Chicago Tribune from Chicago, Illinois on December 28, 1884 · 12
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Chicago Tribune from Chicago, Illinois · 12

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Sunday, December 28, 1884
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"X oo MATEDIONIAL ADS. !: mi in 1 ' ; J i! m P ri:' Mil 1 - ' i i ) t i f i '"-& f f, M HI f a A Lit I (,' "it V' ..',! . ; " S ft I? I HI ! 4 j f Tbe Interesting Results of the Experiment of a Venturesome Reporter. plondes ami Brunets, Good Spellers and Poor, Sharpers and Simpletons Send In Their Replies. Letters Which Will Interest Others Besides Thosa Who Wrote Them Tha Moral of the Story. Matrimonial advertisements often appear in nearly all newspapers, but it is certain that only a very few of them are inserted in good faith by those who desiro life-partners. There was a case a few weeks ago where a woman advertised for a husband in an Eastern newspaper, statin? the amount of her property, which was considerable, in farm land, stocks, securities, live stock, and even continuing the schedule down to a point where the steers were designated as " brindled." Her lawyer, a prominent and well Itoown one, too, was given charge of all applications and negotiations, and had power and privilege to select such candidates as to him seemed eligible and fit for a husband. Applications rolled in by the hundreds until the lawyer's life was made a burden. To all he could only .say that the advertisement was a genuine one; that the woman -was the possessor of the property mentioned, and that sho wanted a husband, and wanted one bad 1 Tho woman kept herself discreetly la the background, and it was impossible for any of the would-be husbands to find out her name or residence. Nearly all of the applications were forwarded by the lawyer to his presumedly fair client, and at last accounts she had not mude a selection. It was understood that the woman owned and lived upon a farm In a section of Yankee land where men are very scarce, and that she look this method of seourtng a choice specimen. There is no doubt but that the success of this unknown woman in securing so many answers from men who meant business was due to the fact that she advertised herself as possessed of some 0,000 worth of property. How many answers would she have received had she advertised that she was obliged to work for her lially bread? Frobably not one, at least in New England, where women so largely outnumber the men. Away out West women are scarce. To be the wife of a struggling Western frontier farmer means a life of never-ending toil and privation beside which that of a servant in a Chicago kitchen is bliss. The farmer is anxious to marry, as be thereby secures a faithful servant who never asks for wages. Perhaps the uncalled-for women in the East never reasoned tht matter out m that way, but by intuition tnoy sort of catch on to the idea, and keep away from the West, nut suppose the Western man to be a man of wealth, or to be in circumstances that would allow him to support a wife in a comfortable home let that fact be known, aad his advertisement is jumped at fcy hundreds. But, again, right here comes a Tact that all women who ever auswered a matrimonial advertisement, or intend to answer one, should remember: No man who Las the ability or means to support a wife Jn comfort needs to advertise for one. Bo such an one in tne wildest wild of Arizona or New Mexico, his lonely condition Is known and busy brains are thinking how best to provido him with a wife. Every man of the description named has "folks," or friends at least, unless he is a criminal. Let him drop the rainiest hint on a visit to the old place, or by letter, that he wants to marry, and tho suitable article will be at once presented. ail rnAtros. Having philosophized in this somewhat cynical but perfectly truthful manner, it may bo as well to lay down the proposition that matrimonial advertisements are almost without exception frauds. Even if tho advertisement Ja simply for correspondence for fun or amusement, matrimony is implied if not mentioned. The woman who inserts a matrimonial advertisement is generally an adventuress tho man who does so is a wolf. The matrimonial advertisement inserted in newspaper by a woman is replied to by but one class of men. These fellows have plenty of time to spare, and most of them, upon occasions at least, have money in plenty. They are invariably well-dressed, and with a thorough knowledge of the world. Superficial information and good looks enable tbetn to assuaie almost any character called for. But tho woman who advertises is fully equal to the emergency as a general thing, and the wolf meets a tigress, from whom he is generally glad to retreat. But it an unsophisticated girl or two of them, as they always go in pairs should insert a personal ad. she is in great danger and invariably learns a lesson that prevents uch pranks in future. When a man writes :l'or correspondence with a view to matrimony he is deluged with replies. If no limitation is .aet to aire the feminine epistles are penned by iVt hose whose aes range from Id to io years. At least 5o per cent of these replies will be from " regulars," those who carry on the business of answering personals as a sport, without any desire to meet the men to whom they write. In many cases these are married flirts, and women about whom nothing is known that is really bad, but who are more or less "talked about" among their acquaintances. Fully 25 per cent of tne replies come from unsophisticated, romantic young girls, who, having been taught by word and example that marriage is the end and aim of their ex- istence, are foolish enough to think that they may be the lucky ones to in this way secure the love and esteem of some , good man and become his wife. It is all very well to say that it is all in fun. There Ja very little fun in writing letters. This is the class who ' are in danger. Tho remaining ""5 per cent of the replies come from female 1 vultures of whom nothing need be said. The three classes can easily be separated. In most cases tho letter shows at a glance the kind of a woman who wrote it. In order to test the 'matter, and ascertain the style and kind of letters that are received in reply to a matrimonial advertisement the following was inserted In a daily paper: 1JERSONAL WANTED A GENTLEMAN engaged in the cattle trade In a Western cltv, bavin an Income of j,uiiu a year, deirt?s correspondence from a Chicago lady with a vtow to matrimony. She must be btwen Is aud 2S years of. atfo and well educated. Address . The reporter limited the ages and put in the educational qualification in order to lessen the number of answers. An income of 5,000 a year is certainly enough upon which to support a wife in comfort. It was' made to appear upon its face as honest as possible and there was no bint of Immorality. The answers received are, with some exceptions, printed below. The utmost care was taken that none of the writers should be identified. None of the names are printed, not even the fictitious ones, because even those might be a means of identification. Anything in the matter of the letters that might furnish a clew to the writers has been rut out. The reporter thinks no harm has been done, and that the letters will furnish interesting reading. KCMBER OXE. Chicaoo, Deo. 21. Sir: I notice your " nd " and think perhaps you will be glad to hear from me. 1 am 25 years of age, a blonde, and, I think, not bad looking. Will not describe myself, however, that will do Just as well later. If you answer this, please give me a description of yourself, and also your age. I have decided objections to gentlemen too near my own age. would prefer one several years older. Please address Miss , No. treet. P. 8. Will you do mo tho favor to return my letter to me? This is one of the best-written notes of the lot. It is a pretty hand, undoubtedly matching that of the writer; correctly spelled, and using good grammar. A genuine name and address are given. A request for a meeting at a large dry-goods store brought no response, but perhaps in the ctowd the Western gentleman was unable to find and identify her. NC.MBEU TWO. Crrr, Dec 21, 1884. In answer to above ad-Tertisement would say that I am desirous of corresponding with such a gcntlciuaa as you advertise. Am 20 years of age, my education and accomplishments have by no means been xtottiecteo, and I am considered very nlce-look-inar, but ot course of that fact you mu6t be the judre tt we ever meet. It is not necessary saoma wrltefcjre, and I ebaU be happy N to correspond with you. A letter addressed to Miss , Post-Office, will reach me. The above is also beautifully written in a dainty hand, and it is on stylish heavy unruled paper. The request for an interview in the ladies' parlor of the Palmer House was promptly responded to. She had pretty brown eyes, with bangs to match; was about five feet two inches in night; wore- a long seal cloak and a brown silk dress. She seemed disappointed when she saw tho Western gentleman. "I expected to see an older gentleman, and and " "Dressed in a buckskin suit?" "Well, no; not exactly. But then one is apt to form one's ideas, you know." The conversation was somewhat brief, but at the close she cheerfully gave her name and address, with an invitation to call. M7MBER THREE. Chicago, III., Deo. 21, 1884. Notice your ad. Perhaps I can meet your requirements, as I am between 18 and 2a and well educated. I am very desirous of aroing West for several reasons, which I will state if our correspondence continues in a satisfactory manner. I 6ball call at general delivery Wednesday and Fridiiv of this week for answer to this. Shall I bo disappointed; Please address Miss , General Delivery, PostrOftice. If any one stood in want of a business-woman this would be the one to tackle. The letter is all business sharp and to the point, with no superflous verbiage. The hand is masculine, and a guess at the writer would be a bookkeeper or correspondence clerk. The Western gentleman weakened on this one. He was afraid if ho got into her clutches she would marry him in spite of his wife and two children. NUMBER FOUR. Miss Geueral Delivery, City. That's all there was of it. Nothing but the address and an assumed and romantic name, of course, in the middle of a sheet of note-paper. Could maidenly delicacy go further? The Western gentlemen concluded to spare the writer of this "cute" epistle the mortification and seif-reproach of an interview, and auswered not the note. KCMBER FIVE. Chicago, Dec. 21. Seeing your add in Tribune and thinking it. would be very pleasant to open a correspondence with you, concluded to see If I would be one of the lucky ones in receiving an answer. It is something I never did before to answer a personal so trusting to your honesty I am, until further acquainted. Miss , City Ppst-Offloe. Carefully written in a school-girl hand is this one, upon the smallest size noto paper, with the figure of a dove stamped in the corner. But she was shy. and a note requesting her to meet the Western gentleman at the Public Library had no response. If she never bc.fore answered a personal it is pretty certain she never will again when she reads this article. KCMBER FIX. Chicago. Dec. 22. I have concluded to answer your advertisement in The Sckdat Tkikcne. I am 19 years old, my character is above reproach, and I have some means of my own. I am at present studying shorthand and typewriting. 1 thought that would be a good way of making a living. With that and my other money 1 could get along; but if you will take care of me it will be much more agreeable to tne. I have received a good education and am fond of reading. I will give you my real name and address and depend on your honor for the consequences. My friends would ridicule me if they knew that I answered a personal. But 1 dread the thought of. being alone in the world. That is the excuse of Miss , No. street. There is a bit of pathoa in this that went to the heart of tho Western gentleman. Only 19 years old and alone in the world. ' 1 will depend on your honor for the consequences." Though this may be a bitter lesson to you, never forget it. The W. G. ought in duty bound to call upon you and add wounded pride and solf-reproach to your bitterness, but he can't do it. No eye save bis shall ever see the name you wrote at the bottom of that shabby little sheet of paper, out with scissors from the leaf of an account-book, and written on both sides with a lead pencil. KCMBER SEVEN. If you will please fill out the inclosed blank we can furnish you with a suitable cores-pondant, that is providing you do not get what you desire from yor add. We have a grate meney young ladies on our books. Tors respectfully. Mrs. S. J. Morrow, Manager Chicago Matrimonial Bureau. Hello 1 Here's an old friend. Mrs. Morrow, of the Chicago Matrimonial Bureau, you're not wanted. You say you have " a grate meney young ladies " on your books; well, God pity the young ladies! KCMBER EIGHT. Dear Sib: Your notice attracts my attention. I am 25, medium size, a brunette, happy disposition, and would like to meet a generous, genial fricid. My credentials are Al, and any communications would be met with lady-like discretion. Should this meet your favorable consideration please address Miss , Chicago Post-Office, General Dsliyery. Now here is the gem in an epistolary way of the whole collection. It is written on the finest and most stylish rough white paper. The handwriting is easy and not so laboriously regular as some, but every letter and word indicates the educated woman. The spelling, grammar, and punctuation are faultless. Even her keening an engagement with the Western gentleman was done in a lady-like manner half an hour late. When accosted she started, blushed, and nervously pulled at her gloves, but soon became self-possessed and easy in manner. She was dressed in faultless taste. "So you are the Western gentleman," She said with a smile. " Yes." "I don't know why I answered your advertisement, and I don't know why lam here. You must have received a great number of replies." " Yes; but I liked yours the best of all. Will you give me your real name and address?" "Not now; some time, perhaps. Will you remain long in Chicago?" " No. I go away tonight. Will you write to me?" " With pleasure, if you give mo your address." "And yours?" "Ttio same as before Miss , general delivery." This was somewhat unsatisfactory, but what more could any man ask at first meeting a beautiful and well-bred young woman? Sho had fine eyes and daik hair, ber small bands were neatly gloved, and she wore her clothes like a princess. KCMBER RISE. Citt, Dec. 21. This is my first attempt at answering a "personal," but seeing your "ad "in this morning's paper thought that I would answer, and say that I once answered a " personal." I am a young widow, highly respected, and going in good society. I have a nice, cozy flat and very pleasantly situated, and would be pleased to make the acquaintance of some Western gentleman of education and refinement, I hardly know what to say to you as you are a stranger. I will give you my correct address, and if you are in the city would be pleased to have you call, and if not in the city would be pleased to hear from you. Should you call please call in the afternoon or evening. Trusting this will be strictly confidential I remain yours respectfull. Mrs. , No. Wabash avenue. "Is this Mrs. ?" asked the reporter when tho door was opened in answer to his ring. " Yes, sir. What did you wish?" " I am the Western gentleman who had an advertisement in the paper Sunday." " O, yes," she said, looking puzzled, "it was for a room, wasn't it?" "No; lor correspondence." "I remember now." she said. "I answered so many ads from people who were looking for rooms I forgot lor a mtautc. Take a seat. How do you like Chicago?" This " young widow " was short and fat, and not less than 40 years old. She had a couple or furnished rooms she was anxious to rent. If she could sell her furniture sne would be willing to take charge of the Western gentleman's housenold. There was very little romance here, or anything else except the chance to rent a furnished room. KCMBER TEy. CniCAao. 111., Dec. 21. iMar Sir: I noticed jour personal in today's Tribune, and in reply wish to say: I am a young lady of 20 years of ago, educated and accomplished, beimi a graduate of of the Normal School of ; everybody says that I am handsome, but I will leave you to be the Judge of that when you see me. I have always considered it indelicate to answer an advertisement of this kind; but circumstances alter cases. I am a stranger in the city, and knowing very few people and being in pressing circumstances, I feel myself excused. I am of the medium hitrht, well formed, fair skin, dark hair, and dark eyes; lively disposition ; good housekeeper, if these particulars suit you, auswer this letter to Miss , Care of & Co. (A prominent South Side fltm.) P. S. Please address in strict confidence. This Is a neat letter, too. It ia grammatical. aud shows the writer to be what she claims. A request for an interview brought a reply that she could be seen at the store, a large and well-known South Side establishment. The name given was fictitious, but her position behind the counter was given. 44 Have you a pair of gloves to fit a Western gentleman?" was the question asked a very pretty, dark-eyed girl. . "Gloves? Yes, sir. Tho next counter why, I had forgotten," and she blushed like a rose. "You didn't expect a call quite so soon, did you?" c3 " No that is, Tes I don't know what I did expect," she replied. " Of course you are an entire stranger." " Now that you've seen me, would you like to become better acquainted?" She gavo a swift, comprehensive, and critical glance from under long, dark eye-lashes, then said frankly: " Yes, I think I would." " What's the matter with going to tho theatre?" (The Wild West character must bo preserved.) " I would like to go any evening." "And you live ?" " At No. avenue." When this pretty girl reads this she will understand why the theatre party did not come off. number eleven. Chicago, Dec. 21. Dear Sir: Excuse me for my boldness in answering your advertisement, but really the temptation was so great I could not resist it. It is very awkward to have to write the first letter, because you never know what to say. Well, I will give you a description of myself. I am in my luth year; am short and' rather stout; am a decided blonde; considered very well educated. I would like very much to correspond with some one out West. Will exchange photos it convenient to you. I suppose you like the West? I don't like C. a bit. Have onlylived here two years. It is a lovely day. Expect to go sleigh-riding this aft. Ma!wants me to go with her. Presume you will have a great many answers. Don't suppose you will notice my brilliant effusion. Ha! hal I suppose you are going to have a merry Christmas? 1 don't expect any presents this year; although I received quite a number last year. Expect to have a very nice time myself. Well, I am sure I don't know what to write. You must ask me lots of questions if you should happen to answer these few poorly-written lines. So I will close hoping to bear from you. I remain very truly yours. Miss . No. West street. Now, here's a candidate for mistress of a cattle-ranch! She gives an assumed name, but her real address. The ostrich sticks his head in the sand and imagines be is bid from his pursuers. What a rattle-ta-bang creature it is. "Expect to go sleigh-riding this aft," Whoop! The Western gentleman thinks the net result of an interview with you would bo gome more about wbat ma thinks. KCMBER TWELVE. Chicago Docen 20 84 Fir Seainge your Adres wantinge to corrspond with Chicago Lady I am A younge Lady 23 years old and wold like to corrspond with A Kespoctable geutaleman view to matrinomyif this is sutable Please ancer yours Resp Mrs No st Chicago This letter is what the boys in derision w ould call a daisy. She says she is a young lady and signs herself ' Mrs." There must be a misdeal somewhere. Give us a fresh deck. KCMBER THIRTEEN. Crrr, Dec. 21. I noticed your personal advertisement. I am a young Lady, 19 years of age; has oeen in Chicago for some time. I should be happy to form the acquaintance of a Western gentleman. Address Miss , No. Wabash avenue. Written with lead-pencii on a half-sheet of note-paper, in an irregular, round, schoolgirl hand. Here's another rattletrap, giving an assumed name with her real address. She is asbed to meet the Western gentleman at an. art-store. She cometh not, aud her correspondent ia glad. KTMBER FOURTEEN. Chicago, Dec. 21. Dear Sur Seeing your advesrment thought I would vencure to ancer althou I am not a resedence of Cbicasro I have bis bear vis tor for the last month I return to my home witch is in Michigan to morrow Monday if you caire to continue the Strangly write n letter you can adresa Miss , , Mich. This is slightly incoherent, and hardly fills the specification of a well-educated lady. If the young woman sees this in her Micbigau home it will be a hint not only to be more careful of giving her name and address to strangers, but to brush up on spelling and grammar. KCMBER FIFTEEN. Dee. 22, 18S4. The enclosed noticed. Am an American young lady, educated and refined. Have had many advantages, and the result I am dependent on myself. Should this find any favor in your eyes, and you desire to answer it. your communication will reach me at the given address. I do not live there. A star () on the envelope will be necessary. Address Miss , No. street. Although this letter is well written, and in very pretty penmanship, there seemed to be a little too much red tape in the correspondence. The star on the envelope might mean more than appeared on the envelope. You can't be too careful in these days ot dynamite. KCMBER SIXTEEN. Chicago, Deo. 21. I will be pleased to open a correspondence with the gentleman who is engaged in tho cattle trade. Please pardon the metaphor, as I did not intend to express myself thus; but I've written, and I shall not retract. I am living in Chicago at present, but am a girl, which I am proud to state. I am 19 years old, well educated and accomplished, c graduate of a French boarding-school, and am an orphan, and shall be very much pleased to correspond with a gentleman of good standing and first-class references. You may doubt the reply as not being genuine, but I assure you it is from an honest, petite, lovable little girl, and I hope to bear from you at your earliest convenience. I do not deem it wise to give you my address right at first; but later, if things are mutually aarreeable, I shall do so with an exchange of ref. So au revuir. Believe me to be yours respectfully. Address Miss , General Post-Office, city. The chirography of this letter, its slightly foreign phrase, and the matter convince one that Miss is 6tating the truth in regard to herself. If after she sees this letter in print she insists on " an exchange of ref." she can be accommodated. KCMBER SEVENTEEN. Wackeoas, III., Dec 22, 1884. Dear Sir: Seeing your advertisement in the paper, thought I would venture to be one of your unknown correspondent. I am a young lady highly esteemed and Just 18, light hair, dark eyes, fair complexion, tall, and rather heavy set. This is all the discription I can give of myself. I graduated last year, and, as I have finished school, thought I would like to correspond with some nicely educated gentleman this winter. Next Is to give a discription of my home, as this is a dlscriptive letter, as it were. Waukegan is just thirty-five miles from Chicago, a pretty, little suburban village on the banks of Lake Michigan. You said in your advertisement you preferred a Chicago lady. I have lived in that city more than here. I would be pleased to receive your photo and will send mine in return. Hoping soon to hear from you, I remain your unknown correspondent, Miss , P.-O. Box No. . Wankegan, Lake Co., 111. Now, here is a young girl just 18, and highly esteemed, who has a post-office box of her own in Waukegan. Though the letter was posted ifl that village the 22d It was written in Chicago. She writes a very pretty hand and uses a good pen. A few family particulars thrown in. to give an idea of girlish artlesness, are cut out in the letter as it appears in print. No. 1", of all others, least btrikes the fancy of tho Western gentleman. KCMBER EIGHTEEN. Wackegan, Hi., Dec. 22, 1884." Chfcnoirft Friend": Seeing you wish a correspondent, I venture to answer, but don't know if it be the fortunate one to receive a respond or not, but will trust to Providence and wait a reply. I am a young lady highly respected; reside with my parents. You know a young lady always has a delicacy in giving her age, but I am different from the majority of them in that respect, and will put mine at "19." I will not In this give a description of my home, myself, and the small place in which I reside, but we are only a short distance from the flourishing city of Chicago only one hour's ride. I will not tire your patience any longer, but would be pleased to hear from you. I sincerely hope you will not think me rude, as this is my first attempt in answering advertisements. Can give best of references as to character, as my name is without a blemish, and of course will expect the same from you. Good-by. I remain your unknown. Miss , Waukegan, 111. P. S. If you send your photo I will eend mine in return. There is a family resemblance between the . letters of the two Waukegan correspondents that stamps the writers as sisters, or at least intimate friends and schoolmates. Tho same ideas are suggested in each, the same apology for being a resident of Waukegan instead of . Chicago. Tho Western gentleman will wager a pair of brass earrings against a nickel cigar that the two letters from Waukegan were written at the same time, and that they were written in the Tremont House ia Chicago Sunday, and mailed ia Waukegan Monday evening. Both were written with the eame gold pen, but great pains were taken that the paper and envelopes should be dissimilar. NUMBER NINETEEN. Chicago, I1L, Dec, 21. Kind Sir: Your advertisement came under my notice this morning. Would be pleased to correspond with a gent of your description and of like circumstances. Hope I shall hear from you very soon. With many kind .wishes for a merry Christmas and a happy New Year. My age is 22; my com. fair, eyes light, with an abundant suit of chestnut brown hair. Please send your card and address me at the city Post-Office until I hear from you again. Good-by, with much gratitude, ' Miss , Ladles' Window, City P.-O. Two days after receiving the above reply the Western gentleman met this lady by appointment at a prominent drug-store. 44 You are Miss ?" " Yes; and you are the Western gentleman?" 44 Yea." A pause. " It's a lovely day," she finally remarked. " Beautiful." 44 Do you think oysters are as good in reai cold weather?" 44 1 never eat oysters," said the Western gentleman. 44 What is your real name and address?" 44 1 have none," she replied. "Ol there's a friend of mine; good-by." And she was gone a flash of chestnut hair and steel-gray eyes, pink cheeks, and a big watch-chain. NUMBER TWENTY. Oak Park, Dec. 22d, 1884. Seeing your Personal Thought I would ans. it, 1 am 28 yrs, tall and well-formed, if you would like to meet me I will come into the city Friday and will see you then if agreeable, if this should meet your approval write me and let me know how I am to tell you. Miss , Oak Park, Cook County. This is not the letter of an educated woman. The chirography is scrawling and irregular. She is entirely too willing, and it would be a pity to bring her in from Oak Park upon a fruitless errand. If she is very much in love with the dazzling prospect held out by the Western gentleman she might try the 44 faith cure," w hich is having so successful a run in that village. NUMBER TWENTY-OXK. Monday, 22d. Dear Sir: In glancing through tho personals of yesterday's paper I chanced to read your advertisement, and, having a weakness lor 44 Western " life, why, I answer it. I have little to say as regards myself. I am an Eastern lady, an artist by trade, and a widow since last July. An 23, and a brunet. I have resided in Chicago since fall, and have no relatives but a distant cousin, whom I reside with. She is also a widow and likewise an artist. W e have our own studio, but comparatively little to do. Perhaps you have a cousin also? If you care to answer this please address to Mrs. , Care of Post-Office, Chicago, 111. P. S. Of course this is only a fictitious name, as it is a matter of honor between us. In hopes of a speedy reply, yours respectfully. A beautifully-written letter, smelling of beli-trope, and with a hand-painted moss rose over the date. A line dropped in tho Post-Office brought a cordial invitation to call at the studio, the location of which was given, but the Western gentleman was a trifle shy, without having any particular reason for it, and didn't go. NUMBER TWENTV-TWO. Chicago, 111., Dec. 22, 1884. Sir: I answer your advertisement to say perhaps I can fill your requirements. I am a blonde,' five feet five and a half inches in hight, aged 25, pleasing address, highly educated, and accustomed to the best society. 1 am cheerful, amiable, and affectionate. Hoping to hear from you at your earliest convenience, I am sincerely. Miss Post-Office, City. There is a matter-of-fact air about this letter and an absence of sentimentalism that induced the Western gentleman to write and ask for an interview, designating the place, a prominent drug 6tore on the South Side. A reply was received naming another place. It was not answered. NUMBER TWENTY-THREE. City, Dec. 21st, 1884. Seeing your personal in this morning's paper I thought I would answer it. Am a widow; will be 25 years old the 2Hth of January, '85. I have a pretty fair English education; graduated at public school in Newark, N. J. Will invite you to call at any time after Tuesday 11 a. m. Respectfully, Mrs. , No. street. There seems to be a large crop of widows this year. This one is considerate. She wants to get the week's washing out of the way before she receives callers. The Western gentleman didn't call lor fear be should find her ironing. NUMBER TWENTY-FOUR. Chicago, 11L. 12; 21, '84. Dear Sir: In answer to your add today, I have a lady friend 23 years of age, at present teaching in the oen-tral part of this State. She is beautiful, accomplished, pleasant in disposition, a fine elocutionist, and a graduate from the high school, and belongs to one of the best families there. I would be pleased to see ber congenially and pleasantly situated in life, for she is a noble, true girl. Please address me by your true name, and I pledge iyou my word this shall be strictly confidential, for I hold no menial position myself, and am compelled to write to give my true name in order to avoid suspicion at the house, for I am too poor to afford a post-office box, and I implore you not to betray this confidence, and it would be considered very vulgar in me if this was known. If you are in the city I would be pleased to see you. Very respectfully yours, Mrs. , No. street. This letter breathes sincerity In every word and line. The kind heart of this good woman prompts her to provide for her friend, and even to venture on slippery paths. The Western gentleman hopes that this "noble trus girl " will be 44 pleasantly and congenially situated" in time without the aid of a matrimonial advertisement. The idea of the writer Of the letter that she is too poor to rent a post-office box shows that she is entirely unsophisticated, and knows nothing of the grand scheme of the general delivery. NUMBER TWENTY-FIVE. Chicago, 12. 21, 84. I should like to form your acquaintance. I am unmarried and am 20 years old. I shall be pleased to hear from you, and if the acquaintance should Drove mutually agreeable some pleasure as well as benefit may be derived from the correspondence. Please address Miss , No. Wabash avenue. This letter, though brief, has been copied in a letter-press. It shows great forethought in one so young and scares the Western gentleman to death. NUMBER TWENTY-SIX. Dear Sir: Having noticed your advertise today I was thinking perhaps I possibly might be too late with this communication. But if I am not, and you care to answer this, I will add when next I write I will give you a graphic description of my 44 personal charms." I will merely state now I am between the age of 18 and 25 and am a blonde. And if you care to answer my address is Miss Helen , General Delivery, Chicago P.-Oftice. Few men write so large a band as this woman. Perhaps it is a man but no. A man would disguise his hand. The reply comes too late to secure that 44 graphic description" spoken of in time for publication. NUMBER TWENTY-SEVEN. Chicago, Dec. 22. Dear Sir: I saw your advertisement in the paper, being a priviledged character, like yourself, considered it worth ansering; and if you mean business for further particulars call or address. Yours respectfully. Miss , No. Wabash avenue. Chicago. The Western gentleman does mean business, but objects to putting the winning of a wife on a commercial basis. The implication is that if he don't mean business he needn't call or address. Good-by, . sweet Miss H 1 With your qualifications you ought to be business manager of a home for indigent dogs. NUMBER TWENTY-EIGHT. Chicago, Dec. 23, 1884. Having seen rour persoual I should like very touch to reply to it, 1 am an Irishwoman; lived for over ten years in England and Scotland. I have been well reared and well educated, but owing to circumstances am obliged to work for my bread; not that I consider that any disgrace. Should you think well of this I shall give full particulars. Inclose photograph and send correct name and address. Miss , No. street. This is one of the sincere ones. She gives her correct address, but a fictitious name. Her letter shows her to be an educated and refined woman as she claims. As the Western gentleman has no wish to add to her troubles he will not make tho attempt to get her photograph and correct name and address. He hopos that she will remember the lesson. NUMBER TWENTY-NINE. Chicago, 12 22 1884. The compliments of Miss , No. Wabash avenue, city. This is rather a neat way of putting it. The address is genuine, and perhaps tne name, though that is hardly likely. The chirography is almost microscopicall small, and the only way to learn anything about this no doubt charming girl is to write to her. The chances are that a reply would come too late for publication. NUMBER THIRTY. Chicago. Dec. 21, 1S84. Am 26. They say good lookuur. Was at boarding-school. Considered well educated. Good figure, brown hair, blue eyes. Can be a lady or go In the kitchen. . But poor. If these qualities are in my favor in your -eyes, would be happy to hear from the gent the man took this novel way to find a wife. Address Miss , General Post-Office, city. A very sensible letter, though somewhat nn- gramatical. A girl who can be a lady or go in the kitchen is sure to get along. - But she knows the general delivery scheme, and most likely answers every pcrsotial she sees, besides a heavy list of regular correspondents. If this young woman and all the others think the gen eral delivery at the post-office is a safe place rorclandestine correspondence they should understand that the Western gentleman could identify every one of them inside of two weeks had be a mind to take the trouble. , , NUMBER THIRTY-ONE, Chicago, 12, 22, 1884. Sir: I write at a venture, and am half inclined to think that "the gentleman in the cattle trade in a Western city " is maneuvering for a little sport at the expense of the fair eusceptibles of Chicago. But as 1 am not dazzled by your income, nor very susceptible, I have determined Xo negotiate with you, and if agreeable open a correspondence, which I trust may injure none, if it does not benefit. I shall not enter into an ecstatic or flattering description of myself or my merits; neither shall I describe my personal appearance. I am not beautiful, nor am I brilliant, but I may amuse you occasionally. I tell you frankly that this is an entirely new experience to me, and I only write this at a venture in fact, several ventures. You, I think, will understand when I tell ' you that I am under the severe jurisdiction of an elder sister. Please do not think that I am extremely young, a school-girl or anything of that sort, for such is not the case. Ah me! I realize it more every day I am getting old. I do not like to dwell on a subject so extremely sensitive to my faded youth. It recalls what I was and am not. I am rather severe on myself and depreciating myself wofuily. However, I shall not put myself up for anything I am not, and rather than not bo candid and tell the rigid truth, I will be sileat and tell nothing. I tell you plainly that I am not actuated by any mercenary motives. Wealth is a mith. Last year I wasted eight thousand ($8,000) of dollars, and the year previous five thousand ($5,000). I am a total bankrupt now, with only a 44 shilling " left that I am going out West to strike a farm with. I shall buy a geese etc. But allow me to say money was never made to buy happiness, contentment, or loyalty with, so if ever it is my good fortune or great misfortune, which ever the case may be to meet you, I should much prefer you in poorer circumstances than with your reputed wealth I mean income. So remember, if I know- you now or ever, or if I correspond with you, it will be for your own virtues, your good morals, whether you be prince or pauper. I will choose a noble, honourable pauper every time. If you answer this tell me truly are you really a cattle dealer or was that written thus to please the fancy of the flighty youth or ambitious school girl? I just noticed what you said about matrl-mouy. I had not observed that before. It seems a queer way to select a wife through the columns of a city newspaper where there are a regularly-organized company of doubtful ladies who make a business of answering personals, ana adventurers who play themselves off for innocent girls. I have never paid attention to personals have never read them. But I paid a fellow $18,000 on trust tor some pictures, and he was kind enough to move and not notify me of the fact. Not wishing to think the fellow a thief I looked to see it he had given his address. He had not. He must be a thief. I shall not be greatly disappointed if I do not get an answer to this. First you may not receive it. Second if this is a sample of the letters I need say no more. Third my chirography is not the most legible afloat, and my composition not the most delightf ul to be imagined. My good sister would not approve of my doing this, so I shall not consult the little lady. I will be sorry, perhaps, but I trust not. If you are not altogether too weary when you read this write, and at least acknowledge receint. You will pardon a nam, de plume. If you ans. I will give you my true name, for I have never yet been ashamed of it. If you do not answer there will be no harm done, and my true name will make no difference. Yours in perfect good faith. Miss , General Delivery, Chicago. Opinions will probably vary among those who read this letter as to the sanity of this young woman. That she is under the jurisdiction of an elder sister would seem to carry out that theory. Nevertheless she uses excellent language, and is evidently well educated. That she would prefer an honorable pauper to a prince is a proof of insanity that would be taken as conclusive evidence in any court in the country. NUMBER TniRTY-TWO. " CHICAGO, Dec 21, 1884. Dear Sir: I saw your advertisement today, and thought that there would be no harm in answering it, and that we might mutually enjoy a corresponence. I am nice looking', refined, and well educated. Am a graduate of a university, play the piano, and paint, and draw. Have always been accustomed to the best society. I will not write any more now, but will answer any questions you like to ask about myself. I trust to your honor to remember that this letter is in strictest conficence. Address Miss , No. street, Chicago. This letter is very prettily written, and is undoubtedly the production of some nice, good girl, ail unsuspicious of the pitfalls and traps of the wicked world. She also gives her real address, with an assumed name. A request for a meeting brought no reply. NUMBER THIRTY-THREE. Chicago, 111., Dec. 22, '84. Dear Sir: as i was looking over the Personals a Sunday i made up my mind to ansuer yours but i pre-sune i am rather late, i am a Blonde. 18 years old. and i am told rather goodlooking you may answer this note or call at my house i live on the West Side No. street, and my name is Miss Object matrimony, if you call, come Saturday Eve. at 8 o'clock. Can it be possible that this young woman claims to be well educated? The summary of her merits seems to be her eighteen years, her good looks, and that she is a 44 Blonde." She gives her real name and residence in an artless manner, and states, in order that there may be no mistake about it, that the Object is Matrimony. But neither this one nor any of the others who have given their real names and addressess need fear that any one other than the Western gentleman will ever see them. The names are carefully cut from the page with scissors and destroyed. number thirty-four, Oak Park. 111., 12-22, '84. Your advertisement in the Sunday paper is so unique I can't resist answering. Your income is small, but money is object. And your occupation is of so romantio it lends a charm to all. I'm just leaving the sunny side of eighteen, and marching nobly forward to cross the awful brige of twenty-five, and Ir not more than thirty-five summers have rolled over your head, I think the disparity might be over looked. I've never taken more than a bird's eye view of matrimony, and do not know as it would be wise to do so. How ever I will leave that to a kind fate and the future and expound on my education, which you desire should be ot excellent qualities. I'm just home from school, love Pilgrims Progress, mental arithmetic A; practicle. Privately speakinc, this is a most disgraceful way of corresponding, and very much against my Infant principles; but a diversion A diversion is often agreeable and useful. Trusting this may be both useful & agreeable, though not according to Hoyle, I am Resp'y Miss . Another spicy letter from the town of 44 faith cures." It is to be hoped that before this young woman crosses the awful "brige" of 25 she will have learned a little sense. The Western gentleman confesses to some curiosity concerning this one. who thinks an income of $5,000 a year is small, 44 bur money is .no object." But Oak Park is too far away for a visit, and further humiliation of this doubtless charming miss would be cruel. NUMBER THIRTY-FIVE. St. Paul, Deo. ?3, 1884. I am not quite sure that I ought to answer a matrimonial notice. It is so out of the order of refined social custom. Yet for a young giri like myself, who has been studying very hard, it is something new and novel something out of the old stereotyped mode of acquaintanceship. I am cautious and reserved. Gentlemen have never visited me, and this is Via first letter to tnem. I have not much more to say than that I am receiving my education, am in earnest in all I do, and would very much like to know to whom I am writing, and something in reference to yourself your age, personal appearance, character, disposition, habits, educational and social advantages would be interesting to me though a stranger, and shall return the same to you. I will not give you my own name at - present, My cautious disposition withholds mo. I tremble with fear now as I write, feeling that I should not send this to a total stranger. 44 Yet nothing ventured nothing won," and I do so long for a little harmless change. Study, study, and practice all the time one tires and wants reaction. You may address Miss , St. Paul, Minn. All the way from St. Paul comes this letter. It is well written and possesses merit as a composition. In reading it one sees that she is sincere and speaks the truth. But St. Paul Is too far away for a visit, and postage stamps are too costly to be wasted. Good-by. Carthage, 111., 12-23-' 8,4 ;4To an Utter stranger": Well, my friend, "so you want to correspond with a Chicago lady. Well, I was looking over the paper and seen your 44 personal," and the thought struck me that I would n Ke to 44 correspond " with you. Although I am no 44 Chicago lady " at preeent time there is no pleasure that I would count greater than to correspond with a far-off unknown friend. I do think it would be im mense. Well, if you are all O. K. I would be glad to hear from you, but if you are n. p. keep mum. I want nothing to do with you. Well, let me know what kind of a 44 dude " you are, anyway. I will expect your photo in re turn. I do hope your name is 44 Wul or Ed " for I am!crusbed on them all. Well (adue). until I hear .from you. Yours, etc. Address me for the time, . Miss , Hancock County, Carthage, I1L NUMBER THIRTY-SIX. Chicago, Dec. 24, 1884. You will think this an odd auswer to your advertisement: your ad vertisement also is odd, and foolish, let me add. Do you think there is one lady out of a thousand the age you desire and havelng the requist education that would not jump at the chance of five thousand a year? Even I, whohave never bothered myself about money, so I had enough to keep an appearance of elegant comfort, was electrified. I leaned back in my chair and tried to think what comfort even one-half that amount would buy. I would like to see all the 44 pussy-pussy cats" that would have you if they could. You will not be offended at this as it is the truth, and you will receive so many sweet, perfumed billet doux in answer that this prickly one will not be noticed. The moral: A little bitter with the sweet. Miss No. avenue. This rather tart epistle very appropriately concludes the 6eries. The Western Gentleman leaves the public to judge of tne merits ot this one as well as all the rest. THE MORMON QUESTION. A Scheme to Buy Out the Saints and Ship Them to New Guinea. Salt Lake City, Utah, Dec. 22. Editor of The Tribune. Amongst the multiplicity of counsel as to wbat can be done with the Mormons would It not pay to consider buying them out, and thus secure their removal lrom this country, bag and baggage? It has been rumored from time to time that tor years they contemplated a begira out of Egypt anyhow. The difficulty of finding a satisfactory Canaan, and the trouble and loss (lvolved in moving, may well have deterred them from carrying it out, even if they ever seriously thought of it. But, given a good land for them to occupy, would it not be policy for our Government to make it an object for them to leave this continent and occupy it? Such a land without doubt is New Guinea, or Papua, the largest island after Australia in any sea; 400 miles wide at the widest and 1.5U0 miles long, mountainous, and rich in animal and vegetable life, bot little known in detail. , It is beginning to attract the attention of the Australians, who desire to annex it, and expeditions are being organized to explore it. It is as free as yet to the occupancy of one white race as of another. It is a good land, and the natives are probably no worse to get along with to civilize, or exterminate, or convert than other savages. In such a land the Mormons could develop their Kingdom of God without interference. Their scheme, as at present cherished, would break down sure, but it would be modified under the stress of necessity, and with their docility and industry they would build up a great insular nation in a century or two. Their trouble has been that they undertook to found and extend their kingdom within the confines of another nation already constituted, satisfied with its own institutions, and determined and able to maintain them. None know this better than the Mormon chiefs. Exercising their kingdom-founding instincts in an unoccupied field, their work would be regarded with interest by mankind, although not with spmpatby by Christendom unless they abandoned polygamy. Their property that would be for sale on account of such a begira could hardly exceed $10,000,000 in value namely: 300,000 acres improved land at $50 an acre; $15,000,000; the same value of town property, and $10,000,000 in stock, horses, swine, sheep, and personal prop-, erty. Add $10,000,000 to this as a bonus for the trouble of moving and getting started again in the antipodes. Altogether, $50,000,000. Suppose it to be twice that, the property would bring, resold to Gentiles, all or more than it cost; and suppose it to cost, over all, not $50,000,000 but $100,000,000, it would be infinitly ch eaper than it will be to let the thing riti on into the Jaws of mob violence or of war. More than that, itjs the only effectual way of ending the trouble. In case of a war a hundred millions would be spent, twice that would be destroyed and wasted from the interruption of industry, and when their armies were destroyed there would still be the non-combatants men, women, and children and they would be harder to deal with, than before the war. People can be overcome, but not convinced by force. Mormonism would be stronger than ever after such a fracas, and ready to fight again and again after intervals of recuperation. Let a treaty be made with them as with a tribe of Indians, the money appropriated, their property be appraised and bought, and make the terras so liberal that they canuot afford to refuse them. For the money, it would never be felt at all, and it would be the most wisely-expended money that any Government ever parted with. It would bring no strain on our institutions, violate none of our traditions, do no violence to our political and judicial methods or our religious and humane instincts. It would be a complete cure, and, as I said, the cost would not be felt. Contrast all this with the bad effect on us of all we have done or contemplate, and with the absolute security of Mormonism against all our efforts, and with the nrobablv indefinit and fruitless trouble it promises us in the future. Douglas. C03IICALITIES. It has been averred that a lady with a diamond ring will put her hand to her chin in a given period four times as often as any other woman. The Rochester Democrat remarks: 44 Who says there is nothing that pays like journal ism?" We believe no one 6aya eo who knows anything about the business. When a lady by accident discovers that her photographer has put her picture in his showcase she goes home and m aires a terrible row over it, but doesn't order it to be taken out. "Pa, how funny this looks In this paper. The printer has got the words all mixed up so there is no sense to it." 44 No, no, my child. That is a new poem by Tennyson." Marathon Independent. So you don't know what Burdette means by a 44 macadamized pike," eh? Just you tackle a pike that is about six days caught and eight days cooked on a railroad lunch-counter, and you will know. 44 You want to aim very low when you are bunting the bison," said the old hunter. "How low?" asked tho tenderfoot. 44 Buffalo," replied the old hunter, without a struggle. J3ur-lington Hawkeye. ' 44 The wisest of all sayings," said some one one night at the old Fielding Club, 44 is the old Greek maxim, 4 Know thyself.' " 44 Yes," said Charles Kenney, 44 there's a deal of wisdom in it. Know thyself: but," he added, 44 never introduce a friend." The man who drove a mule in a race and won in remarkably quick time understood, mule nature. He kept tugging at the reins and shoutlncr, 44 Back, back, you brute!" all the way round the course, and the mule went ahead for all be was worth. A reporter in describing the turning of a dog out of court by order of the bench, says: 44 The ejected canine, as he was ignominiously dragged from the room, cast a glance at the Judge for the purpose of being able to identify him at some future time." 44 Mother," said a little girl, who was engaged in making an apron for ber doll, 44 1 believe I will be a Duchess when I grow up." " How do you expect to become a Duchess, my daughter?" 44 Why, Dy marrying a Dutchman, to be sure," replied the little girl, Tho Greely expedition cost the Government $762,990. We don't want to appear parsimonious and mean in these matters, but couldn't it be arranged to starve a few men and freeze them to death a little nearer home and at less expense? A winter's sojourn in a 44 spare room " of a Michigan farm-house would accom plish the same result, and we'd learn just as much about the North Pole. They were talking about the times and the general disinclination to buy large stocks or make heavy investments, when a bald-headed man edged into tho crowd and said: "Gentlemen, we" have been living beyond our means and we must get down to hard pan and begin over again." 44 That may be all very true," replied one of the others; "but who will begin?" "I have already begun," 6aid the bald-head: 44 1 was worth $30,000; I bought $20,000 worth of city lots and started to build a $75,000 mansion. The result is that I am right down to bed rock, and ready to begin anew.' Do any of you happen to know a good opening for a dancing-master?" Wall street Xews. UNDERGROUND WLRE Sir William Thomson's Report. oa rh6 4" vantage of Burying Telegraph Wires. The Thing Perfectly PracUcable, Onlvth. tlon of Cost Entering fate fu Q5 New York Herald, Dec. 26: The re,1(. William Thomson's recent expert. employment of underground wire, , graph lines are given in the follow, U to Mr. Mackay, and are interesting tSa, proves conclusively that all the wires, which are now In the city nn much disfigurement and dan "r "0 placed underground without inTr U graphic traffic. 44 There ia n a"" As there are. bac, ' in the United States hZTLXS?. automatic cvuor. The distant! f... , wires would be buried in this eityls teth the thirty miles determined bySirWauT Thomson as the limit set by induction TZ use of automatic systems on undermnM lines, and rapid telegraphy would therefore in no way prevented by the burial of all-! wires. An thorn ara t. . "-,"7 three wires t i , w ui b.i.u uu ma automatic system and . 7.-? tendency is toward the use ot tho .T- sounder only, automatic telegraphy is Tr factor in the matter of underground -tos. advantage oy the ststem. Sir William Thomson's report shown , telegraph wires can be buried insuch a mrZ as to be secure for a long term of rears uZ natural or accidental injury, and that s lines can be worked by the same means and t the same speed now used on overhead wi What excuse, then, have the Western Cnio. aud other companies for continuing to hiv the streets of New York and Chkagol unsightly poies and wires which delafand T n struct firemen and are always a source of 6L ger to life as well as to property? Acompanr which pays 6 per cent dividends on $so Ouav of watery capital should not allow ttetotiKt of an underground wire system to fcterr. with the public safety. SIB WILLIAM THOMSON'S REPORT. No. 18 Fitzroy Street. Londox, W-j w Mackay, Esq. DEAR Sir: In the report whioi now have tha honor to submit on the employment of underground wires for telegraphic eomaiMiS-tlon we have made no attempt to treat the subiect exhaustively. We believe that vonr object u to obtain onr opinion on two broad q.uion-whether a telegraphic system could be worked no. Idly and efficiently through underground linn, ai whether those lines would be durable. Meitrt, Siemens recommend an underground cable tiailu to that which is used by the German Government This cable contains seven copper strandi, eack weighing ninety pounds per mUe, and lnaalaiM with gutta-percha weighing aeventy-iix pooadi per mile. The seven insulated wires are contained in a sheath ot twenty-four a-alvanized iron viret, each 0.1U2 inch diameter. The weight of Um Inn is about 4.080 pounds to the mile. These iron wtrw are further protected by jute and com pound. Tot weight 6f the whole cable it about 6.100 ponodi per mile. Its breaking strength is four and a bail torn. This type of cable is well anited to the purpose fat which it is applied. Experience has shown that cablet ot this description buried in the ground without farther protection are extremely durable, and are expoud to Tery few accidental injuries. We are unable to tiac a term to the life of these cablet, became as to the present time no similar cable baa, we believe, required renewal or shown any tlgn of serious injury. These remarks apply both to the iron sheathing and the gutta-percha core. So intern have, as far as we know, attacked the gutta-percha in these or similar cables, either in this country or in any other. Tha experience la teaserate climates has been large, and sobs very considerable lengths hare been employed by the tiermaa Government to form a network of lines for unitary purposes. In hot countries torn experience has been derived from short lengths of eable used in trenches on land to connect lubmarine linei with land stations. In aome case extreme beat has injured these short connecting lines, bat re believe that this haa occurred only where proper trenches could not be dug for their oroteeuua. We are, therefore, of the opinion that, as regard durability and freedom from accidental interruption, underground eables would give very satisfactory results. The transmission of massages through underground wires is subject to two actions which tend to limit the number of signals which can pass froa station to station in a given time. Formula deril from submarine lines enable us to calculate wit considerable accuracy what traffic can ba passed through long underground lines of a given typs when these are worked witn the tame erpenoirt instruments as are employed for submarine lints. It has, therefore, been our duty to satltfy ourselves as to the traffic which could be carried oa or ordinary apparatus throngb the underground Uses. The officials of tha English post-office informed at that th(.v were without anv knowledge on tne tat- ject. but Mr. Preece, the Engineer-in-Chief. wis, however, so obliging as to offer ns for experiment the use of some new underground wires no being laid near London, and we made series of axpert-ments, with the following results, using Wo ' Morse recorder and a Wheatstona tatomaus sender: . Lrnqt ot Una, " mats. 27.... mort tun 88 - J 116 . 1S1 " On tha Unnlh nf 1S1 nl1a almilar eXPtTilBent was tried witn hand-sending and a Morse toun4er, as the receiving-instrument worked by JTT' thirty words per minuut were sent, and P' the full speed of thirty-five words eoiuu ' rearhed by a good clerk. . , The expense of establishing nndergroan must always be greatly in excess of the aerial lines capable of transmitting vw amount of traffic. But in cost of maiatenan believe that an underground system Bl " para very favorably with aerial lines. ground wires will also be almost wbollT rre.vT interruptions due to storms or to extremes oi w" and cold, whereas aerial lines, however wen atructed. must always be subject to Injurf m" wind, snow, and extreme cold. We have beard it suggested that lines compo partly of underground wires and partly ot pended wires would be more difficult to wont uplines constructed wholly on the one V2 system. This Is an error. It is. however, pen ly in accordance with the theory that tne of any considerable length of aerial wlr , ' w underground circuit will materially I"r speed of working. The reduction in "P,i-bowever.be less than if the length o IM tw were also composed of underground wire, in the experiments already spoken or. an i of fifty miles of aerial line to tbe IS1 ""ti derground line reduced the speed from wm to twenty-eight words per minute. Bal" . ditlonal length of fifty miles of u006'.!,'-had been added the speed would have iae teen words. Yours very sincerely, - Thomson AND Jis1 AS ENGINEER'S ST0KY. St. Paul Day: 44 You want to know ahow accident in 1S74? Well, I was then . a fast express-train between Salt Lak urj the coast. About 12 o'clock one boo" night in autumn I noticed a white non1. ning loose alongside my engine. My came transfixed, and, no matter how I could not take them off that horse. I P more steam and went at a forty-mil but tbe horse went alongside at gait. I shoved her up to fifty and wenlJ-4!f but whitey held bis own. I yelled to t man to shove in the coal, and B fiv, ,s more we were running sixty roue Finally the conductor rung me up " forward with his hair on end. And : you tnink became of tbe bit passenger on the train had the Ptu4 horse on canvas beside a winTrJ-light of a lamp behind it threw the -, alongside the engine." WHISKY. New York Sun: " I supposa few ar"i whisky," said a wholesale dealer m realize how little of original v for their money. Tho cost to the making the best possible whisky MJ jw 40 cents a gallon. Now, a gill W for a drink, the charge for which ttSt stylish bars is 20 cents. That is to w. coeting the producer a sixth of a ma tuefcy is retailed at nearly f3rta torn Ot course tne uoywu"' oI the enormous profit, and fne7hTBaodler t another portion. The gains of we main astounding. I ao"notJl ridicu temperance argument halLJ1h. tie f i1, biga prices charged for liquor by r that any amount of traffic could ba I through a system of underground wTret .0 usual rates of hand sending," states Vv authority on practical telegraphy at,?' , composed partly of underground andrL, overhead wires would be no more oiS work than lines constructed wholly on the other system." Wherever, therefo J6 all except two or three wires in thi. 4 the Morse relay and sounder an, highest practical sending nxea onoyet ! circuits-thlrty-five words perrninntT not be lessened by the addition of uT 150 miles of underground wire. That J Western Union Company could bury iu wherever they pass through cities or town.!! tween New Yprk and Chicago, and in JVat interfere with the rapidity or es,- irrnnhln tranemiocinn rru- Ki in i

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