and who should do them. Decide, then set up a time a few weeks hence to review them, Whitaker says. Phone calls: It's happened to us all: A friend calls with a favor, and you're too harried to say no, so you say yes. Next time, ask the friend if you can call her back. This strategy gives you time to decide whether you really want to carpool for the next five years or organize the next bake sale, Whitaker says.

If you still have trouble saying no, write down what you want to say on an index card before you pick up the phone, then read the script to your friend. Dry cleaning: If you like your cleaner but suspect she overcharges, scout the competition and compile a price list. Present the list to your cleaner of choice with a comment on how much business you bring her, and see if she offers you a special price. That tactic worked for a New York-based writer, Whitaker says. Lisa Bertagnoli ft ft' I I 4MB I Photo for the Tribune by Jeremy Fischer Leslie Whitaker says this Caribou Coffee in Oak Park was the scene of a great deal of "Good Girl's Guide" brainstorming, but she and her partner didn't negotiate free drink refills.

"Sometimes," co-author Elizabeth Austin says, "you just pay retail." other job. Those looking for a new job and a higher salary should never talk money until an offer is on the table, the book advises. Aside from having published a book (we assume with a killer deal), Whitaker and Austin are now walking practitioners of what they preach. Austin saved almost $4,000 by making a deal with the contractor who built a new fireplace in her house. The contractor had built potential problems into his bid; after finding out how much the project should really cost, Austin persuaded him to take the job on a time-and-materials basis.

Whitaker, for her part, saved $50 a day on a car rental by explaining to the owner of the agency that she and her family were frequent customers. She also tried to negotiate the price of her son's haircut at her favorite salon, but when the owner refused, Whitaker adopted Plan SuperCuts, and she doesn't feel bad about it. The two also say they have newfound confidence, in addition to heftier bank accounts. "I have fewer knots in my stomach; the world is an easier place," Austin says, though she denies swaggering when she walks. "That's just the fat jiggling," she deadpans.

They also admit, in a female, empathetic kind of way, that not everything is negotiable. Integrity is not negotiable, nor is what might make someone happy "Sometimes you just pay retail," Austin says. "You figure out when you want to negotiate and when you don't," she continues. "The thing is, you don't roll over." Austin and Whitaker will discuss their book Thursday at Women Children First bookstore, 5233 N. Clark Chicago.

Call 773-769-9299 for more information. NEGOTIATE: To get the best deal, you have to do your research CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1 be a good negotiator." To research the book, Whitaker and Austin interviewed negotiating experts and 150 women; among them a mother on welfare and the vice chairman of Estee Lauder. They spent two years editing and brainstorming at a Caribou Coffee store in Oak Park. All their research led them to one big conclusion: Women can use the skills they come by naturallyempathy and the ability to listen to become fierce negotiators. Women often find it easy to put themselves in another person's place, Austin says.

That makes it a cinch to cover first base in negotiating: Find out what the other person needs to agree to a deal. The book offers up the example of Jeanette Wagner, the Estee Lauder executive, who struck a deal with a German businessman. The businessman wanted $3 million for a trademark Wagner wanted. She traveled to Germany to meet the executive and found that what he really wanted was help marketing his brand. Wagner agreed to help him, and got the trademark for substantially less than $3 million.

It also helps that women like to maintain good relationships, Whitaker says. Two businesswomen, for instance, have dinner with a potential client or partner before striking a deal. If the dinner's not pleasant and friendly, they don't strike a deal, which can head off problems down the road. Such instinct about relationships is a strength, Whitaker says. "It helps you get going when the going gets tough." Those innate skills aren't enough, though.

To get the best deal you have to do your research, Whitaker and Austin write. Find out how much the owner paid for the house you want to buy. Find out how much other dry cleaners charge before you pay more to get that coat cleaned. Once you have that information, come up with a Plan B. If the dry cleaner won't budge, be prepared to take your business elsewhere.

Above all, don't be afraid to hear "no" for an answer. "Embrace the no; it gives you more information," Whitaker says. Above all, don't be afraid to hear 'no' for an answer. 'Embrace the no; it gives you more Leslie Whitaker says. And realize that all negotiations won't end in an agreement you particularly like.

The two write of a friend who was offered the job of her dreams, and proceeded to try to negotiate the six-figure salary of her dreams, complete with company car and a month's vacation. "She blew herself out of the water," Austin says. What sie should have done the book details in "Pay Dirt: How to Get the Salary You Deserve." Yes, the woman should have asked for a high salary, but first she should have researched the marketplace for her particular job, then come up with a figure. (The authors suggest your old-girl network or the Internet as a starting point for research.) Those in search of a raise should rehearse what they want to say before they visit the boss, and above all, have a Plan if negotiations don't go their way. If the response doesn't meet their expectations, they must be prepared to look for an- Don't feel obligated to reply to a 'pre-invitation' looks vi like an vitation, m.

1 fmt 1 IIS! ft a jolly exhortation to do some serious partying on a certain date. But to some disgruntled recipients, it 1 NT Miss Manners Judith Martin ng. They have gotten so lackadaisical about answering invitations and keeping their commitments, never mind writing their thanks and offering reciprocal invitations, that she wonders that anyone is willing to break bread with them, much less spread cheese on it. The real reason they are upset: How do they know what they'll want to do on a date so far in advance? And suppose they will never be so fresh out of better things to do as to want to attend this particular event? How can they claim to be busy? Miss Manners has some relief to provide. One needn't answer an invitation that hasn't actual- sists of a card that may be sent out as long as a year in advance, bearing the admonition, "Save the date!" It turns out that this admonition is not, as might reasonably be supposed, a charity solicitation on behalf of an endangered fruit.

Rather, it is advance notification of an event to which an invitation will presumably be forthcoming. The idea is to ensure that the targeted people will zealously guard their calendars against temptation until further notice. The pre-invitation is scaring some potential guests witless. And in Miss Manners' opinion, guests could stand a good scari ly been issued. Once it is issued, it may be declined provided the answer is prompt and graciously regretful.

Miss Manners has heard about you people who shillyshally around until the last minute, driving hosts to distraction as they try to throw together events without knowing how many people will attend. So what those cards really provide, aside from time to plan travel, is time to face up to the duty that when the invitation does arrive, it must be answered. Distributed by United Feature Syndicate Helping Wou Choose The Smoother Skin No More Ingrown Hairs or Skin Irritation! 312.787.4028 Laser Electrolysis Waxing Also Available VisitourWebslteatuHM.purelaser.com sounds like a summons. The pre-invitation sprang up suddenly without so much as asking Miss Manners whether she felt up to designing or authorizing a new social form and is merrily gadding about wherever festivities are planned. It con- SOLUTIONS Put your softest foot forward 1W Parents get a search engine of their own LASER HAIR REMOVAL ff TREATMENT CLINIC WATER TOWER Water Tower Place, 845 North Michigan Suite 963 Chicago Other Locations: 1701 Woodficld Road, Suite 300, Svhaumburg 64 Old Onhaid Road, Professional Building, Suite 634, SkokJe Metro Detroit Toronto with Rosy Toes a gel-based aromatherapy foot and leg massage balm that changes to a milk bath when mixed with water.

Soak your feet (or your whole body) for extra softness. Foot Patrol with its fresh peppermint scent, gently exfoliates, leaving feet smooth after just one application. And if you're having one of those days that leave your peds hot and swollen, FrigiFeet ($22) is a soothing, cooling gel that also helps reduce swelling. If you can't get away to New York to visit the BlissLabs spa, call 8118-243-8825 for a catalog. Bliss products also can be found at all Neiman Marcus stores.

Lizabeth Solomon Our feet have it bad every winter: stuffed into boots for hours, trudging through sleet and snow. Fortunately, Bliss-Labs has come to the rescue. BlissLabs Softening Socks ($44) help heal dry, cracking feet with a polymer gel lining that contains jojoba, grape seed, olive and canola oils plus vitamin in a time-released formula that creates an instant moisture barrier. Wear them a few times a week and watch your winter-weary pups soften. (The socks should last four to five months with occasional washing.) For more intensive foot therapy, rub on Softening Sock Salve with eucalyptus before donning the socks.

Or pamper yourself Lose 1 to 3 pounds a week (under Doctor's Supervision) DESIGNER CLOIHES AT OFF-PRICES Lose 1 to 3 pounds a wnok (under Doctors Supervision) The Professional Weiqht Clinic is the Medical and Prolessional way to LOSE WEIGHT 4 KbUP IT OFF Eligible lor insurance reimbursement Biochemistry food evaluation Thyroid and Cholesterol Count New Prescription Weight Proyam Under Dr. Supervision Unbiased cosmetics reviews izk IN JUST ONE DAY IN JUST ONE DAY CEiEbRATE TrIE COiORS ancI Patterns of SpRiNq 2001 JoiN us at Our AnnuaI SPRING PARTY SATURDAY, MARCH 24TH Looking for a family-friendly vacation spot? Need to know which breed of dog gets along well with children? Trying to toilet-train your 3-year-old? Now, parents have a search engine on the Web to call their very own: KinderStart. KinderStart (www.Kinder-Start.com) is a focused search engine that looks at issues affecting children from birth to age 7. "Basically, what we do is organize all of the information out there on children," says Victor Goodman, site founder. "So, if you are searching for a topic such as asthma, you don't have to search through adults with asthma, dogs with asthma, and a bunch of stuff that isn't relevant.

We take you right to the information you need." When you enter KinderStart. you can either do a generalized search or click on one of the index topics listed, including adoption, child development, food and nutrition, travel and pregnancy. Other KinderStart features include KinderToday, a sister site that combs the Web and compiles articles on parenting. KinderStart also has a Kid Friendly program that lists attractions in North America that cater to families and have met a set of requirements. Th Ufdlcnl Rmlmloniil Way the Medical Smokiny Control Center will eliminate your desire lor cigarettes in ust one visit.

No unpleasant withdrawal. Fliojble tor Insiiranrft rnimnurcemnnt DOORS OPEN AT 10AM "fiiiiittl I Irani nri WftTnht r.nnlmt If you take your cosmetics seriously, check out The site was founded by self-proclaimed cosmetics junkie Heather Klein-man "as a resource for women looking for honest beauty information online," she says. Those looking for information on a particular brand can type in the name and get unbiased reviews from a panel of women who have used the product. The site provides product reviews, industry news and the Cosmetic Report, a free weekly mail newsletter that reviews the latest brands. There also is an extensive library of feature articles on topics varied as winterizing your skin, deciphering cosmetic labels, pregnancy skin care and tips for coloring your hair at home.

"Women get plenty of marketing hype about products," says Kleinman. "Cosmetic Connection cuts through all that to give a true picture of what products are available and what they really do." Readers can e-mail Kleinman with beauty-related questions. She reviews many of the products herself and goes the extra mile to get the real scoop on a product: "I reviewed an acne-control skin care brand that gave me the worst acne I've had in my life." she says. Arlene Schustejf program In IL. In nilnr ymn.

mm kllKI SI IMINIS, SI lOI'IINOMUN! CHICAGO (312)664-2255 ELMHURST (630)833-5442 NORTHBROOK (847)509-1995 4 Corivemwt lorohom ihfwohurf Chnwyhrd CHICAGO 7150 N. IIALSTED (775) 781-0700 SKOKIE 9444 SKOKIE BOULEVARD (847) 6WI6.