The Missoulian from Missoula, Montana • 47

E-16 Mtssoulian, Friday, February 11, 1994 We have Moved! See us next to Grizzly Grocery and they sma glasses, JOHN ENGEN BEFORE JOHN ENGEN AFTER comfortably in the past? Simple. It's because of the glasses. A couple of weeks ago I began suffering the sort of headache a person gets when wearing someone else's glasses, so I made an appointment to have my eyes examined. The diagnosis: Because I had not cleaned my contact lenses for about five years, I could hardly see through them. Moreover, even after my contact lenses were clean, they were the wrong prescription.

fy Video Report A Weekly Look at What's New on. Tape Got new ou never know how dumb you really look until your family, friends and colleagues tell you. As you may have noticed, the photograph that accompanies this column is new today. The one that you're accustomed to seeing was taken in 1986 after a remarkably successful liposuction session. The photograph you see today was taken Wednesday after an extended trip to the buffet.

So why did I an alleged journalist, guardian of truth, slave to accuracy and guy who gets coffee for folks in the office wait eight years to get a new mug shot snapped? Well, look what's happened. In the old picture, I'm slim and full of promise. In the new picture, I'm just full. In the old picture, the mustache is weak, but it still had time to mature. In the new picture, the mustache is still weak, but I'm as mature as I'm going to get.

Why face reality when, in a small, weekly way, I could live By MIKE MclNALLY of the Missoulian lint Eastwood tries to foil an assassin, Kim Basinger tries to rob a bank and Robert Townsend tries to save his neighborhood in the week's top new videos. "Amongst Friends" (1993) Director Rob Weiss made his debut with this Scorsese-influenced drama. It's about a group of young hoods wheeling and dealing their way through a Long Island suburb. restricted, for profanity, drugs and violence. "In the Line of Fire" (1993) Clint Eastwood is on the trail of would-be presidential assassin John Malkovich (in an Oscar-nominated turn) in this well-received thriller.

Eastwood plays a Secret Service agent who's haunted by the Kennedy assassination; now, 30 years later, he has a chance to atone. Rene Russo also stars. restricted, for violence, profanity and sexual innuendo. "The Meteor Man" (1993) Robert Townsend stars in this fantasy about a reluctant superhero who battles to save his neighborhood from hoods. The supporting cast includes Bill Cosby, Maria Gibbs, Robert Guillaume, Naomi Campbell, James Earl Jones, Luther Vandross, Sinbad and Big Daddy Kane.

PG, parental guidance suggested, for nasty bad guys and cartoon-like violence. "The Real McCoy" (1993) Kim Basinger stars as an ace bank robber who's blackmailed into performing one last job. Val Kilmer also stars, along with Terence Stamp. PG-13, parental guidance suggested for children 13 and under, for violence. changed.

You were probably pondering a weighty philosophical issue." And at work things changed, too: "Engen, I trust you to get cream in my coffee. And go ahead and wax my car after you wash it." In meetings, my opinions are now valued: "Hmm," a manager will say. "Plain donuts or jelly-filled donuts. John, what's your take on this issue?" The cat no longer uses me as a scratching post. Next week, the new contact lenses should arrive, and the minute I put 'em in, I suspect I'll be rendered instantaneously dumb.

That's why I think I'll stick with this picture for the next eight or so years. Besides, the glasses keep me from looking like Tonya Harding's former bodyguard. Wlien he's not wearing his contact lenses, John Engen is smart enough to be an assistant features editor at the Missoulian. His column appears weekly in the Entertainer. ignore the ludicrous courtroom shenanigans, is that Derek isn't irresistible.

She's as sexy as a sore tooth. In fact, Jeff Fahey, the not-untalented actor who plays the man who needs to be overwhelmed with desire, doesn't even give it a shot. He just sits there throughout most of the movie, wearing the goofy grin of a man who knows that even though he's in a hopeless cause, at least the check from the producers has cleared the bank. Trancers 4: Jack of Swords" is another installment in the intermittently successful science-fiction series about Jack Deth (Tim Thomerson), a time-traveling cop whose job it is to kill soulless zombies known as Trancers. In "Trancers 4," Deth is stranded in the Middle Ages in some mystical kingdom, where for some reason never explained he again does battle against the Trancers.

"Trancers 4" is genial enough and Thomerson is entertaining, but the plot is incoherent: The movie has the feel of something that was basically written and filmed in a weekend around a castle that had been rented for the occasion. BB Top renters Here's a list of Missoula's top-renting videos, as compiled by Showcase Video for the four-week period ending Sunday: 1. "Hocus Pocus' 2. "The Firm" 3. "Sleepless in Seattle" 4.

"Dave" 5. "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" 6. "Hot Shots! Part Deux" 7. "True Romance" 8. "Heart and Souls" 9.

"Rising Sun" 10. "Made in America" The cure: New contact lenses. The kind that have to be ordered. And because I like debt, I decided to get some new glasses for a contact-lens backup. The glasses came first, so I started wearing them.

"New glasses?" a colleague asked when I walked into the office. "Yes," I'd reply. "Wow, you really look smart." On my way to my desk: "Hey, new glasses?" "Yep." "Geez, I didn't know you could look smart." At my desk: "Glasses, huh?" "Yep, 'til I get new contacts." "We always thought you were dumb." Then my life began changing. My wife, suddenly thinking I had become competent, told me I could write a check and program the VCR. On the mean streets, where drivers yelled things like "Hey dummy, the light's green" I began hearing things like "Pardon me, sir, but the light appears to have John Malkovich Is the bad guy in "In the Line of Fire," new this week on video.

entertaining viewing. Or they can be duds. Every so often, the Video Report reviews new videos and rates them on a scale of one to four Bs. There's a blank spot at the heart of "Woman of Desire," and her name is Bo Derek. "Woman of Desire" is one of those so-called erotic thrillers that hinge on the female lead being so irresistible that men would do anything for her.

But the problem in "Woman of Desire," if you iii mil i in! i hi Am 1433 SHiggins 728-5356 Mon-Thu 8 to 8 Frt 8-6 Sat 10-5 In the mood? Now open 24 hrs. on Friday Saturday at 2611 Brooks! Video Arcade Magazines Posters Video Rentals Sales Body Lotions Massage Oils Novelties Gag Gifts Condoms Open 7 Days a Week. 2611 Brooks 210 E. Main 543-7510 543-7760 (clockwise, from top right) Bob D'AmicoABC; Everett Collection; Richard GaulFTO; Culver, Photo test: Mug ShotsThe Stock Market; Archive. THE THINGS WE DO -originally had nothing to do passion.

In fact, such rituals as having a bridal party and taking a honeymoon once had more practical purposes. A prize-winning poet reveals the real reasons behind diamond rings, bouquets and veils. THIS SUNDAY IN PARADE Call 523-5280 or 1-800-332-2870 to subscribe Sleepers "That Night" (1993) C. Thomas Howell and Juliette Lewis star in this drama, about a pair of lovers from different circumstances. Helen Shaver also stars.

PG-13. The patrol "Jailbalt" (1993) C. Thomas Howell makes his second video appearance of the week in this thriller, about a renegade cop who gets involved with a runaway and an international crime network. restricted; also available in an unrated version. Hade for TV "The Substitute" (1993) Amanda Donohoe stars as a murderous substitute teacher in this thriller.

No rating available. "When A Stranger Calls Back" (1993) Carol Kane and Charles Durning reprise their roles from the 1979 "When A Stranger Calls," about a psycho who's terrorizing baby sitters. No rating available. The report movies those mysterious titles on the video shelves that often offer sex and violence as selling points can be.