The Carroll Sentinel from Carroll, Iowa on April 6, 1894 · Page 8
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The Carroll Sentinel from Carroll, Iowa · Page 8

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Carroll, Iowa
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Friday, April 6, 1894
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Page 8
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GEORGIE'S ATTEMPT. Be Makes It In Hie Cnuse of True love, but It Fulls. deer editor—i comencid 2 think i cood trust bil jcmson but I find i cant. marie green & me had a fite on mondn an she hortily told me she cood never b mine, i pleded & pleded but she onli turned her cold bak on me an sed no. she sed she b leved i wos a hartless croket an she had no time 4 me. piti me, piti me, i sed. my piti is turned 2 mud, she Bed. i told bil jonsen about it an he fied, Wats the use ov worryin yourself about a woman, shaik her. (thats the way bil talks since he smoka cigerats.) i love her bil, 1 sed, i cant give her up. want 2,find out if she loves u, Bed bil. yes, i sed. comit suicide, sed bil. wats that, i Bed. . kill yurself, bil sed. then i wil no 2 late, 1 sed. wel, sed bil, 1 tel u wat. uonlimaikb leve kil yurself. i will help u. 1st n rite a leter to her teling n have Idled yurself In the barn. so i rited the leter: deer, deer, marie—bl the time n get this 1 wll bo most dcd. 1 kannot live without u. fair* trail, yure true love, ' gorgle. now, sed bil, n taik a nifein yurehand an put red paint all over yur faio like .u had cut yure throte, an lay down an maik b leve u r dien. I will go an giy the note 3 marie, an wen she corns she wil think u r most ded an u wil no if she loves u or not. . .: '. so i got the paint an put it on ml faio an hands an sum got on mi coat an pants, i luked like i was cut al over, then i laid doun an comenced 2 die. i kept gronin & gronin & waitin 4 marie Scum, i.gess i wos dien abont half a hour an the paint wos al getin dri an no marie cum. bi.& bi i herd footsteps bi the barn an i comenced, 2 di orfnl hard. ware is he, sed a voice, ' i inhere, sed bil. now, marie grene, if u aint got a hart like stone u will piti me & love me, I Bed S.miself, 8 men cum in the barn with bil and so did pa. Iwas a doctor &1 was a policeman, the doctor sed the blood wos onli paint, the policeman sedi orter b tuk up 4 play- in triks on the law, an pa tuk me up in the garret an clubbed me 4 gitin paint al over mi close. , bil jonspn dident give marie grene tha note at all an she herd all about wot i done, now shes gone al around laffiu at me & tellin peeple about a man trien 3 kil hisself 4 her. ,- : • bil jonson & her are veri thik. cursis on him. gorgie. —New York Mercury. Qunllflefl. Our professor was lately lecturing at the "annex" to a clnss of three. In the course of his talk he caine to an exposition of his views .as to woman's functions in the body politic. "Women," he is reported to have said, "are merely the element of beauty in life. Their business is to make life graceful, and they can't do that, you know, unless they themselves BI^B pretty and graceful. If a girl is not pretty, she might just as well vanish from the face of the earth- that is," he qualified as he gazed at tho three sober spectacled faces in front of him—"er—unless—she's tolerably pretty, you know."—Boston Budget. A Natural Mistake. Little Boy—Ma, is that lady the coachman's wife?—Hallo. ACHINE. WAGON AND BLACKSMITH SHOP EIKB, -: DEALERS AND MANUFACTURERS OF :WAGONS, BUCGIES, CARRIAGES, CARTS AND SLEICHS Tarn About I* Fair Flay. "How are the farmers making out this year?" asked a New Yorker, a former resident of Vermont, of -a friend from the old home. "Poorly i" replied the Green Mountain man. "You recollect old Bill Thompson? Well, his case illustrates the condition of affairs. It came around the end of the year, and he hadn't made enough to pay his man, so he had to sell a yoke of oxen to get money. •'< "When he turned the proceeds over to the fellow, he said, 'Tom, times are hard, farming's played ont, and I've got to let yon go.' i • • • ' ••••••: " 'But,' said Tom, 'you've got more cattle. I'll serve you and look for my wages in cattle.' '•'Arid when they're all gone what will you do?" '"What will I do? queried Tom. •Why, then you'll work for me, don't you see, and get all your cattle back again.' "—New York Herald. The Oauie of Dew. An examiner once visited a college of eorne importance in the north of England. Among other questions he asked what (was the cause of dew. No one could answer. At last one of the pupils got up and said: "The earth turns on its axis once in every 84 hours with euoh a rapidity that it perspires and thus produces dew."— Spare Moments. A lioony. X "Why, the fellow kept asking me, his host, if my witticisms were original. What does that show?" "It shows that, he is a man who has read very little."—Truth. A Involution. Adjustable. It was a handsome solitaire, and she evidently desired the jeweler to know that it was her engagement ring. "I would like to have this ring altered to suit my finger," said the pretty girl aa she flourished the brilliant bauble ^bef ore the eyes of the jeweler. . •• The jeweler took the ring and smiled. He had seen it before. "I can do that in a minute," he replied. Screwing a magnifying glass in' his eye and- taking a sharp- pointed instrument in his hand, he touched a minute spring on the inside of the ring and made it the exact size, saying as he placed it on her finger: "You see, these rings are made in this manner for the reason that they are worn by so many different people. It is a great convenience." The young lady sailed out of the shop burning with indignation, and the reason she did not fly was because she hadn't the wings. What did she think? You know, and it is only necessary to state that she did not wear the ring. Another girl has it now, but this time the jeweler was not permitted to touch the spring. The young man did it himself.—Pearson's Weekly. A Wit of the War. "In our company during tha civil war," said Captain T. E. Barlow of Milwaukee, "was a stuttering sergeant named Thomas and a chaplain named Chenalitt, -who was exceedingly untidy in personal appearance. ' The sergeant was a wit and gave the chaplain ho end of trouble. One cold day the parson had preached over an hour, and at the close of his discourse asked any one who felt serious to coihe forward. • "The sergeant went'at once. 'Do yon really feel serious? 1 asked the chaplain, rather doubtful of his convert. 'Se-serious, I sh-sh-should say I-I di-did. Any m-man w-would feel s-se-serious to s-s-sit on a c-ca-cake of ice t-t-two hours and i-he-hear y-you p-p-preach,' was the re- )ly. On another occasion, at mess, the ergeant began to eat'before the chap- ain bad aaked the accustomed blessing, ^tending his hands over the table, the chaplain said: •••••• " 'Pause, sergeant, pause.' "••Y-Yes, I s-s-ee 'm. D-d-d-d—dirty ones too,' "—St. Louis Globe-Democrat, Miw Ptokerly—What an awfully pretty BOB you have, Mrs. Culloway! Wou 1 ' you come itnd kiss we, Willie? Willie (do»btfully)-I guess I hadn' better, wautuiu. Bhe wouldn't be uuti»- .Afd with one, Mr*. Galloway—Why, Willie, what an ideal • WHlte (triumphantly)-Well, that' my big brother «ay«l—Brooklyi -: ALSO AGENTS FOR THE CELEBRATED :--: Bettendorf Hollowsteel Wagon Axle ;- Made of two pieces of sheet steel, as compared with forty-nine pieces required to make the present • ''" '• • • '' "•'' .. wood axle, bolster, and stakes, with the necessary .irons, bolts, nuts, rivets, and nails. •'.••"'••' ' ' ' ' ' ' - • .. * ' ^ We. constantly have on hand all kinds of wagon and carriage repairs, such as single and extension buggy tops, lazy backs, bow sockets, bows, dashes, cloth, leather and rubber for tops, cushions, side curtains and repairs. We also do all kinds of plow work, disc harrows sharpened, horseshoeing, wagon and carriage repairing. All kinds of machines, repaired, such as mowers, binders, threshing machines, engines, etc. We have recently purchased a gasoline engine and can and will accommodate one and all who have work which requires the running of machinery, such polishing, lathe work, etc. WILL APPRECIATE YOUR PATRONAGE. - ! Yours respectfully, •T—» Tr*t~+'TF m jP^. ±rC-t±jv^±^ oz> North ot Burke's Hotel. OARUOLL, IOWA. Examination Blunder*. This year's university examinations lavo commenced well ' and show that mddiug masters of arts and doctors of aw are gradually getting out of the >eaten tracks of ordinary knowledge— 'or instance, one gentleman explained ihe "equinox" to be derived from "equa," mare, and "nox," night, which, when cojoined, mean a "nightmare." Another described "primogeniture" as a plant which bears only one flower, and a third, who was striving for honors in history, wrote in his essay on the character of Henry VIII, "Curtherine Parr, who survived tho king, was going to be beheaded, but he died the day -before he signed the warrant."-— London Telegraph. Ill* Limit. Dunn— I say, Upton, when are you going to pay nio tliutsovereign you owe me? Hardy Upton (indignant, but dignified)— Dunn, this is twice in three years you have importuned me for that money. [ was once your friend, but this day severs all our relations, nirl And I wish u to understand, sir, that as long as 1 live I shall .iever borrow another sixpence from you. That is my ultimatum, sir! Good duyl— Tit-Bits. A'Grout Grivf. "I shouldn't hnvo thought that Maud would havo preferred George to Harry. Harry earns twice us much money in tho •oureo of tho year." "I know, but Harry only has a job, from which ho gets wages, while George holds a Bituution uud receives a salary," •—Boston Transcript, li* W»« Wrony. A lady entered a Boston street car one day, mid a geutlemun arose and politely gave hor his neat. BomotUiug ^coined to trouble the geiitluman, for ho shortly. bout over and said, "1 beg pardon, mad- um, but did you uay anything?" "No sir," uusworod tho lady curtly.— Life. __ __ l>U»Kru«d. "I think Gliuppie uud his sister look very much alike," "Oh, do you? I uovor thought slut looliod tho Icuht bit otteuiiuuto."— Clii- CtttfO Jutor Ocean, Caller (in editorial sanctum)— Do yon UkoMtoye wood on uubuuription'i 1 Editor— IB it in couvouiout length to throw at th« 4evil?— Truth. A BLUFF. And Between the Two of Them They OMB* to Grief. He looked rather lugubrious, and fall chum hailed him to know what it was about. 'Well, ah—that is, it's about Miss Alice." "Turned you down, has she?" Well, I know an awfully nice girl that Til introduce you to. I call on her sister rather often, and you could keep her in the back parlor while" "Thanks awfully, but you're wrong, as usual. You see, it's this way. Miss Alice isVlevoted to the opera, and for weeks she's been talking about 'dear Eames,' and 'lovely Melba,' and 'that adorable De Beszke.' I knew of course what she meant, but I was dead "broke and meant to keep out of her way until she'd made her father take a box." "Go it, my boy. I'll always think you've something in your head after this." "ButI happened to meet heron the street the other day as I was on my way to strike you for a loan. I was going to slip past, but she caught me; said she was just on her way to get tickets to the opera, and wouldn't I go with her to select the seats, she hud so much faith in my judgment." "After that, if I know you, you went." "I did. When our turn came, I selected the seats; then I went through the motion of putting my hand in my pocket for the money, though I knew there was none there.' She never said a word, the ticket seller grinned, and the man back of me growled. A cold perspiration broke out all over me, and I stammered: "Beally, Miss Alice, I'm awfully sorry, but I must hive left my notebook at tho office, and I haven't a cent with iuo. You ought to havo seen the look she gave me." "Well, it was tough, but she under stood." "Indeed she did, but it was a great deal worse than you think, for she was trying to blurt' me, too—nlio hadn't a cent cither. Oh, she'll never forgive we as long as she lives." And ip the presence of grief like this consolation seeiuod indeed a hollow uockery.-rOhlcago Tribune. Swell. Half a dozen of those half grown news- boye who t«ll New York newspapers on Main street, and who rejoice & uuch name* M Chicago Rod, New York Bod, Skipped From Ohio and Leury the Robber, were in «n all uight restaurant, They had money, and they had been eating tho beat that waj to be had, Oue of them had boon in tho restaurant Cor an hour or two, and while tUo crowd WH# ttuudiiig by tUo desk and pay ing clieoka ho gald; "Goo, but dey wiwa •well loidy cum in hero tonight! She wan •wall. I wu* sjttUt here, an Boon'ii w «'» tt cum iu I got up an nbgwed U»r »Q ahe h»4 her feed, She wan »we)l." "What did «he e»t?" a«ked oae of the ofchew, "Wheat cake*, b,ut ihe out '»» like RECEIVERS' LAND SALE, OVER 2000 CHOICE FARMS, To be sold at less than one-half of actual value. These lands ara»placed on the marke „ jy the Receivers of the Lombard Investment company and other loan companies, under an p^der A| from U. S. supreme court. The entire list to be closed out by May 1. Fully one-half the Mat; J .ocated in the great corn belt and are close to towns and schools and churches. TERMS: Not less than one-fourth cash, balance 2, 3 and 5 years at 7 per cent interest, „'' optional payment plan. Examine this list and make offers. No reasonable offer refused. 130 quarter sections in Antelope county, Nebraska, at from $1000 to $2200 each. 108 quarter sections in Knox county, Neb., at from *&)0 to $2200 each. 45 quarter sections in Pierce county, Neb., at from $1000 to *240Q each. 280 quarter sections in Holt county, Neb., at from $600 to $2000 each. 310 quarter sections in Keya Paha county, Neb., at from $500 to *1500 each. 240 quarter sections in Ouster county,Neb., at from $600 to $1800 each. 90 quarter sections in Perkins county, Neb., at from $800 to $2000 eaoh. 64 quarter sections in Brown county, South Dakota, at from $600 to $1500 each, " • • 45 quarter sections in Edmunds 'county, South Dakota, at from $600 to $1200 each. 55 quarter sections in Aurora county, South Dakota, at from $800 to $2000 eaoh. • 815 quarter sections in Hand county, South Dakota, at $500 to $1200 each. ' ' ! 42 quarter sections in- Beadle county. South Dakota, at $600 to $1600 each. 86 quarter sections in Brule county, 80' Dakota, at $500 to $1400 each. Also considerable amounts in 22 other counties in Nebraska and South Dakota, and ft few farms in southern Minnesota. As a rule quarter sections of $ 1000 and up, except in ib0< older counties, have good improvements in the way of cultivated land, buildings, wells, etc,, and are desirably located. This is a rare opportunity for idle dollars. For further inform*' tion call on or address me at Carroll, Iowa. 1 have examined several of the above farms tyftd can give you particulars. •<>>', A. W. SWENDER, Sales Agent 'for' Recpbp$»,j dey was tuhkey. Bho was a swell loidy, I'm tolliu you."—Buffalo Express, WIM Sue Won *( WiCB? Two brothers of Mian Myrtle Shields, the young lady who married IS. IS. Grout, alias Willard, a few days ago after uu acquaintance of only a fow hours, cauio to Fort Wuyno from Payne, 0., for con* •ultution with Prosecutor Coloriok. They assort that Grout hits a wife and child iu Chicugo and is therefore guilty of bigamy. Au investigation will bo made. A BOHsatiouul'story iu connection with the affair is that Grout and a frlond, Jim LoouiU of Chicago, throw dice for t<>" yuuug lady, uiid Grout wpu, Ho iiu Mitt* Bhiulds and reprwwilted hluitwlf us Wiihil'd. lw coj-rtwi)o«dw»t, uud the UttBty marriage followed., Bho IB bolrww to quite oju OBluto, uud it is the desire of nor Ohio brothers to nave her from the wiles „«.. . .•;: • .•• ' ' :•- • wt uit iutYoiiiim<r. Miss Bhiolda him mi older Hint, r, who in u uiombur of tho Salvation Army.—Port Wayne Dispatch, Gold UUbim Mtillml Dawn. Four golden dishes wore missed last month from Priuoo Eutoi'uugy'u uustle, near Ourtonburg, which tho dcceuaod nrinoo'B father purchased for £6,000 when he was uutuunnador Iu London 60 yours ago. Two of tbcao golduii dwhuH, gaya our Vicuna corroauoudont, wore uuci Iho prouorty of Mary, quoeu of Boots, uud Bcoltibli uobltiiiiuu—accordiiitf, that is, to tho ti'udillon in tho }iM«ruugy fuiuily— norvc'd tlio quouu'a dliuiur 011 tUum daily. The othordiuuim uro from u surviuo whiuh bolonged to tho Euipross Muriu Tliuroau. It is beliuvod that soino workuiou who lud to luAko I'uuuii'v iu tho uustle oom- UliUod tlw theft, aud iu tho town of Gtodonburg a trudoumuu has boon od. 1 hear tlmt'lho ;:<>licelMr, T __ traced tho golden jtltUos, but WlM »« , havo been melu-d and ai« but a'lmttpafl gold.—LoiuUm News. ' •*! Mr. Frederick Looker in hi« -i™ work" tollu uutory iu illustration ol allude to such a thing as a leg, goes in hot lutate to fotoUadoo her Bister, who, sho Baye; boa. ' . ,.• .-: Which limb is it?" nays the doctor"Oh, i can't toll you which Uu»b,'t i tkotflrl. "But you wuBt," rei)lie» "Hu.iifiti laittliolitubsuethr ueedlo with?" l ^o, »lr," Buys tlio girl, iiu ilovod, "it'u tho'lUnbtho weurihe» tor ou. "-.London IlluBtratoa Wewi*. ' ' ' \

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