The Miami Republican from Paola, Kansas • 6

SWAN LEGENDS. tmni years since peaches were grown on free land this luscious fruit has entirely disappeared, and many other garden products with it. According to the Report upon Forestry," Southern Indiana, until shortly, had a regular peach crop, while now it is the rule for such crops to fail almost the same is the case with regard to the far more hardy apples and other fruits. Light frosts in May and June are no longer a rarity the wheat market was in many places entirely killed by frost in others from 20 to 40 per cent, was lost. In many States in which, at the commencement of the present century, spring used to happen in February it is now delayed until the end of April, and the growing of wheat has become altogether rrobleratical An official report from Illinois (July, 1879), on the harvest, prospect, climate, sayf that the crops had suffered greatly from the want of rains in spring and the continuing cold winds, and the cause of both is referred to the indiscriminate destruction of woodland.

Aiinneajxtlis Tribune. and turned him over on his back. Tho turtle was naturally indignant, and as the pig's nose came near his head he fastened on it and settled down to work. The pig was frightened nearly to death and tried to run away, but, as'the turtle was nearly as large as the pig, the running was slow. The squealing of the pig finally brought help, and the turtle was captured and found to weigh twenty-eight pounds.

lie Had to Attend a Funeral. Old Chief-Justice Buinpr.s was obstreperous on the bench. His dignity was unassailable his self-esteem like a triple wall of granite, or gates of brass, through which tho familiaritv of the common herd could not make its wav. In dispensing justice he knew no friendship; and in dealing out tho duties cf those who served about him, Lo would sooner have cut off a finger than show favor to one more than to another. On a certain occasion, when an important case was on the docket, which might run through several days, one of those who had been drawn to servo on tha jury asked very modestly and very politely, to bo excused, tie gave as a reason for his request that his business was pressing him hard for time.

Shoxild I be called from my business during the two or three days next to come," he said, "the loss to me and to my partners would be more than I can tell. For my ALL SORTS. Pkesebved Porter is the nama of a resident of Newark, N. J. Cincinnati manufactured gallons of whisky last year.

Horace Greeley's brother lives in Eastern Pennsylvania, on a farm of 300 acres, but has not made farming pay. New Orleans papers record the death of David Alexander, tha oldest man in that city, his age being given as 102 years. Montreal's big dry-goods merchant-have subscribed 10,000 toward establishing a cotton factory in the outskirts of the city. Tele new ice factory in course of erection at New Orleans will turn out about 25,000 tons of ice annually, and employ about seventy -five hands." YrRGiNiA is making extensive preparations for the Yorktown centennial next October, and proposes to consolidate her entire militia into two brigades under Fitz Hugh Lee for the occasioa. Special schools to be held on holidays in every rural district of Italy have been decreed bythe Minister of Publie Instruction.

Holidays are numerous, and it is hoped that the new schools will keep many out of the wine shops. A naked man on his knees in tho snow, with the thermometer at zero, was so strange a spectacle that the conductor on the Pan Handle railroad stopped his train. The man said that a strange voice commanded him to hang his clothes on a limb and pray. An exchanere savs that all the stories rived when the King of Dahomey should hold a similar celebration in honor of his deceased father. At this ceremony about 200 captured prisoners were to be beheaded.

The European merchants were invited to witness the observance, but they all refused to go. These proceedings have extended over a period of six months, and during the time no trade could be carried on in the kingdom. Heligoland is the most celebrated station in the world for studying the migration of birds. This little island is hardlva hundred miles in extent an mi isolated, triangular rock of red sandstone, with perpendicular cliffs two or three hundred feet in height all round it. It is mostly cultivated, and its resident birds are hardly more than a dozen species but in spring and autumn migrating birds make it a resting ilace, and these are watched for, and shot or trapped, by almost the whole population, and the res alts have been carefully chronicled for the last twenty-five years by Mr.

Gatke, an experienced resident ornithologist. The amazing result is, that as many species of birds have been obtained in this minute islet as in any country in Europe while the vast number of the migrating flocks is shown by the fact that 15,000 larks have sometimes been caught in one night. Tb Bomanr Which KorroEndi the GrareTul Bird. rail Mall Gszette. In the northern legends swans play a most romantic part.

Two separate currents may be distinguished in the swan 1 myths of Teutonic and Scandinavian countries. To one current belong tho various stories of swan maidens, to tho other those concerning the knights of the swan. Here, again, both traditions of beast worship and images of nature, poetry may play a part; though it is not clear that the swan maidens of the north had any other origin than tho obvious one which would lie in process of imaginative reasoning like this Swans are beings all softness, grace and purity; bo are some rare maidens; therefore, some rare maidens are in reality swans. At any rate there was no question that 6uch supernatural beings existed. They were both fairer and wiser than mortal women.

They could change from one shape to another at will. To assume the human shape they doffed robes of down or "swanshirts," but retained invariably a gold or silver chain about their necks. She whose swanshirt was carried off by a mortal could no longer, while he kept it safe, become a bird again or resume its freedom. On the other hand, she from whose neck in her human shape the chain was taken, immediately became a swan again, and could not recover her humanity until she got back her chain. Sometimes a hunter approaching a forest pool would descry a damsel of more than mortal beauty bathing in its waters, would notice the chain about her neck and the robe of down hanging from a tree, would seize tho robe and bear tho damsel home to live with him in happiness until one day he should forget tho key which kept her magic garment from her, and return to find her flown forever.

Or swan-brides would consort of their own accord with warriors who had surprised them at dawn as tliey sat spinning in human shape beside the margin of a mountain turn, until after seven years their hearts would change, and "they would fly away, leaving their husbands to sally after them over tho snow in varn. Another Icelandic story tells how nelgi and Olaf fought on the ice of a frozen lake, and how Kara, the mistress of Helgi, hovered over tho heads of -the combatants in tho likeness of a great swan, and by her magic blunted the weapons of them that fought against Helgi, until by chance he struck off a leg of the swan with his sword, and immediately the fortunes of the battle changed. The other great swan myth of the north is that of the injured maiden, to whose aid, in her extremity, there comes sailing a knight in a boat drawn by an enchanted swan, and who, after the knight has rescued and made her his bride, destroys her happiness by insisting that he shall tell her who he is and whence ho comes. We are all familiar with this tale as it is told by Wolfram von Eschenbach, and has in our own day been recast by Wagner concerning Elsaof Brabrant and Leheniin. the son of Percivil.

A Joke on a Horse. A Detroit merchant had a horse which was the terror of every pedestrian who got within three feet of his head. The animal had teeth like a shark, and would bite everything within reach except a pile of grindstones. Whipping had no effect, and he would get rid of muzzles as fast as they were put on. The firm had paid out considerable money to settle for his bites, and were wondering what they could sell him for, when along came a man who guaranted a euro for $5.

He was told to go to work, and his first move was to get an old suit of clothes and 6tuff it with straw. Tho horse was driven down the street, and the suit was tied to a hitching-post, back to the street. A full pound of Cayenne pepper was then rubbed into and sprinkled over the garments and the straw stuffing, and tho joke was ready. The horse came jogging back, and the driver left him standing within six feet of the man of straw. The old biter's eyes had a twinldo as ho saw a lino chance to use his teeth, and as soon as left alone he began edging toward the post.

When ready for business ho made a sudden lunge and caught tho "man" by the shoulder. That old horse meant wickedness, but he had a surprise in store for him. As he lifted the figure off its feet and gavo it a shake it fell apart, and his mouth, nose, and eyes were filled with smarting powder. Great tears rolled down his long nose, he sneezed and snorted and coughed, and ho wa3 just as chagrined at the general laugh on him as a man would have been. He backed away from the remnants, opened his mouth to cool it, aud hung his head in shame.

He did not ceaso weeping for a day, but when he got so that he could look the public square in the face he was a changed horse. Anybody could pull his ears or rub his nose with impunity. In fact, he would court caresses where he had defied them, aud on the approach of a stranger would shut his eyes and mouth, a if fearful of another dose. Cooking In Court. The prcceeding3 at Brighten County Court, in England, were diversified one day by an unusual incident, namely, the cooking of some potatoes in court by direction of the Judge, A wholesale-potato merchant was sued foi the recovery of money which he had been paid for potatoes which were alleged to be of a different kind from those ordered.

The Judge, after examining some of both samples as well as of the potatoes supplied, felt that in order to enable Lim to give a correct judgment in the matter it would be necessary to cook specimens of each. This was accordingly done, while other cases were being heard. The cooked potatoes were then produced in court and eaten, the result being that the Judge was satisfied as to the quality of the condemned potatoes, but not so satisfied as to the skill of the plaintiff in the art of cooking. The verdict w3 accordingly given for the defendant. Pi? and Turtle.

A pig met with a singular adventure in Pike county Pa. The young rooter was doing some plowing in a swampy part of the field, and came across a huge snapping-turtle, sleeping quietly on a bog. Piggy didn't know a turtle from a tea-kettle, and he promptly put his nose under one side of the turtle's shell TERRY RICE, Publishers. PAOLA, MIAMI COUNTY, KANSAS. Sir Edwaed Thornton's father was Minister from England to the United States from 1803 to 1809.

Sir Edward has been Minister from 1867 to the present date. His son is an attache of the legation, and may some time be its head. The Iowa Central railroad has issued an order prohibiting conductors, engineers, station agents, and other employes of the company from smoking or drinking whisky, ale, beer, cider, or other intoxicating liquors while on duty, under the penalty of discharge or suspension from service. The editor of the Marlborough (Mass.) Times saw Mark Twain and was much impressed by him. Says the editor "Below his necktie Mr.

Twain is as personal and presentable a man as any. The terror is all about his head. And such a head A little way off he has the appearance of having on the shako of a Hungarian grenadier, and reminds one of a thistle in bloom. Detached from the rest of him, what a window- washer his head would make A school-girl saw a play performed at San Luis, in which the heroine died by poison, after suffering much from unrequited love. The girl had an unhappy love affair of her own, and the performance on the stage impressed her so deeply that she bought arsenic on the way home and committed suicide.

A similar instance occurred in Chicago, except that the girl bought candy instead of arsenic, and let her lover pay for it. A letter from Mentor says that Garfield has ceased to open his newspaper mail and no longer keeps scrap-books of articles about himself. Garfield rides to the postof.ce at West Mentor, and often carries his mail back home on the pommel of his saddle. He is a fine horseman, though dressed like a farmer, and the neighbors love to look at him galloping past. A woman writing to have her husband made Postmaster told Mrs.

Garfield that if she would fix it she would give her a switch made of her own hair. TnE Washington correspondent of the New York Evening Post says: "I am told, and on good authority, that Jay Gould is planning to get control of the New York Associated Press. He owns the Express, the World and the Tribune and is negotiating for either the Journal of Commerce or the Commercial Jhrtlelin. He has recently bought out Marshal O. Roberts' thirty-rive shares in the S'xn, at 4,500.

There are 275 shares, I believe, in all, the par value being $1,000 each. The control of four franchises gives him control of the Associated Press. I give this to you as it comes to me, and do not guarantee its entire accuracy. Jay Gould is the Napoleon of trade. Is there any way of getting him to St.

Helena The Great Eastern steamship has been definitely chartered for ten years to carry dead meat to the United Kingdom from the board or the River calculated that from American sea-Piata. It is Texas or the Argentine provinces beef of prime quality can be laid down in England at 3 pence per pound. The promoters of this bold scheme intend to slaughter the cattle on board the great ship as received from day to day, and for the purpose they have secured the services of trained butchers from the slaughterhouses of Chicago. The dressed meat will be stored in refrigerators, and it is estimated that 10,000 to 15,000 carcasses of beef, all hung equal to 3,000 or 4,000 tons of meat will be shipped each voyage. That the old superstition that Friday I is an unlucky day for traveling still keeps people at home on that day is proved by the experience of nearly every railway i conductor.

Of the passengers on the New York division of the Pennsylvania railroad, 15 xer cent, are carried on Friday, while there is an average of 17 per cent, carried on each of the other five week days. In other words, there is a falling off on Fridays of nearlv one-eighth as compared with I the average of other week days. The I days of heaviest travel are approximately Monday with 19 per cent, and Sunday with ISner there manvTOT. sons going to and returning from busi I ness on those days. The percentage shown on other week days are On Thiirsday, 10, and Friday, 15.

The West of Arica is a nice, pleasant placo to live in. People there very rarely die of any disease in fact, Kings and chiefs are about the only jersons wao die natural deaths. The chief of Why-dali, in the kingdom of Dahomey, died recently, and, as is the custom with many other African tribes, the death was celebrated by a massacre of people. The i horrible rite was followed by another massacre at the order of the new Chaca as a token of honor to his predecessor. No ooner was this over than the time ar- Something About Babies.

According to a Yorkshire notion, a new born infant should be laid first in the arms of a maiden before any one touches it; and in some places the infant's right hand is left unwashed in order that he may gather riches. It is, too, considered very important by many that an infant should go up in the world before it goes down. Thus, in Cleveland, says Mr. Henderson, if a child should be born in the top story of a house, for want of a flight of stairs one of the gossips will take it in her arms and mount a table, chair, or chest of drawers before she carries it down-stairs. In the north of England, when an infant for the first time goes out of the house, it is presented with an egg, some salt and a little loaf of bread, and occasionally a small piece of money these gifts being supposed to insure that the child shall never stand in need of tho common necessaries oi lile.

In the East Biding of Yorkshire a few matches are added to light the child to heaven. It was, too, in former times, customary. and the practice is not yot obsolete, to provide a large cheese and cake, and cut them at the birth of the child. These were called "the groaning cake and cheese," and were distributed among all the neighbors. In Yorkshire this cake is termed the "pepper cake," and in some localities the "sickening cake." It is the source of a species of divination, for being cut into small pieces by the medical man, it is divided among tho unmarried of the female sex, under the name of "dream ing bread." Each one takes a piece, places it in the foot of the left stocking, and throws it over the left shoulder.

This being done, they must retire to bed backward, without uttering a word, and those who are lucky enough to fall asleep before midnight are favored with a sight of their future husband their dreams. Making Use of Natural Laws. Instances of a more complex character frequently occur where a knowledge of natural laws or forces may be brought into operation to assist in surmounting difficulties. Thus, a few years ago, an iron bridge of considerable length, the weight being about 200 tons, was constructed in England and erected in a remote part cf Germany. By some mishap, the bridge, when finished, was found to be some distance "out" to one side, an error which the proprietors insisted should be rectified.

To take down and re-erect the bridge would be siniply ruin to the contractor. But necessity is the mother of invention, and so it proved in this case. It was summer time, and the contractor proceeded to find tho amount of expansion which was caused by the heat of the sun over the whole length of the bridge. Ho next ascertained what contraction took place in the night by cooling. Armed with these data, he thought it might be possible to bring the bridge to its proper position in a few days.

The bridge, of course, in its ordinary condition expanded from the center, pushing its two ends outward, or farther apart, and again contracting toward the center. Taking advantage of these conditions, one end was made fast in the morning, and the bridge was forced to expand from that immovable point, instead of from the middle, as formerly. When the iron composing the bridge had expanded to its full extent in the direction intended, that end was released, and the opposite end made fast. The bridge then contracted toward its true position. Thus, whatever was gained by the day's expansion was secured by the subsequent contraction when the metal cooled at night, and, the process being renewed day by day, the work was successfully accomplished.

A (Jloomy Bridal. We have heard of some dark scenes, but rarely encountered anything so utterly deficient in sunshine and whitewash as tho following. It reads like a yard of crape: Gloom was upon her countenance and upon his. The man whoso holy office it was to unite them in bonds never to be torn asunder, stood like an executioner before the bride and bridegroom, aud they the pair waiting to be blessed bent down their heads like criminals before liim. In vain might the eye watch around the assembly in search of sunshine upon a single countenance; all was dreary, black and assistants, as well as attendants, at the ceremony, were alike shrouded in one dark, overshadowing mass of rayless gloom.

Ah, joyful should ever bo the linking of young hearts together, and terrible must be the feelings of those around whom the shadows of fate are gathering even at the threshold, which should blaze in all the gorgeous coloring of hope and promise. Yet the same somber shade, the same gloom of hue, the same depth of darkness, was seated upon every feature. No sudden blushing of the rose, no swift succeeding of the lily, no fitful changes telling of youthful passions and warm, bright hope, were seen in tho bride's cheek, but one unvarying shade of funeral gloom possessed the bride, possessed the groom, possessed the preacher in fact, they were all possessed. Reader, they were Timbuctoo darkies! As a memorial of the late Chief Justice Taney of the United States Supreme Court, it is proposed to name one of the narks in Baltimore Taney place. self I would not care so much; but I ought not to bring loss to others." The udgo looked at him tremendously! a look that might have parol rzed a weaker man.

The look was majestic and awful a look of pained surprise and ot mingled reproof. "Sir! Man! now dare you present personal business in tho balance against the demands of the law? Though your business were to uphold the arching liear-ens it should not excuse you from performing the solemn duties to which vou have leen regularly and appointed! Sir! you will remain upon the jury!" Shortly after this when his Honor had recovered his breath, and a look of complacency had crept over his Corrugated visage, up to him sidled a pale-faced, cadaverous looking man, with a mournful expression of countenance; a bend in his back; and a solemn shade in his pari) and he, also had como to beg that he might be excused from serving on the jury. your Excellency! Your Honor, I mean!" as he saw the old jurist just upon tho point of exploding, "I would not ask this indeed, I would not," he carried his handkerchief to hi eyes, and put back tho rising flood of "emotion "I would not ask it for myself; but a solemn, sacred duty a duty, your Honor, which no other calling of earth can transcend. It is tho melancholy duty. Your aufrust Honor, of attending a funeral! Ah me! Those whom we love are dropping from us droppkig" one by one! audi shall ere long go to join the host upon the other side!" The Judge lifted his spectacles and wiped a mote from his eye.

"My good man, your feelings do you credit. Under such circumstances I will excuse you. You may go, sir, and attend upon the sad ceremonies that await tho stricken mourner." The man went out in a hurry. Ho was careful to drop a tear of gratitude to the Judge, and then he sidled away with the swiftness of a shallow. "Poor man!" muttered tho august Court, to itself, after the juror had gone; and then, to the clerk: "Mr.

Clerk, who is that man whom I have just excused from scrvico as a juror?" "His name is Digandberry, sir." What a curious name. What is his business?" He is tmderiaker, sir!" Xcw York Ledger. Putting Up Sardines. The little town of Eastport, situ ated as it is at tho most eastern extremity of tho United States, and frequently called the "jumping off place," has, witliin tho last few years, become tho center of quite an industry tho putting np of sardines. Extonsivo factories have been built on most of tho many wharves cut into Passamaquoddy bay, and from small beginnings tho putting up of these little fish has attained large pro Krt ions.

The fish used are very small herrings, which a few years ago were considered almost worthless, leing used only for pomace. They are very abundant at certain seasons cf tho year, and aio caught in largo weirs, constructed for tho purjiose, along the shore of tho neighboring islands. Tho weirs somewhat resemble a rustic fence extending out into tho water. Tho fi.sh swimming in with tho tide are left as tho tido falls below the weir, and are taken by means cf dip-nets, by eipii who go into tho weirs in boats for that purjxjse. Sometimes a hundred hogsheads of fish are taken at one time.

On reaching the factory the fish go through a process of drying, and then, when partially fried in olive oil, are put up in small tin boxes bearing a French brand, and cannot bo distinguished in appearance from tho imported article. Thousands of these boxes are put up La a day, almost a thousand persons being employed in the business. Theso factories are controlled by New York firms. There are, too, other ways of preparing these fish. One variety resembling very much the potted herring, and prepared with mustard, are called marines, and find a ready sale in tho Western markets.

During the winter great quantities of herring, which are too largo to put up in this manner, are frozen, and are shipped in barrels to all parts of tha country. Consolation. An honest shoemaker peering into a restaurant, saw one of his fxshion-able customers seated at a tablo covered with all the delicacies of tho season, including a large of green seal and two canvas-back ducks! Rushing in, the irate tradesman exclaimed: You haven't got money to pay me for the boots you have got on, but you can afford to pay for all manner of delicacies." The young man wiped his mustache, and looking around to see that he not overheard, responded in a whisper: Don't be deceived by appearances. You must not lose confidence in me. I don't expect to pay for this little banquet any more than I expect to pay you for the boots." about the mind of Paul Morpliv.

the chess-player, being affected are mere moonshine, and that Mr. Morphy often takes a hand in the game at New Orleans, liis residence, eivinor a kni.ht sue- I 9 CJ cessfully to the strongest players of the uness uiub ot tnat city. A man at Greenville. S. C.

made reck less by drink, made a wager that he could ride his horse across a railroad track, several hundred yards distant, ahead of an arjuroachin-- train. South- ern locomotives are proverbially slow, but tnis one beat tno Horse, and the rider was killed. The fashionable English rago at pres ent is 8 for everything American. Amer ican ladies are the most eagerly sought for in London society; American writers command their own terms in magazines, especially if they have certificates to show that they are real "American humorists." A young man in Warsaw, N. was found by his mother cleaning a revolver.

She reproved him for doing such work on that day, and had scarcely finished speaking when the weapon was accident ally discharged, and the ball struck her in the breast a little above the heart. She died almost instantly. Tele raising of horses in the erreat Yellowstone valley has become an important and profitable business. Some oi tne herders have from 500 to 1.500 each. and dispose of their 3-year-old colts at $50 to 3100 per head.

The animate feed on grass alone, and the only shelter from the weather is rougnly-built sheds. Hiram Bolton, Santa Barbara, lassoed a wild horse and attempted to hold it by drawing the riata around a live-oak tree. The tree was rotten and the horse pulled it down upon Bolton, crushing the left side of his chest se verely, injuring his face and head, fracturing his thigh and breaking the bones of his knee into fragments. Congressman McCook, of New York, told the President, the other day, that Miss Worth, a daughter of Gen. Worth, of Mexiccn war fame, was in distressed circumstances.

"What can I do for her?" said the President. "Anything to afford her relief," was tho reply, Thereupon the President wrote an order directing her appointment as a clerk the census ofhee. In 1876 more than one-half of the mar riageable women in England and Wales were spinsters. In 1S50 five cf our Eastern and Middle States had an excess of males, and four an excess of females, ranging from 1 per cent, to 7 per cent. In loGO only two of the States showed an excess of males, all the others a marked increase of females.

In 1870 every one of the Eastern and Middle States had an excess of women, the excess in Massachusetts and Rhode Island exceeding the ratio of England and Wales. The Rev. Lewi3 Barber was the most popular negro preacher in Georgia. He had a circuit of four congregations, with a membership of about 3,000 jersons, over whom his sway was absolute in both temporal and spiritual affairs. He died several months ago.

Over the pulpit of his church in Lee county an effigy of cloth and straw, blackened with charcoal, has been placed to represent the dead pastor. This rude image it iegarded with awe by the negroes, some of whom are said to bow before it in worship. Kules of the House. At an Oil City hotel boards a father and son. The latter has been in the habit of staying out later than his father liked, and one day tho latter said My son, the rule of this room hereafter is, that every person must be in before 10 clock, or else remain outside.

"Yes, sir," said the obedient son. A night or two afterward the father was detained by his business until nearly 11 clock, and, on reaching his room, found the inside bolt drawn. He knocked, and was soon answered with, -Who's there?" "Your father get up and let me in. See here, the rule of this room is that every person must be in before 10 o'clock, or stay outside. Now don't make any more disturbance about here.

The father slept in another room that night, '7 City Derrick. Trees and Moistnre. A report sent us by an undoubted authority on the subject of American forestry proves that since 125 years the necessary moisture of the soil in North America has decreased 7 per cent, every quarter century in consequence of the wanton destruction of woodlands, and that a further continuance of these must most seriously affect the climate of the whole continent, to the gTeat detriment of health as well as the fertility of the soil. That the picture is not overdrawn we can easily prove from the decline of horticultural products. From many States in which but a comparatively few Among the most interesting documents issued from the Government Printing Office are the reports from the Consuls of the United States on the commerce, manufactures, of their Consular districts.

In the last volume is a statement of the national debts of various European countries. The following table shows the debt of the countries named in 1865 and 1879. Underneath is given the statement of the debt of the United States in 18G5 and 1880 STAT. EH. ItStij.

18TU. Germany Austria-Hungary. France Great Britain KuBsia Italy Spain Netherlands Belgium Denmark Sweden Norway Greece 871,030,000 414,120,000 lllUOUKK). 45,220,01 M)l 21, 420,000 2,005.150,000 3.27,000,00J 3,704,470,000 300,320,000 2110,072,000 48,700,000 57,120,000 24.080,000 302,700,000 95,200,000 1,190,000,000 9,014,000 190,400,000 34,510,000 228.480,000 052,000 714,000 Turkey, Europe Turkey, Asia Switzerland Total $12,503,330,000 United States (186.) and; 1SS0 Iilr. YVeedles and His Girl.

The dress circle was adorned by a dyspeptic-looking girl, with big feet, who had a brown wart on her face and a certain look about her which plainly told that she was fresh from boarding-school. Beside her sat a long, gawky young man, who was from the country, and evidently smitten with the charms of the young lady by his side, upon whom he would ever and anon bestow the most tender glrnces. During an intermission iti the play he turned to her, and, in a voice as tender as a sirloin steak, said Don't ycr think it's awful warm in this 'ere theater, Miss Mary? She let fall on him a languid, pitying glance, and then replied All yes, there exists a certain degree of closeness which is deleterious to the comfort of one's physical being but, my dear Mr. Weedles, you are no doubt perfectly aware of the fact iiat chemistry teaches us that the exhalations of so many individuals carbonizes the entire atmosphere, vitiating it to a degree which renders it poisonous to the respiratory organs, as well as to the corpuscles in the blood, producing nausea, and in some cases syncope. You can see at a glance, Mr.

Weedles, that this is caused by the lack of oxygen." "Yes, I know 'em, that is, I've read of 'em, but hain't never seen any yet, as I know on but when Bid Wuluns, at their protracted meeting down on Goose creek, said that the heart was a part of the stomach, I told him it was the derndest He he ever spoke." Oh, dear how absurd it was in him to make such a statement. "Why, don't you know that the nalpitation "of the viscus generates a subtle electrical force which is the most mysterious, wonderful and startling power which propels the anatomy of the genus homo "I I have yes, I've heern tell of it afore, but I don't stick myself up as knowing every thing. I ain't that kind of a man. The folks used to say and was powerful proud of it that I warn't no sloucher on grammer; but won't you have some peanuts, Miss Mary and he wiped the cold perspiration from his brow, and trembled with nervousness. None, thank you, Mr.

Weedles peanuts have a strange effect on my gastronomical organs." I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Mis? Marv. because von recollect. hfnrA you went off to school that I used to bring you peanuts, and we used to sit astraddle the garden fence and eat them. J' VOU embert hW our mother used to say that new peanuts were awful colicky Them were happy days, Miss Mary," and the humble lover sighed as low as a note on a bass-fiddle. "Tr TTllo cl, coi.1 inglv.

I want to ask you something. Did you not say on one occasion that I was possessed of a moiety of the divine afflatus, and that you thought I was a being entirely too seraphic and ethereal to exist on this mundane sphere Miss Mary," said the lover, and his eye flashed and breast heaved, "it's a mean, underhand lie. I never said a word ag'in you in my life, and I'll just be eternally goldurned if I can't just natural! walk the log of anv man who tries to scandalize me behind my back. 1 always said Miss Mary Jones was the sweetest girl in the country, and 1 But the curtain went up, and the rest of the conversation was lost in the crash of the orchestra. One passenger is killed by the railroads for every 41,778,775 rn.es traveled, and one is either killed or wounded fox every 11.374,633 miles..