The Los Angeles Times from Los Angeles, California on December 8, 1928 · 20
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The Los Angeles Times from Los Angeles, California · 20

Los Angeles, California
Issue Date:
Saturday, December 8, 1928
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i SATURDAY MORNING. DECEMBER 8. 192g. PART II. THE TIMES-MIRROR Ol H Kit HKR IIUMIIIIi, t'rr.. and I, Ml. M M4KISN ll l I II Vt ;. -Itr.. J HANK X. I I l IM.I 11. Irnamrr. Hi KM IOIi ITarrr I hmttUrr. M-mn IMi . oan'it.-r. lfmtiutcrr. Maivl Oil. llo'lli. iiivf) PAN-AMERICAN AIRWAYS - , A State-wide aviation conference I rtni nr. to forv.uiaie plans for countries of the three regular airplane service with the suggestion of linking all the Americas by a in accordance President-elect 2q$ 2nacle-0"rimc;s V MORMM. baity nn nT.r. IN Tilt 4. 1MI M- H 1111 T1'R KA 1.111 W. TKI 'FKMhlll. MiMiiicin Mitor. Atrt for rvrry rtnv ol iMoner. IS.' pnnilxr vlil.r axeriur (' Os-toi T. I If-? . Are ncrTHliij sain nr Ort"twr, OK Fit IS ew Tiut MtiiMtuc. Firt and Krad. Trnnrh O1t-o N., I, ti'M Villfl lirinic M.l-ft. hlnjttt Ortirr, 1 -J I T -1 V I Nmin) rrr I liih Ituiblinr. Chi.airo liltlir. ano North MihiKn Aeiw. New tork Ol'mr. ii Hmli'va AiMinr. Sua Franco Oifl.r. "it rlirl ir-fl. fcealtle OIHco. SS- While llrr Mnart lll.ltr. la addition 1 1. lit alov ort--. Tin- Time U n lilo as4 ntat ! ftml It roroiwan lriUfltra at the off! of th Anif M'3 Itnre. in!an. I'Hri, nil I Ra trrf)M l"rw. KrMti-f, Tl Mnlra of 4 Hfornian wrKtiin at ! lit-naiiiH adlrr4 rill be puIjIUIi.1 In The Timet at Internal. LOS ANGELES (Loce A'mg hay au) All MRT K OF TIIK ASWI11H I'm I The Ataoctateri Pre U eveliiitel.r entitled to j be uk for T-eiulili(-atiii of all ueua rrefiiieff te H t 9r not therwie i-rediterl in thi paner aori hUr j all local ne pnhtlhed bm oiiliin. The Times aims at all times to be accurate 1b every published statement of fart. Render who discover any important inaccuracy of atatement will confer a favor by ratline attention of the Editorial Department to the trror. Na employee of The Times is permitted to accept any gratuity, in money or Its equivalent, from any individual, group or organization having; news or business relations with The Times. The public should clearly understand that it is unnecessary to pay anybody anything to get news into The Times nd that any Times employee who accepts "tifts calculated to influence his or her work for this newspaper Is thereby rendered subject to immediate discharge. Dad laws, if they ex'ut, should be repealed t soon as possible; still, while they "continue ki force, for the sake of example they should l rcligiousls observed. -Abraham Lincoln. Co Dag's l3iole em At cold waters to a thirsty soul, o li good newg from a far country, Prov. xxv:25. IN THE FOLD When a man admits that he has been bad and Is sorry for it he is a mighty good guy already. GETTING TOGETHER There Is suggestion of a. Latin-American maritime conference With the Idea of considering the shipping problems along the Pacific Coast. This hould be another step toward better commercial understandings. IDLE ENGLISH 1 Unemployment In England troubles the dreams of party leaders over there. The latest figures show an Increase in the number out of work. However, this Increase is called "seasonal, which must be a great comfort to jobless men .iid women, with a long winter coming on. I EARNING FROM WIIALES A whale can hold its breath stay under water longer than an hour, One writer says fourteen hours. While Submerged, how does it dispose of the carbon dioxide, which forms in the blood? Dr. Brazier Howell of the Johns Hopkins faculty thinks science is about to discover how the whale consumes his own poisons, and that the knowledge may enable man to live as long as the whale. BOMBING HURRICANES The way to knock a hurricane into a cocked hat, according to Prof. Franklin of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, is to explode a ton of pow-ier In Its eye. And In the morning papers we read: "Dreadnaughts are firing at the sky." The way to put the theory to a test would be to place an enemy airplane in the eye of a hurricane. Unfortunately, however, there are no enemy airplanes, or hurricanes, off no coast of California, where the dread-naughts are practicing. VEXICAN MUSIC 11 Concerts are to be given by a Mexican orchestra in the Plaza as a result or the efforts of Health Commissioner Kleinberger and the North Main-street business men. There is considerable point in a health commissioner being interested in music to public places. He may not have thought of it as a sanitary measure; but fometimes music is better than pills for those who are ill either in mind or body. Xt helps keep up the morale and resistance. It stimulates the heart and other body functions. This was the secret of a carload of mouth organs being shipped to Europe for the soldiers in the big ,war. Then music at the Plaza will be more than a health measure. It will be enough more wholesome to have music at that center than incendiary addresses by undesirable aliens. There is nothing like good music to smother discontent and awaken patriotism. A concert regularly ending with the "Star Spangled Banner" will be better than the waving of a red flag. Los Angeles has many contacts with Mexican and Spanish customs. One of the charms of the Pasadena Community Playhouse is the Spanish orchestra that zanders about in the patio filling the place with color and harmony. The South and Central American cities all have plazas and their bands. Spanish music in itself is picturesque and intriguing. To have it In the heart of our own city will be in keeping with cur traditions and historical setting. Tourists will flock to hear it. Americans and permanent residents will en-Joy it. The Mexicans will regard it as a compliment. And Los Angeles is the most truly Mexican city in America. New Orleans capitalizes her Creole ancestry. Boston makes the most of her beans, her Plymouth Reck and Puritan fathers. The tea from her "Boston Tea Party" is yet brewed for all comers. The plazas of Santiago, Chile, and Lima, Peru, are redolent with mellifluous music on summer evenings. Every evening Is a summer evening here as well as there. With a revival of Mexican music at thtj Plaza, this spot more than ever will cease to he a liajlng resort and will be one of the distinctive show places of the city. Hoover in his speech at Lima, is the very practical work which the Califor-; nia Development Association has under- ; taken. The establishment of such a system obviously will require interna-, ! tional action, which Mr. Hoover cannot J " rwA well initiate until he actually becomes : j President, but American aviation can i prepare in the meantime many ideas ; and plans which the international con- i ference will find very useful as a basis upon which to work. ' Mr. Hoover declared in his speech that the proposed Pan-American airplane j service could be operating within twelve j months after representatives of the na- J tions had assembled. Since the Presi- j dent-elect does not speak lightly, It is j safe to assume that he has had in mind j for some time the calling of such a ! meeting, and that extending invitations ; for it will be among his early official acts. : California is the leading aviation cen-; ter of the nation and is rapidly becom- j ing that of the world, it has the largest proportion of the planes, the pilots and the factories, and it has also several successful commercial companies operating air lines. Also, the State is already awake to the desirability of closer personal and trade relations with all the Latin-American countries. An international airways system so widespread as the one proposed could not be expected to pay commercially at first, nor for some time, but in -view of its Importance it would seem to justify government aid, which, like the airway system, would be international in char acter. , Much benefit should result. An American now living in one of the South American countries complains in a current magazine article that nearly every port on the east coast of South America is visited two or three times daily by vessels from Europe, while the sailings from the northern continent bring but two vessels a week, one of them British. Under such conditions, he fears, the sentiment of an American solidarity and unity of Interest which grew up when these newer republics were weak and in need of protection, is In danger of weakening. Such an airplane system as Mr. Hoover suggests would do much to restore it. Several good results from Mr. Hoover's Journey are already manifest. In Nicaragua, for instance, he was besought by representatives of both parties to retain marines there for some time to come, to aid that country in restoring orderly civil administration. President Coolidge reported in his message to Congress that Nicaragua had already made a request for American supervision of its next national election. It is to be hoped that both these significant items received publication In those South American papers which have looked with distrust upon the presence of our armed forces in the Central American republic. Neither the President-elect nor the President has committed himself to continued supervision of Nlcaraguan affairs. From an American standpoint, such supervision is far from desirable. We have received no compensating benefit, and the Intervention into which we were forced has made us the target for many attacks, based both on misunderstanding and on misrepresentation. Anything that savored of a permanent policing by American forces in Nicaragua or any other country would be frowned upon by American public opinion, and Mr. Hoover undoubtedly coincides fully in this view. The present presence of American marines in Nicaragua needs no defense in the eyes of those who understand the situation, but there are many who do not. If the President-elect's journey but aids in the removal of but a little of the misunderstanding it will have Justified itself. and S , - . ! r v H I WW by ee onippev I F YOU imagine that in this City of 1 many imitation picturesque characters all the really picturesque ones .... fVveidJk nlA dlBhn v . i and act the wav i ' i . . . they do from ancient habit instead of a desire to attract attention or run a bluff, just go .to some gathering of our old-timers, or the funeral of one of them. There you will not see those who consciously strive to be original or exceptional or outstanding, but those who naturally are that way and are hardly conscious of it-men whose faces, hair, clothes, speech, manner and sometimes even cuss words stamp them as belonging to that group of stalwarts who made the West. There were figures and faces and clothes at the funeral of Charles F. Lummis which were living illustrations of Southern California's history. But what a gap In their ranks was made by the passing of Dr. Lummis, one of the most unconsciously and strikingly picturesque of them all. His Sincere Appreciation One of the best-known men in Los Angeles is one of those old-timers, lie Is one of those who aided Col. Lummis in starting the Southwest Museum. Though well along in years, no man in town would spring to the jdefense of a woman any quicker than would he. But when he feels deeply his language is fervently and gloriously natural. A committee of women decided to organize a campaign to arouse appreciation for the museum, and three of them presented to that fine old-timer a resolution they had drawn up. When he had read it he cried, deeply touched: "Ladies, that's the blankety-blanked best thing ever happened to this blast-blasted institution." The women blushed, gasped and retired and the old-timer doesn't dream yet that he ever said any such things. Modern Improvements "This is a great and -progressive country," says the office grouch, "but in some of the awfully back-ward countries they used to kill off the feebleminded, while here they let a lot of 'em drive cars and kill off other people." Speaking of Cars A few years ago you couldn't walk down Broadway without seeing a lot of cars with big padlocks on the wheels. Now you can walk all around town and not see one. A motorist friend tells us this is due to two causes 40 per cent to the new transmission locks, and 60 per cent to the natural laziness of the motorists. Other Worlds to Conquer Leeside: Just to prove that this country really is drying up I call attention to the fact that the W. C. T. U. announces It will launch a campaign against nicotine. Watts Twocomb. Avoidable Jill If your own ging you for Christmas, or little darling is beg-a "beebee" gun for if your neighbor's wicked kid Is endangering your win dows, eyes and household pets with one, you may be glad to learn that it is against the law of California for any small boy to use such a gun unless he is accompanied by a grown person, and an appeal to the Commission for the Protection of Children and Animals will put any carelessly used alrgun Into cold storage. This is so little known that there are very youthful lawbreakers all about us. Every small boy wants a gun, and most of them use them in shooting at songbirds and cats. And most of us parents are so weak that we cannot deny them what they want, even though we fear they will puncture each other's eyes. We are almost as silly as the authorities of a near-by town who, when a schoolboy motorist ran over a girl, found the accident was "unavoidable." The Flu In iaiis of old when knights Were bold Nobody fussed about a cold. Indeed, tome for 'em used to ugh. To Affl'e txcuse for rock and rye. The others took old-fashioned teas Or other old home remedies. Or salts or pills, or lei it run. And in about four days 'twas done. But novo each cold is called the flu. We get alarmed, resistless, blue. And call the doc, and make our wills. And tremble, wondering if we'oe chills, And quake and slump and hold our breath And sometimes scare ourselves to death. L. B. Xome and address of writer must accompany all letter for this column. Let' lers of personal nature or involving contentious religious questions or not acceptable. ' The Name Changers LOS ANGELES, Dec. 5. tTo the Editor of The Times: It has come to the attention of the writer that there is at present, In and around Los Angeles, a growing notion that it would be a good idea to change the names of various streets and vicinities. Leaving out of the question those cases where there is a duplication of names, it appears to me that most changes are unnecessary especially the proposed plan of changing San Fernando Valley to Northwest Los Angeles. In all respect to the cigar passers who guide the destinies of this city, it would seem that name-changing has become a popular thing to propose whenever a politician cannot think of anything else to do. Callfornians forget that there is a certain romantic glamour in names of Spanish origin to visitors who come from the East and from the Middlewest. Los Angeles is fortunate in having a Spanish tradition, and the best evidence of it is in Its names. I have no doubt that many a member of our City Council, if he were a Roman, would propose that the Appian Way be changed to North and South Main street, or possibly to Rome Boulevard. I would humbly suggest that our politicians confine their energies to fields of activity for which they are better equipped, namely, vote drumming and cigar passing, and that they let the names of localities alone. J. B. On One Short Drive GLENDORA, Nov. 28. To the Editor of The Times: I noticed an article Sunday morning In your city news section, "Flood of Tourists Started." During the afternoon driving from our home to Claremont, we passed cars from ten different States, in some instances more than one from the same State Michigan Washington, Oregon, Indiana, Illinois, Nebraska, Arizona, Ohio, New York, Texas. Thought the fact rather interesting. WALTER. H. SPRATT. THE MULES OF MARS MODEST GEN. RODRIGUEZ The statement of Gen. Abelardo L. Rodriguez, Governor of the northern district of Baja California, denying that he has any intention of becoming a can didate for President, is in itself a symptom that Mexican political life has taken a turn for the better. Gen. Rodriguez divides Presidential candidates into three categories men of ambition, men of vanity, and patriots. Though from the nature of his statement it is obvious that he belongs in the last-named class he declares himself ineligible by reason of want of preparation. Gov. Rodriguez has done and is doing many things for the improvement of his district which are making it one of the most prosperous in Mexico, and those acquainted with his work are less dis trustful of his ability than he appears to be. He has at least the attitude toward public office which should be more generally copied: ne regards it not as an opportunity to get something for himself or his friends, but as a post of service and self-sacrifice for the general good, "I have the conviction," says Gen. Rodriguez, "that I can be more useful to my country within the Industrial and constructive world." Mexico needs industrial development, and if he can contribute toward it he will be as useful as anyone could be in the political field. SIZING UP RUSSIA Perhaps we would obtain a clearer idea of the problem of modern Russia if we realized how complicated it is. It isn't just a Russian problem. It covers a land occupied by a hodge-podge of 577 tribes speaking 150 different languages. Under the circumstances it appears amusing to have some writer from Ch'.cago or New York spend a couple of months in Moscow and then publish n large book embracing the whole solution of questions that half the inhabitants themselves have never heard of. CATCH 'EM LIKE THIS So far a: the House of Representatives is concerned radio consideration and regulation are in the hands of the Committee on Fisheries. Probably with the Idea that there is Just as good fishing in the air aa in the sea. OUR LOS ANGELES SCHOOLS After thirty-two years of service In 1 the schools of Los Angeles, in which period she rose by an unbroken series of promotions from a high school teacher's post to the superintendency of the whole school system, Mrs. Susan M. Dor- sey has decided to resign her onerous duties and enjoy a rest 'certainly well earned by a septuagenarian who has not had more than two weeks' vacation in the last ten years. President Beman's heart-felt expressions of regret on the part of the Board of Education, at losing the services of "the best superintendent this Or any other city could have," find a response in the hearts of all who recognize how closely the progress of a community is tied up with its school system and are proud of the record Los Angeles has made under the tireless supervision of Mrs. Dorsey. Her name, indeed, has been so long associated with the educational advance of Southern California through the spirit she infused into the Los Angeles schools that the announcement of her resignation came as something of a shock even to those who acknowledge the claim of the years on those who fill such a responsible position. But while every city official, every teacher and every father and mother in Los Angeles are aware of the loss which will come to our schools through the final withdrawal of Mrs. Dorsey from active duty, that feeling of loss is mitigated by the knowledge that the cloak of her authority will fall on equally capable and devoted shoulders. The Board of Education has shown both good Judgment and good feeling by selecting as her successor so representative a Southern Californlan as Frank A. Bouelle, already well versed in the du ties of the office through association with Mrs. Dorsey as assistant superin tendent. The choice of Mr. Bouelle is a guaran tee that the policies of Mrs. Dorsey will be carried on and that there will be no shake-up or disturbance in the schools following a change in leadership. It is also a satisfaction to know that the Board of Education recognized the claim of home talent and did not as has sometimes been the case consider it necessary to bring in a stranger from the other side of the continent to fill a position that belongs essentially to Los Angeles. Mr. Bouelle is not only the one perhaps best equipped educationally to take over our Los Angeles school system, but on the human side has an appeal for all proud of the traditions of Southern California. - He was born at First and Srring streets when the PJaza was the business center of the city. He was entered at the old elementary . school at Eighth and Grand and later attended Los Angeles High, spent two years at the State Normal and graduated from the University of Southern, California. From that time he has devoted his whole life to educational work in Los Angeles. By birth, by training, by char acter, by an earnest and studious de votion, and bv a life-long knowledge of j his city end Stite, he has fitted himself for the final honors toward which he has steadily progressed. THE NATIONAL DEFENSE If our California gridiron gladiators can lick the American Army and Navy why not turn the problem of our national defense over to the California college boys? If any country wants its elections properly bossed let them write a line to Dr. Von KlelnSmid and have him send a bunch of Trojan freshmen for the Job. If any Germans think they are tough let them see if they can roil enough barbed wire across the field to keep the Stanfords from scoring a touchdown. Where is that Frenchman who said: "They shall not pass"? The Bears will make him a few without wearing cuffs. Also think of being able to sell seats for the next war at $5 per each. In the name of efficiency let the Pacific collegians look after future armament problems. ROOM AND BOARD The next step is to provide the right sort of parking space for Santa Claus. ROSE-COLORED LENSES By James J. Montague If with you or with me he should meet, by some chance On the street or the boat or the train The great movie actor would give us a glance That was heavy with haughty disdain. The idol of millions, you'd hardly expect Would make very much of a fuss Over even the rich and the social elect, Not to mention plain people like us. But a charming expression spreads over his pan When ha meets with a newspaper cameraman. Except in a time when election is near And a large lot of votes must be polled The great politician Is stern and austere And hLs manner is distant and cold. Mere people, to him are like peas in a Eod o ought not to give themselves airs, So he passes us by with a chill distant nod, And proceeds to his weighty affairs. But benignance and kindliness gleam In his eye When the newspaper cameraman happens by. The cameraman is a rough-neck himself, Put he knows what a picture is worth. He isn't impressed by position or pelf Or by anything else on this earth. He mouses around in a gang leader's haunts Or the homes of the swaggerest set. And all that he looks for and all that he wants Are the mugs he's been sent out to get. He never is flattered; he's never Impressed, But he does see this foolish old world at its bast! (on.vrlshO Hit, or th Bell Svndleato. Ino.) More Last Survivors SOLDIERS' HOME, Dec. 5. ITo the Editor of The Times: Twice the past few days I have read or the death or the "last survivor" of the Battle of the Little Big Horn, June 25, 1876. There are two here in this Soldiers' Home, and if you will attend the monthly meeting of the Indian War Veterans, 2 p.m. first Sunday, in the Disabled veterans' Hall, Hill street, you will find several of them. , E. H. PHELPS. County Unit Plan EL SEGUNDO, Nov. 28. To the Editor of The Times: At whose behest, and by what authority does the California Taxpayers' Association prepare bills for the State Legislature to pass upon? Why has the county unit plan for the school systems of California been kept in the dark until less than sixty days before the State Legislature convenes? Why make the poor districts assist those still poorer, excluding the wealthy districts from this benefaction? We could fill sheet ttfter sheet with questions that need to be answered, before this piece of legislation passes. This proposed county unit system needs to be hung on the line of publicity. Every taxpayer, whether a member of the California Taxpayers' Association or not, needs to be interested, and would be if they were aware of what is transpir ing. INQUISITIVE. Haskin, Director HV-J' tj v jtljMtiu Our Washington Bureau of Information is prepared to give you accurate information on any question of fact yoa may ask. Send in your inquiries together icith 2 cents in stamps to cover postage to the Los Angeles Times Information Bureau, Frederic . Haskin, director, Wa hing'.on, D. C, Q.: Do carpets and rugs in a choir loft reduce the reverberation of sound? D. R. B. A: The Bureau of Standards says that carpets and rugs absorb sound and have the effect of reducing the reverberation time of a room. The area of the floor covering in a choir lpft of average size would hardly be large enough to have any deadening tffect upon the reverberation in the church as a whole. Musicians generally prefer to have their immediate surroundings bare and reverberant. Q.: Please give the length and width of London Bridge, i. r. A.: Old Condon Bridge, be gun about 1170, was completed in 1209. It carried a row oi timber houses, which were frequently burned down, but the main structure existed until the beginning of the nineteenth century. The old bridge was the center for booksellers and other tradesmen. On it stood the Chapel of St. Thomas of Canterbury, and a tower on which the heads of traitors were exposed to view. The present London Bridge was begun in 1824, and completed in 1831. It is borne on live granite arches; is 928 feet long, 65 feet wide, and 53 feet above the river. BY EUGENE BROWN Let me tell you something: If it is true that emissaries of Mussolini have been buying up more mules in this country it can hardly be considered as a gesture of peace and good wilL These Missouri canaries are not of themselves notably quarrelsome, but they have so long been associated with trouble that no one can conceive them in the light of apostles of amity. It has always been noticed that when any government or people, sought to corner the mule market there has been battle and bloodshed on the next page. When a country fears or expects embroilment with its neighbors or is about to start something on its own account, the first step in preparedness Is to round up every mule in sight. The mules don't do much of the fighting themselves. In modern warfare the motor, the tractor and the tank have displaced them to some extent, but nevertheless there can be no real scrap without finding a flock of these heavy-hoofed delegates from Kansas City in the offing. Take the matter of the last great embroilment: By the time we got into the war our country was so denuded of mules that we had to leave the braying to the politicians. For months and years in advance all the nations of Europe had - been stealthily absorbing our mule supply until w! almost had to use goats for substitutes, i It was a long time before we could catch up and we were still thousands of mules behind when we broke into the bloody game. You will remember the doueh- boys from Arkansas who on their first night at the front had to climb over the lines into the German camp and steal a bunch of mules to keep from getting lonesome. They just simply couldn't get along without their Missouri neighbors. An army witnout a mule is worse than a girl without her powder rag. Take the case of the mule Rosamond. Rosamond was rather crude in her beginnings. She was for some time linked with a St. Louis contractor who was careless in speech and sel dom considerate of her tastes. So it was that perhaps her soul became embittered. You know how it Is. If you never hear a kind word you get a bit grouchy yourself. Anyhow, when Rosamond finally got into the war she was as petulant as a singed wasp. She would have made a dandy bridge player. She could kick at anything. But she behaved like a hired man full of hard cider. Up near the front one day somebody prodded her in the ribs with a bayonet. The Germans had been throwing shells around her for some time and Rosamond got the idea into her stubborn head that the Germans were to blame for the whole business. She saw red for a few minutes and then ran amuck. With her head down and ears forward she started in the Eeneral di rection of Germany. She went through several acres of wire entanglement as if it had been laid o string and finally brought up at a machme-gun nest at the edge of the wood. She plunged into action with flying hoofs and the Heinies were so shocked and stunned that they thought that Gen.' Pershing had suddenly unloaded an or uammany in their sector. So they threw down their weapons and headed straight for Berlin, leaving Rosamond in full command of the scene. For this feat or rather feet-Rosamond was subsequently awarded the decoration of the croix d.e guerre with two 'palms and a couple of hoofs. She was also kissed on both cheeks by Marshal Neigh. To prove that she was almost human it is noted that on near-ing Paris Rosamond later traded her decoration for a peck of oats and ate the ration at one sitting. It was through this that her secret came out. She was called Rosamond because his name was Hector! But the point I am making is that if Mussolini or anybody else is buying up our mules it is not with the idea of playing pillow. It may be said that Italy expects to use the mules in the development of certain mines, but this will be camouflage. There are always bonfires in the Balkans and Italy's position and associations are such as to ever provide apprehension of her aims and ends. Watch your mules. Absent-Minded Eliel Lofgren, Sweden's Minister of Foreign Affairs, has a reputation for absent-mindedness, and a new incident to illustrate his failing was brought out in the recent electoral campaign. When holding the post of Minister of Justice in a previous Swedish Cabinet, he was commissioned to bestow a decoration upon a contractor of a Small city in Southern Sweden. At a formal dinner Lofgren made a speech and at the end presented the guest of honor with a small leather case. The recipient opened it but hurriedly closed the lid and put the box in his pocket, thereby earning the esteem of his fellow-guests as an extremely modest man. The next morning, when the Cabinet member started his shave, he was surprised to find instead of a razor in his shavins kit, a bright and shining star of gold end enamel which he thought he had presented to the contractor the nipht before. A Command Performance A soldier who was a bit of a mRl'ngerer reported sick, but the doctor cnuld And nothing amiss with him. "You wouldn't come to me with th' complaint In civil life," he said. "Oh. no, sir," replied his patient. "I should spnd for you." I Royal Magazine (London.) HE WILL FAINT AGAIN . The Grjrgia printer who fainted when informed that he had lnh"-'t-ed $250,000 proba'ily will wish they had left him unconscious until tiie inheritance tax was deducted. Louisville Courier-Journal. Among the war weapons that become more and more terrible is oratory. Wars will end when students howl their admiration for the little chap who got 100 in Math. Alas! You couldn't enjoy the days of your youth without the daze of your youth. The good old slogan, "Children first," would avert many a wreck on the sea of matrimony. What this country needs Is something to get excited about between Thanksgiving and the first ball game. He is at last middle-aged if he is banning to think brighter color are becoming to him. You can classify a man accurately if you know his opinion of plus-fours and Mrs. Wille-brandt. All birds are becoming more expensive, according to a celebrated chef. This is especially true of the stork. Americanism: Going to Europe to get culture; having an awful time until you find some Americans to spend your time with. Poor Germany! Think of punishing a nation by not permitting her to impoverish herself to build a navy. The punishment for being an "Earnest Willie" is that you own sins worry you almost as much as the sins of other people. A new eyelash dope promises to make the eyes "gleam softly from dark shadows." A fist will do that, too. The true optimist is the pedestrian who suffers in a dentist's chair to preserve his teeth for another ten years. An ordinary No. 2 liar Is one who says he would like football as well if it had no connection with colleges. You'll notice these vibratinr-exercisers didn't come on the market until the old flivver was obsolete. No woman is too bad to appreciate a good husband; n" woman is good enough to appreciate a husband who couldn'. be bad. Correct this sentence: "Ncl" has a hard time finding a shi: narrow enough," said the gos?'.p. "but J'm the only one of her friends who knows it." An expert is a man who is just beginning to understand how little he knows about it. Some of us are too busy to make good resolutions; some of us are too lazy to break them. Very few of the big jobs an held by men who will lie anc' shiver rather than get up for an extra blanket. Money talks, and sometimes it can keep a still still. It's discouraging to do yoM-best and then find out it isn". good enough. P RET THE SUPERMAN I'm glad I'm not a superman, who does tremendous, startling things, the hero of the movie fan, the gent of whom the poet sings. For, having set a standard high, the superman must never fail, or men will hoot as he goes by and say he ought to be in jail. The superman does something great, and he's applauded everywhere; we glory in his high estate, and place sweet garlands on his hair. All eyes are fixed upon him then, at every hour his fame's at stake; he doesn't dare, like other men, to pull a boner or bad break. We common skates may blunder 6n, a lot of misfits, awkward, dumb, begin our blundering at dawn, and keep it up till night is come; and none will pause to criticise, to sprain, with hoots, the bronchial tubes; we do not pose ,as superguys, we're Just the common, garden boobs. The superman has no such luck; once having made a record fine, he does not dare to run amuck, unless he would take in his sign. While he can hold his splendid pose a million friends will smile and cheer, but when he slips a million foes will promptly with harpoons aopear. It's strange how people like to rend the man they lately did adore, how yesterday's applauding friend today is clamoi'insr for gore. I've seen a hundred heroes slide from heights where they performed a while, and when thev fell they were denied a sympathetic tear or smile. I'm always sorry for the g,ent who frolics In the limelight's Rlare, for I would stake a brkht red cent that some day he will 'mow desnair. Th crowds "re fckle as the wlrd the" T: wirac fe'low to exalt, then "I'M to see him canned or tinned, and his fair garden sown to salt. Srt. I

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