Cumberland Evening Times from Cumberland, Maryland on December 2, 1955 · Page 4
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Cumberland Evening Times from Cumberland, Maryland · Page 4

Cumberland, Maryland
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Friday, December 2, 1955
Page 4
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FUUK i'iv-2-4ouO ior a AL» laker Evening&SnndayTimes o ^. • *f A WEBSTER CLASSIC Ever? Afternoon («)ic«pl SunSayf Mornlnt. Published by Th« 1'lmoi «nd Allee»nl»D Company. M SoutbMech«nlo St^ Cumberland Md. MembfTof Th7~Aud!t Bureau ol ClrcuUUoo Mrmbcr ol The A.5SOcUledPres5 inscription r»U by Carrier.: Ono »«* __ __ ___Mall Subscription Rates Evening Time. 1st. 2nd. 3rd and 4th Postal Zones 11 25 Mon h - $7 00 Sis Months - $14.00 On* Ve« 5th 6th 7th nncl 8th Postal Zones 1150 Month - J8.59 Six Months - S17.00 One *«* * ll5 M*U Subscription Bate. Sundaj rime, Onlj 1st 2nd. 3rd and 4th Postal Zones JO One Month - J3.00 Sis Months - M.OO On- »ar 5th 6th. 1th and Bin Postal Zones -SO One Month - 53.60 Sis Months - S7.20 One Kt»r The Evening Times nDtTsundajr Times sssum. no financial responsibility for typographical errors In .dvertisements but will reprint that part of u advertisement In which the typographical error occurs, errors must be reported at once. _ Friday Afternoon, December 2, 1955 OUR COUNTRY The union of hearts, the union of hand* and the Flag of our Union tower.— Morris IVo/ Part Time SO LONG AS THERE is any prospect that President Eisenhower will run. again ii. 1956, his health is bound to be a subject for political discussion. But it is a kind of argument that ought to be weighed with extreme care. There is considerable concern among Democrats that the President's advisers will persuade him to run by convincing him he can function successfully as a sort of part-time Chief Executive. In that connection, some opposition men now are privately contending that Republican leaders and the President's inner circle are trying to create a "false image" indicating re is once more in full control of the government. The Democratic contention is that he is not, that the well-publicized goings and comings of administration officials, involving Gettysburg and Camp David, are just so much window dressing. THE ARGUMENT, of course, is that this "impression" of firm presidential control might be made to serve a double purpose. For one, it might sell Mr. Eisenhower on the idea he can run the office on a greatly reduced basis. And it might satisfy the millions who like him as President that it is wise and proper to keep him in the job. Fair appraisal forces one to conclude, however, that this argument breaks on the rock of fact. Admittedly many Republicans are thinking wishfully about the President's 1956 intentions, and certainly doing little to discourage the notion he is increasingly active in his job. But Mr. Eisenhower himself made plain the moment he landed in Washington November 11 that he would be compelled to ease his way back to his duties rather than "bulldoze" his way. THE STORIES emanating from Gettysburg and Camp David relate quite frankly the limited hours the President still is spending at work. They talk of his naps, his bridge games and other recreational pursuits. Secondly, the President's deep sense of duty and responsibility makes it highly unlikely he would allow himself to be persuaded to run again if he were not wholly satisfied in his own mind he is fit for the essentials of the job. Mr. Eisenhower is not exactly a pawn in the hands of his advisers and party leaders. By now he should know what constitutes the substance of his job. One suspects the American people can trust him to say "no" if he believes himself incapable of doing what a President is elected to do. Cotton Crop THE BEST LAID PLANS of men and governments can go awry. This nation has been overproducing cotton for a good while, and the Agriculture Department has been trying to get producers to cut down. Secretary of Agriculture Benson called for a 1955 output of 10 million bales. Acreage controls were instituted with this goal in mind. The controls were the principal lever. But now the department says 1955 cotton output may come to 14,843,000 bales, nearly 50 per cent more than Benson's objective. Yields have climbed to record highs. The 10-year average is 357 pounds per acre, but for 1955 the figure will be 431 pounds—only 69 pounds less than a bale an acre. In some sectors production has hit a two- bale-an-acre level. Nature has intervened this year to account for some of this amazing output. Favorable weather and growth factors have marked most of the cotton season. But there is more. As acreage allotments are cut, the growers retire their poorer lands and heap fertilizer and pest-and-weed controls on good soils to increase production per acre by leaps and bounds. Benson will try again in 1956. with perhaps another four per cent cut in acreage. But anyone would be foolish to bet we won't wind up with a still higher yield next season. There must be some other way. fi Thomas L. Stokes Others Must Lie Low Until Ike Decides WASHINGTON — The apparent quiet in the Republican parly about its 1956 ticket is somewhat deceptive. The surface calm is enforced, as we know, by keeping alive a belief that the President may run again. To that National Republican Chairman Leonard Hall made his contribution this week after his first visit to the President since the latter was stricken in Denver two months ago. So long as the President's availability is kept unsettled, aspirants for his mantle must keep their heads down, and that is part of the plot, as reported here some days ago. In this way the staunch Eisenhower wing of the party hopes to keep control until it can settle on a candidate. But this lid is beginning to rattle nervously under the pressure ot the planning and scheming that 'is going on among aspirants for the Republican nomination and .their friends and managers.' Many a fantastic maneuver is being hatched and discussed by which, if the President declares himself out. a nomination for President or Vice-President might be brought about. In this fever and frel. which belies the surface calm, anything can see mpossible. Senator William F. Knowland, from California like the Vice President is restlessly waiting for the President's decision. He is ready to announce his own candidacy for the nomination the minute the President takes himscif out. Meanwhile the old Senator Taft wing of the party is beginning to look to the Senate's party leader and it is also beginning to express itself in new organizations and in a magazine. Some in the Eisenhower wing of the parly arc. counting heavily on the possibility that the President, if he does not run, can persuade Chief Justice Earl Warren to accept a nominalion. This is among Ihe fanlastic ideas, since Ihe Chief Justice has said as plainly as the English language can say it that he will not run. But this doesn't, stop the plotters. " The Dr. Milton Eisenhower boom has created some organized activity but only on a small scale thus far. was in public office and a contender for the Presidency. • Once they were virtually certain — and right up to Election Day in November, 1948 — that they were going to run things here in Washington. Some of them already had picked out their jobs and had rented homes. They still hanker to come here. . BECAUSE lie is Vive-President, Richard M. Nixon still occupies the favored spot publicly and his friends are active behind the scenes on an "if and when" basis. Their biggest obstacle is in the While House itself, in Sherman Adams, chief assistant to the President, who is not a Nixon-for-Prcsi- dcnt fan. And he is very influential with the President. MISSING from recent speculation is a figure who should not be overlooked in what is going on behind the scenes. Have we all forgotten the man who, perhaps more than any other, was responsible for the Eisenhower nomination -and who, before that, was himscif twice the Republican candidate for President and who, Ihe last lime he ran — in 1948 — was Ihe victim of an upsel? Don'l we remember Thomas E. Dewcy, three times Governor of New York? We'd betler. For he is aware of himscif -as a polcnlial candidate and so is that inner circle of lieutenants who served him when he TOM DEWEY has hopes that he mighl get the nod from the man he helped to the Presidency if Mr. Eisenhower doesn'l feel he should run again, and llnis do what only one other lias done —. a Democrat, William Jennings Bryan — which is lo run' for President three times. After all, whoever is the Republican candidate very likely will be running against a man who will be doing it a second time — Adlai Stevenson. What some fn the Dcwey circle are pinning their hopes-on,-it. is reported, is a .battle between two ' Californians, Vice-President Nixon and Chief Justice Warren, which would end in a deadlock that the President then would have lo resolve. And what better way to resolve it than by looking to the. key stale of New York — and tapping Tom Dcwey? Some of the steam behind the revived boom- for Chief Justice Warren is said to be coming from the Dewey circle and likewise some of the encouragement for the Vice President Fantastic? It sounds so. Yet there is nolhing more fanlaslic than the dreams and' schemes inspired by the big White House on Pennsylvania Avenue. You don't dare believe al! you hear — and yet it may be true. (United Feature Syndicate, Inc.) Peter Edson Parties Give Farm Discord New Look WASHINGTON— (NEA1— A considerable amounl of double-talk can be delected in the planning for new farm programs to bolsler Ihe farmers' falling income. Secretary of Agriculture Ezra Taft Benson' keeps right on. preaching the orthodox Republican line. This is that the farmer should be given more freedom from regimentation. Rut almost every farm policy now being considered would mean more control. In a perfectly free farm economy, if there were great' farm surpluses, farm prices would be allowed to fall as far as they pleased. Farmers would simply have to take their losses. The farmers' only salvation would be to plant less the following vear. When acreage limilations are imposed, farmers simply plant rows closer together and use more fertilizer. For example, the cotton yield has risen in 10 years from 239 pounds per acre to 431 pounds per acre. Similar increases can be ciled on corn, polaloes and other major crops. ally decided again, to throw them out Ihe window. Now Ihey're back again, with bipartisan support. NEARLY every farm policy since the depression has'been designed to prolecl the farmer againsl taking the licking from these price drops. This has been learned the bard way, however, thai there can't be price supports without crop limitation. And even the crop limitation quotas and controls haven't worked too well. ONE IS A PLAN lo put the quota limitation nol on Ihe number of acres each farmer can plant, but on the number of pounds or bushels he can produce and market. This, of course, would apply only to surplus crops. For production over the farmer's, quota, he would have to pay a penalty. This penalty mighl be as high as. say 50 per cenl of Ihe sup- porl price level. He couldn't get a government loan at support price level. He couldn't get a government loan at support price on his quota production until the penalty was paid. Now this is no new. Republican idea. II was thought of first back in the Henry Wallace era. It was given up as impractical- and too hard to administer. In the surplus potato crisis of 1SMO-50 Congress considered imposing bushel limitations but fin- .THE OTHER NEW control being toyed with is the plan to make farmers withdraw a part of their acreage—say 10 per cenl—from cash crop production. Instead of raising more wheat, corn, cotton or other products now in surplus supply, the farmer would be urged to planl grass or other crops which would increase soil fertility. This land could be broughl back into cash crop production when needed later on. Wilh increases in population greater food demands are expected. The farmer would, of course, have to be paid an incentive for nol producing. That's the big catch. But farmers who didn't comply might be made ineligible for price support loans. This proposed acreage reduction plan is also nolhing new. It is Henry Wallace's old "soil bank" idea, now being warmed over as a bipartisan dish. Thai Congress will .go for imposing any of these additional controls on "free" agriculture in an election year is considered cx- trcmelv doubtful. Pause In Liberation , History From The Times Files IT IS POSSIBLE that war in the Himalayas has been averted by the mutual forbearance of Nehru's "India and Communist China. Both have laid claim to a mountain area that lies between the two countries. Both either have kept or have sent troops to the boundary. The danger has been that a trigger-happy soldier could easily start shooting with a full- sizcd war as the result. Now, however, word has come that both tiie Chinese and the Indians have pulled back their forces. Nehru has been more sympathetic lo the Chinese Reds than some Americans think prudent. He is loo valuable a friend for China lo antagonize, especially over a worthless tract of land. Perhaps China has realized that liberating the scrub and rocks of an isolated Himalayan peak will do less for its cause than appeasing its one friend in the world — a strange and bitter compromise for a Communist. TEN" YEARS AGO December 2, 1945 Vincent P. Ingram appointed to Civil Service Commissioner here. Army Sgt. Herman L. Hinklc. 24, Germany, reported dead in Germany: no details given. Death of Mrs. Jane M. Zink, 73, North Mechanic Street: Charles Roy Clark, 33. Ridgciey; Mrs. Russell Smith, (50, Flintstonc. TWENTY YEARS AGO DECEMBER 2, 1935 Miss Mary Zimmerman elected presidenl of senior Christian Endeavor Socicly at Fairvicw Avenue Methodist Church. James L. Jones named magistrate al Crcsaplown by Gov. Harry W. Nice. Death of Andrew Boyil, Gi), Frostburg; Mrs. Lulu Lour,'68, Loar- lown. THIRTY YEARS AGO December 2, 1925 A. T. Harris, Fairmont, formerly of here, assistant trainmaster for Western Maryland Railway, killed by train. Ridgciey Volunteer Fire Company organized; J. L. Biggs, president." William A. Gomlcr appointed magistrate at Oakland, succeeding Jnmes D. llamill. FORTY YEARS AGO December 2, 1915 Carl B. Gray Jr., former resident, made roadmastcr for St. Louis and San Francisco Railroad Company at Chicago. William Moody Jr., Frostburg. hurl in railroad accident at Elrcnn. Pa. Death of Mrs. Mary ].. Andrews, 37, Chestnut Street; Miss Bertha Martz, cily. So They Say What do these timorous nolwits (who are fearful of the U. S. talk- in;; peace with Russia) think we arc? Do they think we are morons? What kind of people do they think we have at the head of government? —Sen. Walter George (D-Ga). The first thing in writing a book is never lean to read or write. —Comedian George Burns on writing a book on his memoirs. The raincoat is for evening wear —rind possibly funerals and asking your boss for a raise. —Fashion Editor Robert L. Green. We (Russia) do nol advise anyone to test our strength, especially those who have tested it alrencly. —Luzar M. Kagnnovich, Soviet first deputy premier. WhitncyJSolton Looking Sideways NEW YORK — Have you been a victim of radar-controlled speed traps? They aren't always accurate. Some doughty men, ticketed for speeding by radar-patrols, have had the money and the rage to take the thing into courts where they challenged the accuracy and validity of the control car's readings. You can do the same, because monitored, careful tests' have shown these two major errors among others: one kind of radar sighting consistently gave favor to the speeding vehicle when the engine of the radar car was either off completely or running at low speed. When they tested what would happen if radar readings were made while the engine was idling the radar readings consistently and constantly over-estimated actual speeds. As an accused citizen, you have a right to demand an accurate reading of your alleged speeding. Some men, in communities where the radar readings are pretty much accurate, demand tested readings just to prove that a citizen has rights, even if he has been speeding. Area in which it is useless to challenge the readings: the New Jersey Turnpike. They are accurate to the hair. "I don't think you could print it," she replied. "Not and go through the mails at the same time." Most straightforward job of telling about her life as a woman and actress was recently available in Collier's in two articles by Bette Davis, ai>iut whom the above suppressed item is not. Miss Davis, not only spoke her mind clearly and bluntly as to certain Hollywood producers, but zinged Miriam Hopkins and Eva LeGallienne in unequivocal words. ' Especially delightful was her denial of any feud with Tallulah Bankhead. YOU COULD get yourself a pat on the head from Detroit (in addition to some folding money) if you were smart enough to show them how to handle the exhaust from a jet automobile. The British have tried a dozen ways, and all of them cause a loss in power. To work properly, a jet exhaust must come straight out from the engine and this would incinerate the knees of pedestrians. To lead the exhaust through pipes to the roof or straight up greatly lessens the thrust. Indeed, it practically kills it. •Even curving the pipe downward toward the street surface lessens the power enormously. And if practiced by dozens or thousands of cars it would soon destroy the roads and streets. But you could put your mind on the problem. THE TRUTH, according to Miss Davis, is that she scarcely knows Bankhead and spoke only once to her, and that was at a party at Jack Warner's house in which Miss B. sidled up to a chair and said to Miss D.: "You play all the roles in movies I play in the theatre, but I play them better." To which Miss Davis calmly replied: "You certainly do." This left Bankhead with nothing to say and nothing to do except take her leave of that area of the room. "I scarcely saw her the rest of the evening," says Miss Davis with the most apparent twinkle in her eye and just a trace of venom in her typewriter. Incidentally, the two articles are recommended reading to psychiatrists, not to observe Miss Davis, who doesn't need it, but to deduce certain startling things from character slips Miss Davis reveals about some of the producers. One in particular is obvious even to a layman. - SUPPRESSED dialogue from a magazine interview with a famed actress: "What does your husband call you at home?" the interviewer asked. THE MOST beautiful living room in New York belongs to a physician who will not for professional reasons allow his name to be used. He painted it himself from paints mixed and made by himself from colored clays, Indian fashion, found on his Connecticut farm. Soft pinks, warm browns, slate blues; startling flashes of red. He grinds out the colors in a pestle, adds the proper zinc powders and oils arid whirls them all together in a pail fastened to his drill press, which is geared down to turn slowly and steadily for hours. He got tired of commercial paints which were synthesized and adulterated beyond his patience. (McNaught Syndicate, Inc.) Frederick Othman Little Money; Big Profits WASHINGTON—I'm beginning to wonder, along with some puzzled Senators, who actually does own most of the automobiles crumpling fenders on our streets. Many a motorist will say that his new sedan is the property of the finance company. That's what he thinks. But where did the money lender get his cash? That's where this problem gets complicated. Fact is, the less money a -finance company has, the more it makes— and I'm thinking about starting one. 1 may even offer a little stock to Senators Joseph C. O'Mahoney, Alexander Wiley, Esles Kefauver, and Everett Dirksen who are in the midst of a lengthy investigation into the General Motors Company, world's biggest corporation. what worried him was the possibility of GMAC deciding sometime to reduce its interest rates to the buyers of two-tone hardtops. If it does that, he said he and several hundred oher money lenders will be forced out of business. He added that he barely, was able now to meet GMAC's interest rales. AT THE MOMENT they're worrying about the General Motors Acceptance Corporation, which is in the business of financing the sale of GM cars and which seems to be our biggest auto loan company. Giving the Senators the inside dope on the auto finance business was Arthur O'Kcefe, the veteran president of the Southwestern Investment Company, of Amarillo, Texas, which makes loans on automobiles. Texan O'Kecfe said his firm was a little one; it only has assets of S6n.000.000 and capita! of $10,000.000. Nobody smiled when he said it, cither. Texas modesty is becoming commonplace hereabouts. FINANCIER O'Keefe said that of every ?100 ho loaned on a new sedan. S1G represented the company's own cash, while $84 he, himself, had borrowed from an insurance company, or a bank. GMAC, he said, only puts up S5.50 of its own for every S100 loaned and borrows the olher S94.50 from somebody else. Since it isn't using much of its own money financing cnrs. he said, it naturally makes bigger profits Ihan he does. "THE GREATER the amount of borrowed money you have working for you, the grealer the profit that trickles down to the management," he said. Sen. Wiley wondered, how great? O'Keefe said that he earned 9.6 per cent on his invested capital, even after he paid his laxes. while GMAC's profil was 17.1 per cent or. money invested. Sen. Wiley whistled. "Not bad," he said. Maybe not, said O'Kccfc. but Barbs Gelling high .up in the world is no good for the people whom it makes look down on others. Thieves stole two new Navajo blankets from folks touring in New Mexico. We'll bel the victims are on the warpath. It's a fortunate family whose only family jars are the ones loaded with home-canned fruits. Monoy doesn't mean everything, but we've ncvci seen anything that didn't mean money. I GOT THE IDEA, without anybody saying it, thai this biggest finance company was holding Ihe line on interest charges and that if it weren't in business, the cost to those buying sedans on tick might be considerably higher. O'Keefe said lhat he loaned money only to Ihosu motorists who were able to put up 25 per cent of the cost of their car in cash. Then he gave 'em 30 months to pay. Sen. O'Mahoney said he did believe Ihere were many automobilists today, driving cars they'll never own. Not so long as people have jobs, said O'Keefe. For the past year, lie continued, repossessions by finance companies have been at an abnormally low rate. So there you are, gents. This finance industry obviously is a good one and I'm about to start the Smiling Fred Auto Loan Company. 1'U'need some stockholders, but not many, because I intend to borrow from the streetcar riders most of the cash I'll loan to the motorists. (United Feature Syndicate. Int.) Green Fields THE ABUNDANCE of oppor- tunties awaiting today's enterprising young scientisls can be seen in four" major fields, each as new as the automobile industry was 50 years ago. These four are only samples of the choices being created by science. The field of atomic power is one of the most promising. In 20 years at least 30,000 people will be employed in this area which is so new today that no two reactors are built alike. It is generally recognized that the ideal reactor hasn't been built or designed and won't be until some young, or unborn genius does it. Cheniists, physicists, mechanics and engineers are required in this top-salaried field. The area of automalic computation is plagued with a lack of mathematicians, who are needed to design and operate machines which can do a million addilions and a thousand multiplications in a second. Within a matter of years every large industrial concern will be using these to solve problems, perhaps to predict weather, or to measure public opinion. High energy physics, which explores the basic fads of naltire. is ' crilically in need of manpower. Both the government and private industry are competing for men, and (here arc far from enough scientists available to supply current needs. The fourth big field, which might result in converting the oceans into fuel, involves harnessing the energy of the H-bomb. Few generations have ever had such opportunities available to them. For Ihe young people, theirs is a generation of hope. Hal Boyle ., AP Reporter's Notebook NEW YORK — Gil McDougald. the distinguished young New York Yankee infielder; has returned from a goodwill baseball safari to Japan in top condition except for a bajl case of writer's, cramp. * "Everybody in Japan is baseball-crazy4- from- kids to old men," he marveled. "They play it day and night all the year round. And every fan seems to be an autograph collector. "One day I looked out my hotel window and saw a businessman playing catch during the lunch hour on the roof of the building across the street. He must have been 60 years old." Jk The Yankees, who dropped the 1955 Wor^ Series lo the Brooklyn Dodgers, did considerably better against Japanese ball clubs. They won all but one of their 20 games and that ended in a 1-to-l lie, called after the lOlh inning on account of darkness. ;. AS A MATTER OF FACT, one of the pleasantesl things about the trip of the Yari : kees was lhat the Japanese, who are Ihe soul of courlesy, never mentioned "Brooklyn" or "Dodgers" once . "I never saw fans so polite," observed Gil. "They never hooted us a single time. "The stands were completely quiet—almost like a morgue—until the Japanese team starled a rally or a Yankee hil a home run. Then Ihey'd go wild." The Yankees found the national pastime of Japan essentially the same as Ihe American national pastime except the Japanese play on an all-dirt field and use a slightly lighter and smaller ball. "You can't knock it as far, and thai bothered us a little," admitted McDougald. He gave.this assessment of Japanese big league play: "They are fine in the infield, but seem to lack throwing strenglh from the outfield. The fans were particularly impressed by Ihe way Hank Bauer could pick up a line drive lo righl field and throw and catch the runner at first. "At bat the Japanese try too hard to powerhouse the. ball instead of depending on coordination." BUT THE MOST mysterious thing ha found in the way of baseball is'played in the mysterious Easl was the pilching. . "They use a hesitation ball," he said. "It was our biggest problem. . The pilcher slows up at all slages of his windup, and depends on his windup lo deceive the batter rather than on the spin, or the speed of the ball." "And every two or three innings the pitcher, worn out by .his windup, would be replaced by a new pitcher." An American pitcher, when he is relieved during a tense game, goes right to the showers, ' then hurries home to pick a quarrel with his wife—or kick his dog around. "But when a Japanese pitcher is jerked," said McDougald, "He goes to the sidelines and pitches wa'rmup balls for another 15 minutes. "I suppose he does it to save face 5n front of the crowd. Anyway, nobody boos him." (Associated Press) George Dixon The Washington Scene Z WASHINGTON—This is a wonderful town. Many temporary residenls go home and knock it. but-most of them would give anything if they could only return. Being taken away from Washington is like being taken off dope. You may be better off—but things never seem quite right again. This is a wonderful town. You can meet so many inlercsting people. During Ihe cocktail hour, which extends from 5:30 until the bar closes, you can meet anybody from the 4-H club's fastest milker lo the newest of Ihe Pakistani Ambassador's Iwo wives. This is a wonderful lown. People .corns here on government service full of trepidation. They tell each olher how wonderful it is back home and how they wish they could return to "God's country." When their services are dispensed with, for one reason or anolher, they'll do almost anything to stay here. WHERE ELSE CAN you work away up North, doing business in clipped Yankee accents, and live away down south with a Virginia drawl? It's heading into December and we've had only a couple of mildly chilly days. This is a wonderful town. You don't have to go lo Philadelphia lo see the Army-Navy game. If you want to see them kicking each other just cross the Polomac to Ihe Pentagon. You may have trouble catching a street car bul you can calch a ride on a mule-drawn canal boat. You can live deep in Virginia and drive to any one of a dozen governmental buildings in the District of Columbia without passing a single commercial establishment. This is a metropolis, full of cily slickers. Yet our papers are always full of stuff about a Gettysburg, Pa., farmer. ... IF YOU WANT TO TALK a cop out of-a lickel, you've gol to do it with a foreign accent. This is a town where you've got to be from another counlry to enjoy immunity in this. This is a wonderful town. More people go to the ball park to root for the visiting team than the home team. This could explain why we always have a losing leam. We want to keep the customers happy. This is a 100 per cenl American Community with an embassy full of Communists. 'They don't dare be anything else. This is a town where the postmaster general has no place in his office to post a letter. It's a town where money for education is appropriated by hillbillies—capital hillbillies. • This is a lown where the Secretary of the Interior has nothing in common wilh Jonah and where the Solicitor General is never ar- resled for soliciting. THIS IS A WONDERFUL lown. We still maintain horse troughs—for the birds. the cleanest city in the world, and easily most beautiful. It's a cily of vistas. \Ve have vislas from here, vistas from there. We even have tourists from Dubuque. This is not a game refuge but we haroor thousands of lame ducks. We have the nation's highest per capita consumption of liquor, and the driest speeches. This is a wonderful town. There are more women than men (oh boy!), There are more white collar workers per capila than any other cily. We wash so much dirly linen. This is a lown where lobbyists don't function in lobbies hut in schmoe-filled rooms. It's the city with the mosl beauliful Christmas pageant. This is the only votelcss community in Ihe Unilcd States but the most politically-minded. This is a wonderful town. (King Features, Inc.)

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