The Baltimore Sun from Baltimore, Maryland • 71

THE SUN, Sunday, January 8, 984 Psst! Heard the latest gossip about 'Gossip'? Etiquette after divorce: how to share the children EYES ONLY MISS MANNERS T.n' UURA CHARLES (the Super TV station) a new live TV show called "Say Baltimore." The show, hosted by Les Parson, will air live Monday through Friday from 5 to 5:30 p.m. and has a magazine format with features on consumer, sports and financial topics. The show's being directed and produced by former WJZ exec producer Ron Nichols. Parson, who's intervewed the likes of Richard Pryor, Flip Wilson, Stevie Wonder and James Brown, hopes to have the show appeal to all segments of the Baltimore community. Clarence (Du) Burns will be the guest speaker at a special "Say Baltimore" party at WNUV this week.

Stay tuned. NAME-DROPPING: If you had any questions about the new telephone operations, this party was the place to be. It was hosted by WCBM's newsman Dave Humphrey and wife Candi, who's a spokeswoman for Some guests of note? Public Service Commission chairman Frank Heintz; Telephone lobbyist Champe McCulloch; spokeswoman Lynn Troup; WBAL Radio's Tom Lattafizi with wife Karen, and the Colt's G.M. Ernie Accorsi. Now about those questions.

Ernie, what's Robert Irsay really like? informing them that the rumor was "sheer baloney." Exit rumor. EYE YI YI's: There's talk, talk, talk in the Big Crab of that thriller of a star Michael Jackson et al coming to the Cap Centre in February, though there's no official word. Probably because they realize what instant hysteria it'll bring in the mad, mad rush for tix Jim Palmer, vacationing in Hawaii for the holidays, told us he wanted "to get a head start" on his tan. Same with us. We've already bought our supply of Bronzer If the voice sounds familiar, WJZ's just hired Bob Scott, morning d.j.

at WXYV-FM, as its permanent booth announcer. SOME LIKE IT HOT? Eddie Ap-plefeld, promotions chief at WQSR and the Perle Mesta of the media party set, may have outdone himself this time. He's invited local luminaries to take a dip in a hot tub at the Sun Spa Tub and Tan Salon this Wednesday night. Eddie advises, "If you can't take a dip, take your spouse." We'd go but we made other plans for the night. We have to pick the lint off our navy blue cashmere trenchcoat.

NOT JUST SUPER TV: Coming January 30 to WNUV Channel 54 QUOTE FOR THE WEEK: "Gossip is one of the few remaining oral gratifications that is not immoral, fattening or carcinogenic," so writes Blythe Holbrooke in her new book "Gossip How to Get It Before It Gets You and Other Suggestions for Social Survival," The book has been lauded by gossips and non-gossips alike. Said John Dean of the tome, "If Richard Nixon had read this book before becoming president, there would have been no Watergate." Oh, perish the thought. (We adored the movie.) THE NUN'S STORY: Don't be surprised if Elizabeth Ashley raises a few eyebrows when she's in town for the run of "Agnes of God," which opens Tuesday at the Mechanic. (This sexy actress causes quite a stir wherever she goes.) Known as much for her talent as she is for her outspokenness, this southerner drawls, "Yankees think Southern women are just wilting violets that's absurd. I wanted to be like people in books who were wicked and perverse." And on our fave subject men Ashley asserts, "Men are desserts mere playthings.

Let's not bring up old news about love affairs Guess that means we won't be able to ask her what it was like to be married to George Peopard. PERSONALLY, WE'LL TAKE THE OPAQUE KIND: Staffers over at WCBM Newstalk 68 were gossiping so much (bless them) about a possible format change that the rumor got out of control. (Rumor was that if their ratings didn't come up they'd be changing to a "Music of Your Life" format similar to what WITH now plays.) Enter WCBM general manager Hal Deutsch and his squelch machine. Deutsch penned a memo to staff members People, etc. JUDITH MARTIN take over the ordinary lives of other people, especially one's with an insistence on returning to 'one's own problems.

To dominate an event important to a child whether it is the arrival of the weekend in the life of a school child or a grown-up child's wedding with a reenactment of the parents' own nasty drama is urifor-; givable. This is the manners reason there are also moral reasons why one does not use up time with the child to engage in the apparently pop-; ular pastime of collecting information or delivering insults about the! other parent. Besides, as Miss Manners keeps telling the maritally disgruntled, rude behavior to an ex-spouse or that person's subsequent spouse is counterproductive if the motive is to make someone feel terrible. It is the cheerful, happy, cooperative parent who, both wins the heart of the child and rubs it in to the former spouse just how happy living without that person can be. Is it still true that it is correct to address a man who acts as a butler for social occasions by his surname? I sometimes engage a man to help me with the serving when I have 12 to 14 people at the table for dinner.

I have always ad- dressed him as "Mr. Jones," but one of my friends tells me that this is improper and that people who do this work prefer to be called "Jones." Although the relationship is strictly business, I do not wish at this stage to risk alienating him by IiniMtin hivn thinlc thnt 7 hmip sud New social forms require new rules of etiquette, and the current rage for divorce as a source of human drama has inspired Miss Manners to set laws for the exchanging of children. The child exchange is not a system whereby parents can trade in children who do not suit them, but a social routine that has developed around weekends, holidays and other occasions when a child is transferred from the residence of one parent to the other's care. It has been used to act out many interesting emotions, many of which should probably not be expressed at all, certainly not in front of minors. Miss Manners does not want to hear tales of mistreatment or other motivations for uncontrollable behavior.

She is well aware that such exchanges are often the only occasions on which formerly married people see each other and that they therefore naturally want to pack into them all their accumulated conflicts. But her position is that anyone who is mature enough to get divorced ought to be able to behave him or herself and that anyone regularly possessed by uncontrollable feelings ought not to have custody of small children. The proper exchange begins with simple courtesy. We do not accept the standards that commercial delivery services have tried to impose: that the only convenience counted is the one of the person coming to the house, making it reasonable to require the one who lives there to stay put, on call, all day if necessary. Appointments to pick up or deliver children must be set exactly and exactly kept.

The obligation of the parent turning over the child is to see to it that the child is ready and that the necessary equipment appropriate clothing, toys, needed school books also is handed over. Failure to observe all these rules by either parent is not a proper way of demonstrating contempt for the other parent. It merely demonstrates what a rude person one is, which, while not legally a cause for divorce, is certainly a cause for the other's looking back upon the fact of the divorce with satisfaction. One does not bring or (in the case of the person who is at home) display guests at such an occasion, if the presence of such people is known to be provocative. If the replacements for the respective spouses have any sense at all, they will remain in the car, upstairs or in another state during exchanges of children between currently unfriendly people.

This does not mean that failure to observe such a nicety is an excuse for bad behavior in the person so provoked. One can hardly imagine a better occasion for demonstrating to children the necessity of restraining oneself and maintaining a semblance of civilized behavior under all circumstances. The other great principle to be demonstrated is that one does not i Ll ANDY GIBB DYAN CANNON JAMIE LEE CURTIS CHRISTIAAN BARNARD I was in college with Jamie Lee Curtis in California, but she dropped out. Did she ever finish and get a degree? The tempestuous 24-year-old daughter of Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh attended the University of the Pacific in Stockton, her mother's alma mater, but left after only four months. "I wasn't into it," Ms.

Curtis says with a shrug. "I partied. I was a little sister at a fraternity and a member of the Martini Club and the Zig-Zag Club. I mean, right now I'm a health person, but I had my derelict phase." Was it her marriage to Cary Grant that made Dyan Cannon hate men, or is it something in her more recent past? "I like men! Thin, fat, tall, dark-haired, whatever," protests Ms. Cannon, who is weary of the rumors that have stalked her since she once made the remark that she had been celibate for a period of time.

"I'm not seeking a relationship, but I'm certainly open to having one. It's just that I've learned a few things: that I wasn't going to be with anyone ever again just because I felt lonely; that I'm not a woman geared to feel incomplete without a man in her life." What is Dr. Christiaan Barnard doing now that he's retired permanently from his medical career? The surgeon, who performed the first human heart transplant 16 years ago, has turned his energies to farming, after chronic arthritis forced him out of the operating room. "I should have retired two years ago," says Dr. Barnard, 60.

"It was a mistake to go on." He is raising prize cattle on pas-tureland he owns on the southeastern tip of Africa, is working on a British TV series and continues to look after his chain of Italian restaurants. Divorced from his second wife, Dr. Barnard confesses that "Some nights I just go home and stare at the ceiling." Any chance that Andy Gibb and Victoria Principal will get back together again? They could have such beautiful children together. The 26-year-old baby brother of the Bee Gees, who became a drug addict during the end of his affair with Ms. Principal, 33, says the match was never meant to be ignited.

"When I met her she was in a state of depression," says Mr. Gibb, who beat drugs and is making a movie called "Rock and Roll Nightmare." "I couldn't deal with it. I never could really deal with Victoria, but all I knew was that love is blind and I just put up with it. Because of our problems I got into cocaine and with the devastation of our breakup I just fell apart. I started to use cocaine around the clock." Is that adorable actor, Tom Conti, married, and, if so, to whom? Mr.

Conti, 41, who plays a British officer in "Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence," has been married for 16 years to actress and artist Kara Wilson, and they are still deeply in love. "When I met my wife, bells clanged and stars came out all around her head," remembers the romantic Mr. Conti. "The secret to being married all these years is that apart from really liking each other, we both have the ability to back down quickly.

That's very important to a marriage or relationship If there is one thing I've learned about being married, it is that you can't make laws for other people. Fidelity exists in the soul." I would like to get accepted at one of the military academies and wondered how many applications they receive per year? Some 12,000 students applied for the 1,338 places in the freshman class at West Point this year, nearly double the number a decade ago. For classes of about 1,400 each, the Naval Academy had 13,568 applications this year and the Air Force Academy had 12,481. Who does the grocery shopping in the Reagan family and what precautions are taken to be certain the food isn't poisoned? Special Secret Service agents bring home the bacon to the White House from wholesalers with Secret Service clearance. Only a few selected persons at the wholesalers are allowed to handle the food.

The Reagans pay all the bills for their private meals, which, by all accounts, are spartan in nature. How many breweries are in operation in the United States today? Once a thriving business for an entrepreneur, with 1,500 breweries active before the beginning of Prohibition in 1920, beer production is now limited to only 42 breweries. Of those, six have a corner on 90 percent of the market. denly become uppity. Miss Manners is always worried at the word "still" in questions of etiquette.

It never means that the writer supposes that things are changing for the better. No doubt there are people calling themselves butlers who have so little self-respect that they pretend to be the pals of their employers pals who collect money for the favor of passing the drinks and who might therefore address you chummily. But a proper butler is too proud to do this and, indeed, uses the traditional address of his calling, which is the surname onlv. AND LESS! 12 PMECE nnn nnnnnn xm sini ML MI JANUARY FIR SALE! Entire Stocft of Fall fi Holiday GdtW Style! VJUt VMuch Morel We've Fasmons perms, Colors, Shampoo, Cut Styled Blow-Dry For Men A Women Shampoo A Cut For Kldi ml. 7o Now At the height of fur season you can have luxurious furs at a fraction of the original prices! SEE the LARGEST SELECTION of SALON QUALITY furs in BALTIMORE! $8.50 $4.00 Monday-Friday Weekends, $9 50 10 Years Younger Just come in and our professional stylists will give you the look you like at a price you will lovel a ii.

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