Chicago Tribune from Chicago, Illinois • 145

FEATURES STAMPS COINS SUNDAY, JANUARY. 4, 1970 If If 1 aa a I'i. i v. 1 I. t.

I. 1 Carol Kramer talks to dancer' director Gene Kelly about his can't-miss effort, "Hello, Dolly!" There's not much to say; so they discuss dancing. 2 1 1 Mi Critic William Leonard takes a look at the Loop theater schedule for the new year and finds Will Shakespeare could be as popular as Neil Simon. Page 3 iff-- it i 1 Judy Garland's "golden years" at MGM, commemorated by a two-record set, is evaluated by Jerry Shnay in the Sound, column. Page 3 0 Features "Coco," the new Broadway musical, may not have drawn the critics' raves, but the cast party afterward was a big success anyway.

In story and pictures, Bill Cunningham covers the party and what all the fashionables were wearing. What is old age? Scientists don't know yet, but at the Gerontology Research center in Baltimore they're trying to find out, for, as one says, "Unless you can keep your health and some mental acuity, I see no advantage or any real excuse for trying to prolong life as such." Louise Hutchinson reports. Pages I Divorced but still battling happily, characters played by Scott McKay and Barbara Rush give 100th performance in "Forty Carats," Wednesday at the Blackstone." Last Year's 20 Biggest Bombs from Filmland acted as tho he had run into a goalpost in this teary tale of Ron Cat CaUan, a 40-year-old quarterback who would probably blow a pass to the movies. The entire New Orleans Staints football team got into the act, and owner John Mecom Jr. spoke a few lines, proving that money talks.

14. "Otlcy." Someone ought to cut this film into little pieces and bottle it. It could put Sominex out of business. I out-of-focus travesty of wife-swapping almost had me call the Chicago police department and ask for a raid on the State Lake theater. 2.

"Krakatoa. East of Java." Actually, the island of Krakatoa is west of Java. Starting with this boo-boo, this Cinerama release gets the award as the worst reserved seat attraction of the year. Sample dialog: Rossano Brazzi, a balloonist, says to Sal Mineo, his son, "Mama mia! We always argue!" 3. "dc Sadc." I went into the McVick-ers theater at 5:50 p.

m. By 6:05 p. m. don't think anyone associated with them had any thought of doing a good job. This immediately includes all films with Annette Funiccllo and all Italian west-ems.

Well, here they are, the 20 worst films to play in Chicago during 1069. As a punishment, everyone associated with the making and booking of these bombs should be made to watch a season full of re-runs from The Danny Thomas Show. 1. "All the Loving Couples." For the first time I can remember, my moral sensibilities were insulted by a film. This Gene Siskel NOT JUST ANY FILM can make The Tribune's "worst 20" list.

If these visual insults have anything in common, it was their ability to reach out from the screen and mentally slap you around. When ran up the aisle when the film was over, not only did you know you had wasted two hours and $2.75, but also you felt the forces of evil in the world were winning control. Some films that were very bad are not on this list. They are omitted because I On Friday, film critic Gene Siskel named the 10 best motion, pictures to -play Chicago in 1969 ranging from Carol Ted Here's his evaluation of the 20 worst films to play town in 1969. Let's hope for a better new year.

Movies 6- AY. IK' v. i -r I had contracted a case of the hiccups which lasted for three days. 'Cause: watching Keir Dullea and Lisa" ruin his acting career by acting as tho he had been a brain transplant donor. 4.

"Battle of Britain." This multi-million-dollar clunker had me pulling for the Germans. Everyone agreed the best parts were the plane fights. Of course they were. The planes had the only good lines in the film. 5.

"No More Excuses." When the monkey got in bed with the fat lady, I got out of the Aardvark theater. This piece of spliced bad taste was made by Robert Downey, who has made some funny movies Elbows" and "Putney Swope" that are funny half of the time. 6. "Hail! Hero." This "youth-oriented" film was so poorly conceived they couldn't decide how to end it. The local press agent handed me a synopsis with one ending; I saw another in the United Artists theater.

Kirk Douglas' son, Michael, starred as young boy who hates the army but wants to enlist. You figure it out. 7. "The Gay Deceivers." I wouldn't recommend this limp-wristed comedy to my worst enemy. I don't know which was worse the story of two boys who pretend to be homosexuals in order to avoid the draft, or the warped minds in the audience who couldn't stop laughing.

8. "Paranoia." Carroll Baker has reason to be Jealous of Twiggy, which spells instant disaster for a skin flick. Miss Baker played at being a widow who thinks she is going out of her mind which In her case is not a persecution complex, but delusions of grandeur. "Winning." This Paul Newman-Joanne Woodward entry is ranked this high low because they should have known better. The lines are maudlin, and no rationale is given why Miss Woodward would take up with Newman even if he's her husband.

James Gold' stone directed the film as tho he was in a hurry to get it over. He didn't hurry fast enough. J0. "The April Fools." Another enormous waste of talent. Catherine Deneuve In her much publicized American film debut was about as warm as a saleslady on Dec.

26. Dreadful scenes included the fencing duel between Charles Boyer who must be really hard up for work and Jack Lemmon, and Lemmon talking to a frog in Central park. 11. "Fanny Hill." Sure it was dreary and unstimulating, but you can hardly call it waste of talent. The film starred Diana Kjaer.

Her only talent is that she was able to lie, still while somebody unbuttoned her shirt. 12. "Hammerhead." Worst spy film of the year. Vlnce Edwards, TV's Ben Casey, broke his film record of never cracking a smile. But he may be ablo to claim temporary insanity.

Look, he took the part. The film also starred that mammalian Mutt and Jeff, Judy Geeson and Diana Dors. 13. "Number One." Charlton llcston A A-r I i A A-f "1 A' i Aa closed my, eyes after 20 minutes of this British comedy, which was about as funny as the devaluation of thf pound. 15.

"Where Eagles Actors no less than Richard Burton and dint Eastwood are members of a World War II intelligence assault team that ends up assaulting the audience's intelligence. A high moment comes when then. German S. S. colonel hisses the classic line, "We have drugs that can make him' talk." They should have been administered to Eastwood.

16. A hemoglobin-horror triple header including "The Mad Doctor of Blood Island." "Blood Fiend," and "Blood De. mon." This triple insult got off with an parental discretion advised. rating- 17. "Slaves." Maybe some black actors got to work, but if this thing were ever shown on cross-country flight, those actors would move to the back of the plane.

Director Herbert J. Biberman wrote this melodramatic mess of "good slave-bad owner" that ends' up being a box-office exploitation of an historical exploitation. 18. "Illustrated Man." -Rod Steiger was conned into being tattooed "They aren't tattoos," he insists by Claire Bloom. A hitchhiker looks at Steiger, sees the skin illustrations tome alive, and dreams up three visions.

Now that's a dumb story. Director Jack Smight must have It in for Steiger. He directed the fine actor in "No Way to Treat a Lady," another vapid story. "Guns of the Magnificent Seven." This remake of the remake of the remake starred George Kennedy. Yul Brynner was no longer at home on the range.

As a torture, the evil Mexican bandido sticks nine men feet first into the ground. We only see their -heads. Director Paul Wendkos should have made it 10. He adds this gem to his "Gidget" and "Gidget Goes to Rome." 20. "Paint Your Wagon." no, this ono isn't going to slip away unnoticed.

Give Joshua Logan 18 million dollars and he should produce three good movies. Instead, we got Clint Eastwood wander ing around in a forest, Hnrve Prcsncll singing "They Call. the Wind 'Maria'" in a rainstorm, and a town that barely stops self-destructing. This film is crushing Paramount, but it may convince someone that era of successful films without Earbra Streisand is Vi I i a 1 fx 0 A 3j J' A m- 5 1 I I 'tVSnS i. "Mama mia! Such a lad picture, but we're only worst runncr-up!" Rossano Brazzi's actual dialog was r.ol that good notice the expression on the face of his son ISal Minco in the year's number two worst picture, "Krakatoa, East of.