The Salina Journal from Salina, Kansas on May 6, 1997 · Page 5
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The Salina Journal from Salina, Kansas · Page 5

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Salina, Kansas
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Tuesday, May 6, 1997
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Page 5
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THE SALINA JOURNAL PARENTING TUESDAY, MAY 6, 1997 AS V PARENTING TOOLS Make home a No Spanking Zone \Vhat if everyone stopped hitting children today? What would our society look like in the next generation and in the generations after that? yhe word "hitting" is used intentionally instead of spanking, as spanking is actually a euphemism. It has come to have a nicer connotation than hitting. But, spanking is hit- tir)g, and we use the word in- stfad to "soften the blow." Could we stop spanking? It is'deeply ingrained in our society. Most studies show that parents still spank their children, as their parents did, and as their parents did. We do this because we think it works, because we don't know of other options and because we aren't able to see the long-term effects of a steady diet of sganking — retreat, rebellion and retaliation. ;We often look only at short-range teaching or parenting. We may only deal with the behavior at hand and become conditional, judgemental and be the external controller of what our child does. ;But, parenting needs to be much more than that. As a parent, your job is to teach life skills. You must deal with the belief behind the behavior and prepare your child for adulthood by empowering his/her decision-making processes. T DAY CARE Spanking does not teach life skills. It teaches external control with a short life span. "What can only be taught by the rod and with blows will not lead to much good; they will not remain pious any longer than the rod is behind them." (Martin Luther). Religion has been attributed to the perpetuation of spanking. But, Proverbs 13:24 is often misquoted, "Spare the rod and spoil the child" is not found in the bible. The phrase, "they spare the rod, and spoil the child," was written by Ralph Yenning in "Mysteries and Revelations" (1649) to reflect the thinking of those times: parents should be careful not to make childhood too pleasant, lest their child want to remain childlike and never mature. Proverbs 13:24 does say, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." Scholars give many different translations for the word "rod:" • a scepter (symbol of authority by rulers to lead the people). • a stick (a branch or twig). • a staff (curved rod used to direct sheep). • guidance (symbolic for leadership). The clear meaning is that we must guide and direct our children. Why it has to be with pain is not clear. Now is the time to set up your home as a No Spanking Zone. Make it so because: 1. Spanking teaches children two dangerous lessons — that hitting people is OK and that violence works. 2. Spanking destroys self-esteem and sets the stage for future emotional problems. 3. Spanking is the first step toward child abuse. It can result in injury to the child and prosecution of the abuser. 4. Children learn good behavior only by imitating good behavior and respect only by being respected. 5. Bullies and cowards hit people smaller than they are. We do not have to inflict pain to communicate with people. We must learn better ways. People are not for hitting, and children are people, too. Too much praise can be a bad thing It begins early, at home, with comments such as "You are the best little girl in the whole world." . That's fine; children really love compliments. But if compliments are LYDEN tak^n to extremes scripps Howard ("My mommy said Newsservice I'm the cutest girl - $ in, , ;this whole school"), a dangerous social line is crossed. And when compliments take over the very life of the child — "You are the most gifted student in. the class, the daintiest skater, the., most adroit cheerleader, the best, prettiest, grandest, finest in the land, better than all the others" — the red danger zone has been reached. Making a child into a goddess is unfair. It undermines social awareness and stimulates selfishness, It happens in day care when a mpther insists her child be allowed to, break the rules with no consequences; no time out, no reprimands. Her child can do no wrong. ,What happens to a child who believes such hype when, suddenly, sqmething really does snap? Perhaps an accident mars her perfect beauty, or a poor grade spoils her record or she fails to make a team or get the lead in the school play. Suddenly her world is turned upside down, and she wonders: Does mommy still love me? Love between a parent and a child should be unconditional. Making love conditional on beauty, grace or grades is awful. How much better to tell the child, "I love you, sweetie. You are a great kid, a wonderful daughter, and I couldn't be happier." Kids who constantly repeat their own praises are regarded as obnoxious by adults and as outcasts by other children. Nobody wants to play with the kid who has, is, did, was and ever will be the best of the best. A child like that spends all her time trying to grab the No. 1 spot, toy, game or provider's attention while she's telling everyone just how wonderful she is. Yuck. Really intelligent children, of course, will see past this awful social blunder on the first try and never do it again. The less bright will carry on the charade right through grade school and into high school. Sooner or later they will look in the mirror, and the green-eyed monster will say, "You are fair, my queen, but there is one who is fairer." Jealousy is a nasty vice. Saying "I love you" doesn't have to be a comparison. Saying, "I love you" to a child is probably said best by saying "I accept you — faults and all, sugarplum." A son, Jacob Landen, was born April 9 to former Salinans Jeff and Nikki Crist of McPherson. .Grandparents are Jim Amann aricf Billie Amann of McPherson and Joe and Shirley Crist of Salina. , Great-grandparents are Joan Amann of McPherson and Dprbthy Crist of Minneapolis. *** 'A son, Dustin Levi, was born April 30 to Salinans Robert and Karen Yakubovich, 604 E. Prescott. Grandparents are Sharon Height, 713 W. Prescott, and Ramona Lubbers of Russell. Great-grandparents are Jack and' Gladys Clark of Sterling and Arlene Karst of Dorrance. and Sheryl Sharp of Raytown; Richard and Lorraine Shillcutt of Salina; and Mike and Deanna Harlan of Kansas City, Mo. Great-grandparents are Junior and Jean Cain of Kansas City, Kan.; Violet Caruthers, Lucy and Glen Harlan, Ella and John Stephenson and Mary Stephenson of Raytown; Beth Shillcutt of Nixa, Mo.; and Eva Oliver of Gainesville. Dylan Lee, was born April 25 to Aaron and Courtney Shillcutt of Raytown, Mo. Grandparents are Bill and Anna Oliver of Gainesville, Mo.; Bill dow Woman Custom Window Treatments By Appointment gSS 822-0912 Elizabeth Bryan Concerned about .impotence? Don't just think about it. Impotence can be corrected simply- without surgery or drugs. ErecAid* system by Osbon safely and effectively creates an erection by vacuum-a method recommended by a panel of experts at the National Institutes of Health. For free education materials, call or visit the pharmacy or medical supplier named below. You can do something-today! ErecAid® System Your firs: choice for impotence treatment B&K PRESCRIPTION SHOP People Helping People GARAGE SALE 1 3 Days Only May 8, 9,10 Tliunt., Fri. & Sat. Storewide Savings up to 50°/c 0 off iws.sartaH.sattM <MaO-2i2-1!7f Used Band Instruments ON SALE! SUNFLOWER HOME CARE 645 E. Iron / Suite F / Salina, KS 913-825-9220 /1-800-826-0786 • Skilled Nursing • TLC Services • Home Health Aide • Physical Therapy/ Occupational Therapy Call Avonne for an Appointment Avonne' Salon 825-2761 216 W. Minneapolis * Salina SPRING CLEAN-UP Time To Open Your Pool! We're Beating Your Local Discount Store! Shop Us For Great Low Prices On Ail Of Your Chemical Needs SfcCNortneTAs tSUxChMmliite $^95 $4575 M0! fctfctumHypoehtoriiJ* Ctttium Hypochloridt S/1Q95 25 In BMkOulllb. $239 FOR A PERFECT POOL- LETTHE MtQ'STESTTHE WATERI 'SPIUS Corner of Magnolia & 9th SoMthofCen^MaD/SalirK, 823-7665 1-800-649-7587 National Nurses Week May 6-12, 1997 -have the Courage to Care Please Join The Kansas State Nurses Association District V In Celebrating National Nurses Week May 6-12 Noneedto shop around Meet Brenda Wiggins, a 12 Year Veteran at Security Savings Bank For your next home loan, you can count on Brenda to save you money. Security Savings Bank 317S.SantaFe»1830S.Ohk>,13alina, KS 825-8241 Statewide toll-free number 800-323-8958. With offices in Salina, Garden City, Olathe, and Wichita MEMBER 1 DIG I'm going to break my neck in that < 0-1— Great Prices on Blem Tires 18580R13 $22.67mounted 432 N. Broadway (J25-72 Have You Heard? Tly Salina" "Its easy to make KC connections and convenient!" Kristin VwMw, Ssiro, KS U-S AIRWAYS Call your local agent or USAIrways/USAirways Express at 825-7256 for details, or visit our website at http://www.salair.org 'Early Bird" Butf el Monday-Friday 2-4pm $3.99 For our customers who may have an appetite that does not conform to traditional hours-we understand and have a special price just for you. Dine at Sirloin Stockade between 2pm and 4pm, Monday through Friday, and our delicious buffet is offered at the special price of $3.99! 2351 S Ninth (Central Mall) Salina ^ xN-^t/ m%®»tfmi#m Jlove delicious way Grandma Max's Mother's Day Buffet Featuring Grandma's Hand-Carved Roast Beef Oh sure. You could prepare a meal this grand... slow-baked ham, real mashed potatoes, fabulous fried chicken and tender turkey. But who's going to clean it all up? (On second thought, take her to Grandma Max's.) We'll even welcome every Mom with a beautiful long-stemmed rose! We serve only (rt'sh ground whole bran collar grandma. restaurant 1944 North 9th Bosselman Travel Center Salina WOW/ Just Ask Ren has all the answers RENTAL HARDWARE Ht-lfi '-• just C.IIUU/K/ '/it; i on it-/ 2106 S 9th and 460 S Ohio MOII Fri 8 8:30 Sal 8 6 Sun 10 6

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