The Weekly Guard from Council Grove, Kansas • 5

How can the baby stow ADVENTURES OF THE CHOP Cat, Dogs, Small Boy and Trolley Car All Mingled In Exciting Tale. A strange case of the supremacy of might occurred the other afternoon. The kitchen door of a dwelling on Merrirnac street stood open. A Che man ttibo Hesitates Beck Mexican Takes Pulque and Other Natlont Have Their Cholcse. "Bock beer is lit Anicricnn spring drink," said the Bailor, lifting to the light foaming glass of almost black fluid.

"The Mexicans in tin- COLLECE NO PLACE FOR HIM George's Mother Says Profescort Were Boora and the Students Rough Farmer Eoyt. "We sent George to Miami university in the fall, you know, but I soon saw from his letters that it was no place for him. So when he came home for the holidays, we simply had him stay home, and none of the professors have ever written to inquire or seemed to care in the least bit, which proves what George says, that they are nil a set of perfect boors, no manners and no ideas of the world. The school is full of a lot of rough farmer boys, and such from all over the country, not at all the sort of associates we should select for George, who has always had such naturally refined wavs. One Among: the Railroaders.

Harry Houston is new day caller. George Knauber i going out as brakeman. The machinist strike is not yet settled, but everything is quiet. No scabs at work here. Brakeiuen Grant and Maxwell are new men just employed by Trainmaster Collins.

Boilermaker Jack Richter has returned from St. Louis after attending a meeeing of the Boilermakers. Switchman C. E. McFarland has returned to work after 40 days of illness.

Joe Overton was working in bis place. Superintendent Sneideker and Division Engineer Dorley came in on moter car No. 999 on an inspection trip this week. Conductor J. 11.

Rees has given up the ballast train out of lloising-ton. Conductor Thomas Smoot has been assigned to this run. The Missouri Pacific is now using Colorado coal on account of the coal strike in Southeastern Kansas, causing a very heavy movement of coal on this line. The ballast work is progressing nicely and when completed the Missouri Pacific will be one of the quickest and already the shortest routes for east and west traffic. The wedding bells are soon to sound among the engineers and brakemen.

The two houses near the roundhouse will soon be occupied by two newly married couples. Guess for yourself. We have it from very good authority that a new fast mail train from the Atlantic to the Pacific strong if the nursing mother is pale and delicate? Scott's Emulsion makes the mother strong and well; increases and en iches the baby food. DrUKffltta in WANT ADS Advertisements under tliln bending 1 cent per word. Minimum 26 cent per Insertion.

Ap musi tje in onico ry neanivuay noon io Insure classification under tills heading- WANTED Berry pickers. Finney, Union street. II. WANTED Position as Housekeeper. Call 391 Bell phone.

Mrs. Josie Knoi s. FOR SALE -BuflTgOrphington hens. Need room for yonng stock. F.

J. Quinby. 41-tf. FOR SALE 1 boat, pric $10, cash. Call at II.

Brands residence or phone 391 Bell. 47-1 FOR RENT A 5-room cottage in good repair, nice location, plenty of shade. Mrs. J. B.

Williams, Valley street. FURNISHED OR UNFURNISHED ROOMS to rent by week. Strictly Modern. W. A.

Ckii-k. Phone 1G8. FOR SALE 1 iron-wheel wagon, 1 lumber wagon, 1 Jay-IIawk stacker, kept under shelter; good as new. J. R.

FOR SALE Rag carpet, new from the loom, 42 yards. Will sell part cash and part trade, either in one piece or will cut into. Phone 53. tf LOST- A ladies' back comb, lortoise shell, trold mounted, set with brilliants. Lost -Wednesday May 12.

Finder please return to Mrs. Wni. Eckert or the Guard office. FOR SALE I Malleable range, 1 sideboard, 2 book cases, iron bed, springs and mattress, 2 heati stoves, 1 dresser, lawn swing and other articles. F.

B. Quinby, North Fourth street. Inquire at house, tf FOR SALE Residence property seven rooms, fine cellar, good well, two cisterns, barn and out buildings all In good repair. Three blocks from Main street, five blocks from postoffice. Terms cash or part cash with i payments.

Phone 223. 46-tf Wedding Invitations. The Gnard has an elegant line of wedding stationery to show the prospective brides. We have a line of proper type for printing such work. We can suit you and guarantee you a tasty, uptodate joh.

And we can keep secrets, too without extra charge. Give us your order and it will be properly gotten out. 10-4t When Your Shces Pinch. Shake into your shoes Allen's Foot-Ease, the antiseptic powder for the feet. It cures painful, swollen, smarting, sweating feet, and takes the atlne out of corns and bunions.

Just the thing for Breaking in New Shoe. Mold everywhere, 25c. 49-4 CO BUY GOOD PRINTIKG generally loses a great dealXnre than he gains. Good Printing is the hall-marK of good business sense. Uye Guard CAa Home of Good Printing Phones Dell 89 Mutual 45-1 Lumber on His Brain He is thinking of buying the bill of lumber for his new home of the Burgner-Bowman Lbr.

Co. East Side Lbr. and Coal Yards. Council Grove, Kan. II.

D. KFITII, Manager. Let us Figure Your Bill. OLD TRUSTY INCUBATORS On Hand, Also Old Trusty Fireless Cookers Egg of Quality from Single Comb White Leghorns. Orders for Incubators, Fireless Cookers and Eggs promptly filled.

MRS. ALBERT RAY DELAVAN, KANSAS Take Your Watch Jewelry Repairing TO THE SHERFEY JEWELRY CO. Prompt and Efficient Service. Reasonable Charges. Population 55000.

The National Hotel In the very heart of "The Business District." The latest Large Tourist and Commercial Hotel. Strictly first-class. Altogether Modern-Thirty Large Sample Parlors. spring drink pulque. Pulque made of cactus sap.

You collect the sap and let it stand, then you drink it. It's sweetish and it gives you a headache. The Tasnianians tap the eucalyptus in the spring when the sap is rising. The Russians tap the birch. The South American Indians tap the cocoanut tree.

All these saps, fermented, are strong and good, and they all give you a headache. In the Caucasus the spring drink is kephir, a kind of effervescing and fermented milk. I have seen kephir as strong almost as whisky. "But chi-chi, the chi-chi of Patagonia! That is the worst drink in the world. The Patagonians gather Id apples.

They dig pits and line iva with horse hides, and in those they leave the apples to rot and "ferment. Wben the pits are full of foamy, hissing juices, the Pata-gonian warriors gather for their annual jag, and the women and children go off and hide in the woods. No wonder. For chi-chi is a terrible drink. It is a thick gray foam that hisses.

It seems to be alive. It is like drinking snakes." MARRIAGE ON SKIS LATEST Novel Wedding Ceremony That Wi Celebrated Recently at St. Morltz, Switzerland. A marriage on skis is the latest. It was celebrated recently at St.

lloritz, Switzerland. Bride and bridegroom, both Swiss, arrived at the church, accompanied by the best man and a bevy of bridesmaids and wedding guests, all on skis. The joyous band placed their skis against the church walls and entered for the ceremony. The bride wore a white sweater, short skirts and heavy boots studded with Sails. She carried a bunch of orange blossoms in her hand.

After the ceremony the young people were vigorously snowballed as a substitute for the traditional show er oiice while they were putting on their skis, an then they were chased several miles out of St. Moritz by their friends. The couple, both expert skiers, soon distanced their pursuers and were joined later by two guides, who conducted them to the nearest alpine hut on the Bernina range, where the honeymoon began, Their plan was to pass two weeks in the Alps on the Swiss-Italian frontier, skiing from one hut to another. THAT WAS HER SECRET. A census taker caused considers-'ble commotion in a New York apartment by leaving one blank for the various tenants to fill out.

When the maid presented the blank each every woman assumed a haughty manner. "Do you suppose I am going to let every woman in this place know how old I am?" she heard at everv door. "No, indeed, if that man expects me to tell my age he will have to leave a separate blanK so 1 can seal it up in an envelope." And in order to wrench the one secret that every woman can keep -the census taker complied with the lequest. THE GLUT OF GOLD. So you want a raise of pay, do jour "Yes, 6ir," replied the office boy "Whv?" "On account of the oost of livinV "Oh, you find the cost of living it too high for you to get along on the wages you're getting, eh?" "Yes.

I guess it must be thii Mamed elut of gold. Anyhow, used to be able to go to a movin' picture show once a week, but now I can't raise the price more'n twice black cat went stealthily in through the door, stole a cold mutton chop off the cook's table, and in an in stant was scudding away through the alley. Some boys playing in the alley saw what happened and took after the cat, but a black-and-tan terrier beat them to it, grabbed the feline by the neck, and when Mr. Cat dropped the chop Mr. Terrier snapped it up like a flash and tore down Virginia avenue, the boys still i in hot pursuit.

1 As the terrier turned south on Merrirnac street a brindle bulldog leaped from a front yard, grabbed Mr. Black-and-Tan by the back and shook him like a rat, and away went Mr. Brindle with the chop. By this time there was a miniature mob of youngsters howling along behind the bulldog, and the animal kept straight on down the hill until he reached Woodville avenue, when he was struck by a car coming down the hill and landed on the hillside about thirty yards away. When the boys reached the body there was no life left in it.

"Well, now," said one of the older boys, "if the lightning had only struck that car and smashed it to pieces, it would have been just like the story of the big fishes eating the little ones." Pittsburg Gazette-Times. A HOT ONE. He Why does Ruytera Kramp smoke so many cigars when he is writing a novel She Oh I suppose he has to do something to occupy his mind. TRUE GERMAN'S BEER DRINKING. The Munchner Post pays a tribute to Herr Joseph Fischer, who for 40 years without a single break has been a daily customer at the Dietl brewery in the town of Straubing and during that period has spent $4,000 in beer and $115 in tips.

"Such men as these," remarks the Post, "are the pillars of our native brewing industry, the steady uphold-. ers of our patriotic traditions. The chair in which this modest hero daily sat for 40 years should one day find a place of honor in the town hall of Straubing, to be venerated as a memorial of one inbued with a pro found love of his country, who ful filled in a faithful and unassuming manner the real duties of a citizen." HONORING PENOBSCOT INDIANS, Members of the tribe of Penobscot Indians who fought in the Colonial array during the revolutionary war aie to be honored by a statue that will be erected in their memory in the cemetery on Indian island. In this graveyard lie the remains of nearly all the red men of Maine who fought with the colonists. Plans are under way to place a -block of Maine granite with a tablet on it relating how the Penobscot tribe aided the American forces.

EARLY HABITS. "That last speaker," said the first guest at the banquet, "was quite entertaining." "Yes," replied the other, "and he's a self-made man, too." "I can't say, though, that I liked bis delivery. It was rather slow." "Oh! naturally. He began life as a messenger boy." example will give you an idea. They have some kind of a club just started that they call the Beta Theta Pi.

which is Hebrew word meaning 'The George told me when I asked him. It's perfectly wonderful what a taste for languages George has. Nothing's too hard for him. He told me Hebrew was quite easy to learn. Well, he said to one of the boys in a perfectly polite and gracious way that he would join this club and the boy just turned around and growled as rough as could be.

'Better wait till you're And George says that was the last he ever heard of it, so he knows that boy never even mentioned it!" From Mary S. Watts' novel, "Nathan Burke." ATE TOO MUCH HEALTH FOOD Prltchett's Story to Illustrate Fact That We Have Too Many Physicians. Dr. Henry S. Pritchett, the president of the Carnegie foundation, recently pointed out in New York that America supports too many physicians three times as many, in proportion to the population, as Europe.

Adverting to this matter at a reception, Dr. Pritchett said humorously "With our superflex of physicians we are rather like the man who fell ill. 'I'm sorry you are a caller said to him. 'What seems to be the trouble "The patient groaned and replied 'Well, 3'ou see, it's that health food. Splendid stuff, you know.

I took such a liking to it it did me so much good "A paroxysm of pa'in seized him. After it was gone he resumed in a faint voice: "'I overate SUNNY SIDE OF SUPERSTITION. That there is anything genial, cheering, or therapeutically yaluable about superstition may seem a tall statement. The adjective generally associated with it is "dark." On the contrary, there is something very brightening about a four-leaved clover. Who is not a little more of an optimist for picking up a horseshoe? What lonely farmer's wife, stormbound on a winter's afternoon, with unwelcome leisure on her hands, but feels a little quickening of the pulse as she drops her scissors and beholds them sticking up in the carpet? or discovers that she has laid an extra place at the table? Company-signs are the commonest and welcomest of all superstitions.

The scissors the needle the dishcloth the fork the Saturday sneeze, all inculcate hospitality, and reward it, by an unexpected visitor. If the needle slants as it stands up in the crack of the floor, it fortells a gen tleman! Bun, young daughters of the house, and put a blue bow in your hair. Atlantic. SOME OLD MALE FA8HIONS. Male fashions of 60 years ago had many discomforts.

Trousers- were tight and buttoned under the foot with broad straps. Every man who aspired to be well dressed wore his coat so high in the collar that the back of the hat rested on it. Opera hats were unknown and in the evening a folding "chapeau bras" was always carried under the arm. Nobody but an apothecary or a solicitor would have dreamed of leaving his hat in the hall of the house where he was calling or dining. NIPPED.

"I've eot a great chance." beeran Borroughs, "to make big money on a certain investment of "Sorry, old man," interrupted Wise, "but I've had to borrow my self this month.1 coast will be put on about the first of July. This train is to be one of the fastest and finest trains in the west. A small wreck occured near Elmo Sunday night to train No. 53 in charge of Conductor Martz and Engineer J. Rose.

No one was injured, but the contents of a car of "Nigger" gin was somewhat damaged. Brakeman Thomas Smoot is back from St. Louis and reports a successful settlement of wage adjustments for yard men on the Missouri Pacific system, the Council Grove yards receiving a substantial increase in wages for men employed here. You feel right about your clothes if they were made by Hart Scbaffoer Marx. Buy them at The Leader.

-X Comishey Mrs. Cessnum spent Sunday at Howards. Miss Edith McConnell visited in the Grove Monday. There is to be a new depot built at this place soon. W.

A. Wheat shipped a car of hogs the last of the week. C. W. Fear is visiting friends in Ottawa county this week.

Mr. and Mrs. E. P. Grant and son were Grove visitors Monday.

Misses Anna Kidd and Florence Dent spent Sunday at the latters. Mr. and Mrs. Linn are the proud parents of a baby girl born Satur day. Misses Ida and Cora Graham spent Saturday and bunday at Dents.

Rubie Burrell and Frank Still- man visited relatives in tbeJGrove Sunday. Mr. Fear's daughter and husband returned to their home in Ojttawa county Friday. June the 6 th there will be preach1 a ing DOtn morning ana evening everybody come. Davis' Painkiller.

Rummer ramnlilnt. bowel trouble. enmoa km nn terror In the household where thii dependable mnaicineu Kept on diii, 3AC. ana ovu, wiues. TOPEKA CAPITAL CITY OF KAN.

Tb EUROPEAN. $1.00 TO $3.00 PER DAY. ROOF GARDEN TURKISH BATHS 150 ROOMS. W. A.

BUSHONG, Bus, Hack and' Baggage AT ECLIPSE BARN. month." AN ALLURING OUTLOOK. "What I want," Baid the man was looking for a tome, "is a place with a fine view." "Well," replied the real estate agent, "I've got what you want. But it'll cost you several thousand dollars extra." "You're sure the view is all right?" "Couldn't be better. By climbing on tie roof you eta see the baseball r'liaes." All Calls Promptly Answered Day or Night.

Ffltd Stable in Connection..